I have to admit, this week has been difficult. I've had a number of conversations with various people that have made me question why it is I feel how I feel and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
In my previous post, I stated that one of my close friendships was changing. We've grown apart, and just aren't as close friends as we once were. On the one hand, I know that I can still have a friendship with this person, and if we go about things the right way, we could perhaps have a stronger friendship that we have in the past. On the other hand, I feel as if a huge part of my life has been stripped away from me. So, how is it that I can be ok with letting this person go, while still missing them? How is it that I can be happy to see them and sad at the same time? How is it that I can want to be happy for them, and yet I find myself feeling jealous of them? Relationships are so screwy sometimes.
I've been having a hard time keeping up with this blog, mainly because I've had so many mixed emotions swirling around inside me that I'm beginning to find AHA more difficult. I guess I just need to concentrate harder. Last night, I was reading over my notes from the session with Nithya Shanti, and one thing that he suggested we do is to make a gratitude list. List 100 things that we are grateful for. Then add to it every day. I had forgotten that he talked about this, and now that I've read it, it's been in my head. What are 100 things that I am grateful for?
Many of my friends believe that things happen for a reason. Some friends say that God will never give you more than you can handle. In every moment of sadness, there is another moment of joy. I've worked hard to turn my perspective around and not see the challenge I've been facing as a "bad thing" but rather as an opportunity. Lots of opportunities, really. I've become closer with some friends that I sort of lost touch with. I've found a great deal of strength within myself. I've reached out and made new friends. I visited Nithya Shanti. I've forced myself to extend beyond my usual comfort zone. I've cried a lot, but I've also felt immense joy and love.
I realize that this particular post is a bit more... random than others. But everything does tie together. I am learning to deal with all my mixed emotions, and also learning to see the AHA in those emotions. By facing and dealing with these emotions, I'm learning who and what I am extremely grateful for. (Look for a Gratitude List coming soon.) By recognizing what I'm grateful for, I understand that things happen for a reason and I haven't been given more than I can handle. I guess it really does boil down to this: It's all in your perspective.
Dealing with my emotions has always been very difficult for me. For a long, long time, I would shy away from looking my fears in the face. Now that I've found a little more courage within myself, I don't have such a hard time facing what used to scare the bejeesus out of me. In fact, I find myself doing and saying things that seem totally out of my character with ease! And that makes me feel good. Taking apart my life one piece at a time and really examining what I'm grateful for has (and will continue to) completely shift my way of thinking and acting. To change your circumstances, change the way you look at those circumstances. By learning to see situations from the eyes of another person, I've begun to see what I do that could be done differently. None of these things have been very easy for me, but they've all been very good for me!
I'm going to visit with some of my new-found friends again this weekend. And I'm holding great intent that Nithya Shanti will conduct another seminar. I intend to learn a great deal more this weekend, and I look forward to sharing some of it!
Letting Go
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I have finally come to a huge realization about my life. And that is, essentially, that I don't need to be dependent on someone else to be who I want to and can be. Took 37 years to figure that out! I credit the spiritual teacher Nithya Shanti in helping me figure this out. In just 8 hours with him, I learned to really consider what is important in my life, what's important in me, and how to keep what I need to keep while letting go of that which I don't need.
Friends are extremely important to me, always will be. I love my friends fiercely, passionately, and with all that I am. However, sometimes it's acceptable to let a friend go, or simple to change their "status" within your life. This decision has been the cause of much of my personal turmoil throughout this year, and rightfully so. Letting go of a friend in any sense is not an easy thing to do. You were friends in the first place for a reason. It's difficult to come to the realization that you're just not as compatible as you once thought. And it's sometimes extremely painful and difficult to move past that and on with your life, without them. But sometimes, we need to go through this pain and difficulty before we can become a better person.
I have come to consider this Joseph Campbell quote a new mantra for my life: "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I'm beginning to understand how true it is that we get so wrapped up in whatever in every day life that we begin to take simple, yet very important things for granted. Every day I do my best to look at the simple things in my life that I can be grateful for. Every day I consider the good that has come of my challenges. And every day I deal with the fact that I had to let go of a part of my life.
I have put a lot of energy into changing the things that I came to dislike very much about myself, and I believed it could happen, and it has. I am a *MUCH* different person than I was a year ago. With courage, and the power of belief, and the love of my friends, I will continue to forge forward into a new adventure every day. And I believe that I will conquer all of them.
Friends are extremely important to me, always will be. I love my friends fiercely, passionately, and with all that I am. However, sometimes it's acceptable to let a friend go, or simple to change their "status" within your life. This decision has been the cause of much of my personal turmoil throughout this year, and rightfully so. Letting go of a friend in any sense is not an easy thing to do. You were friends in the first place for a reason. It's difficult to come to the realization that you're just not as compatible as you once thought. And it's sometimes extremely painful and difficult to move past that and on with your life, without them. But sometimes, we need to go through this pain and difficulty before we can become a better person.
I have come to consider this Joseph Campbell quote a new mantra for my life: "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I'm beginning to understand how true it is that we get so wrapped up in whatever in every day life that we begin to take simple, yet very important things for granted. Every day I do my best to look at the simple things in my life that I can be grateful for. Every day I consider the good that has come of my challenges. And every day I deal with the fact that I had to let go of a part of my life.
I have put a lot of energy into changing the things that I came to dislike very much about myself, and I believed it could happen, and it has. I am a *MUCH* different person than I was a year ago. With courage, and the power of belief, and the love of my friends, I will continue to forge forward into a new adventure every day. And I believe that I will conquer all of them.
The Power of The Mind
Another lesson taught by Nithya Shanti: The mind has amazing powers.
One of the lessons that Nithya Shanti emphasized at our day long seminar was how the mind can allow us to do amazing things that we wouldn't normally think we could do. He asked for 5 volunteers from our group. 2 men and 3 women (including myself) stepped forward. He asked one woman, Margaret, to sit in a chair, and he asked the two men to stand behind her and myself and the other woman, Andie, to stand in front of her. Then, he instructed us to put our hands in the "James Bond" position, with our palms together, fingers interlocked and pointers straight out. The men placed their pointer fingers under each of Margaret's arms and Andie and I placed our fingers behind her knees. We all then closed our eyes and Nithya spoke to us about how weak we are and how heavy Margaret is. He spoke in this manner to us for a minute or two, then instructed us to lift Margaret off the chair. We all tried to lift her, but couldn't. Then, Nithya had us all stack our hands above Margaret's head and close our eyes. He spoke about great strength and all of our energy coming together, picturing Margaret being lifted toward the ceiling and how light she was. After another minute or two of this, we tried again to lift her from the chair using only our fingers. And we did it. Andie and I looked at each other in complete amazement. Margaret's eyes were huge with disbelief. Everyone else in the room let out a small gasp or murmur. We held her there for just a few seconds, but it was absolutely astounding.
We can do incredible things if we simply believe we can, and if we put our energy behind that belief. We have the ability to channel our energy to create or do just about whatever we want. That's an amazing thing. That also allows for great moments of acceptance, happiness and appreciation!
One of the lessons that Nithya Shanti emphasized at our day long seminar was how the mind can allow us to do amazing things that we wouldn't normally think we could do. He asked for 5 volunteers from our group. 2 men and 3 women (including myself) stepped forward. He asked one woman, Margaret, to sit in a chair, and he asked the two men to stand behind her and myself and the other woman, Andie, to stand in front of her. Then, he instructed us to put our hands in the "James Bond" position, with our palms together, fingers interlocked and pointers straight out. The men placed their pointer fingers under each of Margaret's arms and Andie and I placed our fingers behind her knees. We all then closed our eyes and Nithya spoke to us about how weak we are and how heavy Margaret is. He spoke in this manner to us for a minute or two, then instructed us to lift Margaret off the chair. We all tried to lift her, but couldn't. Then, Nithya had us all stack our hands above Margaret's head and close our eyes. He spoke about great strength and all of our energy coming together, picturing Margaret being lifted toward the ceiling and how light she was. After another minute or two of this, we tried again to lift her from the chair using only our fingers. And we did it. Andie and I looked at each other in complete amazement. Margaret's eyes were huge with disbelief. Everyone else in the room let out a small gasp or murmur. We held her there for just a few seconds, but it was absolutely astounding.
We can do incredible things if we simply believe we can, and if we put our energy behind that belief. We have the ability to channel our energy to create or do just about whatever we want. That's an amazing thing. That also allows for great moments of acceptance, happiness and appreciation!
Feeding Yourself
Lesson #2 from Nithya Shanti: Stories of how to feed yourself
A Native American elder sat with some children, telling them stories. "Everyone has a black wolf and a white wolf which follows them around. The black wolf represents all the negativity in your life. And the white wolf represents all the positivity. When there are choices to be made the black wolf and white wolf fight. And sometimes the fight can go on and on..." Then he stopped speaking. The children waited anxiously for a minute, then started asking, "Grandfather, what happened? Who won the fight?" After a moment of silence, the elder responded, "The wolf who wins is the one you feed."
-----
A man had died and was waiting to see if he would go to Heaven or Hell. According to the record-keeping books, this man had spent exactly 50% of his life doing positive, good things and the other 50% of his life doing negative, bad things. The gate keepers didn't know what to do. So they asked the man, "Would you rather go to Heaven or Hell?" The man asked if he could see both options before choosing. So, the man hopped on the elevator and went down to Hell. When he arrived he was very surprised. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. The man got very excited, but then noticed the people. They were normal looking people, except they were all very thin, pale and grouchy. The man asked the gate keeper, "Why are they all so thin, pale and grouchy? They have this abundance of food here and everything is beautiful..." The gate keeper said, "Read the sign." The man walked over to the table filled with food and read aloud the small sign: "Food must only be eaten with one's hands. No exceptions." The man was still confused, and the gate keeper said, "Look closely again at the people." When the man looked closely at the people, he noticed they didn't have any elbows. So no matter how hard they tried, or how badly they wanted it, the people couldn't get the food to their mouths.
The man asked to see Heaven. Heaven looked exactly like Hell. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. But in Heaven the people were all healthy and plump with rosy cheeks. They were laughing and enjoying all there was to enjoy, but the man noticed they still had no elbows. "How is this possible," the man wondered, "that Hell and Heaven are exactly alike, none of the people have elbows, but the people in Heaven are so much happier?" The gate keeper answered, "It is simple. The people in Hell are concerned only with themselves, and therefore will never be able to eat the delicious food. The people in Heaven feed each other." May we all have the foresight to feed one another, and live all our days in Heaven. Namaste.
A Native American elder sat with some children, telling them stories. "Everyone has a black wolf and a white wolf which follows them around. The black wolf represents all the negativity in your life. And the white wolf represents all the positivity. When there are choices to be made the black wolf and white wolf fight. And sometimes the fight can go on and on..." Then he stopped speaking. The children waited anxiously for a minute, then started asking, "Grandfather, what happened? Who won the fight?" After a moment of silence, the elder responded, "The wolf who wins is the one you feed."
-----
A man had died and was waiting to see if he would go to Heaven or Hell. According to the record-keeping books, this man had spent exactly 50% of his life doing positive, good things and the other 50% of his life doing negative, bad things. The gate keepers didn't know what to do. So they asked the man, "Would you rather go to Heaven or Hell?" The man asked if he could see both options before choosing. So, the man hopped on the elevator and went down to Hell. When he arrived he was very surprised. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. The man got very excited, but then noticed the people. They were normal looking people, except they were all very thin, pale and grouchy. The man asked the gate keeper, "Why are they all so thin, pale and grouchy? They have this abundance of food here and everything is beautiful..." The gate keeper said, "Read the sign." The man walked over to the table filled with food and read aloud the small sign: "Food must only be eaten with one's hands. No exceptions." The man was still confused, and the gate keeper said, "Look closely again at the people." When the man looked closely at the people, he noticed they didn't have any elbows. So no matter how hard they tried, or how badly they wanted it, the people couldn't get the food to their mouths.
The man asked to see Heaven. Heaven looked exactly like Hell. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. But in Heaven the people were all healthy and plump with rosy cheeks. They were laughing and enjoying all there was to enjoy, but the man noticed they still had no elbows. "How is this possible," the man wondered, "that Hell and Heaven are exactly alike, none of the people have elbows, but the people in Heaven are so much happier?" The gate keeper answered, "It is simple. The people in Hell are concerned only with themselves, and therefore will never be able to eat the delicious food. The people in Heaven feed each other." May we all have the foresight to feed one another, and live all our days in Heaven. Namaste.
Looking Intimidation in the Eye
What an amazing day! I attended a workshop... pardon me, a Joyshop... with Nithya Shanti, a Buddhist teacher, and spent the day being filled with all sorts of wonderful ideas and concepts of how each of us can instantly make our lives better, or at least accept that our lives are good just as they are.
I went to this by myself, which is - first and foremost - quite out of character for me. There were about 20 people who gathered in the very beautiful home of a lady named Sandra, who was extremely generous with her hospitality. We removed our shoes and left them outside the doorway of a very large, empty bedroom and sat on the floor, some on pillows or blankets, others just on the floor. "Please leave shoes and egos outside the room" Nithya told us. Throughout the course of the day, we became friends with the others in the group, we explored some of the things that were causing us pain or unhappiness, we heard stories and anecdotes, we encouraged and praised one another... and I never felt that anyone was being fake or unreal about the things they were saying. It was a very uplifting experience to be accepted by people whom I had never met. And at the same time, it was uplifting for me to not allow myself to judge or hold preconceptions about any of them.
One exercise we did was a greeting. We paired off with people and had to look them in the eyes for at least 5 seconds. Now, if any of you remember from a previous post, I am a shy person (despite what some of my friends will try to convince you). I tend to get intimidated easily when it comes to close personal contact. When I get nervous, I have a hard time looking people in the eye. The idea of this exercise was not very comforting to me. However, Nithya gave us a greeting: "The highest in me bows to the highest in you. May today be the happiest day of your life." And the response: "And so it is." I forced myself to look straight in the eyes of those I spoke with. I said the words with great conviction and I truly believed that I respected that person with such high regard that I was willing to (figuratively) bow to them. I spoke slowly and clearly, and after the response came, I gave them a compliment. I never realized how cool eye color can be! One man had icy blue eyes. A woman had very deep, dark brown eyes. Another had light greenish-hazel eyes. One woman told me my eyes reminded her of the color of a rich coffee. No one has ever told me that before! One woman had a family emergency of some kind that was bothering her, so I wished her and her family the best of luck. Another had a cold, so I wished her well soon. This was such a simple thing to do, and yet it brought all of us remarkably closer in a matter of minutes. It was quite intimate, and very cool.
So, the first lesson: When you're speaking with someone, even if you don't particularly like them, look them in the eye. Speak kindness with conviction and respect. Act in this manner to others, and others will more likely act in this manner to you. Namaste :)
I went to this by myself, which is - first and foremost - quite out of character for me. There were about 20 people who gathered in the very beautiful home of a lady named Sandra, who was extremely generous with her hospitality. We removed our shoes and left them outside the doorway of a very large, empty bedroom and sat on the floor, some on pillows or blankets, others just on the floor. "Please leave shoes and egos outside the room" Nithya told us. Throughout the course of the day, we became friends with the others in the group, we explored some of the things that were causing us pain or unhappiness, we heard stories and anecdotes, we encouraged and praised one another... and I never felt that anyone was being fake or unreal about the things they were saying. It was a very uplifting experience to be accepted by people whom I had never met. And at the same time, it was uplifting for me to not allow myself to judge or hold preconceptions about any of them.
One exercise we did was a greeting. We paired off with people and had to look them in the eyes for at least 5 seconds. Now, if any of you remember from a previous post, I am a shy person (despite what some of my friends will try to convince you). I tend to get intimidated easily when it comes to close personal contact. When I get nervous, I have a hard time looking people in the eye. The idea of this exercise was not very comforting to me. However, Nithya gave us a greeting: "The highest in me bows to the highest in you. May today be the happiest day of your life." And the response: "And so it is." I forced myself to look straight in the eyes of those I spoke with. I said the words with great conviction and I truly believed that I respected that person with such high regard that I was willing to (figuratively) bow to them. I spoke slowly and clearly, and after the response came, I gave them a compliment. I never realized how cool eye color can be! One man had icy blue eyes. A woman had very deep, dark brown eyes. Another had light greenish-hazel eyes. One woman told me my eyes reminded her of the color of a rich coffee. No one has ever told me that before! One woman had a family emergency of some kind that was bothering her, so I wished her and her family the best of luck. Another had a cold, so I wished her well soon. This was such a simple thing to do, and yet it brought all of us remarkably closer in a matter of minutes. It was quite intimate, and very cool.
So, the first lesson: When you're speaking with someone, even if you don't particularly like them, look them in the eye. Speak kindness with conviction and respect. Act in this manner to others, and others will more likely act in this manner to you. Namaste :)
Finding Happiness in Turmoil
One of my dearest friendships is crumbling, approaching dangerously close to irreconcilable at near-breakneck speed. This is terribly devastating to me. But every cloud has a silver lining, right? For every bad there is a good, etc, etc.
The fear of losing this friendship sent me into a tailspin of depression and motivation, almost at the same time. Depression came first and I spent many days and nights crying and feeling sorry for myself. Then, motivation kicked in. I decided that I didn't want to mope around forever and I had things I needed to take care of. So I made some personal changes to my attitude and outlook, and I reached out to others for help (something I'm not always good at doing). I used the wonderful world of Facebook to search for positivity, inspiration, and Moments of AHA. And I found all of them. I found them on pages of positive thinking, and thanks to those pages, I found them in individual people. I have become Facebook friends with a number of people who I never would have had a connection with, if I hadn't been looking for other positive influences.
And thanks to one of those "random" connections, I have found an incredible opportunity to take advantage of. I say "random" (in quotes) because I'm not quite sure that these connections really are random. I believe that I have connected with some of these people at this particular time because they have something to offer me that I need, and perhaps I have something to offer them. I went searching for guidance and help and I found it in people who don't even know me. Of course, that's not to diminish the efforts and effects of my dear beloved friends, because I'd be lying in the fetal position sucking my thumb if it hadn't been for some of them!
Thanks to a newly found friend, I am heading to Troy, NY this weekend to meet and learn from spiritual leader and happiness coach, Nithya Shanti. I am going by myself. This is not something I do very often. I find strength and confidence by surrounding myself with familiar people. I don't like being in most situations alone. But I am really excited to meet my new friend, Lisa, in person and to hear Nithya Shanti and hopefully learn some of his teachings. I "randomly" connected with Lisa on Monday. Makes you wonder, doesn't it....
So, is gaining some new friendships via Facebook worth losing a dear friend of 10+ years? I'm not sure. I miss the solid friendship that we had, but if it hadn't been for the turmoil we're going through, I never would have reached out to others. Everything happens for a reason. I hope that with time, and effort from both of us, my friend and I will be able to find a shred of the relationship we once had, and hopefully even make it better. I also hope that some of the new connections I've made will have a lasting impact on my life, and help me better define what my purpose is on this Earth. While the circumstances with my friend suck, I do not regret being given an opportunity to better myself and learn from other positive people.
There is always a Moment of AHA.
The fear of losing this friendship sent me into a tailspin of depression and motivation, almost at the same time. Depression came first and I spent many days and nights crying and feeling sorry for myself. Then, motivation kicked in. I decided that I didn't want to mope around forever and I had things I needed to take care of. So I made some personal changes to my attitude and outlook, and I reached out to others for help (something I'm not always good at doing). I used the wonderful world of Facebook to search for positivity, inspiration, and Moments of AHA. And I found all of them. I found them on pages of positive thinking, and thanks to those pages, I found them in individual people. I have become Facebook friends with a number of people who I never would have had a connection with, if I hadn't been looking for other positive influences.
And thanks to one of those "random" connections, I have found an incredible opportunity to take advantage of. I say "random" (in quotes) because I'm not quite sure that these connections really are random. I believe that I have connected with some of these people at this particular time because they have something to offer me that I need, and perhaps I have something to offer them. I went searching for guidance and help and I found it in people who don't even know me. Of course, that's not to diminish the efforts and effects of my dear beloved friends, because I'd be lying in the fetal position sucking my thumb if it hadn't been for some of them!
Thanks to a newly found friend, I am heading to Troy, NY this weekend to meet and learn from spiritual leader and happiness coach, Nithya Shanti. I am going by myself. This is not something I do very often. I find strength and confidence by surrounding myself with familiar people. I don't like being in most situations alone. But I am really excited to meet my new friend, Lisa, in person and to hear Nithya Shanti and hopefully learn some of his teachings. I "randomly" connected with Lisa on Monday. Makes you wonder, doesn't it....
So, is gaining some new friendships via Facebook worth losing a dear friend of 10+ years? I'm not sure. I miss the solid friendship that we had, but if it hadn't been for the turmoil we're going through, I never would have reached out to others. Everything happens for a reason. I hope that with time, and effort from both of us, my friend and I will be able to find a shred of the relationship we once had, and hopefully even make it better. I also hope that some of the new connections I've made will have a lasting impact on my life, and help me better define what my purpose is on this Earth. While the circumstances with my friend suck, I do not regret being given an opportunity to better myself and learn from other positive people.
There is always a Moment of AHA.
Digging Deeper: Finding Answers in the Randomness
I've been trying to take a little time each day to examine what it is that makes me appreciative, happy, and accepting. Some days this is easier than others. On the days when I don't have any spectacular, huge Moments of AHA, I try to find little random pieces, such as singing to my kids, reading a book, listening to the birds... etc. On my last post, I had an interesting question posed to me: What is it about these things that make me happy? So I decided I should look a little deeper into it.
Spending time with my kids always makes me happy. Ok, maybe not *ALWAYS* but most of the time. I know that my kids love me unconditionally, even when I'm in a bad mood or cranky or when I just don't want to pay attention to them. A child's love is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. And I have three of them who love me! Being a mom is definitely not always easy, but it is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Right now, as I'm typing this, my daughter is pulling my head sideways, trying to put a ponytail holder in my hair. A bit painful, but worth it. I just demonstrated how to put in a ponytail, and she watched, mesmerized and amazed as the ponytail stayed in place! How awesome to know that I can teach her things like that. I may not have all the answers in the world, but showing my daughter how to put in a ponytail is big on my list of accomplishments in her world!
Hearing my 2 year old sing songs to me is wonderful beyond words. It makes me smile every night and pride oozes from my pores. There is huge amounts of satisfaction in hearing your child repeat something that you've taught them. (Something good you've taught them, like the ABC's. The other night, I let a "dammit" slip out while he was in the room with me, and wouldn't you know, he repeated it right back to me. I quickly replaced that thought with "tartar sauce!" Thanks, Spongebob.)
Hearing my kids spew out facts, songs and stories that I've taught them boosts my self-esteem like almost nothing else I've ever experienced. Each time they hug my neck or give me a big, juicy kiss, I melt with joy. Every time I have an intelligent conversation with them about what they did that day or what they learned at school, I'm extremely proud that they've learned to be so articulate and well-spoken. My kids give me self-worth, no question.
My friends have also been huge ego-boosters. When I'm feeling down in the dumps, I know exactly which friends to call, and more often than not in 5 minutes I'm laughing and feeling better. I have a huge network of friends, family and acquaintances, all of whom love me to varying degrees and most of whom would probably do just about anything they could to help me if I needed it. My self-worth just went up another few notches. I am extremely fortunate to know the people I know and to have befriended the people I have. One of those friends told me not too long ago that I wasn't just lucky, I am fortunate and I have worked hard (whether or not I realized it) to attract the friends I have. That means the world to me, right along with unconditional love from my kids. Stay tuned... more explorations to come.
Spending time with my kids always makes me happy. Ok, maybe not *ALWAYS* but most of the time. I know that my kids love me unconditionally, even when I'm in a bad mood or cranky or when I just don't want to pay attention to them. A child's love is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. And I have three of them who love me! Being a mom is definitely not always easy, but it is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Right now, as I'm typing this, my daughter is pulling my head sideways, trying to put a ponytail holder in my hair. A bit painful, but worth it. I just demonstrated how to put in a ponytail, and she watched, mesmerized and amazed as the ponytail stayed in place! How awesome to know that I can teach her things like that. I may not have all the answers in the world, but showing my daughter how to put in a ponytail is big on my list of accomplishments in her world!
Hearing my 2 year old sing songs to me is wonderful beyond words. It makes me smile every night and pride oozes from my pores. There is huge amounts of satisfaction in hearing your child repeat something that you've taught them. (Something good you've taught them, like the ABC's. The other night, I let a "dammit" slip out while he was in the room with me, and wouldn't you know, he repeated it right back to me. I quickly replaced that thought with "tartar sauce!" Thanks, Spongebob.)
Hearing my kids spew out facts, songs and stories that I've taught them boosts my self-esteem like almost nothing else I've ever experienced. Each time they hug my neck or give me a big, juicy kiss, I melt with joy. Every time I have an intelligent conversation with them about what they did that day or what they learned at school, I'm extremely proud that they've learned to be so articulate and well-spoken. My kids give me self-worth, no question.
My friends have also been huge ego-boosters. When I'm feeling down in the dumps, I know exactly which friends to call, and more often than not in 5 minutes I'm laughing and feeling better. I have a huge network of friends, family and acquaintances, all of whom love me to varying degrees and most of whom would probably do just about anything they could to help me if I needed it. My self-worth just went up another few notches. I am extremely fortunate to know the people I know and to have befriended the people I have. One of those friends told me not too long ago that I wasn't just lucky, I am fortunate and I have worked hard (whether or not I realized it) to attract the friends I have. That means the world to me, right along with unconditional love from my kids. Stay tuned... more explorations to come.
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