Remember the Disney movie Dumbo? The little elephant with the big ears learns to fly, with the help of Timothy the mouse and a "magic" feather. Of course, the feather wasn't really magic, Timothy just convinced Dumbo that if he held the feather it would help him fly. When the feather slipped out from Dumbo's trunk, he realized that he could fly all on his own. I've been thinking about Dumbo and his feather quite a lot lately.
When I saw Nithya Shanti a few weeks back, I received what he called a Gratitude Stone. The purpose of the stone is to help you focus on a quality that you want to manifest at that particular time. For a week or so now, I've been carrying my Gratitude Stone around in my pocket. The three qualities I use it to help me focus on are strength, courage, and patience. Whenever I'm feeling a bit uneasy or sad or at all negative, I take notice of the stone in my pocket and I repeat these three qualities to myself over and over until I start to feel better.
The other day, I met a close friend for a quick dinner. I've known this person for quite a long time and have a great deal of love and respect for them. As we were chatting, thoughts of the stone flashed through my mind. And I thought to myself, "Something, something and patience. There were three things! Oh well." I was enjoying the time with my friend, so I didn't want to distract myself by thinking too long of the stone or the qualities. Dinner only lasted an hour, but we had a great time with one another, we talked openly and we laughed a lot (as we usually do when we get together). After I got home that night, I remembered what the other two qualities were: strength and courage.
Then I really started to ponder this "magic feather" that I was carrying around in my pocket. I know that this stone can't manifest the qualities I assign to it. After all, it's just a stone. But I use it as my focal point for when things aren't going quite the way I want them to, or my feelings start to get out of control. Then it hit me: When I was having dinner with my friend, I couldn't remember two of the three qualities because I didn't need to! The stone wasn't my focal point for strength and courage at that time. I didn't need the focal point, because my friend brings out these qualities in me. I had just learned how to fly on my own!
I smile and laugh to myself whenever I take notice of the stone in my pocket. It's a mind trick, and I am fully aware of that. Yet, I carry it in my pocket every day. Strength, courage and patience. Maybe next time I'm having dinner or hanging out with a friend and I can't remember what qualities I assigned my stone, I'll just pick new ones that pertain to that moment. Even a "magic feather" can produce moments of AHA!
Perfectly Perfect
I have never considered myself "perfect" in any sense of the word. Aside from being a perfectionist and having tendencies of OCD to have things done just the way I want them done and in a manner that I see as "right," the word "perfect" rarely comes to mind when I'm speaking of myself. I've always been on the low end of the self-esteem scale, and even in my finest moments can find eleventy-nine things that I don't like about myself.
In the past few months, however, I've learned that things do tend to be more perfect than most of us are willing to recognize. My meetings with Nithya Shanti and others have begun to shift my thinking. I'm beginning to realize that, as Nithya says, "Everything I need is within me now. Everything is perfect, and joyfully improving." These are somewhat obscure concepts, I think, to most people. But I've come to appreciate the healthy perspective that this type of thinking can give me.
I came across a few different emails and posts today that seem to support the "Everything is perfect" way of thinking. The first was on a friend's Facebook page: "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." Pretty profound, when you really think about it. The other was a blog that I read quite often, called Zen Habits. Today's entry is called "You're already perfect." (It's short, I suggest checking it out.) "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu.
All of these concepts that I just mentioned go hand in hand. Be content with everything you do have, instead of focusing on what you don't have, and you'll always be grateful and happy. When you can look inside yourself and realize how much you have to offer the world, you can accept that you are perfect on some level, and you can be grateful and happy. Perfection changes with the moment, and whereas you are perfect already, there is always something that can be changed for the better, so we are all constantly improving. These are all such beautiful concepts to me, and it's a helluva place to find moments of AHA!
I still manage to nitpick and dislike things about myself, but I'm learning to become much more tolerant with myself as well as others for what usually amounts to trivial things. And the major things that I don't like about me I can work to change! I have countless things and people to be thankful for, and in all reality I have absolutely no right to complain about anything. My world is perfectly perfect in this exact moment. And tomorrow, I will improve on it, and my world will be perfectly perfect again. And too the next day, and so on and so on. If you can open your eyes in the morning and say, "I'm alive!" then your world is perfectly perfect, too. It's not always easy to see things in this way - trust me, I know this! - but I think it is well worth every ounce of effort you put into it. The payoff of being able to honestly say "Everything is perfect" unquestionably outweighs the burden of being miserable. Wouldn't you agree?
In the past few months, however, I've learned that things do tend to be more perfect than most of us are willing to recognize. My meetings with Nithya Shanti and others have begun to shift my thinking. I'm beginning to realize that, as Nithya says, "Everything I need is within me now. Everything is perfect, and joyfully improving." These are somewhat obscure concepts, I think, to most people. But I've come to appreciate the healthy perspective that this type of thinking can give me.
I came across a few different emails and posts today that seem to support the "Everything is perfect" way of thinking. The first was on a friend's Facebook page: "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." Pretty profound, when you really think about it. The other was a blog that I read quite often, called Zen Habits. Today's entry is called "You're already perfect." (It's short, I suggest checking it out.) "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu.
All of these concepts that I just mentioned go hand in hand. Be content with everything you do have, instead of focusing on what you don't have, and you'll always be grateful and happy. When you can look inside yourself and realize how much you have to offer the world, you can accept that you are perfect on some level, and you can be grateful and happy. Perfection changes with the moment, and whereas you are perfect already, there is always something that can be changed for the better, so we are all constantly improving. These are all such beautiful concepts to me, and it's a helluva place to find moments of AHA!
I still manage to nitpick and dislike things about myself, but I'm learning to become much more tolerant with myself as well as others for what usually amounts to trivial things. And the major things that I don't like about me I can work to change! I have countless things and people to be thankful for, and in all reality I have absolutely no right to complain about anything. My world is perfectly perfect in this exact moment. And tomorrow, I will improve on it, and my world will be perfectly perfect again. And too the next day, and so on and so on. If you can open your eyes in the morning and say, "I'm alive!" then your world is perfectly perfect, too. It's not always easy to see things in this way - trust me, I know this! - but I think it is well worth every ounce of effort you put into it. The payoff of being able to honestly say "Everything is perfect" unquestionably outweighs the burden of being miserable. Wouldn't you agree?
Butterfly Angels
I have been attempting to put back together a friendship with someone who, by many accounts, I probably do not need to be friends with in the first place. Not that she's a bad person - she most definitely is not - but we have been on a roller coaster of emotions together since we met last year.
I have been angered and hurt by some of her actions and words, although not purposefully on her part. I've felt betrayal, sadness, disgust, hate and jealousy because of her. Again, however, not by anything that she did specifically to hurt me. She was acting in her best interest, and I ... well, in some cases I overreacted and lashed out toward her. I can't speak for her or to what extent her feelings for me have raged, but I know that she has felt at least a little of the same toward me. Not entirely because of things that I did or said specifically against her, although there were times I could have held my tongue and chosen my actions better. It's been a rocky relationship, and interesting... to say the least.
Despite all these negative feelings, I knew that she would have to be a part of my life in some manner. Our kids go to school together and are friends, we live in a fairly small town, and we have mutual friends. Interaction with her would eventually be inevitable. So, I had a choice. I could treat her like crap, be nasty to her every time we ran into each other, or simply ignore her like she didn't exist. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, I could forgive her for the hurt that she unintentionally caused me, I could forgive myself for allowing myself to get so angry, and I could put the past behind us and attempt to be friends.
My initial reaction was to go the first route. My kids didn't need to play with her kids. I'd run into her now and then, but I could avoid her for the most part. I had already attempted to be her friend, and felt betrayed so why should I try again? I certainly didn't need her as a friend. As I continued to explore myself, my life, my emotions, and how they all tie together and affect others, I realized that if I chose that route, I would be poisoning myself as well as her. How could I expect to live a peaceful, happy life if I held on to that resentment forever? How would I explain to my kids that they couldn't see their friends, without looking like the bad guy? How would I feel if someone else treated me with that much contempt?
I calmed my emotions and convinced myself that the anger I felt toward her wasn't necessarily all warranted. Some, perhaps. Other bits of anger were caused by someone else, and I ended up directing them at her. And some anger was simply a product of my over-active emotions and shouldn't have been a factor at all.
I saw her yesterday, and she had had a very bad day. One of those days when the little things all pile up together and attack you one after the other after the other. We chatted for a few minutes before parting. She sent me a text later, and I ended up calling her to make sure she was feeling ok. We had a very nice conversation. We actually have a lot in common, and if things had been different, we probably could have been good friends right off the bat. And maybe someday we will. We can understand each other's feelings quite well, we're experiencing many of the same things, and we can both learn a lot from one another.
A completely unrelated friend of mine put on Facebook a photo of a butterfly with this
saying: "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." She tagged as many friends as she could, and people started leaving all sorts of comments about how beautiful and appropriate this was, and how many of us at some point change from a chrysalis to a butterfly. Then my friend called those of us she tagged "Butterfly Angels." And I began to think.
A Butterfly Angel has such a simple, beautiful connotation to me and that's how I want to be thought of: Pure, simple, delicate, peaceful. Yet, there is an aspect of strength as well, in order to emerge into a new life. I have been going through all sorts of changes this year. I started out in a cocoon, a chrysalis, and have emerged as a completely different person. My transformation is incomplete as of yet, and will probably never be completely finished. Life makes us change all the time, whether we realize it or not. My choice to treat this person who caused me so much pain is part of that transformation. When the dust has settled, and the emotions have subsided, I want people to know that I did my best to treat others with the respect and love they deserve in times of turmoil. I know that some of my friends think I'm crazy to want a relationship with this person. That I might be better off ignoring her, forgetting that we ever had a relationship, rocky as it was. But in the spirit of a Butterfly Angel, I hope to be able to forgive, embrace, spread my wings and fly with her, with a mutual feeling of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation for each other.
I have been angered and hurt by some of her actions and words, although not purposefully on her part. I've felt betrayal, sadness, disgust, hate and jealousy because of her. Again, however, not by anything that she did specifically to hurt me. She was acting in her best interest, and I ... well, in some cases I overreacted and lashed out toward her. I can't speak for her or to what extent her feelings for me have raged, but I know that she has felt at least a little of the same toward me. Not entirely because of things that I did or said specifically against her, although there were times I could have held my tongue and chosen my actions better. It's been a rocky relationship, and interesting... to say the least.
Despite all these negative feelings, I knew that she would have to be a part of my life in some manner. Our kids go to school together and are friends, we live in a fairly small town, and we have mutual friends. Interaction with her would eventually be inevitable. So, I had a choice. I could treat her like crap, be nasty to her every time we ran into each other, or simply ignore her like she didn't exist. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, I could forgive her for the hurt that she unintentionally caused me, I could forgive myself for allowing myself to get so angry, and I could put the past behind us and attempt to be friends.
My initial reaction was to go the first route. My kids didn't need to play with her kids. I'd run into her now and then, but I could avoid her for the most part. I had already attempted to be her friend, and felt betrayed so why should I try again? I certainly didn't need her as a friend. As I continued to explore myself, my life, my emotions, and how they all tie together and affect others, I realized that if I chose that route, I would be poisoning myself as well as her. How could I expect to live a peaceful, happy life if I held on to that resentment forever? How would I explain to my kids that they couldn't see their friends, without looking like the bad guy? How would I feel if someone else treated me with that much contempt?
I calmed my emotions and convinced myself that the anger I felt toward her wasn't necessarily all warranted. Some, perhaps. Other bits of anger were caused by someone else, and I ended up directing them at her. And some anger was simply a product of my over-active emotions and shouldn't have been a factor at all.
I saw her yesterday, and she had had a very bad day. One of those days when the little things all pile up together and attack you one after the other after the other. We chatted for a few minutes before parting. She sent me a text later, and I ended up calling her to make sure she was feeling ok. We had a very nice conversation. We actually have a lot in common, and if things had been different, we probably could have been good friends right off the bat. And maybe someday we will. We can understand each other's feelings quite well, we're experiencing many of the same things, and we can both learn a lot from one another.
A completely unrelated friend of mine put on Facebook a photo of a butterfly with this
saying: "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." She tagged as many friends as she could, and people started leaving all sorts of comments about how beautiful and appropriate this was, and how many of us at some point change from a chrysalis to a butterfly. Then my friend called those of us she tagged "Butterfly Angels." And I began to think.A Butterfly Angel has such a simple, beautiful connotation to me and that's how I want to be thought of: Pure, simple, delicate, peaceful. Yet, there is an aspect of strength as well, in order to emerge into a new life. I have been going through all sorts of changes this year. I started out in a cocoon, a chrysalis, and have emerged as a completely different person. My transformation is incomplete as of yet, and will probably never be completely finished. Life makes us change all the time, whether we realize it or not. My choice to treat this person who caused me so much pain is part of that transformation. When the dust has settled, and the emotions have subsided, I want people to know that I did my best to treat others with the respect and love they deserve in times of turmoil. I know that some of my friends think I'm crazy to want a relationship with this person. That I might be better off ignoring her, forgetting that we ever had a relationship, rocky as it was. But in the spirit of a Butterfly Angel, I hope to be able to forgive, embrace, spread my wings and fly with her, with a mutual feeling of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation for each other.
Enjoy Where You're At
I love the TV show Scrubs. Abso-freaking-lutely love it! The characters are all incredible (Dr. Cox is by far my favorite- I only wish I could rant like he does!), the one-liners are hysterical, the storylines are fairly true to life, but what I love most of all about the show is the moral, and how it ties everyone together. At the end of every episode, JD comes to some big realization that not only defines his situation, but everyone else's situation too. And somehow, I find JD's realizations running parallel with events in my own life, too.
"I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen. Sometimes the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at."
This particular ending struck me quite hard, as it pretty much sums up my entire 2010 thus far. I get into the habit of spending so much time trying to figure out what's going to happen or what I should do if this happens or that happens, or just generally obsessing and stressing over stupid things, that I forget to just enjoy the now. I think I've gotten better about trying to live in the moment and not freak out so much about what did happen or might happen. But I also know that I still have a lot of work left to do. And maybe I'm just genetically wired to worry. (I got it from my great-grandmother, and my grandmother, and my mother! There's absolutely no question where that gene came from!) But I can still work to change what I don't like, even if I know it won't be an easy fix. You can always improve yourself. As Nithya Shanti says, "Everything is perfect... and joyfully improving."
I think it's human nature to worry or think too much about what we can't control. The future is a scary thing. No matter what we do or how much we plan or how in control we think we are, that illusion can all be thrown out the window in an instant. The best we can do in any situation, really, is simply enjoy it, act honorably at all times, and hope for the best. Beyond this, worrying does no good. It only heightens the stress factor. Trust me, I know this from many years of personal experience of worrying. Does no good at all. Doesn't solve anything, doesn't make things happen faster or slower, doesn't make things easier, doesn't make answers appear. Letting go is a big thing for me. As in, I need to learn how to do it. Letting go of the worry and fear is huge. But I know I need to. Living in and enjoying the present moment is the best any of us can do at any given time.
"Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at." Thanks for the AHA, JD!
"I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen. Sometimes the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at."
This particular ending struck me quite hard, as it pretty much sums up my entire 2010 thus far. I get into the habit of spending so much time trying to figure out what's going to happen or what I should do if this happens or that happens, or just generally obsessing and stressing over stupid things, that I forget to just enjoy the now. I think I've gotten better about trying to live in the moment and not freak out so much about what did happen or might happen. But I also know that I still have a lot of work left to do. And maybe I'm just genetically wired to worry. (I got it from my great-grandmother, and my grandmother, and my mother! There's absolutely no question where that gene came from!) But I can still work to change what I don't like, even if I know it won't be an easy fix. You can always improve yourself. As Nithya Shanti says, "Everything is perfect... and joyfully improving."
I think it's human nature to worry or think too much about what we can't control. The future is a scary thing. No matter what we do or how much we plan or how in control we think we are, that illusion can all be thrown out the window in an instant. The best we can do in any situation, really, is simply enjoy it, act honorably at all times, and hope for the best. Beyond this, worrying does no good. It only heightens the stress factor. Trust me, I know this from many years of personal experience of worrying. Does no good at all. Doesn't solve anything, doesn't make things happen faster or slower, doesn't make things easier, doesn't make answers appear. Letting go is a big thing for me. As in, I need to learn how to do it. Letting go of the worry and fear is huge. But I know I need to. Living in and enjoying the present moment is the best any of us can do at any given time.
"Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at." Thanks for the AHA, JD!
Gratitude List, The Last Installment
Gratitude List, #81-100.
The last installment... for now. This list can always be added to, as there are always things to be grateful for. The scope and/or meaning of the things already mentioned may change, as well. Gratitude always serves as a solid source of AHA.
Today's list: Quotes. Quotes to live by, quotes to inspire, quotable quotes, famous quotes, quotes from people I know, etc. There's always an appropriate quote, no matter the situation. Here are some of my favorites.
The last installment... for now. This list can always be added to, as there are always things to be grateful for. The scope and/or meaning of the things already mentioned may change, as well. Gratitude always serves as a solid source of AHA.
Today's list: Quotes. Quotes to live by, quotes to inspire, quotable quotes, famous quotes, quotes from people I know, etc. There's always an appropriate quote, no matter the situation. Here are some of my favorites.
- "Step in it" - Stan Gosek, told to me by Redd Swindells. My mentor, my best friend, my strength. He taught me how to take initiative and give myself courage by telling me to "Step in it" back in college. One of the best pieces advice I've ever received, and taken to heart many times.
- "Sometimes the masses are wrong." - Ed A. Hart. My uncle, another mentor, and surrogate big brother to me in many ways. I've always looked up to him and taken his advice to heart. In a letter he sent to me when I was in college (which I still have), he praised me for making my own decisions and doing what I felt was the right thing. 5 simple words that have stuck with me for 20 years.
- “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” - Eckhart Tolle
- "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell
- "He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty." - Lao Tzu
- "When you say only kind words, you hear only kind echoes." - Nithya Shanti
- "Smile, breathe and go slowly." - Thich Nhat Hanh
- “Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” – Robert Fulghum, "All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
- "If we did [all] the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison
- "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." - Richard Bach
- "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Ann Radmacher
- "We don't know how strong we can be until being strong is the only choice we have." - Anonymous
- "Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you" - Richard Bach
- "Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years." - Richard Bach
- "Fewer the expectations, truer the love." - Nithya Shanti
- "And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world it is best to hold hands and stick together." - Robert Fulghum
- "Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be."- Eckhart Tolle
- "We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize." - Thich Nhat Hanh
- "What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
- "Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln
Gratitude List, Part 4
Gratitude List, #61-80
- Thunderstorms, when I can stay inside and watch them.
- Rainbows.
- Falling leaves.
- The crisp, cool air of autumn.
- The gentle, warm sunshine of spring.
- Cozy winter days at home.
- Summer beach days.
- Having seasons where I live.
- Taking a walk in a warm, gentle rain.
- Watching flowers bloom.
- Having fresh-cut flowers on the table.
- Making someone happy by giving them flowers.
- Making someone happy by calling them on the phone.
- Friends who call me out of the blue to chat.
- Pictures and drawings given to me from my kids.
- Handmade cards and gifts.
- Giving handmade cards and gifts to others.
- Receiving sincere appreciation from others.
- The ability to think for myself and make my own decisions.
- The freedom to think for myself and make my own decisions.
Gratitude List, Part 3
Gratitude List, #41-60
- Alone time. Although sometimes I really don't like being alone, I know that I am never truly "alone" thanks to all my wonderful friends who have offered me support, companionship and love. However, I do occasionally enjoy time to myself to do what I want.
- Girl time. I had another wonderful group of ladies over to my house last night, and we had a blast telling stories, comparing kids and making each other laugh! Love my girlfriends!
- Remembering how to play. Sounds silly, but as adults, we just don't play enough. My kids have helped me remember that it's ok to make messes, drop Play-doh on the floor, or dump out the entire bucket of Legos. Playing is therapeutic and necessary.
- Coloring in coloring books. Also therapeutic. When my kids catch on that "5 minutes" can be eternally extended when I'm coloring, I'm in big trouble.
- Dancing. By myself, with my kids, with a friend, club dancing, slow dancing...whatever. I'm not the best dancer on the planet, but dancing helps me release extra adrenaline and energy, and it also brings me physically closer to those I'm dancing with, which always feels nice.
- Reading. It's something most of us take for granted, but I thoroughly enjoy the ability to read.
- Teaching my kids to read. Love it. So satisfying to hear them read a page from a book back to me!
- Singing. I'm not professionally trained, and sometimes go off key, but I love singing. Another stress relief, along with dancing and playing music.
- The ability to read music. I enjoy being able to look at a piece of sheet music and understand what it means.
- Photography. My photos may not all be prize-winning, but I absolutely love having a camera handy and being able to have some sort of eye for taking pretty decent shots.
- Being outdoors.
- Sunshine.
- Taking a walk.
- Taking a hike.
- Swimming.
- Playing baseball.
- Playing Frisbee.
- Rollerblading.
- Swinging.
- A warm summer rain.
Leadership
The past two days were kind of a whirlwind, and I had to soak in a ton of information, but I was also forced to take big steps outside my comfort zone (which is always good for me), and I did something that I probably would not have done a year ago: I am participating in a 9-month leadership program.
First of all, despite what the Chinese Zodiak says about Aries, I have never seen myself as a "born leader." I deal with it when I have to, and I can speak in front of a large audience, but I have always felt that I somehow lacked the confidence, skills and/or knowledge to be considered a really great leader. I like being second in command. By enrolling in this leadership program, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. But, I figure with 3 kids in school of some sort for the next 16 years, I might as well get active in the community and see if I can't meet some new people, get some new influences and maybe make a difference.
There are 19 of us in the class, so right off the bat I've met 18 new people! We took a charter bus up to Alexandria Bay for a 2-day seminar to get us started. We spent all day yesterday and today looking into our different personalities and how we deal with things. It was almost like an extension of the teachings from Nithya Shanti, in that we were exploring ourselves and ways we react to life, rather than learning how to lead. We did some team building activities, which I usually don't really enjoy or take an active part in. But I had a great time, and actually found myself stepping into the role of "leader" for a few of them. I'm not quite sure if it's because I'm trying to overcompensate for seeing myself as so shy, or if I was trying to make a good impression, or what. But it felt good, and really began to boost my confidence.
Whereas in the past, I've been more of a wallflower type, I've really been making an effort to initiate conversations with people and get to know them. Last night, about half the class went to the hotel bar to hang out after our activities were done for the day. One by one, people said their good-nights and went to bed. Before I knew it, I was left at the bar with 3 of the guys, drinking beer, telling stories, laughing so hard my sides hurt. BY MYSELF!! That's huge for me, and I can't even describe how proud of myself I am. Sounds so trivial, but it's true. I just plain don't do things by myself - ok, let me rephrase that. I didn't USED to do things by myself. I have become much more comfortable with that idea, and have put forth quite a lot of effort to make myself believe that it's ok to go solo sometimes, even in unknown situations.
I am really looking forward to the rest of this leadership seminar, and hanging out with these people again. There wasn't one person in the class that I didn't like. I am excited to get to know them, as well as myself, in much greater depth over the next 9 months. And I do hope that at the end of it all, I can find the skills, confidence and know-how to make some sort of difference in my community. After all, as Margaret Mead said, "A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
First of all, despite what the Chinese Zodiak says about Aries, I have never seen myself as a "born leader." I deal with it when I have to, and I can speak in front of a large audience, but I have always felt that I somehow lacked the confidence, skills and/or knowledge to be considered a really great leader. I like being second in command. By enrolling in this leadership program, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. But, I figure with 3 kids in school of some sort for the next 16 years, I might as well get active in the community and see if I can't meet some new people, get some new influences and maybe make a difference.
There are 19 of us in the class, so right off the bat I've met 18 new people! We took a charter bus up to Alexandria Bay for a 2-day seminar to get us started. We spent all day yesterday and today looking into our different personalities and how we deal with things. It was almost like an extension of the teachings from Nithya Shanti, in that we were exploring ourselves and ways we react to life, rather than learning how to lead. We did some team building activities, which I usually don't really enjoy or take an active part in. But I had a great time, and actually found myself stepping into the role of "leader" for a few of them. I'm not quite sure if it's because I'm trying to overcompensate for seeing myself as so shy, or if I was trying to make a good impression, or what. But it felt good, and really began to boost my confidence.
Whereas in the past, I've been more of a wallflower type, I've really been making an effort to initiate conversations with people and get to know them. Last night, about half the class went to the hotel bar to hang out after our activities were done for the day. One by one, people said their good-nights and went to bed. Before I knew it, I was left at the bar with 3 of the guys, drinking beer, telling stories, laughing so hard my sides hurt. BY MYSELF!! That's huge for me, and I can't even describe how proud of myself I am. Sounds so trivial, but it's true. I just plain don't do things by myself - ok, let me rephrase that. I didn't USED to do things by myself. I have become much more comfortable with that idea, and have put forth quite a lot of effort to make myself believe that it's ok to go solo sometimes, even in unknown situations.
I am really looking forward to the rest of this leadership seminar, and hanging out with these people again. There wasn't one person in the class that I didn't like. I am excited to get to know them, as well as myself, in much greater depth over the next 9 months. And I do hope that at the end of it all, I can find the skills, confidence and know-how to make some sort of difference in my community. After all, as Margaret Mead said, "A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
Gratitude List, Part 2
Gratitude List, Part 2, #21-40
- Memories from college.
- Photos from college, so my friends and I can remember the silly things we did.
- The friends from college I can still consider my close friends some 20 years later.
- Going to visit those friends and having just as good a time with them as I did 20 years ago.
- Playing music. Music courses and bands were a huge part of my high school and college experiences. I met many of dearest friends because of the Music programs at my schools and I learned immeasurable lessons.
- Listening to music. Music has also been a relief therapy for me. Playing and listening. There have been plenty of bad days that were resolved simply by cranking up the stereo, dancing like a fool and singing at the top of my lungs.
- My pets- contrary to popular belief, I really do love my pets... even the dogs that I complain about a lot! I have very fond memories of the cat my family had when I was growing up and how hard it was to go back to college when I knew she wasn't going to be around much longer. (Sure enough, she died about a week later.) When I remembered my grandfather's birthday a year after he died, and collapsed in tears on the floor, I was comforted by my Beagle-mix, Einstein, who crawled into my lap and allowed me to wrap my arms around his neck and cry into his fur while trying to lick my cheeks and nuzzle my neck. My cat, Rajah, was my very best friend for 8 years, and I have lots and lots of stories of the antics he and Einstein used to pull off together. Even the latest pets, my cat Havannah and dogs Ace and Bailey, hold special places in my heart. I've been lucky, and the pets I've had have been good animals.
- Good neighbors. One of my best friends was at one time my neighbor. In the 6 or 8 places I've lived since college, I've mostly had really good neighbors. It makes living at my house a lot easier knowing that I can trust the people who live around me.
- When you break it all down, I really do have quite a lot to be thankful for on the very basic level, like: Having a house to live in.
- Having a car to drive.
- Having a job to go to.
- Having a job that I enjoy (most of the time).
- Having reliable, safe day care for my kids.
- Being able to afford groceries, clothes and other necessities for me and my kids.
- Having in-laws down the street who are willing to help out.
- Having friends around the neighborhood who are willing to help out.
- Being capable of returning the favor to those who do help me.
- Learning how to do projects around the house on my own.
- The ability to cook. I really enjoy cooking and love doing it for others, as well as my kids.
- The ability to teach my kids how to cook. I may be a perfectionist and have a slight case of OCD, but I will let my kids make a mess in the kitchen if it means they are learning how to cook.
Gratitude List, Part 1
Previously, I said that I was going to do a Gratitude List. I think it will be easiest for me to do a list like that in segments, first so the reader doesn't get bored, and second so I don't get bored! So, let's get it started...
Top 100 Gratitude List (in no particular order)
Top 100 Gratitude List (in no particular order)
- Friends in general, specifically...
- Redd,
- Jasmyn,
- Brent,
- Gary,
- Jeffrey,
- Susan,
- Peg,
- Ken, a man I've met only once and whom I know barely anything about. But he's one of the most positive influences I've ever had, one of the nicest people I've ever met, and quite honestly, he was the inspiration for this blog.
- My kids, hands down 3 of the most important people to me - ever.
- My parents, for reasons listed previously in this blog. Basically, they're always willing to help me out.
- My family. I love them, they love me. They're all crazy. What else can I say?
- Video cams to capture the never-ending craziness of my wonderful family.
- Nithya Shanti, for sharing with the world his mission of happiness and his simple philosophies of life which help him do so.
- Wine, to be drunk with good friends
- Beer, to be drunk with good friends
- Food, good for pretty much anything, anytime, anywhere. Mmmm..... food.
- The Food Network and their "food porn" shows, shown anywhere between the hours of 8pm and midnight, which is perhaps the absolute worst time to watch food shows and the delicious delectables they try to teach you how to cook. Mmmmm.... Food Network.
- My job- although I may complain sometimes, it's a job, it's a good-paying job, it's in my field of study, it's flexible when I need it to be, it's a laid-back environment, and the people I work with are awesome. That alone makes going to work worthwhile.
- People I just recently met who consider me truly their friend. What a great feeling to be supported by, encouraged, and connected to someone you just met.
Circle of Life
I had the opportunity to attend another couple of sessions with Nithya Shanti this weekend, and it was just as fabulous as the first time around! I was able to reaffirm some of the teachings that I learned at the session in August, and I was also able to reach inside just a little bit more and learn yet some new things about myself and about life in general.
I know that I have many issues that need to be faced. Jealousy and anger are at the top of that bunch. Sometimes jealousy and anger merge together as one for me. And if I begin to feel jealous or envious of something someone else has, I also get equally as angry that I don't have it. Nithya exposed a very cool circle of life type of thing that I believe will help me deal with these emotions.
"Behind anger there is fear. Behind every fear there is an unmet request. Behind the unmet request there is love."
A mother told her child to stay out of the road when he played. The child agreed, but when the ball rolled into the road, he went out after it. The mother saw this, got very angry, scolded the child and told him he could not play outside anymore. This, of course, made the child very sad and angry. Then the mother explained, "I asked you not to go in the road because I don't want you to get hurt. You did not honor my request, and I got angry because I was afraid you would be injured. I do not want you to be hurt because I love you." Anger-fear-request-love. The circle of life.
We have the ability to heal any wound by completing the cycle of anger to love. When we are angry, we need to explore why and find the love that lies behind it. When someone else is angry with us, we need to ask what they are afraid of and find the love. This process of thinking may be easier to apply with certain situations than others, but I believe that if you look hard enough and deep enough, there is love to be found. And once we find that love, we can remedy the other things that are making us afraid and angry. And that's where you'll find yet another moment of AHA.
I know that I have many issues that need to be faced. Jealousy and anger are at the top of that bunch. Sometimes jealousy and anger merge together as one for me. And if I begin to feel jealous or envious of something someone else has, I also get equally as angry that I don't have it. Nithya exposed a very cool circle of life type of thing that I believe will help me deal with these emotions.
"Behind anger there is fear. Behind every fear there is an unmet request. Behind the unmet request there is love."
A mother told her child to stay out of the road when he played. The child agreed, but when the ball rolled into the road, he went out after it. The mother saw this, got very angry, scolded the child and told him he could not play outside anymore. This, of course, made the child very sad and angry. Then the mother explained, "I asked you not to go in the road because I don't want you to get hurt. You did not honor my request, and I got angry because I was afraid you would be injured. I do not want you to be hurt because I love you." Anger-fear-request-love. The circle of life.
We have the ability to heal any wound by completing the cycle of anger to love. When we are angry, we need to explore why and find the love that lies behind it. When someone else is angry with us, we need to ask what they are afraid of and find the love. This process of thinking may be easier to apply with certain situations than others, but I believe that if you look hard enough and deep enough, there is love to be found. And once we find that love, we can remedy the other things that are making us afraid and angry. And that's where you'll find yet another moment of AHA.
Straightening Out the Emotional Swirl
I have to admit, this week has been difficult. I've had a number of conversations with various people that have made me question why it is I feel how I feel and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
In my previous post, I stated that one of my close friendships was changing. We've grown apart, and just aren't as close friends as we once were. On the one hand, I know that I can still have a friendship with this person, and if we go about things the right way, we could perhaps have a stronger friendship that we have in the past. On the other hand, I feel as if a huge part of my life has been stripped away from me. So, how is it that I can be ok with letting this person go, while still missing them? How is it that I can be happy to see them and sad at the same time? How is it that I can want to be happy for them, and yet I find myself feeling jealous of them? Relationships are so screwy sometimes.
I've been having a hard time keeping up with this blog, mainly because I've had so many mixed emotions swirling around inside me that I'm beginning to find AHA more difficult. I guess I just need to concentrate harder. Last night, I was reading over my notes from the session with Nithya Shanti, and one thing that he suggested we do is to make a gratitude list. List 100 things that we are grateful for. Then add to it every day. I had forgotten that he talked about this, and now that I've read it, it's been in my head. What are 100 things that I am grateful for?
Many of my friends believe that things happen for a reason. Some friends say that God will never give you more than you can handle. In every moment of sadness, there is another moment of joy. I've worked hard to turn my perspective around and not see the challenge I've been facing as a "bad thing" but rather as an opportunity. Lots of opportunities, really. I've become closer with some friends that I sort of lost touch with. I've found a great deal of strength within myself. I've reached out and made new friends. I visited Nithya Shanti. I've forced myself to extend beyond my usual comfort zone. I've cried a lot, but I've also felt immense joy and love.
I realize that this particular post is a bit more... random than others. But everything does tie together. I am learning to deal with all my mixed emotions, and also learning to see the AHA in those emotions. By facing and dealing with these emotions, I'm learning who and what I am extremely grateful for. (Look for a Gratitude List coming soon.) By recognizing what I'm grateful for, I understand that things happen for a reason and I haven't been given more than I can handle. I guess it really does boil down to this: It's all in your perspective.
Dealing with my emotions has always been very difficult for me. For a long, long time, I would shy away from looking my fears in the face. Now that I've found a little more courage within myself, I don't have such a hard time facing what used to scare the bejeesus out of me. In fact, I find myself doing and saying things that seem totally out of my character with ease! And that makes me feel good. Taking apart my life one piece at a time and really examining what I'm grateful for has (and will continue to) completely shift my way of thinking and acting. To change your circumstances, change the way you look at those circumstances. By learning to see situations from the eyes of another person, I've begun to see what I do that could be done differently. None of these things have been very easy for me, but they've all been very good for me!
I'm going to visit with some of my new-found friends again this weekend. And I'm holding great intent that Nithya Shanti will conduct another seminar. I intend to learn a great deal more this weekend, and I look forward to sharing some of it!
In my previous post, I stated that one of my close friendships was changing. We've grown apart, and just aren't as close friends as we once were. On the one hand, I know that I can still have a friendship with this person, and if we go about things the right way, we could perhaps have a stronger friendship that we have in the past. On the other hand, I feel as if a huge part of my life has been stripped away from me. So, how is it that I can be ok with letting this person go, while still missing them? How is it that I can be happy to see them and sad at the same time? How is it that I can want to be happy for them, and yet I find myself feeling jealous of them? Relationships are so screwy sometimes.
I've been having a hard time keeping up with this blog, mainly because I've had so many mixed emotions swirling around inside me that I'm beginning to find AHA more difficult. I guess I just need to concentrate harder. Last night, I was reading over my notes from the session with Nithya Shanti, and one thing that he suggested we do is to make a gratitude list. List 100 things that we are grateful for. Then add to it every day. I had forgotten that he talked about this, and now that I've read it, it's been in my head. What are 100 things that I am grateful for?
Many of my friends believe that things happen for a reason. Some friends say that God will never give you more than you can handle. In every moment of sadness, there is another moment of joy. I've worked hard to turn my perspective around and not see the challenge I've been facing as a "bad thing" but rather as an opportunity. Lots of opportunities, really. I've become closer with some friends that I sort of lost touch with. I've found a great deal of strength within myself. I've reached out and made new friends. I visited Nithya Shanti. I've forced myself to extend beyond my usual comfort zone. I've cried a lot, but I've also felt immense joy and love.
I realize that this particular post is a bit more... random than others. But everything does tie together. I am learning to deal with all my mixed emotions, and also learning to see the AHA in those emotions. By facing and dealing with these emotions, I'm learning who and what I am extremely grateful for. (Look for a Gratitude List coming soon.) By recognizing what I'm grateful for, I understand that things happen for a reason and I haven't been given more than I can handle. I guess it really does boil down to this: It's all in your perspective.
Dealing with my emotions has always been very difficult for me. For a long, long time, I would shy away from looking my fears in the face. Now that I've found a little more courage within myself, I don't have such a hard time facing what used to scare the bejeesus out of me. In fact, I find myself doing and saying things that seem totally out of my character with ease! And that makes me feel good. Taking apart my life one piece at a time and really examining what I'm grateful for has (and will continue to) completely shift my way of thinking and acting. To change your circumstances, change the way you look at those circumstances. By learning to see situations from the eyes of another person, I've begun to see what I do that could be done differently. None of these things have been very easy for me, but they've all been very good for me!
I'm going to visit with some of my new-found friends again this weekend. And I'm holding great intent that Nithya Shanti will conduct another seminar. I intend to learn a great deal more this weekend, and I look forward to sharing some of it!
Letting Go
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I have finally come to a huge realization about my life. And that is, essentially, that I don't need to be dependent on someone else to be who I want to and can be. Took 37 years to figure that out! I credit the spiritual teacher Nithya Shanti in helping me figure this out. In just 8 hours with him, I learned to really consider what is important in my life, what's important in me, and how to keep what I need to keep while letting go of that which I don't need.
Friends are extremely important to me, always will be. I love my friends fiercely, passionately, and with all that I am. However, sometimes it's acceptable to let a friend go, or simple to change their "status" within your life. This decision has been the cause of much of my personal turmoil throughout this year, and rightfully so. Letting go of a friend in any sense is not an easy thing to do. You were friends in the first place for a reason. It's difficult to come to the realization that you're just not as compatible as you once thought. And it's sometimes extremely painful and difficult to move past that and on with your life, without them. But sometimes, we need to go through this pain and difficulty before we can become a better person.
I have come to consider this Joseph Campbell quote a new mantra for my life: "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I'm beginning to understand how true it is that we get so wrapped up in whatever in every day life that we begin to take simple, yet very important things for granted. Every day I do my best to look at the simple things in my life that I can be grateful for. Every day I consider the good that has come of my challenges. And every day I deal with the fact that I had to let go of a part of my life.
I have put a lot of energy into changing the things that I came to dislike very much about myself, and I believed it could happen, and it has. I am a *MUCH* different person than I was a year ago. With courage, and the power of belief, and the love of my friends, I will continue to forge forward into a new adventure every day. And I believe that I will conquer all of them.
Friends are extremely important to me, always will be. I love my friends fiercely, passionately, and with all that I am. However, sometimes it's acceptable to let a friend go, or simple to change their "status" within your life. This decision has been the cause of much of my personal turmoil throughout this year, and rightfully so. Letting go of a friend in any sense is not an easy thing to do. You were friends in the first place for a reason. It's difficult to come to the realization that you're just not as compatible as you once thought. And it's sometimes extremely painful and difficult to move past that and on with your life, without them. But sometimes, we need to go through this pain and difficulty before we can become a better person.
I have come to consider this Joseph Campbell quote a new mantra for my life: "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I'm beginning to understand how true it is that we get so wrapped up in whatever in every day life that we begin to take simple, yet very important things for granted. Every day I do my best to look at the simple things in my life that I can be grateful for. Every day I consider the good that has come of my challenges. And every day I deal with the fact that I had to let go of a part of my life.
I have put a lot of energy into changing the things that I came to dislike very much about myself, and I believed it could happen, and it has. I am a *MUCH* different person than I was a year ago. With courage, and the power of belief, and the love of my friends, I will continue to forge forward into a new adventure every day. And I believe that I will conquer all of them.
The Power of The Mind
Another lesson taught by Nithya Shanti: The mind has amazing powers.
One of the lessons that Nithya Shanti emphasized at our day long seminar was how the mind can allow us to do amazing things that we wouldn't normally think we could do. He asked for 5 volunteers from our group. 2 men and 3 women (including myself) stepped forward. He asked one woman, Margaret, to sit in a chair, and he asked the two men to stand behind her and myself and the other woman, Andie, to stand in front of her. Then, he instructed us to put our hands in the "James Bond" position, with our palms together, fingers interlocked and pointers straight out. The men placed their pointer fingers under each of Margaret's arms and Andie and I placed our fingers behind her knees. We all then closed our eyes and Nithya spoke to us about how weak we are and how heavy Margaret is. He spoke in this manner to us for a minute or two, then instructed us to lift Margaret off the chair. We all tried to lift her, but couldn't. Then, Nithya had us all stack our hands above Margaret's head and close our eyes. He spoke about great strength and all of our energy coming together, picturing Margaret being lifted toward the ceiling and how light she was. After another minute or two of this, we tried again to lift her from the chair using only our fingers. And we did it. Andie and I looked at each other in complete amazement. Margaret's eyes were huge with disbelief. Everyone else in the room let out a small gasp or murmur. We held her there for just a few seconds, but it was absolutely astounding.
We can do incredible things if we simply believe we can, and if we put our energy behind that belief. We have the ability to channel our energy to create or do just about whatever we want. That's an amazing thing. That also allows for great moments of acceptance, happiness and appreciation!
One of the lessons that Nithya Shanti emphasized at our day long seminar was how the mind can allow us to do amazing things that we wouldn't normally think we could do. He asked for 5 volunteers from our group. 2 men and 3 women (including myself) stepped forward. He asked one woman, Margaret, to sit in a chair, and he asked the two men to stand behind her and myself and the other woman, Andie, to stand in front of her. Then, he instructed us to put our hands in the "James Bond" position, with our palms together, fingers interlocked and pointers straight out. The men placed their pointer fingers under each of Margaret's arms and Andie and I placed our fingers behind her knees. We all then closed our eyes and Nithya spoke to us about how weak we are and how heavy Margaret is. He spoke in this manner to us for a minute or two, then instructed us to lift Margaret off the chair. We all tried to lift her, but couldn't. Then, Nithya had us all stack our hands above Margaret's head and close our eyes. He spoke about great strength and all of our energy coming together, picturing Margaret being lifted toward the ceiling and how light she was. After another minute or two of this, we tried again to lift her from the chair using only our fingers. And we did it. Andie and I looked at each other in complete amazement. Margaret's eyes were huge with disbelief. Everyone else in the room let out a small gasp or murmur. We held her there for just a few seconds, but it was absolutely astounding.
We can do incredible things if we simply believe we can, and if we put our energy behind that belief. We have the ability to channel our energy to create or do just about whatever we want. That's an amazing thing. That also allows for great moments of acceptance, happiness and appreciation!
Feeding Yourself
Lesson #2 from Nithya Shanti: Stories of how to feed yourself
A Native American elder sat with some children, telling them stories. "Everyone has a black wolf and a white wolf which follows them around. The black wolf represents all the negativity in your life. And the white wolf represents all the positivity. When there are choices to be made the black wolf and white wolf fight. And sometimes the fight can go on and on..." Then he stopped speaking. The children waited anxiously for a minute, then started asking, "Grandfather, what happened? Who won the fight?" After a moment of silence, the elder responded, "The wolf who wins is the one you feed."
-----
A man had died and was waiting to see if he would go to Heaven or Hell. According to the record-keeping books, this man had spent exactly 50% of his life doing positive, good things and the other 50% of his life doing negative, bad things. The gate keepers didn't know what to do. So they asked the man, "Would you rather go to Heaven or Hell?" The man asked if he could see both options before choosing. So, the man hopped on the elevator and went down to Hell. When he arrived he was very surprised. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. The man got very excited, but then noticed the people. They were normal looking people, except they were all very thin, pale and grouchy. The man asked the gate keeper, "Why are they all so thin, pale and grouchy? They have this abundance of food here and everything is beautiful..." The gate keeper said, "Read the sign." The man walked over to the table filled with food and read aloud the small sign: "Food must only be eaten with one's hands. No exceptions." The man was still confused, and the gate keeper said, "Look closely again at the people." When the man looked closely at the people, he noticed they didn't have any elbows. So no matter how hard they tried, or how badly they wanted it, the people couldn't get the food to their mouths.
The man asked to see Heaven. Heaven looked exactly like Hell. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. But in Heaven the people were all healthy and plump with rosy cheeks. They were laughing and enjoying all there was to enjoy, but the man noticed they still had no elbows. "How is this possible," the man wondered, "that Hell and Heaven are exactly alike, none of the people have elbows, but the people in Heaven are so much happier?" The gate keeper answered, "It is simple. The people in Hell are concerned only with themselves, and therefore will never be able to eat the delicious food. The people in Heaven feed each other." May we all have the foresight to feed one another, and live all our days in Heaven. Namaste.
A Native American elder sat with some children, telling them stories. "Everyone has a black wolf and a white wolf which follows them around. The black wolf represents all the negativity in your life. And the white wolf represents all the positivity. When there are choices to be made the black wolf and white wolf fight. And sometimes the fight can go on and on..." Then he stopped speaking. The children waited anxiously for a minute, then started asking, "Grandfather, what happened? Who won the fight?" After a moment of silence, the elder responded, "The wolf who wins is the one you feed."
-----
A man had died and was waiting to see if he would go to Heaven or Hell. According to the record-keeping books, this man had spent exactly 50% of his life doing positive, good things and the other 50% of his life doing negative, bad things. The gate keepers didn't know what to do. So they asked the man, "Would you rather go to Heaven or Hell?" The man asked if he could see both options before choosing. So, the man hopped on the elevator and went down to Hell. When he arrived he was very surprised. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. The man got very excited, but then noticed the people. They were normal looking people, except they were all very thin, pale and grouchy. The man asked the gate keeper, "Why are they all so thin, pale and grouchy? They have this abundance of food here and everything is beautiful..." The gate keeper said, "Read the sign." The man walked over to the table filled with food and read aloud the small sign: "Food must only be eaten with one's hands. No exceptions." The man was still confused, and the gate keeper said, "Look closely again at the people." When the man looked closely at the people, he noticed they didn't have any elbows. So no matter how hard they tried, or how badly they wanted it, the people couldn't get the food to their mouths.
The man asked to see Heaven. Heaven looked exactly like Hell. There was sunshine and flowers and music, and a table that seemed to never end, filled with the most delicious foods. But in Heaven the people were all healthy and plump with rosy cheeks. They were laughing and enjoying all there was to enjoy, but the man noticed they still had no elbows. "How is this possible," the man wondered, "that Hell and Heaven are exactly alike, none of the people have elbows, but the people in Heaven are so much happier?" The gate keeper answered, "It is simple. The people in Hell are concerned only with themselves, and therefore will never be able to eat the delicious food. The people in Heaven feed each other." May we all have the foresight to feed one another, and live all our days in Heaven. Namaste.
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