The Backyard Project

Today my husband, a friend of ours, and I cleaned out the back yard. Now this may sound very mundane, however you have to understand the history of our back yard.

Last year, we decided we wanted to do a sort of makeover of the back yard. We had a friend come over with a backhoe and tear everything up. He pulled out the concrete slabs with the pipes in them that were clotheslines anchors, and turned over the entire yard. However, for a variety of reasons, we never got around to finishing the project. The concrete and pipes sat at the end of our driveway. The ground remained "bumpy" (to say the least) and the weeds moved in and took over. Mowing the lawn was an ordeal, because we don't own a mower, and with the "bumpy" condition of the ground, it was difficult to maneuver a mower anyway.

I finally got sick of looking at the jungle in the back. There were Queen Ann's lace that were taller than me. It was getting difficult to see the house in the back of us. It was pretty pathetic. Our dear friend borrowed his sister's DR Trimmer (this thing ROCKS, by the way), loaded up his van with all sorts of tools and equipment and came over at 8am. He got right to work "trimming" through the vegetation, while my husband and I helped clear out some of the junk around the edges. We chopped down a couple of small trees, cut down random seedlings that were growing in the patio cracks, and raked, bagged and dragged all of the cuttings to the front curb. A total of about 10 yard bags are filled, and waiting to be taken away. We then covered the entire yard with tarps, and sprayed Round-up around the edges of the house and on anything that was left exposed. Kill it off and start over- that's the plan! The concrete was loaded into our friend's van to be taken to the dump. In a little less than 4 hours, we finished part 1 of the transformation. How wonderful!

I'm not big on physical labor. I'm not an extremely strong person (muscle-wise), and I'm not very big. I can be a little lazy, and I'm a procrastinator. All these reasons contributed to my avoidance of finishing what was started last summer with a backhoe. However, with all that said, once I start doing physical work, I usually work hard and enjoy it. I like working with my hands and seeing progress being made. I like learning how to do new things and being able to do things for myself. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment knowing that I completed something.

I'm excited to plan what to do next with the yard. The purchase of a storage shed is in the near future, I'm going to start a compost pile, and I'm consulting with my gardening friends as to what plants to use to decorate. The kids want some berry bushes and/or a vegetable garden. And we have to have sunflowers! I'm aiming to have this project finished (or at least mostly finished) in a month or two so we can actually enjoy a new back yard before the snow flies. And I'm looking forward to having a use-able yard that the kids can play in and we can all enjoy.

I can honestly say that manual labor would not have been my first choice as a source of AHA. But working on the yard was refreshing, satisfying and even fun! And now that I've started, I'm excited to continue cultivating and finessing this project. And there are other projects around the house that will come, too. Manual labor is still not my #1 favorite thing to do (yet), but it's slowly moving up my AHA list.

The Baby Blank Game, and Hilarity That Ensued

I love my kids. I know you all know this, but I just can't say it enough, because my kids are incredibly awesome. And I say that in a completely unbiased way.

Driving home from work today, with the three kids in the car, my oldest wanted to play what he calls an "Everything Game," in which we ask each other questions and any topic is on the playing field as fair game. For example, describe an ichthyosaurus. (He asked me that one, and yes, he knew the answer without looking it up.) If there are three roads, and each has 20 cars on it, how many cars are there? What is a baby ______ called? This last one gave us quite a laugh. First, the blank was dog, then cat, then goat, then person (to which I answered, "Kid, or sometimes monster, depending on the day" and my son laughed), the list continued with pig, goose, owl ("An owlet," I said. "An owlet?" my son repeated. "Yes," I said, "an outlet!" to which he laughed again), elephant, sheep, cow, horse... and on and on until my son asked me "What is a baby giraffe called?" and I couldn't answer. I didn't know. So, I started running through some of the more popular choices- giraffe cub, kid, pup... giraffe-let? "Oh, I know!" I said jokingly, "A giraffe calf!!" and my son laughed so hard he almost cried. My daughter thought it sounded funny too, and she laughed. Both let out a good, all-out belly laugh, which made the youngest laugh his forced laugh - which is just always funny - even though he had no clue why the rest of us were laughing!

From there, we got even goofier, and started making up animal baby names that consisted of the grown animal name, followed by either -ling or -let. Then my son decided it would be even better if the baby animals were named by the sounds they make, proceeded by either -ling or -let. For example, in his world, a baby owl would be a hootlet. A baby cow would be a mooling. A baby elephant could be either a trumpetlet or a trumpetling. A baby tiger would be a grrrrling. Yeah, it got goofy. And we all just kept laughing.

Hearing my kids laugh, and knowing that I made them laugh, is a HUGE moment of AHA. Sometimes I know that I can let the stress of life get to me, and too often I have heard myself saying "No" to whatever request they happen to make. I give myself all sorts of reasons why they shouldn't watch TV, play video games, go outside, play with the toys, etc. Then I finally ask myself, "So then, Kathleen, what exactly DO you expect them to do?"

My kids are usually super well behaved. But I can't expect my 9-year-old to take on the responsibilities of a parent. In fact, I often have to remind him of this! My 4-year-old still wants to just do what she wants to do, and getting her to compromise is sometimes difficult. And the ugly head of the Terrible Two Temper Tantrum Monster has peeked out from my youngest more than a few times already. I have to accept that they are kids, and just because I happen to be stressed out doesn't mean they need to be, too. They love doing "kid stuff": making up stories and imagining (remind me to sometime tell you the story about them going through a dinosaur's digestive tract, it's one of my favorites), jumping down from the last 3 or 4 steps, riding their trikes through the living room, getting out all the Legos at once, and so on. Sometimes these things annoy me, mostly because I know I'll be doing the majority of the picking up, or I'm afraid they might get hurt. But when I hear my kids laugh, all is right in my world. And when they laugh at something I do, then say to me, "You're funny! You're the best Mommy in the world!" nothing else matters.

For the record, an ichthyosaurus (the name means "fish lizard" in Ancient Greek) is defined as "marine reptiles that lived during the Mesozoic Era." And a baby giraffe really is called a Giraffe Calf. Can't wait to tell my son!

What is Hip? TOP is Hip!

Tonight I had the chance to see the funk band Tower of Power in concert at Turning Stone Casino Showroom. AWE-SOME. If you've never heard them, check 'em out. If you have heard them, go there anyway, 'cuz you already know how kickin' awesome they are.

The Turning Stone Showroom is a fairly small, intimate venue. We were lucky enough to have a table front and center, literally right in front of the stage. My three friends and I were sitting in our seats and thoroughly enjoying the music. I was groovin' a little in my chair, because you just can't help but move to this music. Normally, I'm not really one to "let loose" and dance in front of a bunch of strangers. I barely dance in front of my friends! I get too self conscious, even when people aren't looking at me. After one particular song, the lead singer pointed to us and shook his head. "Now wait a minute, wait a minute... These people over here are standing up, and those people over there are standing up, but there's this black hole right here..." and he waved his hand over our table. "We gotta do that song again. Now stand up!!" So we did. And I started to forget about the room full of strangers. About being self conscious. The music dug deep into my being. The lead singer was no more than 6 feet in front of me at times, and he wanted everybody - EVERYBODY - to dance! I think it is physically impossible to not move while listening to TOP, especially songs like "What is Hip?" and "Diggin' on James Brown."

The concert lasted 3 hours. I had two sodas while we were there, and by the time we left I was drunk on adrenaline and my calves hurt from dancing so much. I honestly haven't had that much fun - or that much dancing - in quite a while. Music is a source of AHA every day. So, next time you're feeling a little down, or you need some motivation pumped through your veins, turn on some TOP, and hold on to your hats! I promise you won't be sorry.

Turning Myself Into a Party Girl

I had a Girl's Night gathering at my house tonight. 7 friends came over, and we drank, ate, talked and laughed. We laughed a lot. It was wonderful! I don't know the last time I had a gathering at the house that was for no reason.  And I definitely plan on doing this again!

I am not the most outgoing of people (I know, shocking news to some of you). Not that I don't like social situations, I just don't always like asserting myself. And I am sometimes very awkward when starting a conversation. Of course, usually once I get talking I'm fine, and sometimes, especially after a drink or two, getting me to stop talking becomes the task. I like to think that I have a good sense of humor, I'm generally friendly, and I enjoy having a laugh with friends. I can sometimes be very guarded and making friends is not something that I do extremely easily, which is part of the reason that the friends I have mean so much to me. If I hang out with them, I don't have to go make new ones!  (That's a little joke, just in case you didn't catch the sarcasm.)


My friends have always been a life source for me, and I am extremely appreciative of the friends that I've made throughout the years. I think sometimes we forget how therapeutic being with a group of friends can be. There are 5 major parties that automatically go on my calendar every year, and I do my very best to attend them: Memorial Day, July 4th, Harborfest fireworks, Labor Day, and Halloween. I look forward to each of these year after year, because I know that a) I'll probably know a majority of the people there, b) my kids and I always have an awesome time, and c) I'll get to see some very dear friends, some of whom we only see at these parties! When I grow up, I want to throw some kickin' backyard parties on a regular basis and have people really look forward to coming. I also want to be able to have people over in a moment's notice and not worry that my house isn't clean enough. But regardless of how my house looks, I want people to be able to come over, chat, and truly enjoy each other's company! That, right there, is AHA!

Rediscovering My Talent

I wrote my first poem in 9th grade - Mr. Wilson's social studies class, to be exact. I sort of became addicted and wrote a whole bunch of poems in high school and into college. I even made a couple of my own poetry books. I don't think my poems would ever have won me any sort of literary award, but some of them were really good. (I still have those books somewhere, I'll have to try to find them.) I wrote about a number of different things, but mostly about my feelings. Poems were an outlet for me to express amazement, love, heartbreak, sorrow, joy, appreciation. And I loved writing them.

As I continued to get busier and life became more involved, I got out of the habit of writing so often. I wrote a poem for my husband, framed it and gave it to him before we got married (and I must say, I think it's one of my better ones). That was in 1999. And that could very well be the last poem I wrote. I'm trying to recall any more recent ones, and I'm drawing a blank.

I think that I've mentioned previously that this blog has become a creative outlet for me, a way to express my emotions and dig deep into my own soul. I'm glad that I've rediscovered the art of writing, even if it's not in poem form. I think I'm a pretty good writer. (And, of course, whenever I say that, I feel like I should be saying it in a deep, slurred voice, "Durrrrrr, I writes good. I talks good, too.") It's definitely helped me deal with things and learn some things (ok, a lot of things) about myself. And from comments that I've heard, others have been able to enjoy my writings as well.

I was seeking advice from a friend earlier today, via email, and when she wrote back to answer my questions, part of her response was: "Your blog is wonderful and my suggestion is you read it! Ha! Take your advice and observations to heart." Then, in another email, she wrote, "...we do, truly, have all the wisdom and guidance we need in every moment when we quiet ourselves and look within." Those words struck me, and I find them to be very true.

AHA can be found all around in lots of different places. And sometimes, we don't need to look far at all to find acceptance, happiness or appreciation. We each have talents, things we're really good at. I think that a lot of times, we're so busy with the everyday "busy-ness" of life, we don't take enough time to stop and really appreciate our own talents. I do need to go back and read the things that I've written more often. I should also take a few moments and write another poem, just for the heck of it. Acknowledging our own talents, strengths, and positive qualities can be an extremely uplifting form of AHA. Excuse me, I think I'll go read my blog, now.

In Control

The past couple of days, I've not been in the best mood. I've been doing my best to keep my positive energy high and focus on things that make me happy, but at the end of the day the tears have won out.

I talked with someone tonight who made me realize why I was allowing myself to get so down. I have been letting someone else control me. Not in a dominance "Do what I say" kind of way, but in thinking about what their responses to my actions will be. By trying to figure out or worrying about how other people will respond to what we do, we are allowing them to control how we act. We should just do what we feel needs to be done, and do it in a way that we are comfortable with. We can deal with the consequences later, but we stay true to our own feelings when we do not contaminate our thoughts with the variations of how others "might" respond to the things we do and say. By thinking of someone in a positive or negative light, we sometimes alter how we react to them or the things they do.

I read somewhere a while ago that things are not necessarily "good" or "bad," they just are. If we can learn to let go of the positive and negative connotations that we associate with certain things, people or situations, we can more easily deal with those things, people and situations. That is not to say that we need to leave our emotions completely out in the cold. That's simply to say that we acknowledge the emotions we feel at the moment, then allow ourselves to look at whatever it is in a neutral way in order to better deal with it and move on.

By accepting that we cannot control the actions of others, we can better control ourselves. By allowing ourselves to be happy - as happy as we can in whatever situation we are presented with - we ripple that happiness out to others and affect everyone around us. By appreciating the neutrality of everything around us, we can learn to deal with things in a more level-headed manner, rather than allowing our emotions to cause us to make clouded judgements. None of these are necessarily easy tasks, depending on the situation at hand, but in the end I believe they are all worth the work!

Staying Positive

"In every negative situation there is always something positive or something positive that can come from it, if you look hard enough. Life is in the eyes and mind of the beholder. How you choose to view it, learn from it, and apply it to your life in order to move forward instead of backward is the key! Empower yourself" - from Simply Positive.

This was my Facebook status for a good part of the day, and actually still is because I'm not really sure what to change it to. I've been pondering this sentiment for a good part of the day as well. I've said this before, but my natural instinct when something bad happens or upsets me, is to essentially run and hide or bury my head in the sand. And cry. A lot. I am (finally) beginning to learn that those actions do very little to better the situation at hand. Usually makes things worse, as a matter of fact. (Just in case that wasn't obvious enough, I thought I'd point it out to you.)

With every encounter, conflict, joyous occasion, event, conversation, or any situation in general, we are presented with a chance to learn. Sometimes friendships are made. Sometimes bonds are broken. Sometimes lessons are reiterated. Sometimes we learn something totally new. Each of these opportunities allows us to grow and change and refine ourselves just a tiny bit. Sometimes we don't think we need any help. And sometimes we need all the help we can get. Which is why we should never turn away an opportunity to create a bond with someone, because that person may need it more than we do. And maybe we needed it more than we realized.

Sometimes we have to look very carefully for the silver lining on a cloud hidden in the middle of a thunderstorm. And sometimes we have to watch out for the unexpected bolt of lightning - the unforeseen negative that follows a joyous positive. Whatever the case may be, there's the opportunity to learn. I have been learning a lot this year, more than I ever would have expected. And although 2010 so far will go down in the record books as being a less than stellar year, I am thankful for the things that I've learned about myself. I have found ways to (try to) be more accepting of things that I have no control of, the ability to make myself happier and more positive, and I have become much more appreciative of those around me - all thanks to a string of events which were, let's say... not of my choosing and not extremely pleasant. "We can't change the cards we are dealt, only how we play the hand."

Ok, I just changed my status: "It doesn't matter what others think, say or do. The only thing that matters is what you think, say and do." May we all have the power to think, say and do what matters most.

Alphazeds

My son borrowed a cool book from the library, called "The Alphazeds" by Shirley and Milton Glaser. It's about all the letters of the alphabet and all their different personalities (Flamboyant F, Bashful B, Yelling Y, etc.) cramming into one room and everyone ending up screaming at and annoying one other. Suddenly, the lights go out and it's pitch black and silent. When the lights come back on, 4 letters had come together to comfort each other - Wise W, Ornate O, Rhyming R and Dynamic D. The first word had been created. "At that moment, all the letters suddenly realized their reason for being in the room. It wasn't simply about expressing themselves or showing off. They could be a part of something bigger, something that mattered. They could work together, and everyone could play an important part." Hmm.... kind of sounds like life in general, don't you think?

We've gotten this book before, and everyone loves it. But this time, as I read the last page aloud, it hit me that ultimately, our purpose in life is to be a part of something bigger and more important than ourselves, as well. Our interactions with others determine what kind of a part we play in their lives and they in ours. We don't necessarily have to play a huge role in everyone else's lives, but we can choose to be kind enough to play a small part, and be remembered in a positive way.

"The Alphazeds" is a children's book, but I recommend it to anyone. Sometimes you need to see things from a child's perspective in order to get a better handle on the things that life throws at you!

A Never-Ending Transformation

2010 has been a very interesting year so far, to say the least, and somewhat difficult. I have had a lot going on in my life that I have never had to deal with before. When I was first faced with this adversity, I began to crumble. I had just returned from a fantastic trip to Florida to visit my uncle, and part of me wanted to turn right back around and flee. The "fight or flight" instinct came out almost immediately, and when I wasn't having thoughts of running away, I was yelling, blaming, arguing and exhibiting all sorts of other negative behaviors.

I decided very quickly that if the circumstances around me were going to change, I had to help them by changing some things about me that I was unhappy with. I started to work on that, and I think I was beginning to really accept what I wanted to do and how to accomplish my goals, when a friend posted that he was going to make June a month of Acceptance and Appreciation. I took that as an opportunity to explore how I really wanted to be and what I needed to do to get there.

I am a very different person than I was a year ago. I have become stronger than I ever imagined I could be or ever thought I would need to be. I have learned to accept more of the good things about myself, and change the things I didn't like so much. I have learned to sit back and enjoy life, my kids, my loved ones, the little things around me. I have learned to better appreciate, and better show my appreciation, for the things that people do for me, as well as everything that I have. I have learned to assert myself and more willingly offer what others need instead of waiting for someone to ask for it. I have learned quite a bit about myself in the past few months. I am much happier with the 'new' person I've created than I was with the way I had acted previously.

That's not to say that I was a bad person, or that I've gone and changed all my morals. I was a decent person. Not always as pleasant, patient, relaxed or appreciative as I could have been, but overall, good. And my morals have pretty much stayed the same. My mom and dad will be glad to know that the bottom line basics to living life that they taught me remain in tact and are put to good use. There have been a lot of little things that I hadn't noticed before which have been the focus of my metamorphosis. It's amazing how differently you can see something once someone else points it out to you.

I am proud of the things I've done and the strength I've found. We should never be afraid to look in the mirror. At the end of each day, we need to be able to look at ourselves and say, "I did the best I could today. Tomorrow I'll do more," and we need to be happy with ourselves. We need to be able to forgive ourselves for whatever mess-ups we may have done. We need to learn from those mistakes and not create the same situation in the future. We need to forgive others who may have hurt us, and, if we are true friends, we need to accept others as they are.

I have found so much strength in the comments that I have read and heard from friends and family about this blog. I hope that you are all proud of the transformation that I've accomplished, and that we can continue to support each other in whatever other adversities we each face. A true transformation never really ends. We need to keep learning, changing and growing in order to truly enjoy the life we are given, pitfalls and all!

Decisions, Decisions

We are all faced with decisions. Some are more difficult to make than others. Some have a much bigger impact than others. And some can very quickly change a great number of things in our lives.

Sometimes we have to take a blind leap of faith in making a decision. We don't really know what the outcome of our actions will be, and we just have to make the best judgement possible with the information we have available. Sometimes, we know in the back of our mind what is most likely to happen based on our actions. There are times when we make a decision even if we know the outcome won't be very favorable. We've all done it, and no one really has a good explanation as to why. But no matter what the reason is for making the decision, or how trivial or significant the decision is, we must accept whatever consequences present themselves. We must take ownership of our actions. If it was a good decision with a good outcome, we can take credit. If it was an inconsequential decision in which the outcome didn't really matter, we usually don't think twice about it and continue on with our life. If it's a bad decision and we realize that we messed up somehow, we need to take ownership of that, as well, and do our best to apologize to anyone involved, make amends if necessary, and deal as best we can with whatever other situations arise as a consequence of our actions.

I have been faced with a decision that I didn't want to make. I knew that I should do something that I didn't want to do. I have been sort of avoiding the issue for some time. However, someone else made a decision that impacted me very much. Their decision forced me to realize that I need to face my own fear and take action. I do not agree with the decision they made or the way they handled the situation they were in. However, in a strange sort of way, it has allowed me to better define my own situation.

I don't consider myself a very religious person. More spiritual, really, but even that's a little bit of a stretch, perhaps. In my own sort of non-religious way I do pray now and then. Recently, I have been praying and asking for a new path to be on. I was not happy with the path that I had been traveling, and have been trying to change it. So I asked to be shown a new path. I can very honestly say that I am on a whole new path now, because of the decision that was made by someone else. This isn't exactly the path I had in mind when I put in the request, but I can't deny that I've gotten what I asked for. (I suppose next time I'll remember to be a bit more specific.)

We make decisions every waking moment of the day. Whether they end up being good or bad, I think the more important factor is that we need to learn from our choices. We need to make a conscious effort to learn the most we can from each decision we make and the resulting situations. That's what truly determines whether a choice has been good or bad, I think. We will all still make choices that are not the best, and some we may regret, but if we learn and then make the choice not to make the same mistake again, our efforts are in some way worthwhile. Accept the decisions you make, allow them to make you happy, and appreciate the lessons you learn along the way.  And don't screw up next time!

The Star Theory

Ever have a conversation that just sticks with you forever? Maybe you don't remember word for word or verbatim what was said, but you remember the gist of it, and perhaps you do remember some of the exact wording.


When I was in high school, I was hanging out with my best friend and we were sitting in her front yard looking at the stars. What she told me went something to the effect of this: People are like stars. When you look really quickly at the sky you see all the big, bright stars. Those are the loud, outgoing people. The people who are noticed by everyone when they walk in a room. But if you let your eyes focus a little longer, you can see a whole bunch of smaller, not so bright stars. These are the quiet, shy people. These are the people who don't necessarily get noticed by everyone else, but they are just as important, just as lovable, just as smart, and just as human as the loud people. When we take the time to get to know the quiet people, we have the opportunity to meet some really awesome people. People we wouldn't have met if we had just stuck to the big, bright stars.


I have remembered this conversation and the concept for many, many years. Recently, I got an email from another friend whom I have known since college. In it, he stated how he remembered hearing me tell him the Star Theory years ago. Pretty cool how something I took to heart was shared, then taken to heart by someone else.


I think that over the years, I've become less of a small star and more of a bright one. It took me a long time to get here, and I'm certainly not the most outgoing of people, but I'm not nearly as shy as I once was. That's not to say that being shy is bad. Because quiet, shy people have just as much to offer as loud, boisterous people. And you know what they say - it's always the quiet ones you gotta watch out for!

Overlooking

Simply put, music was my moment of AHA for the day. I play saxophone. Bari sax, to be exact. And for I don't know how many years, I've played in a summer stage band which performs classic big band tunes two or three times each summer.

This is not my favorite music. Some of the tunes I enjoy, like Sing Sing Sing. Others, Sentimental Journey is one, I just can't stand. And at the end of every summer I think, "I probably won't play next year," and I give myself 20 reasons why I shouldn't. Then, the following June, the director (who was a music professor of mine at college and has become a good friend) calls and I say "Sure, I'll play." Every year. For like 5 years now, this has been my routine.

But when I go to the first rehearsal, I'm reminded why I continue to play. It's not necessarily about the music. It's awesome to play music I love, but these performances are more about the friends. I can get over not loving the music. I have become very dear friends with some of the people in this group. And I usually enjoy myself at both the rehearsal and the gig, regardless of what music is being played.

Same story for this year. And once again, I don't regret saying yes. Sometimes you have to overlook something that's not so good in order to accept and appreciate that which is very good.

Mom, Sis and I

Today I hung out with my mom and sister all day. This has not exactly been a "normal" thing for me to do. My mother and I butted heads for many years, until I went to college and we were not in each other's sights every single day. We get along much better now, and are much more prone to actually enjoying each other's company instead of driving each other nuts. My sister is 8 years younger than I, and although I like and love her very much, we have never been the "BFF" types.

But today, we all piled in a fancy Cadillac and went to New York City to celebrate my sister's wedding. Sort of a post-wedding bachelorette party! We did some shopping and saw The Addam's Family on Broadway, starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth, which was spectacular!! After the show, I had the opportunity to meet up with a dear, dear friend from college whom I haven't seen in quite a long time. We had enough time to hug, say hello, introduce him to my family, goof around for a few minutes and take a couple pictures before he had to run off to a meeting. It was wonderful to see him and laugh and joke around like we used to in college. Mom, Sis and I then headed off to dinner at Mars 2112, an outer space-themed restaurant, which was interesting but good. There, another good college friend popped in to say hello, chatted for a bit and had a drink with us before we all departed. Awesome to see her, as well!

We had a lot of laughs. While at dinner, Sis and I particularly enjoyed hearing our mother order a drink called an Orgasmic Comet! Don't remember what was in it, but it's not every day that your mother says, "Don't tell my daughters, but I'd like an Orgasmic Comet to drink." The waitress was so impressed that she was our mother, I was sure Mom was going to jump up and hug her! AHA filled the day - from chatting and laughing together for the 4 hour car ride, to shopping together, to laughing at the Addam's Family, to seeing dear friends, to laughing together over our mother's choice of drink. All around, a very good day!

Not sure if there's a moral here, other than what I've stated previously- that a moment of AHA can come from just about anything and anyone if you're willing to let it. And it's of the utmost importance to let those people who provide you with AHA to hear about it! Thanks Mom and Kim. I love you both!

The Harshest Realization

Earlier today, I had a little argument with a good friend. I'll call her Ethel (I don't think I personally know any Ethels and hope not to offend anyone by that name, but it's a pretty good fake name for a story, I think). Ethel and I have been good friends for over 10 years, and we've had a good friendship, but lately it has come to light that we have been perceiving our relationship differently. I have done some things that have upset her, and she has done some things that have upset me, but instead of ever really facing these things and working them out, we just kind of covered up for one another and avoided the conflict. This seemed like a fine thing to do at the time, but now we've come to a point where we have finally begun to face our differences and the things that have upset each of us.

This evening, Ethel and I talked again and it started out a little heated, but we managed to keep our cool and ended up having a really good heart to heart, which we haven't done in quite some time. My issues with Ethel have been a pretty big stressor for me, and very honestly, a big part of the reason that I started this whole AHA journey in the first place. I tend to be a fairly negative-thinking person and my conflict with Ethel has thrown that fact into the limelight. She pointed out to me that one thing she has never understood about me is the fact that I have been very lucky/fortunate in my life and yet I still insist on being jealous of what other people have. And she's absolutely right. I sometimes have a hard time just being genuinely happy for others, especially if I think I want what they have.

When I realized that my relationship with Ethel was in jeopardy, I took a very serious, long, hard look in the mirror and decided that I was kind of tired of being the person I had allowed myself to become. I have heard that some of my friends have been surprised by my overabundance of happiness lately, and I'll admit that I've been trying a little too hard at times to force myself to be happy. I want to avoid at all costs that slippery slope of negativity that's all too easy for me to slide down.

So what does all this have to do with my Moments of AHA, you ask? I have come to the very harsh realization that a relationship of any kind, with any person, requires a lot more effort than I ever thought necessary. You can't just slide through life doing your own thing, thinking everything is peaches and cream. Each of us needs to look at how our actions affect others. I have begun to believe that anyone can make a good relationship with anyone else. Now, I get the whole personality dynamics thing, and there will always be people who - for whatever reason - either don't like you or you don't like them, and there will always be people who you can only take in small doses. But I'm really beginning to understand that each one of us can have a tolerable, decent relationship with any other person, based on how we treat them, and when we notice how our actions affect them.

The conflict with Ethel has been difficult for me, however I believe it is one of the best things that has happened to me because it forced me to really step back from myself and realize how I was treating others. I notice now, many times when I had been selfish or just unappreciative of the good things that Ethel had done for me. In my head, she was still my best friend, and I appreciated her very much. But I wasn't expressing that to her in an adequate way. And, of course, it's a two way street. There were times when she could have handled things differently to let me know how she felt.

Bottom line is, now we both have a better understanding of how the other one feels and we see more clearly some of the things we did that upset the other. Our friendship may or may not be as strong as it once was. Regardless, she has been an incredible part of my life for many years, and I truly appreciate everything about her. She's a wonderful person with a good heart. I hope that as time marches on, she can look back on me and say that I was a good friend.

Every encounter we have has the ability to teach us something and contribute in some small way to a moment of AHA. Be sure to step away every so often from the relationships that you think are solid and perfect to make sure that you are contributing to them in the best way possible. And be sure to express your AHA to the people who may need to hear it the most.

Simplicity

Happy Independence Day! Here are some moments of AHA from today:

-Getting a very unexpected phone call from a very good friend
-Shopping for clothes for my kids... without the kids
-Watching TV with my mom
-Picking fresh raspberries from my aunt's garden
-Eating fresh grilled veggie sandwiches for dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousin
-Seeing a perfect rainbow of color in the evening sky as I watched the sunset while driving home

Simple things can easily add up for big moments of AHA.  May you have plenty of these to reflect on.

Going to Heaven

Oh gosh... where do I start? I have so much catching up to do, and I definitely do NOT want to fall off the bandwagon of writing this blog. I have to say that although it was somewhat of a relief to not have phone and internet while at camp, I did miss writing this each day. And I attempted to take copious notes like I said I would, but handwriting it just isn't as fast as typing. Let's see if I can recap the week in brief AHA moments...


Monday, June 28: Arriving at camp in and of itself was a moment of AHA. Although it took me an extra 20 or so minutes to figure out where the heck I was going on those back dirt roads, once I saw our "Cleveland Lake Club" sign telling me I was headed in the right direction, everything was ok. My aunt has found her second calling as an amateur film director, and she filmed a great deal of the latest family mockumentary at camp. We spent a good part of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday filming various segments of the film, which is just always great fun. Let the imaginations run wild, and have fun! Always good for some all-out, can't-catch-your-breath belly laughs. I admire my family's willingness to just let go and be crazy. Even my kids got into it, and all 3 loved it!


Tuesday, June 29: My little sister got married! The girls all spent the night in a hotel, and everyone got all gussied up in our bridesmaid dresses and the guys in their tuxes, and we headed back to camp for the ceremony. It was a beautiful day. A little breezy, but just about perfect. And no bugs! Which is just about as perfect as you can get for being in the middle of the woods. We threw gummy fish at the happy couple as they walked from the cabin to the boat house, aka reception hall. My aunt brought a ton of picnic food, and my cousin cooked up the hot dogs and hamburgers for the "reception." It was a beautiful ceremony, but goofy enough to reflect our family. Everyone had a great time. And who doesn't get just a little misty-eyed at a wedding, after all? I'm so very happy for my sister, and I wish her all the best.


Wednesday, June 30: Back to movie making, as well as the typical camp activities- hiking, boating, a little fishing, swimming (although it was cold), and our family tradition of pinochle, and other various card game playing. I think AHA was sort of all over the place this day. My mom and her 3 siblings hadn't been together at this camp in 9 years. That's the last time my uncle, who lives in Florida, came up. It was wonderful to see them all, as well as two of my cousins. Growing up, I always swore that I'd bring my kids here, and I'm thrilled beyond anything that my 3 kids love it as much as I do. Watching them run around the cabin, swim in the lake, search for frogs and hike in the woods, all without any care at all, makes for some absolutely wonderful AHA moments. And although I have taken up the role of the "concerned mother" who keeps a cautious eye on where the kids go and what they are doing, I love being able to just let them go without worry about Stranger Danger or getting hit by a car or anything like that. As long as they stay close to the cabin, and away from the water, not a whole lot of damage can be done.

Thursday, July 1: Personal hygiene day. Meaning, we go swimming and wash up. Unfortunately, I think today was the coldest day of the week. Soaping up in a spring-fed, cold lake definitely makes you quickly appreciate the comforts of a nice, hot shower. On warm days, when I was growing up, the gang would all grab their various soaps and shampoo bottles and swim out to the raft. We'd climb up, soap up as fast as we could (to avoid the cold air), then all cannonball back in the water and race back to shore. Next year, I'm making my oldest son do that with me. Washing up in the "shallow end" just doesn't have the same appeal. More than half the family members that started the week at camp had left by this point. The only ones left were my parents, me and the kids, and one uncle. We played cards after dinner, and I could see the sunset through the kitchen window. So I excused myself and captured some incredible photos. Another nice and easy way to achieve AHA - a beautiful red, pink and gold sunset.

Friday, July 2: Our last day. We spent most of the morning packing and cleaning up, but managed to get in one more boat ride and a few games of UNO with the kids before we headed out. The kids and I were all sad to leave camp and to have to separate from the family members we don't get to see very often. But I'm so very glad that we have this tradition to look forward to each year. This week was my summer highlight for as long as I can remember. My friends all thought I was crazy, because there's no running water, no TV, no phone, the electricity is run by a generator which generally only gets turned on at night, and we have to use an outhouse. But this was the one thing I looked forward to most.

The first year I couldn't go, I was in college. I had just gotten a job, I believe, and when the realization set in that I would have to miss it, I cried. There were a few years when I couldn't go either at all or for the whole week. And after a 7 year hiatus of not going at all, I was absolutely ecstatic when my uncle sent us a personal invitation, and a map, to come back in 2008. You just can't find peace and quiet at home like you do up there. Even now, the kids are in bed, I don't have any music on, and I can hear the fish tanks running. But I also hear the cars outside my window, an occasional siren, or people randomly yelling in the night.

My AHA at this camp is summed up like this: Cleveland Lake is one of the most beautiful, serene, peaceful, soulful places on Earth, at least to me. I get to sit and listen to the wind rustling through the trees, the water gently lapping on the rowboat, the pine needles sprinkling to the ground, the voices and laughter of my beloved family echoing across the lake. This place is Heaven on Earth, and home to me.