Starting the Game Again

Ok, so let's just put this right out there... I have subjected myself to the dating scene once again.  I have not been "on a date" or had to really impress anyone in almost 15 years, I think.  Wow, is that daunting!

The good news is that I am a totally different Kate, and the Kate now is much more confident in herself, more knowledgeable of what she wants out of life, and much more prepared to take care of herself.  It has been a little scary (at times, quite a bit scary) to talk with different men and try to get to know them without sounding like a complete idiot.  If you'll recall from other, previous posts, I am a shy, quiet person.  Well, ok, yes... I've broken out of that shell, but I still don't consider myself an extrovert.  However, I have taken big strides and gone WAAAAY outside the comfort zone lately.  Allowing myself to be confident and actually speak with guys is something that I seemed to have a difficult time doing.  But I have learned that happiness and confidence are directly connected, so I do my best to keep both high.

It's much easier for me to "hide" behind my computer and chat with people via the internet than it would be for me to strike up similar conversations in person.  And in that regard, I'm master of putting myself out there!  I've emailed countless men who are complete strangers, just because they were attractive to me and I could find a few things we had in common.  I'm starting to make some new friends out of the process, and although there are no "serious" prospects quite yet, I'm generally happy with the results.  I didn't join a dating site specifically to find Mr. Right.  I joined to force myself to break out of the same routine of going to work and going home.  I joined so I could have another avenue for meeting new people, which I really do enjoy.  I joined so I could find people with similar interests and similar ways of thinking, with whom I share some common ground and would have something to talk about.  As one guy put it, "We only meet a certain number of people in our everyday routines.  This is a way to open new doors."

This kind of dating is very foreign to me and completely different than when I dated in college.  The guys I had dated previously were always in my circle of friends.  I knew lots of little things about them, I knew who their friends were, who they hung out with, where they hung out, what they did when they weren't in class.  There was always opportunity to learn more about the people I hung out with, of course.  But there were never any big, gaping questions as to what their personality or morals were like.  I could figure that out just by watching them.  This is a whole new ball game.  Which is what makes it scary, but it also makes it interesting.  I am carefully exploring where my "safety" line is that I don't want to cross, and I'm learning how much information to share with whom and how quickly.  In a way, it reinforces the fact that I have to be strong and confident with who I am, because that's what I want to come out first.  They can learn about my little neuroticisms later.

I truly don't think it's ever too late to make new friends.  And I truly believe that Fate and Karma have a funny way of dropping things in your lap when you least expect it.  Will I ever get married again?  I hope so, but I don't know for sure.  Will I make new friends and let new people into my life?  Absolutely.  Because each new person you allow in, brings something new to you.  A new hobby, a book you've never read, a recipe to try, a sport you find out you love.  It's never too late to start again, to learn about more things, to meet new people.  And you never know where those hobbies, books, recipes, sports or people will lead you next.  It's like a game of roulette- you never know where you're going to end up, or where the winning match will be found!  Life is a game, so why not get out there, play it and have fun!