The Pain (and Joy) of Accomplishment

My back hurts.  A lot.  But I am proud of myself, and I'll do again what I did to make my back hurt in the first place.  Let me explain...

June 2009, after ripping up the backyard with a backhoe.

Have you followed the back yard saga that's been going on for upwards of 2 years now?  If not, here's a quick recap: my back yard sucks.  There is very little grass, weeds have overtaken everything, and there's not an evenly flat spot at all.  Ok, that last part is not completely true.  I'm fixing that.  Which is why my back hurts.  Little by little, I have been attempting to take back my yard and make it look good, as best I can.  Since I can't afford a landscaper, and even renting a rototiller would be difficult, I have been doing it all by hand.  Pulling weeds, chopping up the ground, and raking it out to make it flat. Takes a very long time, and I'm usually pretty sore by the end of it, but it's also quite addicting. 

I like finishing projects.  Don't always like starting them (which is partly why it's taken me 2 years to really get moving on this back yard thing), but I feel such a wave of pride and accomplishment when I can look at something that's done, and know that I did it.  I now have a new source of inspiration for getting things done.  Someone who loves to work with his hands, can visualize ideas, and get things done in a fairly short amount of time.  I admire him.  I admire his tenacity, his persistence, and his abilities.  He inspires me to do the little projects around the house that need to be done and don't take a lot of effort to do.  And he inspires me to dream a little about some of the bigger projects that could be done - like redoing my back yard and building a new front porch. 

My mini-garden patch: 6 gourd plants and 1 small marigold.

Dreaming about projects - whether it's working around the house, starting a new business, improving yourself or anything in between - is good.  Planning is good, too.  But, of course, nothing can be achieved until you act.  I have a habit of acting without really planning, or dreaming but not acting, or just thinking that it's all too much to handle in the first place, so why bother.  That's why things don't get done around my house very often.  That's why it's such a big deal to me to "fix" my backyard, and why it was a big deal to start this blog and rediscover myself after my depression.  These were projects that needed to be done, and I made myself find the motivation to do them. 

With just about every project, there will be a certain amount of pain that comes with it.  Whether it's the physical pain of doing more manual labor than you're used to, or the mental pain of facing what you don't like or are afraid of.  That which inspires and motivates us to start the project in the first place can help us move past this uncomfortable pain and onto the stage of "finishing" our project.  Each time I crawl around on the ground pulling weeds by hand for hours at a time, my back hurts.  But after a few days, and a lot of stretching, the back pain is usually gone.  The thought of growing strawberries, raspberries, sunflowers, beans and other plants in my own space motivates me, and draws me back to pull more weeds.  My ambitious, hands-on, persistent boyfriend motivates me, too.  Once those weeds are gone, and I have a small patch of flat dirt to work with, I feel the rush of accomplishment.

The feeling of accomplishment is addicting.  I've been saying that the yard work itself is addicting, but I think I'm more addicted to the act of finishing the yard work. When I can stand back and admire my small patch of dark brown dirt, sticking out amongst all the nasty green weeds, it makes me proud... and it makes me want to pull more weeds!  I have felt this way with so many other projects, too - once I find the motivation to actually get started and I realize the potential benefits of finishing said projects, I just don't want to stop until I'm completely done and satisfied with the work. 

Rock garden and strawberry patch.

Over the years, I've learned to pace myself.  I've learned that it's not a good idea to stay up until 2am on a work night rearranging the furniture or cleaning out my cupboards. I've learned to listen to my body, take breaks, eat and go to the bathroom.  I've learned that I can only do yard work and/or gardening for a few hours at a time.  I've learned that I'm not always as strong as I think I am, and I can't move everything by myself.  I've also learned that I can change anything about myself that I want to.  I've learned that I can allow myself to be happy, regardless of what others do.  I've learned that I can clean a kid's room in one night.  I've learned it's ok to throw things away.  I've learned that every room needs a junk drawer, but that every now and then it needs to get emptied.  I've learned that I can do things I never thought possible.  All of this I learned thanks to the various projects that I've made myself do, after getting over the fear and intimidation of getting started.

My yard will take a while still to finish.  Just like so many other things in my life, it may never be completely done, but rather a yearly changing project.  And that's ok, too.  I am proud of what I have done to it by myself, and I continue to dream of what I can do.  I also have a list of projects that I hope to tackle around the house, including changing the lock on my back door, building a new front and back porch, redoing my upstairs bathroom, rearranging the living room furniture and cleaning out all the junk in my basement.  That's a pretty hefty list for me, Little Miss Unmotivated.  At least it WAS a hefty list.  With my source of inspiration by my side, a new attitude about what I can handle, a fleet of willing and able friends to help, good planning and budgeting skills, and a smart approach to tackling the list, I am more confident than ever that the rush of accomplishing these projects will far outweigh whatever pain is incurred doing them.  And that is a reason to be proud.