Short and sweet tonight. I need to get to bed and, more importantly, get to sleep so I can head out to camp bright and early tomorrow morning.
I think when I started this, I was more or less "talking" to myself. I know now that I have an audience, and regardless of how big or small that audience is, I appreciate knowing that someone is reading my posts and taking them to heart. I've said before that this is a therapeutic practice for me, and I have come to learn quite a lot about myself in the past few months. This makes me no better or smarter than any other average Joe, but I do believe that when we can share our experiences with others, everyone can benefit. It's like I'm validating the thoughts I have or the lessons I've learned. And when I validate them aloud to someone else, I'm better able to put them into practice. When I put them into practice, they become easier to do and I enjoy sharing my experiences with others. And so the cycle begins again. Again, I don't think this sets me ahead of anyone else, because at the same time that I'm sharing my experiences with others, someone else is sharing their experiences with me. So we all validate one another's lessons. Pretty cool, I think.
Ok, back to short and sweet. My AHA is knowing that there are people who read this and appreciate it. I'm glad to share with you, and I'm happy to know that you care enough to read what I have to say!
The Right Questions
I soooooo have to pack! I did an insane amount of laundry today, and most of it is sitting on my bed in piles. Hate to break it to all you loyal readers ;) but I will be on vacation all next week. But that doesn't mean that I won't be writing about my AHA - and trust me, there should be plenty of AHA. I will just have to take copious notes and catch up electronically when I get back. Which will be July, by the way. And I know that when I started this whole AHA thing, I said I was going to make June a happy month. To be very honest, this has been extremely therapeutic for me. Plus, I've gotten quite a few positive comments from friends who have read it, so I don't think that the end of June means the end of my Moments of AHA!
This blog, in and of itself has become a fairly significant AHA. I get to step back from the events of the day and really scrutinize what I did and how I interacted with others. And as I go through the day, my brain is constantly searching for moments that lead to some sort of deeper understanding. Sometimes it's easier than other times to spot these moments, but more often than not, when I sit down at the end of the day and actually start typing, I really have no idea what's going to come out. Which is part of the beauty of all this, I think. Even if you don't know me very well, if you've been reading this right along, you could probably say you know me quite well.
For 30-something years I just kind of went through life. Don't get me wrong, I've had a very good life. No silver spoons on silver platters, but still a very good life. But I don't really think that I ever took the time to reflect on what happened throughout the day or week. And I don't mean, "I went to school and Jimmy made fun of me today," or "I bought 6 boxes of cereal at the grocery store" kind of happening. I mean what REALLY happened. Who did I connect with? Did I upset anyone? Could I have acted differently? Did someone hurt me, and why exactly? What is the underlying meaning of the things that took place throughout the day? That's the stuff that really affects us, and it's also the stuff that most often gets overlooked. Which is unfortunate, because it's also the stuff that helps us grow and change as people. I only wish that I had been able to come to this conclusion quite a long time ago. But, as I've been told many times, we can't change the past, we can only move forward. So that's what I'm doing. Moving forward. Making a better, more aware me. Allowing myself to change and improve, and hopefully bringing some others a bit or two of knowledge that they may not have had before.
So, back to packing. See the photo compilation up there? That's where I'm headed. The most beautiful, serene, peaceful, soulful place on Earth (at least in my humble opinion). I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about being there. I get to sit and listen to the wind rustling through the trees, the water gently lapping on the rowboat, the pine needles sprinkling to the ground, the voices and laughter of my beloved family echoing across the lake. This place is home to me. If there was ever a place where you could do absolutely nothing and be completely surrounded with AHA, it is here.
Act As If...
"Happiness can exist only in acceptance." - George Orwell
I think that for quite a long time I was very unhappy. I was stressed out about a lot of things, and I basically got too wrapped up in the logistics of life to allow myself to enjoy things. That was a big reason that I started this project in the first place. I wanted to change some things about myself, and accept the things I couldn't change, so I could be happier. I accepted the challenge I gave myself, and I think that I have made a lot of progress in creating and uncovering a more positive me.
I have read that if you want to be in a certain mood, act that way. Don't wait for the feelings to come to you, act on what you want to feel and the feelings will follow. It sounds a little crazy, but think about it. Let's say one morning you wake up and something happens that puts you in a bad mood right off the bat. You carry that bad mood with you to work, and act cranky toward all your coworkers. Your coworkers get annoyed with you because you're so cranky, and one of them says something that makes you even more upset. You bring the really bad mood home with you and the kids won't leave you alone, which makes you even more angry. And so on it goes. You acted cranky after that first incident and the bad mood snowballed.
However, now let's say that something happened to you first thing in the morning, and you're upset about it but you accept it, deal with it and put it aside. You're in a pleasant mood at work and have a couple of nice conversations with your coworkers. One of them buys you lunch. That thing that happened in the morning is still bugging you, but you continue to push it away and focus on staying in a good mood. You get home after work and the kids won't leave you alone. You take a minute or two to pay attention to each kid, which makes them happy and they go on their merry way allowing you to start dinner. And on and on.
"Act as if..." whatever you want to happen will happen. If you want to be in a good mood, act as if you already are. I have thought about this concept quite a lot lately, because it's very easy for me to slide down the negative thinking slope. Which just goes to prove that if you "act as if" you're in a bad mood, you will be! I have also proven to myself that if I accept whatever it is that bothers me, and carry on with a pleasant outlook, I will have a much better chance of staying in a good mood longer. It's all about acceptance. Happiness truly is attainable through acceptance.
I understand that this is not an easy thing. I never said it was. In fact, as I've stated previously, acceptance is one of the hardest things for me to put into practice. Sometimes I'd rather run away, or pick a fight with someone rather than accept something I don't like. But, as I'm learning, acceptance is a huge piece of the happiness puzzle. Every day, I try to accept a little something more so I can get that moment of AHA. Because sometimes that little moment makes all the effort worth it in the end!
I think that for quite a long time I was very unhappy. I was stressed out about a lot of things, and I basically got too wrapped up in the logistics of life to allow myself to enjoy things. That was a big reason that I started this project in the first place. I wanted to change some things about myself, and accept the things I couldn't change, so I could be happier. I accepted the challenge I gave myself, and I think that I have made a lot of progress in creating and uncovering a more positive me.
I have read that if you want to be in a certain mood, act that way. Don't wait for the feelings to come to you, act on what you want to feel and the feelings will follow. It sounds a little crazy, but think about it. Let's say one morning you wake up and something happens that puts you in a bad mood right off the bat. You carry that bad mood with you to work, and act cranky toward all your coworkers. Your coworkers get annoyed with you because you're so cranky, and one of them says something that makes you even more upset. You bring the really bad mood home with you and the kids won't leave you alone, which makes you even more angry. And so on it goes. You acted cranky after that first incident and the bad mood snowballed.
However, now let's say that something happened to you first thing in the morning, and you're upset about it but you accept it, deal with it and put it aside. You're in a pleasant mood at work and have a couple of nice conversations with your coworkers. One of them buys you lunch. That thing that happened in the morning is still bugging you, but you continue to push it away and focus on staying in a good mood. You get home after work and the kids won't leave you alone. You take a minute or two to pay attention to each kid, which makes them happy and they go on their merry way allowing you to start dinner. And on and on.
"Act as if..." whatever you want to happen will happen. If you want to be in a good mood, act as if you already are. I have thought about this concept quite a lot lately, because it's very easy for me to slide down the negative thinking slope. Which just goes to prove that if you "act as if" you're in a bad mood, you will be! I have also proven to myself that if I accept whatever it is that bothers me, and carry on with a pleasant outlook, I will have a much better chance of staying in a good mood longer. It's all about acceptance. Happiness truly is attainable through acceptance.
I understand that this is not an easy thing. I never said it was. In fact, as I've stated previously, acceptance is one of the hardest things for me to put into practice. Sometimes I'd rather run away, or pick a fight with someone rather than accept something I don't like. But, as I'm learning, acceptance is a huge piece of the happiness puzzle. Every day, I try to accept a little something more so I can get that moment of AHA. Because sometimes that little moment makes all the effort worth it in the end!
Are You Listening?
I have discovered, very much the hard way, that I don't always listen to people, even when I think I am. I may hear the words that they are saying, but my interpretation of the meaning of those words may be very different than that of the person speaking. Or I only hear part of what is being said because I particularly like those words, or I particularly don't like other words. Listening to and understanding what others are saying to you, I have learned, can be quite a difficult process. It's not as passive as most people seem to think.
With all that being said, after you have a conversation with someone, and you believe that they have really listened to the meaning of your words, you feel pretty good about yourself. Likewise, you can make others feel good about themselves by listening to and understanding their interpretation of the words. And so we have found AHA. AHA can come simply by really listening to what another person is saying and taking the time to understand it from their point of view. In this manner, you can both achieve AHA!
Sometimes I am truly amazed that humans are capable of having a relationship of any kind with other humans. We are all living in our own little world- some people think that they are the center of it; some people think that someone else is the center; some are out for no one but themselves; some bend over backwards for everyone else; some are friendly to everyone; some are friendly to no one. Each of us interpret everything in our own special way, and most of the time that interpretation is slightly different than anyone else's. The fact that we understand one another at all sometimes seems like a miracle.
As I said in the beginning, I have learned the hard way that other people don't interpret things the same as I do. It takes quite a bit of effort from both people in order to come to an agreement on what the meaning is behind the words. But once that agreement can be reached, both people can find AHA, which - I think - makes both people feel good about themselves. And that's something that everyone can appreciate!
With all that being said, after you have a conversation with someone, and you believe that they have really listened to the meaning of your words, you feel pretty good about yourself. Likewise, you can make others feel good about themselves by listening to and understanding their interpretation of the words. And so we have found AHA. AHA can come simply by really listening to what another person is saying and taking the time to understand it from their point of view. In this manner, you can both achieve AHA!
Sometimes I am truly amazed that humans are capable of having a relationship of any kind with other humans. We are all living in our own little world- some people think that they are the center of it; some people think that someone else is the center; some are out for no one but themselves; some bend over backwards for everyone else; some are friendly to everyone; some are friendly to no one. Each of us interpret everything in our own special way, and most of the time that interpretation is slightly different than anyone else's. The fact that we understand one another at all sometimes seems like a miracle.
As I said in the beginning, I have learned the hard way that other people don't interpret things the same as I do. It takes quite a bit of effort from both people in order to come to an agreement on what the meaning is behind the words. But once that agreement can be reached, both people can find AHA, which - I think - makes both people feel good about themselves. And that's something that everyone can appreciate!
Just Do It
One of my biggest pet peeves of life is when someone tells me they will do something and they don't do it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect by any means! I forget to do things sometimes, and I tend to run late when I'm supposed to be somewhere. But if I know that someone has specifically asked me to do something, I really do my best to do it. Or I tell them I can't.
I have come to appreciate this sort of honesty quite a lot. If you're going to take the time to say something to someone - no matter what it is - have the heart to mean every word of it. If you say you'll be somewhere, pick them up, bring them something, talk with them, do whatever for them, do it! If you don't plan on doing it, say so from the beginning. Or at least as soon as you decide you can't carry through with whatever it is you said you'd do. Sometimes things come up, we forget, something happens to steer us off track. If that's the case, apologize, and be sincere about it. If you really did intend to do whatever for your friend, let them know why it was you couldn't carry through. Honest apologies usually garner no hard feelings.
I really don't need to hop on a soapbox and get too deep into why this all matters, but let's just say that openness, honesty, clarity and truthfulness all create a big moment of AHA for me.
I have come to appreciate this sort of honesty quite a lot. If you're going to take the time to say something to someone - no matter what it is - have the heart to mean every word of it. If you say you'll be somewhere, pick them up, bring them something, talk with them, do whatever for them, do it! If you don't plan on doing it, say so from the beginning. Or at least as soon as you decide you can't carry through with whatever it is you said you'd do. Sometimes things come up, we forget, something happens to steer us off track. If that's the case, apologize, and be sincere about it. If you really did intend to do whatever for your friend, let them know why it was you couldn't carry through. Honest apologies usually garner no hard feelings.
I really don't need to hop on a soapbox and get too deep into why this all matters, but let's just say that openness, honesty, clarity and truthfulness all create a big moment of AHA for me.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of an Opporunity
Opportunities can come to us at any time and in many different forms. Sometimes an opportunity can be exciting and frightening, joyous and sorrowful, elating and depressing all at the same time.
I found out today that a good friend will be leaving. She got offered an incredible job opportunity in New York City and she starts in 2 weeks. This, obviously, affects her more than any of the rest of us, but myself and a number of other coworkers have had very mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, we're very sad to see her go. She's been a good friend to a lot of those she works with, she's awesome at the job she does, and a lot of people she doesn't know rely on her daily. On the other hand, this could be an incredibly beneficial career move for her, and who wouldn't want that opportunity?!
Some people you just know you're going to be good friends with for a very long time, regardless of where either of you are located, or what jobs you have or how much money you make. It's very difficult when one of you has to leave the immediate area of the other, but you do your best to stay in touch, keep up to date with one another and keep that friendship fire burning. I've worked with my friend for 4 years now, and we just recently became close. Why did it take that long for us to really become good friends? I have no idea. But I think that we've really needed each other in the past few months, and we've talked each other through a lot lately. I am very sad to see her go, but I can appreciate what a move like this could do for her. I accept the responsibility to keep our friendship close, and I'm so very happy that she has a new chapter of life to look forward to!
Don't let life get you down, Jazz. You are awesome, amazing and beautiful, and I'm so proud to be your friend. Keep an eye out for those moments of AHA, and you'll find them everywhere. And if ever you can't find AHA, you call me and I'll make a moment just for you!
I found out today that a good friend will be leaving. She got offered an incredible job opportunity in New York City and she starts in 2 weeks. This, obviously, affects her more than any of the rest of us, but myself and a number of other coworkers have had very mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, we're very sad to see her go. She's been a good friend to a lot of those she works with, she's awesome at the job she does, and a lot of people she doesn't know rely on her daily. On the other hand, this could be an incredibly beneficial career move for her, and who wouldn't want that opportunity?!
Some people you just know you're going to be good friends with for a very long time, regardless of where either of you are located, or what jobs you have or how much money you make. It's very difficult when one of you has to leave the immediate area of the other, but you do your best to stay in touch, keep up to date with one another and keep that friendship fire burning. I've worked with my friend for 4 years now, and we just recently became close. Why did it take that long for us to really become good friends? I have no idea. But I think that we've really needed each other in the past few months, and we've talked each other through a lot lately. I am very sad to see her go, but I can appreciate what a move like this could do for her. I accept the responsibility to keep our friendship close, and I'm so very happy that she has a new chapter of life to look forward to!
Don't let life get you down, Jazz. You are awesome, amazing and beautiful, and I'm so proud to be your friend. Keep an eye out for those moments of AHA, and you'll find them everywhere. And if ever you can't find AHA, you call me and I'll make a moment just for you!
Telling Stories
Today my husband took all 3 kids to the zoo while I was at work. I have to admit, I was slightly jealous. It was a really nice day, and apparently, they all had a good time. I got to hear about the bears, monkeys, apes, lions, reptiles, snakes and everything else they could remember seeing at least two or three times this evening. Which isn't really a bad thing. It's cute to hear them tell stories and talk about what their favorite part was.
The two older ones are both pretty good at telling me stories of how their day went and what they did. And sometimes it doesn't matter that I've heard the same story three (or more) times in a period of a few hours (or a few minutes). We all retell stories. I've heard my husband tell countless stories again and again. I know that I repeat my stories to people, too. We all do it. And sometimes it gets annoying. Like, when I'm kind of in a hurry and my 4 year old is saying, "So then, we.... we... then we went to the see the lions, and we... then.... and we saw the lions..." and all I want to do is scream because it's taken her 5 minutes to finish one sentence. And when my 9 year old chooses to ignore the rules of punctuation while speaking, and his sentences just go on and on and on. My little one tells all sorts of stories, I just can't make heads or tails of most of it. And sometimes I get a little tired out of hearing some of the same stories again and again from my husband.
But whenever I start to get annoyed by people's storytelling, I think back to an Ann Landers article that I read years and years ago. It was written by an elderly woman who had lost her husband, and she talked about how her husband would tell the same stories over and over and the woman would get annoyed and angry at him. Once he passed away, the woman realized how much she missed hearing her husband's voice and his stories. That article has stuck with me, and I think of it, sometimes quite often. My husband is a good storyteller. Sometimes long-winded, but that's part of what makes hearing his stories enchanting. Whenever he tells a story, I think of this article. My kids have huge imaginations and they remember things pretty well. Hearing them recap what they did that day, or hearing about how the apes were cool but scary, or listening to them make up worlds of their own, I think about this article. I think about how much I would miss all of their stories if they were not here to tell them to me. And I smile, and I enjoy the moments of AHA of listening to my family tell me whatever it is they want to tell me, for however long it takes to tell it.
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