Moments of AHA

Tying It All Together

For a very long time, I was relentless about posting on this blog. I would find something to write about every day or very close to every day. I will be the first to admit that I have been, let's say, lax in the more recent months.

I have come to realize that at the beginning, this blog was not just a way to vent or share my story... it was a means of discovery, of learning, of creating. Now, don't read into this as meaning that I don't want to learn, discover or create anything else new about myself. That is far from the truth. I do not need to rely on this blog as much as I once did, and I have stopped looking so hard for reasons to write. But that doesn't mean those reasons aren't there.

Many of the resources I used to help move me forward, I still follow. Quotes are still very important to me, and I enjoy pulling deeper meaning out of seemingly unrelated scenarios. There are many bits of information floating around inside my head, and many of those are mentally bookmarked as being extremely useful and pertinent. Big life lessons. Things I need to pay attention to and remember daily.

Everyone has these life lessons that strike them. Some are the big, blaring siren type and others are much more discreet, but they are still there. So, instead of trying to cram an hour of blog writing into each already-too-short day, I'm going to give myself a little leeway. Stockpile these ideas and memorable moments for a week or so, then put them all together. It's kind of like a "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game for life lessons. Many things that happen to us can be grouped together - they either lead us to something, away from something, prove what we already know, or show us how to improve ourselves. You can create as many categories as you'd like for yourself. Adapt as necessary, this is not a one-size-fits-all kind of formula.

Embody who you want to be. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can certainly control how we handle it. Yes, life has it's downfalls and disappointments. That still doesn't mean we have to bow down and submit to each one. We can choose to find happiness, choose to make ourselves the type of person we want to be. Think about who you admire: Superheroes (fake or real), relatives, mentors, teachers, gods/goddesses, etc. Why do we admire them? What traits do they possess that we do not? What qualities allow them to deserve our attention? Dissect each one, and learn how to adapt that trait or quality to fit into your own life.

Live fearless. This is different from living without fear. We all have fear... big or little, real or imagined, fear is a part of life and no one escapes that. Instead of allowing our fears to swallow us whole and spit us out again, leaving us helpless and hopeless, we can learn to embrace that fear and turn it into something positive. We don't always realize it, but we do have the capability to stop fear from stopping us. We have to recognize that we have that power, then allow ourselves to actually use it. Here's the blog that inspired this particular little lesson: Living Fearless and Free. It's not very long, and quite poignant. Go ahead and read it, I'll wait...

Love the moment. I've heard it lots, and I'm sure you have too... Live in the now, Be in the present, Enjoy the moment. I want to take that just a little further and say love this moment you're in. You have never before been in this exact moment, with this exact knowledge, this exact timing, and this exact environment. And never again will you be. So, no matter what is happening, always do your best to look past the crap, to look beyond the smoke and mirrors, to see through the negative and find a reason to love where you are, right now. Every time we find a reason to love the moment, we give ourselves more reasons to love more moments. And thus begins a snowball effect to keep on loving.

So, where's Kevin Bacon? How does this all tie together? Easy... We can take control of our lives. We choose the qualities and traits that we want to exude. We choose to wrap up fear in a blanket of hope. We choose to love where we are in life. We choose the outlook we have on life. If we want to live a great life, we can. If we continuously think that our life sucks, well... so it is. This doesn't mean we can sit on our behinds and wish ourselves into millionaire status or perpetual happiness. There is definitely work involved. Overcoming negative forces in our lives can be very demanding and difficult. But it can be done. Thinking and wishing alone are not enough to get us to where we want to be. But it's a great motivator, an excellent start, and way better than living the alternative.

Commitment to Happiness

So many times I have heard others say (and I have said myself) "There needs to be more time in a day." There are so many things that demand our attention... work, dishes, laundry, kids, pets, school. I have found that it is way too easy for me to put everyone and everything else ahead of myself. I easily get burned out, stressed out, tired out and grumpy.

I've decided that since I don't that aforementioned scenario, I am going to change it. I don't have to get grumpy and I don't always have to put myself last. I have come to love my crockpot (another blog entry, I'm sure) because it reduces the stress of making dinner from scratch after I get home from work. I have learned to take a few minutes before and after work to do simple chores. I put on my iPod and dance around while making dinner or folding laundry. My family laughs at me, but I keep doing it! I have learned what chores my kids can tolerate and I exploit that knowledge to the best of my ability. I do what I need to do as quickly and efficiently as possible, then I take a few minutes each and every day to do something that I want to do, and sometimes to just do nothing.

I have made a commitment to myself to be as happy as possible. There are situations that sometimes cannot be avoided which stress me out, but I do my best to smile and keep focused on the positive. I have come to understand that being positive and staying focused on the good things has a profound effect on many other aspects of my life. Therefore, I do my best to cancel out the negative thoughts. "Squash negative thoughts like a bug" - I read that in a blog a while ago, and I repeat this to myself often. Keep the commitment alive by finding one little thing you love to do, and do it every day.

Enjoy the Journey

The path of extraordinary accomplishments in any field of endeavour usually goes something like this:
Dream it.
Do it.
Fail repeatedly.
Learn everytime.
Start again.
Enjoy the journey.
Keep at it.
Achieve the unthinkable.

~ Nithya Shanti

It has been almost 3 months since my last blog post. I no longer feel the "need" to explore / discover / find / create myself. That doesn't mean that I don't feel the need to change or improve myself. It simply means that I have been able to put to use the discoveries I have made over the past 2 years. I still have a lot to learn, and I hope to always improve.

Part of what I have discovered is to enjoy the journey, where ever it may take me. Life sometimes falls together, instead of falling apart. At any given moment, we need to make the best of the situation at hand and smile. I have felt myself falling into old habits, picking fights for no reason, getting upset over silly things... reverting to ways that I don't like. And I have been able to stop myself, smile and breathe, and remedy a potential toxic situation. That, I like. That makes me smile even more. We almost always have the ability to save ourselves from an unhealthy environment. We just have to recognize it and do something about it.

I think that Nithya's quote above can be applied to just about any situation in our lives. Relationships, jobs, business ventures, hobbies, learning sports or music... we have to start somewhere. And in many cases, the dreaming is the starting point. Once we dream about it long enough, we want to go out and do it. Chances are that when we do it for the first time, we will fail. But we learn and keep at it and adapt and learn some more, and eventually we do achieve the unthinkable.

Just for clarification here, "the unthinkable" doesn't have to be monumental. It can be cooking a new recipe, learning to play a sport, finding a fantastic relationship, traveling, writing a blog. In my opinion, anything you try and do in any measure of success can be considered "the unthinkable." Did I ever imagine that I would have a blog, be able to parent 3 kids, run a business, love playing basketball and baseball, and keep a house running while working full time? No. Truthfully, all of these things have taken me by surprise. And each, in their own small way, is a huge achievement. Do I play basketball and baseball well? Not by any means. I continue to fail at them, and learn and do my best to improve. But each time I play, I have fun. Do I have a successful business? It's not millionaire material, but it makes me happy and I don't have to put a lot of extra money into it, so yes, I would say it's successful. Any accomplishment you have allowed yourself to achieve at one point was "the unthinkable."

I believe that at the heart of it all is the enjoyment. Enjoy where you are, who you are with, what you have, your abilities, your accomplishments. Enjoy even the moments that do not seem so spectacular, because eventually they will benefit your life in ways you could never imagine. When the enjoyment is gone, it's time to rethink your plan. We're all on this crazy, unavoidable journey together. We might as well do our best to enjoy it!

Living the Resolutions

The end of 2010 brought on some pretty stiff resolutions. Knowing that it would be in my best interest to keep these, I worked hard to live by them. And I think I did pretty well. I reminded myself of them often, and repeating them helped me stay focused on the important things in my life.

So, how do I top them? Not really sure that I do, but that's ok. In fact, I'm going to resurrect one or two in this year's list. Besides, making resolutions isn't about going above and beyond previous years. It's about finding something you can live by that will help make, and keep, you a better person than you may have been in years past.

I resolve to not let my fears crush my spirit. I like this one so much, I'm making it Numero Uno again for the year 2012. No matter what the situation is, there is no reason that my spirit can't outlive my fear.
I resolve to choose happiness. This sounds kind of dumb, but as you may have heard me say before, I believe there is always a choice. A person will be truly happy only when they allow themselves to be.
I resolve to share the love. What goes around, comes around. And I'd like to add... what goes around, comes around, ten-fold or more. There is no reason I can't be loving to others, after all the love I've received.
I resolve to find my way about the obstacles. Obstacles are put in our way not to prevent us from getting something, but to see how badly we want it. This is a big one for me, as I am easily distracted and dissuaded. More effort needs to be spent on getting what I want rather than finding something different to get.
I resolve to continue to focus on the things that enrich my life. In the whole grand scheme of life, I have very little to complain about. Very little. I am fully aware of this, yet, somehow desire or envy still have the ability to creep in and make me lose sight of what's really important. I am so very grateful for the friends, the family, the relationships I have which have made my life all that much better. Material things pale in comparison.

May 2012 bring everyone peace, love, light and prosperity. May you laugh more than cry. May your heart burst with love. May you be showered with kindness. May you be blessed in every way. Happy New Year!

Reflection

The end of the year is always a time for reflection... to look back and say "This was a good year, and this is why" or "This year kind of stunk, so here's how I'm gonna make next year better." At the end of 2010 I had racked up a whole lot of "Here's how to make next year better" pointers. I had a slew of quotations, parables, stories and inspirations under my belt and was fully prepared to use every single one to ensure that 2011 was a much better year. And it worked. For me, 2011 was miles above 2010 on the Happiness Scale.

I had numerous people at various times throughout the past year and a half tell me how inspirational I had been to them. There is no better feeling in the world than knowing I helped someone in some small way. Whether we all believe it or not (I didn't, until last year), every single one of us has the power to be inspirational to someone else. We may not all be suited to being therapists, counselors or life coaches, but each of us touch a whole lot of other people's lives. The magnitude of how we touch other lives is up to us.

2011 brought a whole lot of changes for me. Including stepping WAY outside of my usual comfort zone, which led to one new relationship, which led to new adventures, a new sense of spontaneity, new activities, new music, new happiness, more new friendships and new growth. That's a big ripple effect. I also learned how to take initiative, and turned a potentially detrimental situation into an enjoyable and profitable venture. The skills needed to make these things work have always been in me, I just had to learn how to make better use of them.

I don't think it's ever too late to improve upon oneself. In fact, I think we as humans need constant improving. To become too stagnant with oneself is to lose the essential vivaciousness to embrace life. There needs to be more to life than simply "living day to day." As humans, we crave excitement and stimulation. We crave growth.

So, what do I see when I look back on 2011? I see continued change in and improvement of myself. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I hope I never stop learning how to be better. I see an ever-growing confidence. Confidence in my abilities as a mom, a friend, a daughter, a significant other, an employee, a businesswoman. Not an arrogant confidence, but a learning confidence- "I can do this, but I can also learn to do more." I see magic feathers. Just like Dumbo, every now and then, I like to take hold of that feather (or in my case, magic rocks) that can make me fly, that can make me invincible. I take comfort in holding my magic rocks, but I also take comfort in seeing them on my dresser (and yes, I do have more than 1) instead of in my hand. Seeing them sitting on the dresser means I'm 'flying' on my own. I see happiness. Every morning, I wake up. Every time I open my eyes, I can see. Every time I sit at the computer, I can move my fingers to type. I can hug and kiss my kids, sing songs, listen to music, dance, buy my own groceries, smell brewing coffee, and taste chocolate. All of these are reasons to be happy. Why should I complain?

When you look back on 2011, I hope you see plenty of reasons to be happy. If the reasons aren't obvious right away, take a deeper look. Find reasons. There are always reasons to be happy. And there is still time to write your own happy ending.

Inspirations for Living Life

Inspiration is all around us. I get emails, see things on Facebook, read things from friends, and stumble across many inspirational quotes, stories, and "rules to live by." Here are some adaptations of what I've learned from all these sources over the past year (and maybe a little before that, too).

No one said life is easy. Life is a tough game to play, but it's still good, and worth the effort to play it.
Keep those you love close to you. Stay in touch, however you can.
When you think you can't continue, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and take the next small step. You'll be surprised at the courage and strength you can find when you need it most. You are stronger than you think.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Life can throw us some pretty big curveballs. Lean on those who are closest to you. You'll both benefit.
When you need to cry, call on someone. I'ts more healing to cry with someone than it is to cry alone.
It's ok to let your children see you cry. They may offer more encouragement and strength than you can imagine.
You have the power to change things in your life. If you don't like something, figure out a different way and change it.
There is always a choice to be happy or unhappy. No matter what the situation is, choose happiness.
Be grateful. Don't ever take anyone or anything for granted. Their purpose may be greater than you initially think.
Be present and enjoy now. Don't wait for something better to come along. Make the most of what's already in front of you.
Every day has the potential to be a special day. Make it so.
See life through the eyes of a child. Not everything has to be as complicated as we adults make it out to be.
Let your children remind you how to truly play. Enter their world, and allow it to encompass you.
Be what you can for others... and for yourself.
Don't let anyone take away who you truly are. Change only what YOU want to change.
Muster up all the courage you can for 20 solid seconds, and see what incredible thing you can make happen.
Sometimes it's ok to close your eyes and take a leap of faith.
Always strive to be a good example.
When faced with a decision, flip a coin. In the moment that the coin is in the air, you'll realize on which side you hope it lands.
Smile, even when you don't feel like it. Smile long enough and you'll start to be in a better mood.
Believe in magic, and in miracles.
Look for opportunity in unexpected places.
Go off the beaten trail once in a while. Take the detour and don't worry about how long it will take to get you there. Enjoy the ride.
Believe in yourself. You're not as bad off as you may think.
Treasure true friendship.
Don't compare your life to someone else's. Their journey may be more difficult than you know.
Make peace with your past. Accept what's been done, and don't let it mess up your future.
Don't waste time being envious or hateful. You are surrounded by everything you need. Just look for it.
Live on the edge. Do something completely out of character just once to see how it feels. Let it feel good.
Don't limit yourself to "the way it's always been." Do things differently now and then.
Live life with intention. Find a purpose, and work to fulfill it. No one is here by mistake.
When you think no one cares about you, call the first 3 people to come to mind. Ask them to describe you. Their words will be kind and sincere.
Never deny yourself the chance to make a new friend. It could be the best friendship you ever had.
Always be respectful of others. Even in an argument, be polite.
Don't worry so much about growing old gracefully... just be sure to grow old happily.
Your attitude speaks volumes about you, and is the first thing people will notice. Let it shine brightly, no matter what.
Love unconditionally. Eventually we all make mistakes, but we all still need to be loved.
Be reliable. It will prove you have good character.
Enjoy the wonder of nature every day.
Worry only about you. You can't control others, so don't bother trying. Do what you're suppose to do, when you're suppose to do it, and you'll always have reason to be proud.
Hold your head high, even when you are feeling down. Do your best to smile through the tears. Don't let your fears crush your spirit.
See yourself the way others see you - beautiful through and through.
Follow your instinct. Just because "everyone else is doing it" doesn't make it right or good for you.
Be passionate about something. Share that passion with others.
Keep your standards high. Expect only the best, but allow yourself forgiveness if you fall a little short.
Be silly. It keeps you smiling, and keeps you young.
Laugh out loud whenever you can. There is no better therapy than a sincere, gut-wrenching, deep down belly laugh.
Forgive everyone. Wipe the slate clean and allow yourself to move on.
Pay it forward. In whatever manner you are able, make something a little easier for someone else. The love we give will come back to us ten-fold.
Never pass up the opportunity to spend time with friends, family or your children. There is nothing you'll regret missing more.

Thankfulness

Last year, I made a "Gratitude List" of 100 things I was thankful for. A year later, many things on this list remain the same, although there are some modifications. Life has changed for me. I am grateful now for people and things that I did not know existed. I have found more qualities within myself to be grateful for. I've read more quotes. I've experienced more of life, both good and bad. I've grown, as we all should, over the past year. That, in and of itself is worth celebrating and being thankful for.

Friends still remain at the top of my gratitude list. Although the dynamic of my friendships have changed, and some have been added, and others taken away, these are the people who are the core of me. Some of these people know everything there is to know about me and then some. Others many not know me very well, but support and encourage and love me all the same. Friends will always be at the top of my list, and the biggest reason that I consider myself wealthy beyond belief.
Followed closely by family. No question, I would not be where I am today without the support and love of my family. They've given me tons to be grateful for, they've bailed me out when I needed it, they've supported me in many ways, they're always there when I need them, and they're always fun to be with. I am extremely lucky and thankful to have such a large, close-knit, loving family.
My kids. These 3 little humans are the light of my life. Without fully understanding it, they've helped me grieve, helped me heal, made me smile, made me laugh, and made me the richest person alive. There are days when I would like to sell them to a zoo, but I could not imagine being without them. Every single day, I am thankful for them.
My passion for scrapbooking. If there is one way to make myself cry in an instant, it's to crack open any of my scrapbooks. These books are tangible documentation of how incredibly full and blessed my life truly is. Others may think it's "just a hobby" or a silly waste of time, but scrapbooking is a serious matter in my life. Scrapbooks bring people together, they allow us (and others) to appreciate what and who we have, they give our photos purpose. If I have it my way, I will never give up my passion for scrapbooking.
The ability to be home with my kids. For years, I wanted nothing more than to stay home and raise my kids. I was finally given that opportunity... granted, not by my own accord, but the opportunity all the same. Finances have been difficult, and some adjustments have been made, but everything works out in the end, and there is always a silver lining. My silver lining is that I get to walk my kids to school and pick them up at least 3 times a week, and I don't have to shuffle them around while I'm at work.
Regardless of my financial situation, I have a house to live in, a car to drive, the means to put food on the table and clothes on my body, and the resources to fend for myself. I'm grateful to have these things, when I know that there are plenty of others who don't.
Music. Always inspiring, sometimes tear-jerking, a taste of mine that is ever-changing, and something that will always be present in my life and the lives of my kids. Be it jazz, pop, hip-hop, grunge, metal, dance, country or anything in between, live or via radio or satellite, I will always soak up whatever music I can.
Dance. One is never too old to dance with your kids, nor too young to dance with your grandparents. Dancing is good for the soul, no matter what form it's in. I'm a firm believer of this. And, now, so are my kids.
The ability to write and use words to express myself. Writing has always been a natural ability and a favorite thing to do, ever since I can remember. I've not won any Pulitzer prize because of my writing, but it's satisfactory enough for me to be able to write this blog, share my words, and bring some level of comfort to myself and others through my writing. To me, that is successful enough, and well worth my efforts.
To be an inspiration to others. In my own small way, I am changing the world. In sharing my positive thoughts with others, I have the ability to influence them and the way they think. This is a big deal, and every compliment I've ever received because of this has immeasurable meaning to me. Priceless. If I can make just one person smile in the course of a day, getting out of bed in the morning was totally worth it.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never have enough." -Oprah Winfrey

Everyone has things to be thankful for. This Thanksgiving, take a moment or two to seriously contemplate how awesome your life really is, and how awesome you really are. Each of us make a difference in someone else's life, and we all have at least one other someone who makes a big difference in our life. And that right there is a damn good reason to be thankful.