Since the beginning of 2010, I have been exploring who I am, who I can be, my strengths, my weaknesses, and the things I want to change about myself and my life. I've been doing a pretty good job of breaking down some of the walls and barriers that had been built up. After a huge plummet, I've managed to increase my confidence and happiness, and change my perception of and attitude towards a number of things that had previously stressed me out and made me upset.
As proud as I am of these changes and improvements, there are always road bumps to overcome. I don't believe the journey of self-improvement is ever really finished. There are almost always minor tweaks or major changes that can take place. There are always outside influences that have the potential to knock you down, but there are also many influences that have to potential to pick you back up. We have the capability to choose how to react to each influence. Lately, I've been allowing myself to feel doubt about my abilities as a mother, significant other and friend. I've allowed criticism and sarcasm from various sources to get the better of me and eat away at my confidence. Needless to say, I don't like it, and I've decided that I'm going to put an end to it.
It's really all about how we choose to handle things. We can't control what other people do or say, but we can filter out the bad from the good. And we can determine what's worth getting upset over and what isn't. Sometimes a criticism has some merit. Sometimes the people or things that knock us down do so out of love and concern, or do so unintentionally. Sometimes a good, swift kick in the butt is what we need to make a change. And sometimes, after careful consideration, these things can be disregarded.
Throughout my life, for every one person who has said something negative about or to me, there have been at least 5 people who have said something positive. Every time my confidence was thrown out of whack, there are at least 5 instances when it was built up. For every angry word said toward me, there have been hundreds of loving words. I am not perfect, and I will do stupid things from time to time, and I will admit it when something I've done negatively affects someone else. Neither are my friends perfect, and sometimes things they say or do may negatively affect me. In order to avoid some of the hurt that I sometimes perceive from others, I need to find the courage to let them know my feelings. This has always been a little difficult for me, but I have learned the hard way that it does no good to keep things hidden away.
It's not necessarily the fall from grace that scares me. It's the staying down that scares me. If you can rally yourself with enough courage to hold your head high, even when you feel like you're being beaten down, to stand tall when all you want to do is curl up and cry, to face the criticism when you wish it would just blow away... if you can do all these things, then your recovery will be much easier and the fall won't seem so bad.
A Life of Abundance
Last September, I wrote a Gratitude List, a list of 100 things, people and quotes that I am thankful for. I have gone back to this list a number of times since I wrote it (it's in 4 parts, to make it easier to digest), and remind myself almost daily of the riches that I have in my life.
Money has always been a big stressor for me. Always. I constantly feel that I don't have enough of it to pay for the things I need (and my creditors seem to agree) or the things I want. Although I do not have an extravagant lifestyle by any means, it's always a struggle for me to freely spend money. I can spend it, no problem, but then I feel guilty about it later. Or something else suffers because of a purchase I made previously. I've come to the dismal conclusion that the Money Monster has me in a terrible choke hold and controls much of what I do and the way that I live. This is a very bad conception.
Do you believe that your perception of the world helps improve the way you live? I have been in conference with an incredible group of women who do believe this, and who have helped me understand that we can (to an extent, at least) control the things that affect our lives. Perception and attitude can be the difference between a good day or a bad day, a productive meeting or a waste of time, a positive or negative influence. I've learned that our patterns of thinking can also make a big difference in how we perceive something, and in turn our attitude towards it.
For years and years I have had negative thoughts toward money. "I can't pay for this, I don't have enough, I'll never have enough." I think it's kind of ingrained into us, as a society, to hold negative thoughts about money. It may be true that money makes the world go 'round, but it doesn't always need to have the spotlight. It's said that what we focus on, we manifest. In other words, focus on the negative things and more negativity will find you. Focus on the positive things, and positivity will abound.
My attitude about money has been so bad, it's no wonder I've buried myself in a seemingly endless cycle. I get upset about not having money, which throws me into a slight depression, which robs me of my motivation, which strips my creativity, which makes me more depressed. And downward I go, not having any desire to fix my situation, yet wishing a windfall of money would land in my lap. Wish all I want, no money is going to appear unless I move out of my rut and do something about it.
So, I'm doing my best to change my thought pattern about money. I have never been one to practice daily affirmations, but I do believe they have their place in shifting the story we tell others. Tell a better story, live a better life. It is possible to live a healthy, prosperous, wonderful life without making zillions of dollars. And, sometimes the people with the most money are those who are also most miserable. I control the money, it does not control me. Money is not evil. Money does not rule my life. Everything I need is within me, now. I am the luckiest girl in the world. The phrases, "can't afford" and "don't have enough" can be replaced with "choosing to make another purchase right now" and "spending my money wisely." Yes, it helps, but money is not necessary to have fun. Above my desk at work hangs a calendar with all sorts of photos of my kids. The August page is of a day last year when I took them outside, gave them finger paints and bubbles, and we all had a blast all afternoon long. They still talk about painting the driveway. Yes, I had to buy the paints from the store, but that's a minimal cost and we could even make our own if we tried. And, the $5.99 or whatever it was I spent at the store was well worth an afternoon of incredible memories and fun.
Change the stories. Shift the attitude. Think of things with a positive spin, and those things will become more abundant. Not overnight, but eventually. "I control the money." "My business, my services, my products, my projects are worth the money." "I see myself generating more money." What we say out loud is what we create. Monitor your words, and your stories. Sometimes a small shift in attitude can make a very big difference. No matter what my bank account may say, I still believe I am the richest and luckiest girl in the world.
Money has always been a big stressor for me. Always. I constantly feel that I don't have enough of it to pay for the things I need (and my creditors seem to agree) or the things I want. Although I do not have an extravagant lifestyle by any means, it's always a struggle for me to freely spend money. I can spend it, no problem, but then I feel guilty about it later. Or something else suffers because of a purchase I made previously. I've come to the dismal conclusion that the Money Monster has me in a terrible choke hold and controls much of what I do and the way that I live. This is a very bad conception.
Do you believe that your perception of the world helps improve the way you live? I have been in conference with an incredible group of women who do believe this, and who have helped me understand that we can (to an extent, at least) control the things that affect our lives. Perception and attitude can be the difference between a good day or a bad day, a productive meeting or a waste of time, a positive or negative influence. I've learned that our patterns of thinking can also make a big difference in how we perceive something, and in turn our attitude towards it.
For years and years I have had negative thoughts toward money. "I can't pay for this, I don't have enough, I'll never have enough." I think it's kind of ingrained into us, as a society, to hold negative thoughts about money. It may be true that money makes the world go 'round, but it doesn't always need to have the spotlight. It's said that what we focus on, we manifest. In other words, focus on the negative things and more negativity will find you. Focus on the positive things, and positivity will abound.
My attitude about money has been so bad, it's no wonder I've buried myself in a seemingly endless cycle. I get upset about not having money, which throws me into a slight depression, which robs me of my motivation, which strips my creativity, which makes me more depressed. And downward I go, not having any desire to fix my situation, yet wishing a windfall of money would land in my lap. Wish all I want, no money is going to appear unless I move out of my rut and do something about it.
So, I'm doing my best to change my thought pattern about money. I have never been one to practice daily affirmations, but I do believe they have their place in shifting the story we tell others. Tell a better story, live a better life. It is possible to live a healthy, prosperous, wonderful life without making zillions of dollars. And, sometimes the people with the most money are those who are also most miserable. I control the money, it does not control me. Money is not evil. Money does not rule my life. Everything I need is within me, now. I am the luckiest girl in the world. The phrases, "can't afford" and "don't have enough" can be replaced with "choosing to make another purchase right now" and "spending my money wisely." Yes, it helps, but money is not necessary to have fun. Above my desk at work hangs a calendar with all sorts of photos of my kids. The August page is of a day last year when I took them outside, gave them finger paints and bubbles, and we all had a blast all afternoon long. They still talk about painting the driveway. Yes, I had to buy the paints from the store, but that's a minimal cost and we could even make our own if we tried. And, the $5.99 or whatever it was I spent at the store was well worth an afternoon of incredible memories and fun.
Change the stories. Shift the attitude. Think of things with a positive spin, and those things will become more abundant. Not overnight, but eventually. "I control the money." "My business, my services, my products, my projects are worth the money." "I see myself generating more money." What we say out loud is what we create. Monitor your words, and your stories. Sometimes a small shift in attitude can make a very big difference. No matter what my bank account may say, I still believe I am the richest and luckiest girl in the world.
The Birthday Moose
Today is my youngest son's third birthday. This is extremely bittersweet for me, as is all of my children's birthdays. I'm a little sad that my babies are growing up, but I'm happy and proud of the little people they've become.
No longer a chubby, round-faced, drooling, incoherent infant, my littlest baby has an extraordinary vocabulary, uses full and complete sentences, makes his own deductions and decisions, is extremely tenacious and independent, and has an imagination the size of the universe. Just like his brother and sister. All 3 have made me extremely proud of who they have become, and I have high hopes for what each of their futures will bring.
I have learned a lot from all 3 kids. All 3 have their own individual perspective of the world and how to deal with it. And all 3 have helped me immensely to push through difficult periods, overcome negative emotions and see the world a little differently.
No longer a chubby, round-faced, drooling, incoherent infant, my littlest baby has an extraordinary vocabulary, uses full and complete sentences, makes his own deductions and decisions, is extremely tenacious and independent, and has an imagination the size of the universe. Just like his brother and sister. All 3 have made me extremely proud of who they have become, and I have high hopes for what each of their futures will bring.
I have learned a lot from all 3 kids. All 3 have their own individual perspective of the world and how to deal with it. And all 3 have helped me immensely to push through difficult periods, overcome negative emotions and see the world a little differently.
- Smile and laugh whenever you can. My Moose is a clown. There is no doubt about that. Every time he sees a camera, whether it's pointed directly at him or not, he'll throw on his biggest, cheesiest "Cheese!" smile he can manage. He's made me laugh in countless ways, almost every single day of his life. He is rarely in a bad mood. And when he is, it usually means he needs a nap. He is one of the happiest kids I know.
- Do it yourself. Have I mentioned lately that he is tenacious and stubborn? How about independent? Yep... there's no question about that either. If he wants it, he'll do whatever he can to get it. Which can be frustrating from a parental point of view, but at the same time, he can do so much by himself that it sometimes amazes me. He's watched this family function around the house, and he knows that if he puts a stool next to the counter, he can open the cabinet and reach the box of gummies. He knows that if he wants to get into the toy chest by the front door, he has to first take off all the stuff that's on top. And he'll do it. Why wait for Mama when I can get it myself?
- Keep up, and learn from the others. Being the youngest of 3 kids, I think he spends a good part of his life trying to keep up with his older siblings. Whatever the older 2 get to do, he wants to do too. This has taught him plenty of things (climbing on the stool to get the gummies is the least of my worries), most of which are pretty harmless. But he never misses an opportunity to watch what the other kids do, mimic it, remember it, and learn from it.
- Do your own thing. As much as he keeps up with his siblings, he's a kid who marches to his own drummer. Sometimes, no matter what any of the rest of us are doing, or how much we try to convince him that he wants to do it too, he refuses. If he wants to sit and play with cars, by golly, he's gonna sit and play with cars. He's not too much of a follower, and I kind of like that in him.
- Share the love. When he was 2 and just learning to speak, I would say to him, "I love you past space." And he would respond with "Ah lah lou pas space, Mama." It was about the sweetest thing a Mama could hear. (That, and when my oldest responds with, "I love you even more.") His newest love line is, "I like you, Mama. You make my heart very happy." Melts me every time. He gives the biggest hugs of anyone, and is usually more than happy to plant a big, wet kiss on someone. For as "moosey" as he is, the love just pours out of him.
- Keep your imagination strong. He has a fake pager that came with a tool bench he got for Christmas. He uses it like a phone. The other day he came up to me and said, very sternly, "Mama! Shhh! I'm on the phone, you have to be quiet now." Then, putting the "phone" between his ear and his shoulder, he said, "Hi, it's me. Now, what you said? Uh-huh. Ok. Sure. Ok, I'll be right there." Then he said something about going to fix something, grabbed his plastic hammer and ran into the other room. Not only did he quote me directly (how many times to the kids get scolded for interrupting a phone call?), but his imagination was in full swing and he was on a mission to fix someone's house. He's also told me that he owns a Rescue Pack (thank you, Diego), that he's a doggie (complete with dog-like actions), and there are monsters in the house he has to go shoot (with his brother's Nerf guns or Star Wars light saber). Definitely no shortage of imagination in this house, and I love it.
I look forward every day to learning from my kids. And it makes me smile to watch them grow, develop and learn. I've no doubt that the future holds great things for all of my kids. I'm already proud of them, and I can't wait to see what else they will teach me.
Indecision
There have been a lot of changes in my life lately. And that is forcing me to make a lot of choices. And, of course, these choices I am making are affecting a number of different people. I am doing my best to make the choices that will benefit all those involved in the highest possible regard. This is not always an easy task. And, I sometimes question the benefits versus the consequences of the choices I have made.
"A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards." ~Karl Kraus
I like to think of myself as a fairly strong person. Not necessarily so much in the physical sense, although I've been surprising myself in that area lately. I've never had to endure life-changing tragedy, and my life has always been pretty run of the mill, but I still consider myself a mentally stable and strong person. But I'm extremely indecisive. Does this contradict itself? Can one be indecisive and still be strong?
My indecisiveness often comes out in really silly places, like the grocery store. Which is a better deal... what brand should I buy... should I get one box or two? These are the ridiculous questions that run through my mind as I stand in the grocery store aisle, trying to look like I've got it all together and I know exactly what I'm buying. My indecision makes it's way to higher levels of importance, as well. A number of years ago, my car died unexpectedly and I was forced to get a new one. Luckily my family could survive on one car at the time, and I obsessed obsessively for a full month about what kind of car to get. I narrowed it down to 2 models, and finally chose the Chevy Malibu Max. I was proud of myself for doing the research so extensively and felt confident in my choice. And it was a fine choice, until I got pregnant with child #3, and realized that 2 carseats were not comfortably fitting in the back seat of that car.
But the point is, I have come to realize that I don't always like the commitment of making big decisions. So, does this make me a weak person? I don't really think so, although sometimes I may come across as such. I think deep down inside of me, I know what it is I want, I'm just not always sure the best way to go about getting it. Therein lies the indecision and potential weakness. It all comes down to fear. Fear of failing, fear of regretting a choice, fear of making a choice that will negatively affect someone else, fear of making a choice that will negatively affect me, fear of hurting someone.
I don't want or mean to do any of these things. I do my best to hold others in great regard and consider them in all of my choices. Who it is in the forefront, I guess, depends on the decision and situation at hand. But still, I don't make choices with the intention to hurt anyone. The butterfly affect can be a funny thing, however, and I've found that seemingly harmless choices have come back to haunt me or others for what appears to be a very silly reason.
I've been told that the best I can do is simply follow my instincts and do the best I can. No one - including myself - can or should expect anything else. I don't think any decision I've made has had a horribly negative, long-lasting impact. My kids and I are all healthy, happy, we have clothes to wear, a house to live in, and food on the table. I hold very little regret for most of my decisions, especially the "big" life-changing ones. And so long as I can learn from the mistakes I've made, and do my best to make future decisions with those lessons in mind, I guess I really can't expect anything more from myself.
Adventure, or Overcoming My OCD
I like to think of myself as a somewhat adventurous person, but I know that I'll more likely spend just as much time planning my "adventure" than I spend having it. I like to know what's going to happen. I like to know where I'm going. I like to know what time we're suppose to go there. These things, I get from my father. My mother, and her entire family, have always been more of a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of group. Plans change, sometimes quite often, with them. We get where we're suppose to be, but the path getting there can sometimes be quite chaotic.
Please don't misunderstand any of this - I love my maternal family! They are crazy, loving, creative, giving, goofy, sarcastic, witty, spontaneous and some of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. This past weekend, my cousin got married. In Maine. None of the family is from Maine, or even live there. The groom and his bride travel quite often, and apparently Maine is one of their favored destinations. So the whole entire clan traveled out to Maine to see my cousin get married. I knew it would be an outrageous weekend. I can't be with these people and not have a good time. Just isn't possible. So, my mom, my sister, my 3 kids and I all piled into my minivan and set off for Saco, Maine.
I offered to drive, my mom had made the hotel reservations. I printed a map from Syracuse, NY to Saco, Maine, but didn't know where the hotel was so I didn't get specific. As soon as I realized my mom didn't really know where the hotel was either, my OCD-o-meter started beeping inside my head. "Warning, warning.... destination unknown. Warning, warning...." I took a deep breath, and told myself it would be ok.
Much of the weekend was spent listening to that warning blare through my brain. Just about every time I got behind the wheel of my car, I was pretty close to clueless as to where we were heading. I was just following the relative who was in front of me, and praying that my sister's SmartPhone GPS would get us there if I lost the other car. For the record, I am home now, and I did manage to get where I was suppose to be, when I was suppose to be there, with very little difficulty. I had to bite my tongue and tell myself to shut up a lot in order not to snap at anyone and demand written directions. In the end everything worked out fine.
Despite my annoyance at having to drive directionless, the wedding itself was absolutely beautiful. The bride and groom were both stunning, as was the best man - the groom's brother, whom I hadn't seen in a very long time. Everyone was smiling, and when the bride's mother started to weep as the bride walked down the aisle, the groom's younger sister touched her shoulder and comforted her. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and by all accounts that I could see, a perfect wedding.
Please don't misunderstand any of this - I love my maternal family! They are crazy, loving, creative, giving, goofy, sarcastic, witty, spontaneous and some of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. This past weekend, my cousin got married. In Maine. None of the family is from Maine, or even live there. The groom and his bride travel quite often, and apparently Maine is one of their favored destinations. So the whole entire clan traveled out to Maine to see my cousin get married. I knew it would be an outrageous weekend. I can't be with these people and not have a good time. Just isn't possible. So, my mom, my sister, my 3 kids and I all piled into my minivan and set off for Saco, Maine.
I offered to drive, my mom had made the hotel reservations. I printed a map from Syracuse, NY to Saco, Maine, but didn't know where the hotel was so I didn't get specific. As soon as I realized my mom didn't really know where the hotel was either, my OCD-o-meter started beeping inside my head. "Warning, warning.... destination unknown. Warning, warning...." I took a deep breath, and told myself it would be ok.
Much of the weekend was spent listening to that warning blare through my brain. Just about every time I got behind the wheel of my car, I was pretty close to clueless as to where we were heading. I was just following the relative who was in front of me, and praying that my sister's SmartPhone GPS would get us there if I lost the other car. For the record, I am home now, and I did manage to get where I was suppose to be, when I was suppose to be there, with very little difficulty. I had to bite my tongue and tell myself to shut up a lot in order not to snap at anyone and demand written directions. In the end everything worked out fine.
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| Stolen from my cousin Steph's website |
Despite my annoyance at having to drive directionless, the wedding itself was absolutely beautiful. The bride and groom were both stunning, as was the best man - the groom's brother, whom I hadn't seen in a very long time. Everyone was smiling, and when the bride's mother started to weep as the bride walked down the aisle, the groom's younger sister touched her shoulder and comforted her. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and by all accounts that I could see, a perfect wedding.
Before the end of the night, we managed to gather together all 23 members of the family for a fun little photo shoot. It took some effort, but was well worth it, as everyone's smiles indicate. As I said, it seems nearly impossible for us to not have a good time together. All those smiles are genuine. All filled with joy and love.
This is what it's all about. Directions didn't matter. Not having a GPS didn't matter. Not having a plan didn't matter. My OCD-o-meter and my annoyances didn't matter. Family matters. Being surrounded by all these awesome, wonderful people who make me laugh unconditionally is what matters. Makes no difference where we are, what the circumstances are, how we got there, when we got there or why we got there. We were together, in the moment, having fun, laughing, and loving life.
Everyone has their own OCD tendencies and annoyances. The important thing is how we deal with these annoyances. There were many moments during the weekend that I felt myself getting upset, frustrated, angry. But I know this family. I know that plans are rarely set in stone. I know that not having directions wasn't anyone's fault or any kind of vindictive stab toward me personally. I had to consciously tell myself to calm down, and from there I was able to better evaluate the situation and make adjustments. After I threw my frustration and anger out the window, it was easier for me to enjoy myself, even when I didn't know where I was going. It's silly to let our minuscule frustrations ruin what could otherwise be a lovely occasion. When you feel those emotions starting to rise, take a moment to breathe, evaluate and refocus. Then sit back, and enjoy whatever situation is in front of you. I bet you'll be happy you did.
PS- In case you don't know my cousin Steph, she's a very cool photographer with her own blog, This World Around You. I highly suggest you check it out!
Nature
So often, I think, that as adults we lose focus from some of the things that made most of us happy as kids. We get so wrapped up in every day adult stuff, we forget to act like a kid every now and then. Over the past few days I had the chance to act like a kid, and I relished every single moment of it. I'd like to share some of these things, and help remind us all of simple ways that we can get back to the natural state of being happy.
In my previous post, Simple Blessing of Happiness, I talked about some of the simple things that make me happy, nature being one of them. I love being outside. Again, most kids I know can't wait to get out and run around. But as adults, there are so many other things that end up demanding our daily attention, it's difficult for us to just drop our responsibilities and goof off. May I suggest that for just a little while every day, we do just that. We ignore the laundry, the dishes, the cat or dog, the mess on the floor, the paperwork, the food on the table (ok, that one maybe don't ignore... put the milk back in the fridge before you go play). For just a short while every day, act like a kid. Act as if your biggest concern is how many times you can run around the house. Or how high you can swing. Or how long you can blow air through the bubble wand. Do this for just a little while, and everything else melts away.
In my previous post, Simple Blessing of Happiness, I talked about some of the simple things that make me happy, nature being one of them. I love being outside. Again, most kids I know can't wait to get out and run around. But as adults, there are so many other things that end up demanding our daily attention, it's difficult for us to just drop our responsibilities and goof off. May I suggest that for just a little while every day, we do just that. We ignore the laundry, the dishes, the cat or dog, the mess on the floor, the paperwork, the food on the table (ok, that one maybe don't ignore... put the milk back in the fridge before you go play). For just a short while every day, act like a kid. Act as if your biggest concern is how many times you can run around the house. Or how high you can swing. Or how long you can blow air through the bubble wand. Do this for just a little while, and everything else melts away.
- Stand barefoot in the grass. I am a big believer in Mother Earth, and Mother Nature, and I believe that a good connection with both of them fosters an inner peace. How often are you barefoot? When you shower and when you sleep? I am barefoot as often as I can be. Get grounded with nature. Stand barefoot in the grass and feel the blades tickling your toes. Bury your feet in the sand or dirt and wiggle your toes until you break free. Close your eyes and imagine yourself being one with the Earth.
- Touch your toes to the sky. In other words... swing! My kids and I all love to swing. I was on a swing the other day for the first time in I don't know how long. I pumped myself up as high as I could go, put my head back, let the wind blow across my face and pointed my toes up as far as they would go. I was 6 again, and it was beautiful!
- Play on a playground. The same day I was swinging, my boyfriend's son was running around the rest of the playground. There was another boy there, about his age, and although the two didn't know each other, they began playing together. They chased each other around, climbed up the slides, slid down the slides, ran under the swings, and in, around and through every opening they could find. Bring your kids and make it a game to see who can touch every piece of equipment first. Run. Swing. Spin. Climb. Slide. Jump. Just get out and play.
- Get wet. There is nothing quite as refreshing as a swim, whether it's in a pool, a lake or an ocean, or anywhere. A swim is a swim is a swim, and I'll go swimming just about any chance I can get. My boyfriend took his sons and I to his family's cabin in the Adirondacks, and we got to swim in the lake for a good part of the day over the weekend. The youngest (the one who went to the playground) barely got out of the water. It was a gloriously sunny and warm day, perfect to be in the water. If swimming isn't an option for you, a sprinkler does the job almost as well. The last time my kids had the sprinkler out, they were all drenched, head to toe, in about 2 minutes flat. There is something spectacularly soothing about dipping into the water.
- Become sun dried and sun ripened. We realized a bit too late (as in, about half way to the Adirondack cabin) that we had brought 1 towel for the 4 of us taking the trip. Oh well. As I said, it was gloriously sunny out, so after splashing around in the water and giving the towel to the shivering, blue-lipped boy who was my water buddy, I laid out on the dock in the sun. I don't know how long I was out there (I didn't look like a lobster, so it couldn't have been too terribly long), but I laid there long enough to dry off and warm up under the sun and get a little bit of color on my pasty-white skin. This was my form of meditation.
- Find shapes in the clouds. As I sat on the dock just before dusk, watching the sky begin to make it's shift into late-day, I noticed some large, whispy clouds with somewhat unusual patters. They took up almost the whole sky, and I could make out a small round head, a flowing gown and 2 very large, outspread wings. I was looking at a beautiful cloud angel. And she was looking down at me. I watched her as she danced slowly across the sky and admired her for quite some time. She made me feel very serene. I try to look at the clouds with my kids whenever I can. Being in the grass adds to the experience, but we do it from our seats in the car, too. Another way to have fun with the kids, connect with Mother Earth and appreciate her beauty.
- Let the Earth move you. Another passive activity I engaged in while at the camp was sitting atop a jetski. Yes, we actually rode on the jetski, too, but I enjoyed just sitting on it. It was tied to the dock, so it couldn't go anywhere, but the waves and wakes from other boats and skis rocked it gently and it bobbed me back and forth as I sat in silence. I laid my head back on the seat, propped my knees up against the handlebars, closed my eyes, and drank in the feel, smells and sounds of nature, doing what nature does best. I could hear the birds singing, the wind through the trees, the motors of boats, the voices of my friends, the splash of the water and I felt magnificent.
- Be a kid. I've remembered what it's like to play like a kid again. At the same time, I'm learning how to sit in perfectly still silence and relish everything around me. To take in the sounds, sights, smells, feel and noises of the things that we would ignore as children, because we were too busy running around and being loud. I like the combination of both.
Simple Blessings of Happiness
I have the great pleasure to participate in a 10-week life coaching teleconference, focusing on "Living your most luminous life" and bringing out the Goddess within. This amazing group of women have me looking at life a bit differently and searching for ways to enjoy anything in life, be realistically happy no matter what, and let my inner Goddess run free.
This may sound a bit... hippy-ish, or new agey, or just plain "out there" - I know that. Despite my very logical background and my life-long habit of skepticism, I believe it's entirely true that at the core of each of us, we are a God/Goddess. We are strong and sturdy and able to survive and thrive through anything life can throw at us. We don't always view ourselves in this manner. Everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - has their moments of weakness, insecurity, selfishness, greed, envy, self-deprecation and more. Sometimes finding our confidence again is easy. Sometimes... well, sometimes, not so much.
We all know people who have that over-the-top, eternally-happy, make-you-want-to-puke kind of personalities. God bless 'em, they can't see the glass as half empty if they wanted to. And I'm sure there are times when we, the general emotionally rollercoaster-bound public, would like nothing more than to toss these super-sunshiney people over the side of the rollercoaster. For a while, I became one of these people. I was even told that I was living in "mamby-pamby land" thanks to all my inspirational, let's-be-happy posts on Facebook. I was slightly offended by that comment, but it (along with some other, slightly less pointed comments from friends) made me realize that I was trying AWFULLY hard to show the world how happy I was. When, in fact, I wasn't happy all the time.
After my husband left, it was a fairly long and slow process to find my happiness again and I tried to speed things up by pretending that I was perfectly happy with what was happening in my life. Thus, I became one of the over-the-top, eternally-happy people. At least on the outside. But I soon realized that the constantly happy attitude wasn't really helping me. It was a nice facade for a while, but rather than spewing out endless quotes by other people, I needed to find the things - the real, physical people, feelings and things - that could sustain happiness for me.
One of the things that consistently brings me happiness and peace is nature. Watching animals, sitting in the sunshine, listening to the water, standing barefoot in the grass, feeling the gentle breeze through my hair... you get the point. The best part about this is that I am able to find and experience this kind of peacefulness just about anywhere I go. Another constant source of happiness has been some of these sunshiney-personality kind of people. Thanks to Facebook, I've had the pleasure of connecting with people whom I have never met in person, but who have had a significant impact on my life... because of their positivity and outwardly happy take on life. And, thanks to the 6 Degrees of Separation rule, one of these "random" Facebook connections led to other Facebook connections, which led to the "Live Your Most Luminous Life" coaching call that I'm now a part of, and hence has led to connecting to even more wonderfully positive people.
I've learned that regardless of our individual situations and what we have to overcome, there are lots of "little" things we can do to help keep ourselves out of the deep, dark holes that sometimes come calling for us when we are experiencing the low periods of our lives. Lots of people have helped me realize this, thanks to lots of "little" acts of kindness.
This may sound a bit... hippy-ish, or new agey, or just plain "out there" - I know that. Despite my very logical background and my life-long habit of skepticism, I believe it's entirely true that at the core of each of us, we are a God/Goddess. We are strong and sturdy and able to survive and thrive through anything life can throw at us. We don't always view ourselves in this manner. Everyone - and I do mean EVERYONE - has their moments of weakness, insecurity, selfishness, greed, envy, self-deprecation and more. Sometimes finding our confidence again is easy. Sometimes... well, sometimes, not so much.
We all know people who have that over-the-top, eternally-happy, make-you-want-to-puke kind of personalities. God bless 'em, they can't see the glass as half empty if they wanted to. And I'm sure there are times when we, the general emotionally rollercoaster-bound public, would like nothing more than to toss these super-sunshiney people over the side of the rollercoaster. For a while, I became one of these people. I was even told that I was living in "mamby-pamby land" thanks to all my inspirational, let's-be-happy posts on Facebook. I was slightly offended by that comment, but it (along with some other, slightly less pointed comments from friends) made me realize that I was trying AWFULLY hard to show the world how happy I was. When, in fact, I wasn't happy all the time.
After my husband left, it was a fairly long and slow process to find my happiness again and I tried to speed things up by pretending that I was perfectly happy with what was happening in my life. Thus, I became one of the over-the-top, eternally-happy people. At least on the outside. But I soon realized that the constantly happy attitude wasn't really helping me. It was a nice facade for a while, but rather than spewing out endless quotes by other people, I needed to find the things - the real, physical people, feelings and things - that could sustain happiness for me.
One of the things that consistently brings me happiness and peace is nature. Watching animals, sitting in the sunshine, listening to the water, standing barefoot in the grass, feeling the gentle breeze through my hair... you get the point. The best part about this is that I am able to find and experience this kind of peacefulness just about anywhere I go. Another constant source of happiness has been some of these sunshiney-personality kind of people. Thanks to Facebook, I've had the pleasure of connecting with people whom I have never met in person, but who have had a significant impact on my life... because of their positivity and outwardly happy take on life. And, thanks to the 6 Degrees of Separation rule, one of these "random" Facebook connections led to other Facebook connections, which led to the "Live Your Most Luminous Life" coaching call that I'm now a part of, and hence has led to connecting to even more wonderfully positive people.
I've learned that regardless of our individual situations and what we have to overcome, there are lots of "little" things we can do to help keep ourselves out of the deep, dark holes that sometimes come calling for us when we are experiencing the low periods of our lives. Lots of people have helped me realize this, thanks to lots of "little" acts of kindness.
- Experience nature any way you can. Sit outside during your lunch break. Walk an extra 10 feet to work. Pull weeds in the garden. Stand in a gentle rain. Walk barefoot through the yard. Sit on the porch to talk on the phone or work on the laptop. Pick flowers. Splash in a puddle. Go birdwatching. Climb a tree. Enjoy your morning coffee while sitting on your back step. Go for a walk around the neighborhood. Teach your kids the different varieties of trees or flowers while you're walking. Breathe deep and smell the air. Lay in the grass and look at the clouds.
- Breathe. I don't regularly meditate, in fact I hardly ever meditate, so I can't tell anyone else that they should do it. But the few times that I've attempted it, I have really felt better. Just sitting with my eyes closed, breathing deeply and slowly, helps me to calm down, refocus, let go, and allow myself to feel peaceful. If I can be in a quiet place, even better. If I can be outside in a quiet place, awesome.
- Think of yourself in the best possible way. One of my favorite mantras is "Pretend long enough, and eventually you'll start to believe it." I don't even know if I picked this up from someone else, or if I made it up myself. But when I find myself thinking negative things about me, I turn it around as quickly as I can. What am I good at? How have I helped others? What are some of the things people have told me they appreciate about me? One of the fun exercises in my life coaching teleconference is to act as if you're a rock star, no matter where you go. Dress up in super fancy rock star-type clothes to go to the store. Hold your head high and swing your hips when you walk. Let people notice you just from your body language. Enjoy being looked at. Act in this manner, and tell yourself how awesome you are (even when you're feeling down in the dumps), and eventually you WILL begin to believe it.
- Smile at everyone. So often, when we are having a bad day, we tend to take it out on others. I know that if I'm crabby, I yell at my kids more often and more quickly than if I'm in a great mood. I scowl at people. I avoid eye contact. I've always been the kind of person, that if I'm in a bad mood, everyone knows it! I've started to change that. Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I have to make the grocery store clerk miserable. Or my kids, or my friends, or anyone. And again, if you pretend long enough, you'll eventually believe it. Smiling takes off stress. Smiling at people feels good. Smiling tells others that you're in a decent mood, and chances are they'll smile back. I think it's almost impossible to remain in a rotten mood, if you make it your mission to smile at people.
- Do a random act of kindness. This is something I highly believe in, but don't always practice. But a random act of kindness doesn't always have to be paying for the next person in line. I will hold the door for someone who is behind me. I will let the little girl waiting in line at the rest room go before me. I'll help a little old lady at the grocery store reach something on the top shelf. These are all acts of kindness, but to me they are also just plain ol' acts of common sense. We don't need to go out of our way to help someone else, and in the end we can both feel good.
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