January Resolutions

Although I have missed the "official" December 31st deadline to make my New Year's resolutions, I'm going to make some resolutions anyway. I'm typically not very good at keeping the "I resolve to lose weight, exercise more and keep my house clean" type of resolutions. Kudos to those of you who can! I just know that I'm setting myself up for failure, so I tend to take a slightly different approach to resolutions.

Admittedly, my resolutions have been very similar over the past six or so years. But I like them, and they've helped me keep a healthy perspective on things, so I stick with the same basic ideas, adjusting a little as needed. This year's are a slightly different, with my Number One resolution again planted firmly in place.

1. I will not let my fear crush my spirit.

We may not always realize it, but we base plenty of decisions on fear. I know I have. Fear of not being "good enough," fear of letting someone down or hurting them, fear of the unknown, fear of being hurt ourselves. I've spent a good part of my life worrying about what will happen if I make this decision, or what will people think, or am I doing the right thing... generally just being afraid of the unknown. It's quite easy to let our spirit give way to our fears, however that doesn't really get us anywhere in life. Sometimes, we have to power through the fear in order to get to a better place. Breaking through to the other side of fear allows us to be stronger, more confident, happier people.





2. I will be confident.

I find myself saying quite often (especially lately), "I hope I know what I'm doing" or "I hope I'm making the right decision." Hope is a marvelous thing to have, but when I say to myself, "I hope I know what I'm doing," I'm allowing room for doubt. There's a certain negativity that comes with this kind of hope, a sliver of insecurity that can open the door for my conscious to allow things to go wrong. This goes hand in hand with facing our fears. I mustn't "hope" that I'm doing the right thing, I have to own my actions and face the fear of not knowing what the outcome will be. I can make it great, or I can let it fall apart.

3. I will make myself strong.

As I noted in my previous post, I've realized that I spent a great amount of energy this past year making myself fairly miserable. Unintentional as that may have been, I could have just as easily turned it around and worked that hard to make myself happy, perhaps happier than I have ever been. I am done being afraid and insecure. Since I do not particularly care for being miserable, I resolve to put my energies into creating the best and happiest life I can, for the sake of myself, my children, and all those around me.

4. I will learn to breathe, and let go.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that I do not like not having answers. I'm not extremely fond of the unknown. If there was a playbook for life that allowed us to see the effects our decisions would have (even in the closest immediate future), I would totally sign up for that. However, again going back to facing my fears and acting with confidence, I must learn to accept those things which I have no control over, which is a great majority of my life right now. I must let go of my doubt, anger and frustration in order to breathe, think and deal with whatever is handed to me. Stress does not need to break us. We may not be able to control the situations we find ourselves in, but we can certainly control our response to them. This is where our power lies.

5. I will accept where life takes me.

Dr. Who is my oldest son's favorite show. Although I haven't really caught that particular bug, and the few episodes I have watched have confused me, I must say that I have found a treasure trove of wonderful quotes from the good Doctor. What we think we want out of life is not always what we need, and sometimes we get so stuck on our perception of what "should be," we tend to miss other really great things that are happening to us or around us. Three facts about me: I don't like not having answers, I am very stubborn, and I don't always like to admit when I am wrong. These things, all mixed together nicely in equal parts, often leads to my severe misconception about what should be happening in my life at that moment. Looking back over my years, there are many places where I wonder "What if that had been different," but I understand that I am where I am for a reason. And if I could go back to find out the answers to those "What ifs" they may not be as spectacular as I think they would. And, if I could find those answers, would I really want to give up everything I have right here right now? None of us can go back in time, we will never really know the answers to all the "What ifs," so why bother worrying about it? Enjoy where you are, and if there is something that you feel needs to change, then work to change it.

Life is not always easy, each of us has to put in a lot of effort and work. That effort can fuel our fear or break it, emphasize our insecurities or our strength, create happiness or misery, make us calm or stressed, and allow us to enjoy where we ended up even if it's not exactly what we expected. May you find the courage and power to make whatever resolutions you have come true this and every year.

Creating Drama

Another year has run its course, and I'm a touch behind with the season of reflection sentiments. 2016 ended on a much harsher note than that on which it began, for a number of reasons, and I have taken quite a bit of time lately to look back on various personal events and decisions to determine how I might have made the last few months more enjoyable, or at the very least less aggravating.

I have come to the brilliant conclusion that much of the drama, anguish, anger, confusion and sadness that I experienced this past year was created solely by me. I scripted, produced and starred in my own little personal soap opera, making myself somewhat miserable (more than "somewhat" at times), and bringing down a few others around me as well. There was joy, laughter and happiness in 2016; The whole year wasn't doom and gloom. But I did manage to create much more than necessary amounts of drama.

The answer to why I did this is still not completely known to me, and perhaps it is one of those anomalies in my life that will forever remain a mystery. What I do know is that in looking back on certain situations, I am able to see how and where I went wrong with my decisions, and ways that I may have been able to prevent drama instead of encouraging it, had I acted in a different manner.

Every day we make thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of decisions. From what to wear in the morning, to what to have for dinner, to whether or not to smile at a stranger, to how we treat other people. I have always proudly considered myself to be a polite, caring, selfless individual. I think as this past year progressed, somehow I lost sight of those virtues, at least in some respect. I began taking, and justifying, actions that were selfish and hurtful to others. Although I knew the consequences of poor decisions, I made poor decisions anyway. And to make it worse, I convinced myself that my actions were justified as a response to someone else's actions. So around and around the abyss I circled, slipping further down into the gloom and trying to make it not be my fault.

We are in a constant domino effect with others around us. One's actions elicits another's response, which creates a reaction, which causes another response... and so on. Like the thousands of decisions we make daily, some actions are big and intentional, and we full well know that some kind of reaction will take place, be it positive or negative. Many actions throughout the day, however, are extremely subtle, nearly hidden, a subconscious start to a chain reaction. Each of us, as individuals, have the power to determine if our actions will be big or subtle; whether they will bring about a positive response or a negative one. We simply need to be mindful of the consequences of how we act. We seem to do so much on auto-pilot that we don't always stop to assess what it is we're really doing and how it might affect someone else.

As much as I wanted to believe that my actions were good for me and making me happy, I finally had to acknowledge that they were not. Life may not always be exactly what we think we want. And letting go of that image of what "should be" is sometimes one of the hardest things we can ask ourselves to do.

However, opening the door for what is possible can yield a wonderful result, if we are willing to accept it. I have shifted my attitude, and am working to see things for what they are, as they are in front of me, not necessarily what I think I want. I am done creating my own drama. I look forward to a new year that provides me with more happiness, more adventure, more joy and more love. May the same be true for you as well.