Ever put something down somewhere in your house, then it just stays there? I do it... all the time! At first, I think, "I'll just put it here for now." Then after a few days, it's, "I gotta put that back soon." Before I know it, whatever it was I put down has been in that same spot for a few weeks, or even a month, or even longer. If I clean up a little, I might shift it, moving it to another spot or to another table, but it doesn't really get put away. Things just stay where they are.
Sometimes I feel like that's how my life is, too. I fall into routines, move in certain patterns, say the same old words, work around the objects that I have put down... and I don't really take the time to move things - either physical objects or thoughts in my head - to where they should be. Things just stay the same.
I recently decided (for a number of reasons) that I would clean out and rearrange my house a bit. This is never - NEVER - a small nor easy task. I can't just move one or two things. Moving a plant from one corner to another results in moving half the furniture around. It always has, probably always will. So for me to consciously decide to rearrange more than one or two things is a big deal. I know I'm getting myself into a big project. But, it needs to be done, so here we go!
My first major conquest: The living room. Last week I switched cable providers, and I knew that when the guy showed up to install the new cable he would have to get behind the TV. So I pulled the massive TV/stereo stand away from the wall and swept out all the dust bunnies (and anything else living back there) in an attempt to make the back of the stand presentable for said Cable Guy. Once the new cable was installed I started looking around at the placement of all the furniture. I will be getting a new TV. One that does not fit in my current TV stand. Can you see where this is heading? I need to replace the TV stand, which then poses the question of where do I put my stereo equipment? And since I'm going to be moving out the TV stand, I might as well move the couch, the love seat, the plants, and the CD rack. (Welcome to my OCD brain...)
On the other side of the room, I know that I have to clean off and move out a table, as well as move the cabinets that are nearby. If I can get rid of the fish tank, I can push the couch down a foot or two, move the telephone stand to the other side of the couch, and put the cabinets where the telephone stand and fish tank were... Maybe I can use that table that is covered in papers and stuff as an actual dining room table, which means that I could get rid of the current dining room table.... It just never ends.
Unfortunately, this is the kind of project that will bite me in the behind, because if I don't finish in a timely manner (say, within a week), I lose focus and interest and the furniture and other various objects just... well, they just stay where they are. Which means that I revert to moving around them and leaving them as part of the current environment.
I'm kind of halted until I get the new TV stand a few other pieces of new furniture. So, with the living room efforts somewhat stalled, I decided to take over the bedroom. This is a fairly self-contained project (I hope!) and I can move furniture around pretty easily without bleeding out too much into another room. There will be some new pieces of furniture in this room as well, and I decided that instead of just replacing something that's already there, I was going to actually move things around and do things a little differently. I'm somewhat limited in where I can put my large furniture, seeing that I have to maneuver around things like doorways, light switches and windows, but I came up with a new arrangement that will hopefully work well.
Rearranging my bedroom is symbolic to me, in a number of ways. I have touched very little in the layout of the inside of my house since my ex left a year ago. As I said in the beginning... things just stayed where they were. I took some frames down off the walls, and cleaned up some papers and others things of that sort, but as far as rearranging furniture... hasn't happened yet. I have entered into a new chapter of my life, and I finally realized that with a new chapter comes new scenery. I finally allowed myself to wake up enough to move outside of my little decorative comfort zone, and started looking at ways to shake things up a bit. My hope is that this will not only help me clean things up physically, but mentally as well. With a new layout, and new placement of furniture and wall hangings, comes a new outlook, a new perspective. A new beginning.
I spent quite a lot of time yesterday prepping to shift around the furniture in my room. And I spent a few hours tonight actually shifting. Moved my nightstand, my dresser and my bed. Must have swept my floor 187 times. I cleaned off the computer desk and replaced the old, unused computer with a TV. These are small shifts, but sometimes any shift can help shake things up. The bedroom looks different now. It looks a bit bigger, and I think it will feel bigger once I get rid of the piles of stuff. My computer desk now has a purpose and there's not a ton of junk sitting under or in front of it. I have a reason to move that box of papers that's been stuck in one spot forever. It's now in the way, and prevents me from walking to the far side of the bed. There are some things in the top of the closet I've been meaning to get rid of. I bet the box would fit nicely up in that space.
I've known people who randomly and without any advance notice, rearrange a majority of their house on average, once a month. I'll never be like that (at least I don't think I will), but I do like "starting over" every so often. Cleaning out and moving things around is not only good for the house, but it's good for the body, mind and soul, too.
The Pain (and Joy) of Accomplishment
My back hurts. A lot. But I am proud of myself, and I'll do again what I did to make my back hurt in the first place. Let me explain...
Have you followed the back yard saga that's been going on for upwards of 2 years now? If not, here's a quick recap: my back yard sucks. There is very little grass, weeds have overtaken everything, and there's not an evenly flat spot at all. Ok, that last part is not completely true. I'm fixing that. Which is why my back hurts. Little by little, I have been attempting to take back my yard and make it look good, as best I can. Since I can't afford a landscaper, and even renting a rototiller would be difficult, I have been doing it all by hand. Pulling weeds, chopping up the ground, and raking it out to make it flat. Takes a very long time, and I'm usually pretty sore by the end of it, but it's also quite addicting.
I like finishing projects. Don't always like starting them (which is partly why it's taken me 2 years to really get moving on this back yard thing), but I feel such a wave of pride and accomplishment when I can look at something that's done, and know that I did it. I now have a new source of inspiration for getting things done. Someone who loves to work with his hands, can visualize ideas, and get things done in a fairly short amount of time. I admire him. I admire his tenacity, his persistence, and his abilities. He inspires me to do the little projects around the house that need to be done and don't take a lot of effort to do. And he inspires me to dream a little about some of the bigger projects that could be done - like redoing my back yard and building a new front porch.
Dreaming about projects - whether it's working around the house, starting a new business, improving yourself or anything in between - is good. Planning is good, too. But, of course, nothing can be achieved until you act. I have a habit of acting without really planning, or dreaming but not acting, or just thinking that it's all too much to handle in the first place, so why bother. That's why things don't get done around my house very often. That's why it's such a big deal to me to "fix" my backyard, and why it was a big deal to start this blog and rediscover myself after my depression. These were projects that needed to be done, and I made myself find the motivation to do them.
With just about every project, there will be a certain amount of pain that comes with it. Whether it's the physical pain of doing more manual labor than you're used to, or the mental pain of facing what you don't like or are afraid of. That which inspires and motivates us to start the project in the first place can help us move past this uncomfortable pain and onto the stage of "finishing" our project. Each time I crawl around on the ground pulling weeds by hand for hours at a time, my back hurts. But after a few days, and a lot of stretching, the back pain is usually gone. The thought of growing strawberries, raspberries, sunflowers, beans and other plants in my own space motivates me, and draws me back to pull more weeds. My ambitious, hands-on, persistent boyfriend motivates me, too. Once those weeds are gone, and I have a small patch of flat dirt to work with, I feel the rush of accomplishment.
The feeling of accomplishment is addicting. I've been saying that the yard work itself is addicting, but I think I'm more addicted to the act of finishing the yard work. When I can stand back and admire my small patch of dark brown dirt, sticking out amongst all the nasty green weeds, it makes me proud... and it makes me want to pull more weeds! I have felt this way with so many other projects, too - once I find the motivation to actually get started and I realize the potential benefits of finishing said projects, I just don't want to stop until I'm completely done and satisfied with the work.
Over the years, I've learned to pace myself. I've learned that it's not a good idea to stay up until 2am on a work night rearranging the furniture or cleaning out my cupboards. I've learned to listen to my body, take breaks, eat and go to the bathroom. I've learned that I can only do yard work and/or gardening for a few hours at a time. I've learned that I'm not always as strong as I think I am, and I can't move everything by myself. I've also learned that I can change anything about myself that I want to. I've learned that I can allow myself to be happy, regardless of what others do. I've learned that I can clean a kid's room in one night. I've learned it's ok to throw things away. I've learned that every room needs a junk drawer, but that every now and then it needs to get emptied. I've learned that I can do things I never thought possible. All of this I learned thanks to the various projects that I've made myself do, after getting over the fear and intimidation of getting started.
My yard will take a while still to finish. Just like so many other things in my life, it may never be completely done, but rather a yearly changing project. And that's ok, too. I am proud of what I have done to it by myself, and I continue to dream of what I can do. I also have a list of projects that I hope to tackle around the house, including changing the lock on my back door, building a new front and back porch, redoing my upstairs bathroom, rearranging the living room furniture and cleaning out all the junk in my basement. That's a pretty hefty list for me, Little Miss Unmotivated. At least it WAS a hefty list. With my source of inspiration by my side, a new attitude about what I can handle, a fleet of willing and able friends to help, good planning and budgeting skills, and a smart approach to tackling the list, I am more confident than ever that the rush of accomplishing these projects will far outweigh whatever pain is incurred doing them. And that is a reason to be proud.
 | |
| June 2009, after ripping up the backyard with a backhoe. |
I like finishing projects. Don't always like starting them (which is partly why it's taken me 2 years to really get moving on this back yard thing), but I feel such a wave of pride and accomplishment when I can look at something that's done, and know that I did it. I now have a new source of inspiration for getting things done. Someone who loves to work with his hands, can visualize ideas, and get things done in a fairly short amount of time. I admire him. I admire his tenacity, his persistence, and his abilities. He inspires me to do the little projects around the house that need to be done and don't take a lot of effort to do. And he inspires me to dream a little about some of the bigger projects that could be done - like redoing my back yard and building a new front porch.
 |
| My mini-garden patch: 6 gourd plants and 1 small marigold. |
With just about every project, there will be a certain amount of pain that comes with it. Whether it's the physical pain of doing more manual labor than you're used to, or the mental pain of facing what you don't like or are afraid of. That which inspires and motivates us to start the project in the first place can help us move past this uncomfortable pain and onto the stage of "finishing" our project. Each time I crawl around on the ground pulling weeds by hand for hours at a time, my back hurts. But after a few days, and a lot of stretching, the back pain is usually gone. The thought of growing strawberries, raspberries, sunflowers, beans and other plants in my own space motivates me, and draws me back to pull more weeds. My ambitious, hands-on, persistent boyfriend motivates me, too. Once those weeds are gone, and I have a small patch of flat dirt to work with, I feel the rush of accomplishment.
The feeling of accomplishment is addicting. I've been saying that the yard work itself is addicting, but I think I'm more addicted to the act of finishing the yard work. When I can stand back and admire my small patch of dark brown dirt, sticking out amongst all the nasty green weeds, it makes me proud... and it makes me want to pull more weeds! I have felt this way with so many other projects, too - once I find the motivation to actually get started and I realize the potential benefits of finishing said projects, I just don't want to stop until I'm completely done and satisfied with the work.
 |
| Rock garden and strawberry patch. |
My yard will take a while still to finish. Just like so many other things in my life, it may never be completely done, but rather a yearly changing project. And that's ok, too. I am proud of what I have done to it by myself, and I continue to dream of what I can do. I also have a list of projects that I hope to tackle around the house, including changing the lock on my back door, building a new front and back porch, redoing my upstairs bathroom, rearranging the living room furniture and cleaning out all the junk in my basement. That's a pretty hefty list for me, Little Miss Unmotivated. At least it WAS a hefty list. With my source of inspiration by my side, a new attitude about what I can handle, a fleet of willing and able friends to help, good planning and budgeting skills, and a smart approach to tackling the list, I am more confident than ever that the rush of accomplishing these projects will far outweigh whatever pain is incurred doing them. And that is a reason to be proud.
Traditions
Every family has traditions of some sort. Big or little, yearly or daily, traditions can be a very important part of our lives. And I believe they should be. The family traditions I've known have given me something to look forward to, and great memories often come from them.
When I was growing up, my family took a week in the summer to go to a cabin on a small late in the middle of nowhere in the Adirondacks. This was (and still is) one of the most anticipated of our traditions, and by far my favorite. Included in the yearly family gathering was my maternal great-grandparents, my maternal grandparents, their 4 children and subsequent grandchildren, occasionally my maternal great aunt and uncle, and their 2 children. There was, on average, 20 people who occupied the 5 bedroom, rustic cabin.
At this cabin, there is no running water, no electricity, no phone, no TV, no internet, barely any cell phone service. A generator runs the lights in the evening. We use an outhouse. We bathe in the lake. We swim, play cards and board games, read books, take hikes, look for frogs and salamanders and take the rowboat out for fun. For one whole week. I can remember explaining this to my friends in high school, and getting very excited while talking about it, and they all looked at me like I had 6 heads. "You're going WHERE, with no TV or phone, for HOW LONG? And you LIKE this???" Yes, as a matter of fact, I love it!
For as long as I can remember, that one week, in the middle of July or August, was the first time and sometimes the only time of the year that all the family was together. Every so often, I would bring a friend with me. One brave soul, courageous enough to trust that I wasn't crazy, and try their hand at roughing it in a cabin in the middle of the woods. The friends who were lucky enough to share this tradition with me, loved it. And once they experienced it, they understood my excitement and passion for this one week.
My kids are crazy about Camp Week, too. They tell explicitly detailed stories about things we've done at camp, and how fun it is, and how crazy my family is. And they look forward to it every year. I am so thankful and happy that I have been able to share this tradition with them. It was such an important part of my life, and I'm thrilled that it will be an important part of their lives, too.
Recently, I had the opportunity to share in a family tradition of a friend. It's a tradition similar to my camp experience... in that his family gathers at a camp. That's one of the only similarities. His family's camp is more like a real house, it has running water, a TV and electricity. And the lake that it's on is much bigger than my lake, with lots of other family camps. His family activities include riding the jet ski and motorboat, tubing, kayaking, swimming, and fishing. Not that one camp experience is better than the other, they are just a little different. I had a marvelous time meeting some of his family members and doing all of the aforementioned activities, some of which I had never done before. I've heard many stories revolving around this camp and his family's experiences there. I was honored to be invited, and to get a first-hand glimpse into that aspect of his life which has meant so much to him.
I hope to share my camp tradition with him, as well. He is an important person in my life, and being such, I feel that he is entitled to get a glimpse into the aspects of my life which have meant a lot to me over the years. Traditions are special, but so are the people who participate in them. One could do the same thing again and again, but if it's not done with people who are special to them, then the tradition is a bust. There's no point. Traditions are meant to be shared with those we love. Whether it's a week at a family cabin, or watching a movie at home on Friday night with the kids, traditions become more memorable when we do them with people who are special to us.
I hope that my kids will remember many of my little family traditions - like making Santa Snickerdoodles on Christmas eve, choosing what to eat for dinner on their birthday, or getting stars for doing chores - as well as the big traditions, like our family camp week. I hope to create more memorable family traditions as the years go on, and to improve upon the ones we already have. These are the things not easily forgotten, and most loved.
When I was growing up, my family took a week in the summer to go to a cabin on a small late in the middle of nowhere in the Adirondacks. This was (and still is) one of the most anticipated of our traditions, and by far my favorite. Included in the yearly family gathering was my maternal great-grandparents, my maternal grandparents, their 4 children and subsequent grandchildren, occasionally my maternal great aunt and uncle, and their 2 children. There was, on average, 20 people who occupied the 5 bedroom, rustic cabin.
At this cabin, there is no running water, no electricity, no phone, no TV, no internet, barely any cell phone service. A generator runs the lights in the evening. We use an outhouse. We bathe in the lake. We swim, play cards and board games, read books, take hikes, look for frogs and salamanders and take the rowboat out for fun. For one whole week. I can remember explaining this to my friends in high school, and getting very excited while talking about it, and they all looked at me like I had 6 heads. "You're going WHERE, with no TV or phone, for HOW LONG? And you LIKE this???" Yes, as a matter of fact, I love it!
For as long as I can remember, that one week, in the middle of July or August, was the first time and sometimes the only time of the year that all the family was together. Every so often, I would bring a friend with me. One brave soul, courageous enough to trust that I wasn't crazy, and try their hand at roughing it in a cabin in the middle of the woods. The friends who were lucky enough to share this tradition with me, loved it. And once they experienced it, they understood my excitement and passion for this one week.
My kids are crazy about Camp Week, too. They tell explicitly detailed stories about things we've done at camp, and how fun it is, and how crazy my family is. And they look forward to it every year. I am so thankful and happy that I have been able to share this tradition with them. It was such an important part of my life, and I'm thrilled that it will be an important part of their lives, too.
Recently, I had the opportunity to share in a family tradition of a friend. It's a tradition similar to my camp experience... in that his family gathers at a camp. That's one of the only similarities. His family's camp is more like a real house, it has running water, a TV and electricity. And the lake that it's on is much bigger than my lake, with lots of other family camps. His family activities include riding the jet ski and motorboat, tubing, kayaking, swimming, and fishing. Not that one camp experience is better than the other, they are just a little different. I had a marvelous time meeting some of his family members and doing all of the aforementioned activities, some of which I had never done before. I've heard many stories revolving around this camp and his family's experiences there. I was honored to be invited, and to get a first-hand glimpse into that aspect of his life which has meant so much to him.
I hope to share my camp tradition with him, as well. He is an important person in my life, and being such, I feel that he is entitled to get a glimpse into the aspects of my life which have meant a lot to me over the years. Traditions are special, but so are the people who participate in them. One could do the same thing again and again, but if it's not done with people who are special to them, then the tradition is a bust. There's no point. Traditions are meant to be shared with those we love. Whether it's a week at a family cabin, or watching a movie at home on Friday night with the kids, traditions become more memorable when we do them with people who are special to us.
I hope that my kids will remember many of my little family traditions - like making Santa Snickerdoodles on Christmas eve, choosing what to eat for dinner on their birthday, or getting stars for doing chores - as well as the big traditions, like our family camp week. I hope to create more memorable family traditions as the years go on, and to improve upon the ones we already have. These are the things not easily forgotten, and most loved.
Heaven or Hell
"Remember, every moment you have the chance to be in heaven or in hell. If you are unconscious you are in hell. When you are conscious you are in heaven. It's up to you."
~ Osho
~ Osho
We can't always control our circumstances or the situations that we are put in. I'm sure you've heard the adage, "It's not the hand you're dealt but how you play it that matters." How we deal with our circumstances and situations is what makes the difference between being in heaven and being in hell.
I have to say, I've been in heaven quite a lot lately. I've found happiness, and I've figured out how to adjust my attitude to keep that happiness at it's peak as best I can. Every now and then, something comes along that knocks me a little off my cloud and shows me a glimpse of hell. Every so often I fall completely, and dive into hell for a time. Then I remember that I don't like being in hell, so I find or make my own rope and climb back out toward heaven again.
Life is lived best when we are conscious about everything around us. I had dinner tonight with some friends and spent a small part of our time together staring at their bird feeders, watching the birds and squirrels. I don't always pay close attention to the birds around me, but every so often it's simplistically refreshing to just sit and watch the creatures of nature do their thing. The other day, my 2 youngest kids and I walked to school to pick up the oldest. On the way down, and on the way back, we pointed out all the different varieties of flowers (I named them, best I could) and took note of all the different colors we saw around us as we walked the dozen or so blocks to and from the school. It was a simple game, but felt so good to be that conscious about what was around me.
When you fall into that rut of the day to day doldrums, doing the same things over and over, then you've become unconsicous. Choosing to be conscious allows us to see, hear, feel and appreciate so many more things. This includes the somewhat unpleasant things. Also tonight, I stopped by a friend's to drop off some things. We chatted and ended up in an argument. Why is it that communication can come so easily with some, but with others it's like there's a big, huge brick wall between us that's never going to get torn down? Why? I'll never know. But I am aware of this communication barrier between us, and I do my best to work around it.
Despite my (and his) best attempts to be friendly with one another, sometimes it just doesn't work, arguments ensue and we end up getting annoyed or upset with one another. So, now I can choose how to handle the situation. Do I put myself in heaven or in hell? The obvious answer is that I would want to put myself in heaven. It takes effort to stay there, and stay happy. But that effort is worth it.
Being conscious of our communication issues helps me (sometimes) better prepare how to speak around him to avoid that pitfall. Being conscious of the wildlife in my yard helps me better appreciate them (so long as they don't start eating the strawberries I planted). Being conscious of what makes me happy makes me want to work harder to keep those things in the forefront of my life. It's simple. It all ties in together. We - each of us - have the ability to consciously choose if we will live our life out in heaven or in hell. Being able to appreciate the version of heaven that we have = being fully conscious. Being conscious of our life = heaven.
Very Dear Friend Day
June 5, 2010 was a significant day, in that I learned how powerful appreciation can be. A friend of mine was going through a very rough time, as was I. We needed each other, and sat together on my couch, holding hands and crying. Within just a couple of hours, we became closer friends, just because we were there for each other. On June 5, 2011, he sent me a message reminding me of the day one year ago that we needed each other so much. And he dubbed June 5 as Very Dear Friend Day.
Years ago, when I was little, my grandmother had sent me a handwritten note which said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Happy President's Day, Happy Lincoln's Birthday, Happy To Know You Day." I kept that letter for a very long time. It's probably stashed away amongst the piles of papers and things that I have saved over the years. Every day can have a significant meaning. It doesn't have to be a major holiday or some celebrity's birthday or any other huge occasion in order to celebrate. Each day has some minor significance that can be remembered and celebrated every year.
For a small group of my friends, I can recall the day or the manner in which we met. For others, although I may not remember exactly how we met, I can recite milestones of our friendship that have taken place through the years. Each of these small moments need to be appreciated and remembered, otherwise they get lost. I believe that it's the deep appreciation of our friends and the events that have solidified our friendship that truly make for the best relationships.
If Hallmark can have cards for any stinking occasion they please, then I can celebrate made-up holidays like Happy To Know You Day and Very Dear Friend Day. Everyone needs a holiday such as these to celebrate. Because in every person's life, there is occasion to celebrate knowing someone else and being very dear friends with them.
Years ago, when I was little, my grandmother had sent me a handwritten note which said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Happy President's Day, Happy Lincoln's Birthday, Happy To Know You Day." I kept that letter for a very long time. It's probably stashed away amongst the piles of papers and things that I have saved over the years. Every day can have a significant meaning. It doesn't have to be a major holiday or some celebrity's birthday or any other huge occasion in order to celebrate. Each day has some minor significance that can be remembered and celebrated every year.
For a small group of my friends, I can recall the day or the manner in which we met. For others, although I may not remember exactly how we met, I can recite milestones of our friendship that have taken place through the years. Each of these small moments need to be appreciated and remembered, otherwise they get lost. I believe that it's the deep appreciation of our friends and the events that have solidified our friendship that truly make for the best relationships.
If Hallmark can have cards for any stinking occasion they please, then I can celebrate made-up holidays like Happy To Know You Day and Very Dear Friend Day. Everyone needs a holiday such as these to celebrate. Because in every person's life, there is occasion to celebrate knowing someone else and being very dear friends with them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)