We all tend to fall into habits in our lives... ruts, if you will. Perhaps we take the same route to work every day (I'm famous for this one). We have leftovers every Thursday for dinner. We order the same dish when we eat at our favorite restaurant. We do the same thing over and over and before we know it, it's just routine, habit, a rut.
Every now and then we need something to shake up our world, just a little. I've found the best weapon for battling the everyday, habitual ruts is... new people! In October of last year I met a wonderful young woman who has helped turn my world upside down in many ways. We have a lot of similarities, but she's different enough from me that I can appreciate new things she introduces me to. I've reconnected with college friends who have helped me view life from different perspectives. Earlier this month, I met someone who has exposed me to a genre of music that I never really listened to before. He invited me to go to a concert with him, and I agreed not really knowing what I was getting myself into. I'm still a touch nervous about it, but I'm determined to have a great time, regardless of the mosh pits and body surfing. There is no fun in life if you can't break out of your routine once in a while and try something new.
Sometimes we fall into routines and don't fully realize how much of a rut we are in until something shakes us up and we can turn around and look at what we've been doing over the past few months or years. Then we can take a step outside of ourselves and say, "Ah, yes... there's the rut, right there." I've realized that I had fallen deep into a rut. Self-awareness is one of the big steps in preventative maintenance, so acknowledging that I want to move out of my comfort zone is huge. Forcing myself to do so is even bigger.
I'm not saying that we need to change the core of who we are, what we enjoy, believe or value. For some people, taking a new route to work or ordering a different meal is change enough to make them proud. For some, that change can go as big as bungee jumping or skydiving or something along those lines. This time around, for me, it's going to an Avenged Sevenfold concert. I'm not changing who I am for this new person, but I'm willing to embrace, or at least try, some of what he likes. And I hope that he's willing to do the same for me.
We all have the ability to shake things up for someone else, whether we necessarily realize it or not. Holding the door open for someone who doesn't expect it has the potential to change their attitude. Patronizing a local grocery store instead of a national chain helps them out and changes the view for you. I tend to dislike going to a different store because I'm unfamiliar with the layout and the whereabouts of what it is I need to buy, but sometimes it's nice just to browse around and walk the aisles for no particular reason. Never know what secret you might find. So the next time you find yourself repeating something over and over, take a jump. It might be a bit frightening at first to do something new and different, but I believe that in the end, if you can enjoy it and learn from it, it's well worth the effort. So go ahead... Jump!
Floating on the Riptide, aka Full and Complete Acceptance
I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my identity- who I am, how I define myself and the ways that I hold onto that. I've also been thinking quite a bit lately about new relationships- how we connect, how we foster and grow relationships, and how we do that without losing our own identity.
I've recently had the opportunity to allow a new relationship to develop. This is both exhilarating and a touch nerve-wracking. Exhilarating, for the obvious reasons of having a new relationship. Nerve-wracking, mostly because I have a touch of OCD and I like to over-think and over-analyze things, which usually causes trouble for me. But this time, I am determined to win that battle.
I had been going back through old blog posts, and naming each one rather than simply using the date it was written as a title. In renaming them, I forced myself to re-read all of my entries. Every last one. Among the multitude of words, I found a number of note-worthy quotes or passages that I plucked out for use at a later time. Among them: "Some people spend their whole life being, or trying to be, someone they're not. I like this version of me. And I like that it's continually becoming easier to 'just be myself' rather than worrying about whether people are going to like me or not."
These few sentences stuck in my head and seemed very apropos and in sync with my recent contemplations of relationships and identity. This weekend I spent a lot of time building a new relationship. And later I was thanked for just being me. That's a pretty cool feeling to know that I didn't do anything special or out of my way, and I was appreciated just for being me. Not that that's never happened before, but it's always nice to hear "Thank you, for just being you." He also thanked me for letting him just be himself. Well, who else would I have wanted him to be? If we each can't be ourselves, what's the point to the relationship?
This new relationship has already opened my eyes to a number of new things, including a new genre of music. One particular song, "Riptide," which has quickly taken over the #1 spot of my easily changeable favorites, has this chorus:
"I, I won't justify / The way I live my life / 'Cause I'm the one livin' it / Feelin' it, tastin' it / And you're just wasting your time / Trying to throw me a line / When you're the one drowning / I like where I'm at on my back / Floating down my own riptide / The water is fine."
This, too, seemed to fit right into the day's pensive mood. I do believe that in relationships gone by, I had lost a little bit of the real me, and that's not anyone's fault but my own. Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to change the other person (or bits about them). Perhaps I wasn't able to accept my own self as 'good enough' for that particular relationship. Who knows what the reason was. What I do know is that the song Riptide is going to be stuck in my head for weeks, which is actually a good thing because I could stand to hear that chorus a couple thousand times, if not more. And, that I have to remain conscious about what kind of relationship I would like to have, then just accept the other person, as well as myself, for exactly who we are.
For a long time, throughout my life, I've felt as though I've needed to justify myself and my actions to a variety of people. That's been one of the major focuses with the release of the 3.8 model - I don't want to have to justify myself to anyone... except me. And I must say, I believe I have gotten better at it. Hearing the words of "Riptide" has just helped reiterate that it is possible for us to live our own lives, take charge of what we do, and simply not worry about whatever lines others may be trying to feed us. I'm excited about the possibilities of this new relationship, and I'm looking forward to all the doors it's going to open for me. I'm not sure where those doors will lead, but I'm looking forward to the journey, and willing to fully accept whatever characters I meet along the way, including myself.
I've recently had the opportunity to allow a new relationship to develop. This is both exhilarating and a touch nerve-wracking. Exhilarating, for the obvious reasons of having a new relationship. Nerve-wracking, mostly because I have a touch of OCD and I like to over-think and over-analyze things, which usually causes trouble for me. But this time, I am determined to win that battle.
I had been going back through old blog posts, and naming each one rather than simply using the date it was written as a title. In renaming them, I forced myself to re-read all of my entries. Every last one. Among the multitude of words, I found a number of note-worthy quotes or passages that I plucked out for use at a later time. Among them: "Some people spend their whole life being, or trying to be, someone they're not. I like this version of me. And I like that it's continually becoming easier to 'just be myself' rather than worrying about whether people are going to like me or not."
These few sentences stuck in my head and seemed very apropos and in sync with my recent contemplations of relationships and identity. This weekend I spent a lot of time building a new relationship. And later I was thanked for just being me. That's a pretty cool feeling to know that I didn't do anything special or out of my way, and I was appreciated just for being me. Not that that's never happened before, but it's always nice to hear "Thank you, for just being you." He also thanked me for letting him just be himself. Well, who else would I have wanted him to be? If we each can't be ourselves, what's the point to the relationship?
This new relationship has already opened my eyes to a number of new things, including a new genre of music. One particular song, "Riptide," which has quickly taken over the #1 spot of my easily changeable favorites, has this chorus:
"I, I won't justify / The way I live my life / 'Cause I'm the one livin' it / Feelin' it, tastin' it / And you're just wasting your time / Trying to throw me a line / When you're the one drowning / I like where I'm at on my back / Floating down my own riptide / The water is fine."
This, too, seemed to fit right into the day's pensive mood. I do believe that in relationships gone by, I had lost a little bit of the real me, and that's not anyone's fault but my own. Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to change the other person (or bits about them). Perhaps I wasn't able to accept my own self as 'good enough' for that particular relationship. Who knows what the reason was. What I do know is that the song Riptide is going to be stuck in my head for weeks, which is actually a good thing because I could stand to hear that chorus a couple thousand times, if not more. And, that I have to remain conscious about what kind of relationship I would like to have, then just accept the other person, as well as myself, for exactly who we are.
For a long time, throughout my life, I've felt as though I've needed to justify myself and my actions to a variety of people. That's been one of the major focuses with the release of the 3.8 model - I don't want to have to justify myself to anyone... except me. And I must say, I believe I have gotten better at it. Hearing the words of "Riptide" has just helped reiterate that it is possible for us to live our own lives, take charge of what we do, and simply not worry about whatever lines others may be trying to feed us. I'm excited about the possibilities of this new relationship, and I'm looking forward to all the doors it's going to open for me. I'm not sure where those doors will lead, but I'm looking forward to the journey, and willing to fully accept whatever characters I meet along the way, including myself.
Lessons from My Birthday Boy
My son's birthday is 5 days after mine. This year, he turned 10. Wow. 10 years old. What the heck happened? Being the first-born, he has taught me a lot during this past decade. Kids are such an incredibly great source of AHA and learning opportunities in general, if you let them be. Here are just a few things I've learned from my eldest child:
Be empathetic. He's always been able to show empathy, even when he was very young. When he was 3, we had to put down the family cat. I was heartbroken and had a very difficult time getting through the weak explanation that I could offer him as to why my beloved Rajah had to leave our family. "He's very sick," I told him,"and the doctors can't make him better." For weeks after the day that Rajah died, my son would bring to me a small, orange tiger-striped stuffed cat, whom he called Baby Rajah because of the resemblance to the real Raj. He'd say, "Here Mama... this is so you won't miss your Rajah so much. You can have my Baby Rajah." This action, in and of itself, of course broke me down even more, but I always appreciated his attempts to make me feel better. He's shown empathy for me, his siblings, his father, his classmates and friends, his grandparents and other relatives... just about anyone can earn the empathy of my son. And that makes me proud.
Ask questions. This boy, now . epat 10 years old, has learned to ask more questions than anyone I think I've ever known. And he's stumped me more times than I care to admit! Some of the stand-out questions have been: How do cell phones work, How do stoplights work, How do they make metal, How did the dinosaurs die, How does Santa get to everyone's house in one night, and Why do companies make cigarettes and sell them to people if everyone knows they're bad for you? He managed to get a gene that just doesn't seem very prominent in me- digging for details, and asking questions. And not only does he have a never-ending list of how and why questions, but he questions things that I do or ask him to do at home. Sometimes I find myself saying, "Stop questioning, and just do what I ask you to!" but then I wonder what kind of precedent I am setting to him by stifling that desire to know more or to question authority. Yes, there are times when he, the child, should just do what I, the parent, says. But I certainly don't want him to ever lose the ability to negotiate or move against the crowd. Sometimes that's a very good skill to have, and sometimes I wish I could demonstrate it as often as he does.
Do what you have to do, then do what you want to do. This particular one is something that has been reiterated to me, by me telling it to my son over and over and over! Logic says that anyone would want to do the fun stuff and avoid the work stuff. However, logic usually also says that if you do the work stuff first, there will probably be more time for the fun stuff. This is a point that has yet to find it's way into the thick skull of my very smart son. I remind him of this fact daily, and in turn realize that I give myself the same advice when faced with a situation in which I need to get things done, but don't really want to do them.
It's OK to be goofy. I am not always a "let loose and get goofy" kind of person. My son, is. I have a series of 3 photos hanging above my desk at work that were taken when he was 6, I believe. He's wearing black and white cammo shorts, a black Metallica T-shirt and a paper Incredibles face mask. And he's dancing a very goofy dance. His dad and I were cracking up so hard we were crying. And he was dancing for no reason at all!! Just because he was in a goofy mood. He has taught me over the years that I don't have to always be serious. It's ok to lighten up, to dance for no reason, to wear funny masks and chase each other around the house, to play hide and seek for 5 minutes because you're bored, to just plain be silly. This has been an important lesson for me, and not one very easily learned. But one I've taken great strides in accomplishing.
Always use your imagination. My kids- all 3 of them -have the biggest and most unpredictable imaginations I think I've ever seen. (And perhaps I'm biased, but still...) One day, my oldest son was leading an expedition through the digestive tract of a dinosaur. My daughter was happily following and they explained to me how they were scientists who had traveled back to dinosaur time, they got eaten by a dinosaur then pooped out. Then they got eaten again, by another dinosaur. And they explained all this to me very matter-of-factly. After my son was done narrating that particular portion of the story (which had me in tears in the first place), he left the room. My daughter stood there for a moment, shrugged her shoulders and said to no one in particular, "Well... here we are in the stomach" then walked out. I died. Laughed so hard my gut hurt and tears were streaming down my face. I'll admit, just as with the questions, there are times when I find myself telling him to turn off the imagination and simply do whatever it is he's suppose to be doing. But I treasure listening to him imagine, and inviting his siblings and I to play along. I've learned to embrace the inner imaginator and do the best I can to keep up with him.
My children have been some of the best teachers I've ever had, and I hope that continues. I love teaching them, as much as I love learning from them. Whether it's big life lessons, or just remembering to color inside the lines, learning from my kids brings me huge amounts of joyous AHA.
Be empathetic. He's always been able to show empathy, even when he was very young. When he was 3, we had to put down the family cat. I was heartbroken and had a very difficult time getting through the weak explanation that I could offer him as to why my beloved Rajah had to leave our family. "He's very sick," I told him,"and the doctors can't make him better." For weeks after the day that Rajah died, my son would bring to me a small, orange tiger-striped stuffed cat, whom he called Baby Rajah because of the resemblance to the real Raj. He'd say, "Here Mama... this is so you won't miss your Rajah so much. You can have my Baby Rajah." This action, in and of itself, of course broke me down even more, but I always appreciated his attempts to make me feel better. He's shown empathy for me, his siblings, his father, his classmates and friends, his grandparents and other relatives... just about anyone can earn the empathy of my son. And that makes me proud.
Ask questions. This boy, now . epat 10 years old, has learned to ask more questions than anyone I think I've ever known. And he's stumped me more times than I care to admit! Some of the stand-out questions have been: How do cell phones work, How do stoplights work, How do they make metal, How did the dinosaurs die, How does Santa get to everyone's house in one night, and Why do companies make cigarettes and sell them to people if everyone knows they're bad for you? He managed to get a gene that just doesn't seem very prominent in me- digging for details, and asking questions. And not only does he have a never-ending list of how and why questions, but he questions things that I do or ask him to do at home. Sometimes I find myself saying, "Stop questioning, and just do what I ask you to!" but then I wonder what kind of precedent I am setting to him by stifling that desire to know more or to question authority. Yes, there are times when he, the child, should just do what I, the parent, says. But I certainly don't want him to ever lose the ability to negotiate or move against the crowd. Sometimes that's a very good skill to have, and sometimes I wish I could demonstrate it as often as he does.
Do what you have to do, then do what you want to do. This particular one is something that has been reiterated to me, by me telling it to my son over and over and over! Logic says that anyone would want to do the fun stuff and avoid the work stuff. However, logic usually also says that if you do the work stuff first, there will probably be more time for the fun stuff. This is a point that has yet to find it's way into the thick skull of my very smart son. I remind him of this fact daily, and in turn realize that I give myself the same advice when faced with a situation in which I need to get things done, but don't really want to do them.
It's OK to be goofy. I am not always a "let loose and get goofy" kind of person. My son, is. I have a series of 3 photos hanging above my desk at work that were taken when he was 6, I believe. He's wearing black and white cammo shorts, a black Metallica T-shirt and a paper Incredibles face mask. And he's dancing a very goofy dance. His dad and I were cracking up so hard we were crying. And he was dancing for no reason at all!! Just because he was in a goofy mood. He has taught me over the years that I don't have to always be serious. It's ok to lighten up, to dance for no reason, to wear funny masks and chase each other around the house, to play hide and seek for 5 minutes because you're bored, to just plain be silly. This has been an important lesson for me, and not one very easily learned. But one I've taken great strides in accomplishing.
Always use your imagination. My kids- all 3 of them -have the biggest and most unpredictable imaginations I think I've ever seen. (And perhaps I'm biased, but still...) One day, my oldest son was leading an expedition through the digestive tract of a dinosaur. My daughter was happily following and they explained to me how they were scientists who had traveled back to dinosaur time, they got eaten by a dinosaur then pooped out. Then they got eaten again, by another dinosaur. And they explained all this to me very matter-of-factly. After my son was done narrating that particular portion of the story (which had me in tears in the first place), he left the room. My daughter stood there for a moment, shrugged her shoulders and said to no one in particular, "Well... here we are in the stomach" then walked out. I died. Laughed so hard my gut hurt and tears were streaming down my face. I'll admit, just as with the questions, there are times when I find myself telling him to turn off the imagination and simply do whatever it is he's suppose to be doing. But I treasure listening to him imagine, and inviting his siblings and I to play along. I've learned to embrace the inner imaginator and do the best I can to keep up with him.
My children have been some of the best teachers I've ever had, and I hope that continues. I love teaching them, as much as I love learning from them. Whether it's big life lessons, or just remembering to color inside the lines, learning from my kids brings me huge amounts of joyous AHA.
The New Release
It was my birthday recently, and I have to say that this birthday was much better than last year's birthday. A month or so ago, a friend (who happens to have the same birthday) announced on Facebook that she was preparing for the release of Lisa, Version 4.0. So I decided to follow her lead and have been prepping myself for the release of Kate, Version 3.8. There have been some major updates and upgrades, as well as many minor ones, and even a new hardware install, that have taken place in the recent months and weeks. This release has been in the prep stages since last April, I believe. And although I may not have realized it back then, I have spent the past year experimenting, discovering, refining and defining who I am.
This process is a never-ending one. I think even when we don't realize we're doing it, we are somehow refining who we are. I've stated this many times, but I am a much different person than I was just a few years ago. Some of this difference was brought on abruptly by the divorce, but some of it is continuously taking place on a subconscious level, too. I think there are some basic guidelines that we can all abide by to make the circle of life we live in a happy one.
Be aware of the needs of those around you. Everyone has drama. EVERYONE. A lot or little, every single person has some sort of drama that they are dealing with in their life. When we can each learn to open up our eyes a little wider and be able to see the drama of someone else's life, we can better help them, which hopefully will alleviate a bit of the other person's drama as well as make us feel better about ourselves. I'm not saying we all need to try to solve the problems of everyone we meet, but we should at least be empathetic. And if we can help, we should. We all need to be what we can be to others.
Don't get too wrapped up in our own world. I find myself talking about some of the same things over and over, whether it's in this blog or in a private conversation with a friend. I dwell. I focus too much. I stress myself out. I am teaching myself to let these things go. We have to understand that our world is not the main focus of the entire world. Our world is simply a piece. And it's ok to focus on our own problems or rejoices in small portions. But, just like I stated above, we also need to be aware of what's happening in the worlds of those around us, and sometimes adjust our actions accordingly.
Give as much as you take. Throughout the years, I have been helped immensely by countless friends in numerous ways. I've always considered myself a fairly giving person, but it has been brought to my attention on more than once occasion that in order to keep the good Circle of Life moving in a positive direction, one must always give back, or pay ahead. Because of the assistance and love I've received from others, I have no problem spreading that same kind of assistance and love. I may not be able to completely solve someone's problem, and if you ask to borrow more than $5 from me chances are pretty good I won't have it, but whenever I can help, I do. I suppose this theory has been emphasized a bit more lately than it was in years past. Not that I was ever ungrateful, I just didn't always think I could help. I love listening to people. I enjoy talking about situations I've been in and learned from. I like cooking and hosting get togethers. These are all easy ways in which I can help others. And I love doing all of them.
Be genuine, and be the best you can. I have been known to be somewhat of a follower, to try and acclimate myself to certain situations. If I'm in a conversation with someone who loves football, I will do my best to love football too. If I'm in a conversation with someone who despises winter, I tend to downplay the wonderful attributes of that season. I have learned that it's best to be able to form your own opinion of things, and, if you have valid reasons to do so, to stick to that opinion. Regardless of your viewpoint of sports or the weather or just about anything else, always do your best to be your best. And do it genuinely. People can often tell the difference and will react to you likewise.
So, what's all the fuss about the release of Kate, Version 3.8? The above mentioned attributes have been incorporated or improved. I'm constantly working on improving my patience, mostly with my kids and with myself, but also with other people. I am repeatedly telling myself that I am worthy of the love I receive, and give. I go out of my way to exercise more and eat healthier. I'm learning not to stress (too much) about things that I have no control over. I'm learning to deal with situations one piece at a time, so as not to overwhelm myself, and therefore avoiding unnecessary stress. I'm working on recognizing my past mistakes and doing my very best not to duplicate them. I choose my words, actions and friends carefully. I got my belly button pierced, just because.
Every day I'm working to improve myself. I hope to never stop. For years, I had found myself in a pretty big rut in my attitude toward life, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. I hope to not repeat that. So this "new version" of me? It's only going to get better from here.
This process is a never-ending one. I think even when we don't realize we're doing it, we are somehow refining who we are. I've stated this many times, but I am a much different person than I was just a few years ago. Some of this difference was brought on abruptly by the divorce, but some of it is continuously taking place on a subconscious level, too. I think there are some basic guidelines that we can all abide by to make the circle of life we live in a happy one.
Be aware of the needs of those around you. Everyone has drama. EVERYONE. A lot or little, every single person has some sort of drama that they are dealing with in their life. When we can each learn to open up our eyes a little wider and be able to see the drama of someone else's life, we can better help them, which hopefully will alleviate a bit of the other person's drama as well as make us feel better about ourselves. I'm not saying we all need to try to solve the problems of everyone we meet, but we should at least be empathetic. And if we can help, we should. We all need to be what we can be to others.
Don't get too wrapped up in our own world. I find myself talking about some of the same things over and over, whether it's in this blog or in a private conversation with a friend. I dwell. I focus too much. I stress myself out. I am teaching myself to let these things go. We have to understand that our world is not the main focus of the entire world. Our world is simply a piece. And it's ok to focus on our own problems or rejoices in small portions. But, just like I stated above, we also need to be aware of what's happening in the worlds of those around us, and sometimes adjust our actions accordingly.
Give as much as you take. Throughout the years, I have been helped immensely by countless friends in numerous ways. I've always considered myself a fairly giving person, but it has been brought to my attention on more than once occasion that in order to keep the good Circle of Life moving in a positive direction, one must always give back, or pay ahead. Because of the assistance and love I've received from others, I have no problem spreading that same kind of assistance and love. I may not be able to completely solve someone's problem, and if you ask to borrow more than $5 from me chances are pretty good I won't have it, but whenever I can help, I do. I suppose this theory has been emphasized a bit more lately than it was in years past. Not that I was ever ungrateful, I just didn't always think I could help. I love listening to people. I enjoy talking about situations I've been in and learned from. I like cooking and hosting get togethers. These are all easy ways in which I can help others. And I love doing all of them.
Be genuine, and be the best you can. I have been known to be somewhat of a follower, to try and acclimate myself to certain situations. If I'm in a conversation with someone who loves football, I will do my best to love football too. If I'm in a conversation with someone who despises winter, I tend to downplay the wonderful attributes of that season. I have learned that it's best to be able to form your own opinion of things, and, if you have valid reasons to do so, to stick to that opinion. Regardless of your viewpoint of sports or the weather or just about anything else, always do your best to be your best. And do it genuinely. People can often tell the difference and will react to you likewise.
So, what's all the fuss about the release of Kate, Version 3.8? The above mentioned attributes have been incorporated or improved. I'm constantly working on improving my patience, mostly with my kids and with myself, but also with other people. I am repeatedly telling myself that I am worthy of the love I receive, and give. I go out of my way to exercise more and eat healthier. I'm learning not to stress (too much) about things that I have no control over. I'm learning to deal with situations one piece at a time, so as not to overwhelm myself, and therefore avoiding unnecessary stress. I'm working on recognizing my past mistakes and doing my very best not to duplicate them. I choose my words, actions and friends carefully. I got my belly button pierced, just because.
Every day I'm working to improve myself. I hope to never stop. For years, I had found myself in a pretty big rut in my attitude toward life, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. I hope to not repeat that. So this "new version" of me? It's only going to get better from here.
Day 3 and Counting...
The past few days have been a roller coaster of positive and negative emotions, and despite my valiant efforts to choose happiness, today was the third in a row in which the work day ended with me sitting at my desk in tears. Various reasons, various people, partly the rain (yes, I really do blame it on the rain) and gloomy weather, and partly my own insecurities have all culminated into some semblance of a meltdown at my desk, late in the afternoon.
Monday, as I posted previously, I'm not really sure specifically what was wrong with me, but I spent part of the afternoon being very emotional and chatting with a very dear Friend, which in the end made me feel better. We talked about a few different things that had added up over time and were bothering me. I said that my insecurities were rearing again, and making me feel completely inadequate when compared to another particular person. (I know, I know... should never compare yourself to others.) He said I was allowing myself to believe that I am second best to someone I do not get along with. He told me that I was afraid to face my "bad" emotions, and the word bad was purposely in quotations because, he says, I view negative emotions as bad. He told me I have a right to be upset and it's natural to feel that way and I can't ignore it. He said when he gets feeling very upset, he needs to go do some physical activity to exorcise his demons and feel better. He told me I need to find something to focus on to help move past the negative feelings.
Yesterday, I allowed the actions of one person to get under my skin enough to break me down. And, to top it off, I broke down two hours before a dinner date with someone I'd never met before! Teary-eyed and blotchy-faced was NOT the first in-person impression I wanted to make. So I stopped by a friend's house to let my emotions explode a bit, let a few expletives fly, and get everything out of my system before moving ahead to what I was hoping would be a nice date. A half-hour conversation/rant session with two very dear Friends was enough to get the demons gone so I could feel good about myself again.
This afternoon, I received a phone call which made me slightly upset, and sort of dragged out a bunch of baggage that I was sure had been securely packed away. Although I was upset, the person who called me was also upset (for different reasons than me) and I felt glad that they could call and talk with me about the problem at hand. We drudged up a few issues from our past that probably didn't need to be drudged up, and played the "What If...." game a little, but we both realized that neither of those solutions was going to get us anywhere. And I repeated to myself the words of my Friend from Monday: "Don't let yourself believe you are second best" and "find the focus of how you can work out your anger and deal with the negative feelings after."
I'm not nearly as physically inclined as my Friend is, so jumping on, over and around obstacles isn't really my way of letting out anger. (Although it does sound super fun, so maybe I should make that my focus...) Instead, I called a friend and asked to get together. But here's the shocker: I didn't call my usual Knights in Shining Armour, aka the people I always call when I'm upset. Not because I didn't want to, but I think rather I just wanted to try something (or someone) a little different tonight. So I called a new friend, someone I've only met one other time.
He was receptive to meeting me for a drink and a bite to eat, so I cleaned myself up (goodbye blotches and tears!) put on a little makeup (because my Peanut says it's always a good time to look your best!) and headed out. By giving myself something new to focus on, and choosing to be happy at least for a while, I was able to hold conversations with him, not blubber like an idiot, and completely forget about the other person who had so badly gotten under my skin. And I had a very nice date. Second date, I might add. We had dinner together last night, too.
One bad moment does not a bad day make. If Yoda were ever some sort of Positivity Life Coach, I think this would be part of his mantra. One bad moment does not a bad day make. I kept saying it over and over to myself and focusing on my new friend, instead of those who upset me. When I came home after dinner, was the problem completely gone? No, the person I'm unhappy with had done and will do things that I see as upsetting. However, I can choose how to act accordingly. Sometimes the answer I want to choose involves lots of swearing and physical contact with them, and not in a nice way. But I have yet to take that road. Usually common smarts prevail and I simply smile, nod my head, then remove myself from the situation entirely.
I don't have to be happy with all the decisions that everyone else makes. I don't have to focus on the one person or situation that is causing me stress. I can focus on the good aspects of my life, and hopefully find some sort of energetic distraction, like Zumba, to help melt the worries away.
Yesterday, when I returned home from my dinner date, I posted my status on Facebook as simply, "Kate DeForest had a very nice date. :)" 54 people "liked" that. Now that's some love, right there! "One bad moment does not a bad day make." Keep an eye on your focus, and make sure it's in the right place.
Monday, as I posted previously, I'm not really sure specifically what was wrong with me, but I spent part of the afternoon being very emotional and chatting with a very dear Friend, which in the end made me feel better. We talked about a few different things that had added up over time and were bothering me. I said that my insecurities were rearing again, and making me feel completely inadequate when compared to another particular person. (I know, I know... should never compare yourself to others.) He said I was allowing myself to believe that I am second best to someone I do not get along with. He told me that I was afraid to face my "bad" emotions, and the word bad was purposely in quotations because, he says, I view negative emotions as bad. He told me I have a right to be upset and it's natural to feel that way and I can't ignore it. He said when he gets feeling very upset, he needs to go do some physical activity to exorcise his demons and feel better. He told me I need to find something to focus on to help move past the negative feelings.
Yesterday, I allowed the actions of one person to get under my skin enough to break me down. And, to top it off, I broke down two hours before a dinner date with someone I'd never met before! Teary-eyed and blotchy-faced was NOT the first in-person impression I wanted to make. So I stopped by a friend's house to let my emotions explode a bit, let a few expletives fly, and get everything out of my system before moving ahead to what I was hoping would be a nice date. A half-hour conversation/rant session with two very dear Friends was enough to get the demons gone so I could feel good about myself again.
This afternoon, I received a phone call which made me slightly upset, and sort of dragged out a bunch of baggage that I was sure had been securely packed away. Although I was upset, the person who called me was also upset (for different reasons than me) and I felt glad that they could call and talk with me about the problem at hand. We drudged up a few issues from our past that probably didn't need to be drudged up, and played the "What If...." game a little, but we both realized that neither of those solutions was going to get us anywhere. And I repeated to myself the words of my Friend from Monday: "Don't let yourself believe you are second best" and "find the focus of how you can work out your anger and deal with the negative feelings after."
I'm not nearly as physically inclined as my Friend is, so jumping on, over and around obstacles isn't really my way of letting out anger. (Although it does sound super fun, so maybe I should make that my focus...) Instead, I called a friend and asked to get together. But here's the shocker: I didn't call my usual Knights in Shining Armour, aka the people I always call when I'm upset. Not because I didn't want to, but I think rather I just wanted to try something (or someone) a little different tonight. So I called a new friend, someone I've only met one other time.
He was receptive to meeting me for a drink and a bite to eat, so I cleaned myself up (goodbye blotches and tears!) put on a little makeup (because my Peanut says it's always a good time to look your best!) and headed out. By giving myself something new to focus on, and choosing to be happy at least for a while, I was able to hold conversations with him, not blubber like an idiot, and completely forget about the other person who had so badly gotten under my skin. And I had a very nice date. Second date, I might add. We had dinner together last night, too.
One bad moment does not a bad day make. If Yoda were ever some sort of Positivity Life Coach, I think this would be part of his mantra. One bad moment does not a bad day make. I kept saying it over and over to myself and focusing on my new friend, instead of those who upset me. When I came home after dinner, was the problem completely gone? No, the person I'm unhappy with had done and will do things that I see as upsetting. However, I can choose how to act accordingly. Sometimes the answer I want to choose involves lots of swearing and physical contact with them, and not in a nice way. But I have yet to take that road. Usually common smarts prevail and I simply smile, nod my head, then remove myself from the situation entirely.
I don't have to be happy with all the decisions that everyone else makes. I don't have to focus on the one person or situation that is causing me stress. I can focus on the good aspects of my life, and hopefully find some sort of energetic distraction, like Zumba, to help melt the worries away.
Yesterday, when I returned home from my dinner date, I posted my status on Facebook as simply, "Kate DeForest had a very nice date. :)" 54 people "liked" that. Now that's some love, right there! "One bad moment does not a bad day make." Keep an eye on your focus, and make sure it's in the right place.
Rainy Monday Blues - Choosing Happiness
It's raining out today and very dreary. And it's Monday. Despite having a very good weekend and going to bed fairly early last night, I burrowed underneath the covers when my alarm went off this morning. I could hear the rain pouring down on the roof and windows, and I most definitely did not want to get up. I finally pulled myself out of the warmth of my bed, and the morning routine rolled along in a fairly normal fashion. Still raining when I left the house with the kids. Not sure exactly why, but when I arrived at work, I was just bummed. A slightly annoying phone call immediately after I got to my desk, and slightly frustrating conversations with 2 separate people very closely following did not make for a fabulous start to the day.
Friday I was in a spectacular mood. On the brink of ridiculously giddy, actually. I can't recall that anything in particular happened that would make me feel that way, but I was in a great mood anyway. When I posted on Facebook this morning that my mood had slumped, 2 friends had comments that made me re-evaluate my outlook. The first said, "Think of Saturday," referring to the fact that I had posted early on Saturday that I was having a good day and looking forward to hanging out with a friend that evening. The second said, "What did you remember (about life, about who you really are) on Friday that you have forgotten this morning? Remember it." That struck me like a sledgehammer upside the head.
My kids will pout and/or throw a fit over the most insane matters. I find myself telling all 3 of them more and more often, "You can choose to enjoy where we are and what we're doing, or you can choose to be miserable. That's it. This is what we're doing right now, we can't do anything different at the moment. It's up to you whether to have a good time or be miserable. Which do you think sounds like a better choice?" After shaking off the sting of the sledgehammer of the second comment, I heard myself asking why I was so upset, and that I have a choice- to be miserable and stew or let it go and be in a good mood again. Obviously, the good mood is the more appealing of the choices, so I had to figure out what is bothering me and how to not let it get in my way of having a good day.
Another thing I find myself telling my kids when they are pouting or throwing a fit is, "Don't be mean to your sister/brother. You're upset with me, not them. Just because you're angry with me doesn't mean that you should take it out on anyone else." My kids are very much like me, which is not always a good thing. They are all stubborn, they all want to be able to do things their own way, and they all have a temper. Yep, those are my kids! I'm doing my best to teach them, while they are young, to compartmentalize their feelings about different people or events, and not to lash out at everyone just because they are upset with one person or because of one particular happening. This has been a lesson hard-learned for their 'Sign of the Ox' Mama. But it's high on the list of AHA changes for myself.
Letting things go, no matter how big or small, has always been somewhat difficult for me. Whether or not I can pinpoint why I'm in a bad mood, I am beginning to learn that it's possible to keep that mood to myself (more or less) and not necessarily spread it around by being negative to others. I cannot expect others to save me from my own disparaging thoughts. It's up to me to choose how to act, how to treat others, how to handle the events of the day. I've also learned that sometimes just letting go, forgiving and forgetting feels a whole lot better than hanging on. So, back to my friend's comment.... what have I forgotten that I need to remember that will put me back on the upper end of the mood spectrum?
It seems that I have forgotten about the hoards of people I have standing behind me, supporting every aspect of my life. I have forgotten that people love me unconditionally, even when I'm in a bad mood for no reason. I've forgotten that although rain may sometimes dampen my spirits, in the end it's a good thing and should not be taken for granted. I've forgotten that I'm making new friends and have a clean slate with them. I've forgotten that I can be funny and that it's ok to laugh at yourself. I've forgotten that I don't have to try super hard in order for people to like me.
I had a very long, very emotional conversation with a friend, who has partly contributed to the massive swirl of emotions found in my head this morning. He was very blunt with me, and at times made me cry. But he also pointed out some very obvious things to me that I have been avoiding. And we both cracked jokes at each other's expense, and laughed. I feel much better and much more calm than I was earlier. Was today a spectacular day? Not by any means. But I kept my bad mood to myself (for the most part), I allowed myself to explore why I was being cranky and disgruntled, I discussed and vented those reasons with a friend, and I chose to not let the foul mood get the better of me. It took most of the day, but there's always a way to combat being in a bad mood- remember what you have to be thankful for and choose happiness.
:) Cheers.
Friday I was in a spectacular mood. On the brink of ridiculously giddy, actually. I can't recall that anything in particular happened that would make me feel that way, but I was in a great mood anyway. When I posted on Facebook this morning that my mood had slumped, 2 friends had comments that made me re-evaluate my outlook. The first said, "Think of Saturday," referring to the fact that I had posted early on Saturday that I was having a good day and looking forward to hanging out with a friend that evening. The second said, "What did you remember (about life, about who you really are) on Friday that you have forgotten this morning? Remember it." That struck me like a sledgehammer upside the head.
My kids will pout and/or throw a fit over the most insane matters. I find myself telling all 3 of them more and more often, "You can choose to enjoy where we are and what we're doing, or you can choose to be miserable. That's it. This is what we're doing right now, we can't do anything different at the moment. It's up to you whether to have a good time or be miserable. Which do you think sounds like a better choice?" After shaking off the sting of the sledgehammer of the second comment, I heard myself asking why I was so upset, and that I have a choice- to be miserable and stew or let it go and be in a good mood again. Obviously, the good mood is the more appealing of the choices, so I had to figure out what is bothering me and how to not let it get in my way of having a good day.
Another thing I find myself telling my kids when they are pouting or throwing a fit is, "Don't be mean to your sister/brother. You're upset with me, not them. Just because you're angry with me doesn't mean that you should take it out on anyone else." My kids are very much like me, which is not always a good thing. They are all stubborn, they all want to be able to do things their own way, and they all have a temper. Yep, those are my kids! I'm doing my best to teach them, while they are young, to compartmentalize their feelings about different people or events, and not to lash out at everyone just because they are upset with one person or because of one particular happening. This has been a lesson hard-learned for their 'Sign of the Ox' Mama. But it's high on the list of AHA changes for myself.
Letting things go, no matter how big or small, has always been somewhat difficult for me. Whether or not I can pinpoint why I'm in a bad mood, I am beginning to learn that it's possible to keep that mood to myself (more or less) and not necessarily spread it around by being negative to others. I cannot expect others to save me from my own disparaging thoughts. It's up to me to choose how to act, how to treat others, how to handle the events of the day. I've also learned that sometimes just letting go, forgiving and forgetting feels a whole lot better than hanging on. So, back to my friend's comment.... what have I forgotten that I need to remember that will put me back on the upper end of the mood spectrum?
It seems that I have forgotten about the hoards of people I have standing behind me, supporting every aspect of my life. I have forgotten that people love me unconditionally, even when I'm in a bad mood for no reason. I've forgotten that although rain may sometimes dampen my spirits, in the end it's a good thing and should not be taken for granted. I've forgotten that I'm making new friends and have a clean slate with them. I've forgotten that I can be funny and that it's ok to laugh at yourself. I've forgotten that I don't have to try super hard in order for people to like me.
I had a very long, very emotional conversation with a friend, who has partly contributed to the massive swirl of emotions found in my head this morning. He was very blunt with me, and at times made me cry. But he also pointed out some very obvious things to me that I have been avoiding. And we both cracked jokes at each other's expense, and laughed. I feel much better and much more calm than I was earlier. Was today a spectacular day? Not by any means. But I kept my bad mood to myself (for the most part), I allowed myself to explore why I was being cranky and disgruntled, I discussed and vented those reasons with a friend, and I chose to not let the foul mood get the better of me. It took most of the day, but there's always a way to combat being in a bad mood- remember what you have to be thankful for and choose happiness.
:) Cheers.
The Beauty of Talent
My kids are watching the Tinkerbell Movie. I usually don't pay much attention to it, since it's not my favorite movie. And, yes, there are "kid" movie that I will drop everything to sit and watch. This is not one. However, something about it struck me today, and I'm not entirely sure why.
Partway through the movie, Tinkerbell decides she doesn't want to be a Tinker Fairy, because Tinker Fairies don't get to go to The Mainland. She's curious about the beautiful land far away that she's only heard about. So she tries being the other types of fairies, but fails miserably. She can't hold water or light, she can't teach the birds, and she nearly destroys the gardens when she attempts to round up the tumbleweeds as a Garden Fairy. Her friends try to convince her that tinkering is what she does best, but she rejects the idea. Then she finds a broken, abandoned music box with a ballerina on top. Without even realizing what she's doing, she fixes it as her friends watch in amazement. In the end, the Fairy Queen allows Tinkerbell to take the fixed music box back to the Mainland where it belongs, and Tinkerbell comes to accept that tinkering really is what she does best.
As I was listening to the movie, while passing through the living room on my way to make lunch and do laundry, a quote popped into my head: "Use what talent you posses; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best," Henry Van Dyke. And it made me sort of wonder, how often do I (or does anyone) try to do the things we're not very good at and reject those which we do best?
Last night I plunked out a few more chords on the guitar. I like to think that my musical background helps me to hear when I'm not playing something right and be able to fix it. The night before last, I fixed dinner for a friend while absentmindedly dancing around the kitchen. I cracked a few jokes to a friend while chatting online and made him laugh (at least that's what he said). Music, cooking, humor... these are all knowledge and talents of mine, which I enjoy using and making the most of.
Plenty of people have lots of talents that I find myself being envious of, and will sometimes try to emulate. I joined a Fantasy Baseball league and have no clue what I'm doing. I consider it a talent to be able to follow the statistics and understand what each mean, and decipher which players are the best. This is a talent some of my co-workers and other friends possess which I do not. I have tons of musician friends who can sit down at at a piano or pick up a guitar and play a song. This is a talent I do not posses, but it's also the purpose for wanting a guitar. I have friends who can survive camping in sub-zero weather, fix just about anything around the house, paint a beautiful picture, compete in triathlons.... talents I do not possess. It's never too late to learn something new, I firmly believe that. And it's always good to find new talents. Even if you're not perfect at them, just doing something new and different is an accomplishment. I'll never understand all the stats of baseball, and I'll never perform a guitar solo in concert, but just being able to say that I have tried these things is enough for me.
The talents you have can always lead you to other things and allow you to explore and discover new talents. Having and using talent isn't about being perfect, it's about finding out the things that you are at least somewhat good at, and more importantly, the things you enjoy.
Cheers! :)
Partway through the movie, Tinkerbell decides she doesn't want to be a Tinker Fairy, because Tinker Fairies don't get to go to The Mainland. She's curious about the beautiful land far away that she's only heard about. So she tries being the other types of fairies, but fails miserably. She can't hold water or light, she can't teach the birds, and she nearly destroys the gardens when she attempts to round up the tumbleweeds as a Garden Fairy. Her friends try to convince her that tinkering is what she does best, but she rejects the idea. Then she finds a broken, abandoned music box with a ballerina on top. Without even realizing what she's doing, she fixes it as her friends watch in amazement. In the end, the Fairy Queen allows Tinkerbell to take the fixed music box back to the Mainland where it belongs, and Tinkerbell comes to accept that tinkering really is what she does best.
As I was listening to the movie, while passing through the living room on my way to make lunch and do laundry, a quote popped into my head: "Use what talent you posses; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best," Henry Van Dyke. And it made me sort of wonder, how often do I (or does anyone) try to do the things we're not very good at and reject those which we do best?
Last night I plunked out a few more chords on the guitar. I like to think that my musical background helps me to hear when I'm not playing something right and be able to fix it. The night before last, I fixed dinner for a friend while absentmindedly dancing around the kitchen. I cracked a few jokes to a friend while chatting online and made him laugh (at least that's what he said). Music, cooking, humor... these are all knowledge and talents of mine, which I enjoy using and making the most of.
Plenty of people have lots of talents that I find myself being envious of, and will sometimes try to emulate. I joined a Fantasy Baseball league and have no clue what I'm doing. I consider it a talent to be able to follow the statistics and understand what each mean, and decipher which players are the best. This is a talent some of my co-workers and other friends possess which I do not. I have tons of musician friends who can sit down at at a piano or pick up a guitar and play a song. This is a talent I do not posses, but it's also the purpose for wanting a guitar. I have friends who can survive camping in sub-zero weather, fix just about anything around the house, paint a beautiful picture, compete in triathlons.... talents I do not possess. It's never too late to learn something new, I firmly believe that. And it's always good to find new talents. Even if you're not perfect at them, just doing something new and different is an accomplishment. I'll never understand all the stats of baseball, and I'll never perform a guitar solo in concert, but just being able to say that I have tried these things is enough for me.
The talents you have can always lead you to other things and allow you to explore and discover new talents. Having and using talent isn't about being perfect, it's about finding out the things that you are at least somewhat good at, and more importantly, the things you enjoy.
Cheers! :)
Starting Again... Really? Or Just Continuing...
Almost immediately after I posted Starting the Game Again, a friend, whom I have known since high school, sent me a message saying essentially that he doubts it's been nearly 15 years since I've impressed anyone. He said he understands that I'm talking about a deeper kind of relationship, but, he said, "don't discount the other times of your life. They mean more than you realize."
We make and break connections with people every day. New people are constantly coming into our life, and we have the choice of how to treat them. I'm definitely not saying that we need to treat each and every person in a manner as if we are madly in love with them, but at that moment of contact, we can choose to ignore them, be rude, or be pleasant. And sometimes, that moment sets the stage for a relationship that can be built upon between those people. So every moment we connect with someone new is a starting point. However, in the big picture of socialization, there really is no stopping and starting again.
We are all impressing people almost every moment of every day. I can remember walking through the grocery store in the days before I had kids, and seeing kids acting out or parents yelling needlessly at their children. And I can remember thinking, "That's not gonna be MY kid" or "I'm not gonna be THAT parent." Impressions. I can also remember going to a jazz fest one summer, also before I had kids. My husband and I stood behind a young couple, probably just a few years older than us, and their 2 adorable and well-behaved kids. The parents were dancing with the kids, swinging them around, twirling, singing with them, and all 4 of them were having a purely beautiful good time. I remember looking at my husband, and saying, "I want to be THOSE parents." After the concert, my husband tapped the other man on the shoulder, offered our compliments to his beautiful family and how much we enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves. They shook hands, and the man and woman both thanked us. Then we parted ways. Impressions.
People influence us all the time, and we, in turn, influence others. But we don't always realize that we're doing it, or what an impression we're making. So, while we do indeed meet new people and start new relationships with them, we never really stop impressing others.
Always take the high road. Always be your best. Always dress to impress. You never know who's watching, or what you may mean to them.
:) Cheers!
We make and break connections with people every day. New people are constantly coming into our life, and we have the choice of how to treat them. I'm definitely not saying that we need to treat each and every person in a manner as if we are madly in love with them, but at that moment of contact, we can choose to ignore them, be rude, or be pleasant. And sometimes, that moment sets the stage for a relationship that can be built upon between those people. So every moment we connect with someone new is a starting point. However, in the big picture of socialization, there really is no stopping and starting again.
We are all impressing people almost every moment of every day. I can remember walking through the grocery store in the days before I had kids, and seeing kids acting out or parents yelling needlessly at their children. And I can remember thinking, "That's not gonna be MY kid" or "I'm not gonna be THAT parent." Impressions. I can also remember going to a jazz fest one summer, also before I had kids. My husband and I stood behind a young couple, probably just a few years older than us, and their 2 adorable and well-behaved kids. The parents were dancing with the kids, swinging them around, twirling, singing with them, and all 4 of them were having a purely beautiful good time. I remember looking at my husband, and saying, "I want to be THOSE parents." After the concert, my husband tapped the other man on the shoulder, offered our compliments to his beautiful family and how much we enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves. They shook hands, and the man and woman both thanked us. Then we parted ways. Impressions.
People influence us all the time, and we, in turn, influence others. But we don't always realize that we're doing it, or what an impression we're making. So, while we do indeed meet new people and start new relationships with them, we never really stop impressing others.
Always take the high road. Always be your best. Always dress to impress. You never know who's watching, or what you may mean to them.
:) Cheers!
Starting the Game Again
Ok, so let's just put this right out there... I have subjected myself to the dating scene once again. I have not been "on a date" or had to really impress anyone in almost 15 years, I think. Wow, is that daunting!
The good news is that I am a totally different Kate, and the Kate now is much more confident in herself, more knowledgeable of what she wants out of life, and much more prepared to take care of herself. It has been a little scary (at times, quite a bit scary) to talk with different men and try to get to know them without sounding like a complete idiot. If you'll recall from other, previous posts, I am a shy, quiet person. Well, ok, yes... I've broken out of that shell, but I still don't consider myself an extrovert. However, I have taken big strides and gone WAAAAY outside the comfort zone lately. Allowing myself to be confident and actually speak with guys is something that I seemed to have a difficult time doing. But I have learned that happiness and confidence are directly connected, so I do my best to keep both high.
It's much easier for me to "hide" behind my computer and chat with people via the internet than it would be for me to strike up similar conversations in person. And in that regard, I'm master of putting myself out there! I've emailed countless men who are complete strangers, just because they were attractive to me and I could find a few things we had in common. I'm starting to make some new friends out of the process, and although there are no "serious" prospects quite yet, I'm generally happy with the results. I didn't join a dating site specifically to find Mr. Right. I joined to force myself to break out of the same routine of going to work and going home. I joined so I could have another avenue for meeting new people, which I really do enjoy. I joined so I could find people with similar interests and similar ways of thinking, with whom I share some common ground and would have something to talk about. As one guy put it, "We only meet a certain number of people in our everyday routines. This is a way to open new doors."
This kind of dating is very foreign to me and completely different than when I dated in college. The guys I had dated previously were always in my circle of friends. I knew lots of little things about them, I knew who their friends were, who they hung out with, where they hung out, what they did when they weren't in class. There was always opportunity to learn more about the people I hung out with, of course. But there were never any big, gaping questions as to what their personality or morals were like. I could figure that out just by watching them. This is a whole new ball game. Which is what makes it scary, but it also makes it interesting. I am carefully exploring where my "safety" line is that I don't want to cross, and I'm learning how much information to share with whom and how quickly. In a way, it reinforces the fact that I have to be strong and confident with who I am, because that's what I want to come out first. They can learn about my little neuroticisms later.
I truly don't think it's ever too late to make new friends. And I truly believe that Fate and Karma have a funny way of dropping things in your lap when you least expect it. Will I ever get married again? I hope so, but I don't know for sure. Will I make new friends and let new people into my life? Absolutely. Because each new person you allow in, brings something new to you. A new hobby, a book you've never read, a recipe to try, a sport you find out you love. It's never too late to start again, to learn about more things, to meet new people. And you never know where those hobbies, books, recipes, sports or people will lead you next. It's like a game of roulette- you never know where you're going to end up, or where the winning match will be found! Life is a game, so why not get out there, play it and have fun!
The good news is that I am a totally different Kate, and the Kate now is much more confident in herself, more knowledgeable of what she wants out of life, and much more prepared to take care of herself. It has been a little scary (at times, quite a bit scary) to talk with different men and try to get to know them without sounding like a complete idiot. If you'll recall from other, previous posts, I am a shy, quiet person. Well, ok, yes... I've broken out of that shell, but I still don't consider myself an extrovert. However, I have taken big strides and gone WAAAAY outside the comfort zone lately. Allowing myself to be confident and actually speak with guys is something that I seemed to have a difficult time doing. But I have learned that happiness and confidence are directly connected, so I do my best to keep both high.
It's much easier for me to "hide" behind my computer and chat with people via the internet than it would be for me to strike up similar conversations in person. And in that regard, I'm master of putting myself out there! I've emailed countless men who are complete strangers, just because they were attractive to me and I could find a few things we had in common. I'm starting to make some new friends out of the process, and although there are no "serious" prospects quite yet, I'm generally happy with the results. I didn't join a dating site specifically to find Mr. Right. I joined to force myself to break out of the same routine of going to work and going home. I joined so I could have another avenue for meeting new people, which I really do enjoy. I joined so I could find people with similar interests and similar ways of thinking, with whom I share some common ground and would have something to talk about. As one guy put it, "We only meet a certain number of people in our everyday routines. This is a way to open new doors."
This kind of dating is very foreign to me and completely different than when I dated in college. The guys I had dated previously were always in my circle of friends. I knew lots of little things about them, I knew who their friends were, who they hung out with, where they hung out, what they did when they weren't in class. There was always opportunity to learn more about the people I hung out with, of course. But there were never any big, gaping questions as to what their personality or morals were like. I could figure that out just by watching them. This is a whole new ball game. Which is what makes it scary, but it also makes it interesting. I am carefully exploring where my "safety" line is that I don't want to cross, and I'm learning how much information to share with whom and how quickly. In a way, it reinforces the fact that I have to be strong and confident with who I am, because that's what I want to come out first. They can learn about my little neuroticisms later.
I truly don't think it's ever too late to make new friends. And I truly believe that Fate and Karma have a funny way of dropping things in your lap when you least expect it. Will I ever get married again? I hope so, but I don't know for sure. Will I make new friends and let new people into my life? Absolutely. Because each new person you allow in, brings something new to you. A new hobby, a book you've never read, a recipe to try, a sport you find out you love. It's never too late to start again, to learn about more things, to meet new people. And you never know where those hobbies, books, recipes, sports or people will lead you next. It's like a game of roulette- you never know where you're going to end up, or where the winning match will be found! Life is a game, so why not get out there, play it and have fun!
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