I met her in 7th grade, 1986, I think. She didn't like me. She had played flute in band for a few years, and I had just tried out. I sat a seat in front of her. And, turns out, I had a crush on the same guy she did. So there I sat, a seat ahead of her in the flute section of 7th grade concert band, talking about this cute boy. Needless to say, she didn't like me at all.
I don't really remember exactly how our relationship progressed after that. In fact, it was years before she admitted to me that she initially didn't like me. Somewhere between band try-outs in 7th grade and 8th grade, we became best friends. We are totally opposite in many ways. I was always shy, quiet, with a small group of close friends. She was always boisterous, outgoing, and seemed to know everyone. She pledged our high school sorority, something I thought was totally ridiculous. She was the life of the party, she seemed to draw attention to herself with all sorts of crazy antics. I was always the wall flower, and I never wanted attention. We always managed to blend together well, regardless of the blatant differences. I always admired her for everything she was that I was not.
In 8th grade, we used to go to the library with a group of 5 or 6 girls. We would ask to play a board game, then get giggling so badly the librarians threatened to throw us out every single day. We couldn't go to the library and not giggle. I think just because we knew we were suppose to be quiet, we wanted to giggle. And if you've ever tried to stop a giggle, or keep it quiet, you know that this defies some law of life. Can't be done. Yet, 2 or 3 times a week, our group of girls would go to the library just to hang out together. And I'm pretty sure the librarians hated us.
We took driver's ed the summer after we turned 16. We would eat a lunch of bagels with cream cheese and jelly at her house, then walk back to the school, which was about 2 miles away, for class. Many times, we stopped at the Great American grocery store along the way to buy a pack of Keebler Magic Middles cookies. More than once we were late to driver's ed because of this. One day I went to class without her, and she showed up late, saying she had gotten hit by a car on the way. On the last day of class, I was driving and when I stopped at a red light, she yelled "Chinese fire drill!!" then she and the other 2 passengers jumped out of the car, ran around it, and switched spots before jumping back in. The instructor was super confused, and we were all laughing so hard, we could hardly breathe.
In 9th grade, we had Spanish class at the same time, with different teachers, in rooms right next to each other. One day, she sneezed, and I heard it. As we met in the hallway after class, I said, "Bless you." She looked at me and asked, "You hear that?" I told her I was pretty sure the whole first floor heard it. Then she blushed and laughed loudly. She had an awesomely infectious laugh.
We spent lots of time together through high school. I spent lots of time at her house. One night, as we were sitting outside looking at the stars, she told me a story. She said people are like stars. There's millions and millions of them, but when you look quickly at a group, at first you only see the bright ones - the people who are loudest and who stand out the most. But if you take time to examine the group and look closely, you'll see the smaller stars - the people who are just as wonderful, but don't always stand out. I'll always remember that. And when I look at the stars and see the bright ones, I think of her.
We were in color guard and marching band together. One evening after practice, she left her flag on the practice field. So she drove her car back to get it... drove onto the practice field, with the band instructors still meeting there. Then there was the time that she ran into construction on the main road in front of the high school on her way from practice, and decided she didn't want to wait, so she did an illegal U-turn. She used to get in trouble at band camp for being goofy and messing around when she wasn't suppose to be. And the bus trips.... oh the stories I could come up with from all of our many bus trips.
She was there to help dress me up when I went to the Senior Prom as a freshman. We had countless band and choir banquets together. She always let me borrow her clothes or offered to do my hair. She was a crazy tom-boy but she was also girlier than I was. We spent hours upon hours on the phone. We would talk late at night and fall asleep on each other. Well, ok, I would fall asleep on her. She'd have to yell into the earpiece in order to wake me up so I could hang up the phone. I don't have any idea what we talked about, but we were constantly talking to one another. No matter what we did, we always had fun. She was the poster child for jubilance. She always seemed so happy and care-free. And she was always laughing that infectious laugh.
After high school, we went our separate ways but always kept in touch. She visited me and I visited her. And we'd laugh and have fun. Our lives moved on and we grew up, but never lost contact with one another. Even after not hearing from one another for months, we would pick up exactly where we left off, and talk for hours, just like in high school. A short phone call was 30 minutes. And those were rare.
The past few years have been different. Somewhere along the way, she changed. Or, I should say, something changed her. She began to be paranoid and started displaying signs of delusion. Our phone calls were different. She didn't laugh as much. Eventually, she didn't laugh at all. No one could rationalize with her, reason with her. Her version of reality had completely taken over and no matter how hard any of her family or friends tried, we couldn't convince her otherwise. It was a dark path she was on, and although many people tried our best, we couldn't get her off of it.
She called me yesterday. She told me what a good friend I had been and thanked me for always being there for her. Something was wrong. I didn't know what to say. She shared with me a little more of her skewed reality, and I just did not know what to say. I told her thank you for being a good friend to me. She said she wanted me to know how important I was and how much she appreciated me. I didn't know what to say. When she said she had to go, we both said "I love you." I didn't know what else to say.
At some point yesterday, after she called me, she took her life. She called me to say goodbye and I never knew what to say to her. I wish I could have stopped her. I wish I could have taken her pain away. I wish I could have made things better for her. But I know there was nothing else I could have done. She was too far down that path and she didn't want any help getting out of it. We tried, we all tried. Her reality was just too real.
I'm angry that it ended this way. I'm angry at her for not listening and getting help. I'm angry that she's gone. She was my best friend for 25 years, longer than I've known anyone else. I can only hope and pray that she's at peace. I hope she's freed from the troubles and worries that so badly tormented her for the past few years. I hope that wherever she is, she's laughing that wonderful laugh again.
She'll always be remembered by the people who knew her, and there will always be a story to tell about something crazy she did. May you forever rest in peace, Jennifer. I love you.
What To Do...
A lot has been happening with me lately. Last week, after almost 10 years of working there, I was let go from my job. Not the worst thing that could happen to me, but surprising all the same, and it did hit me pretty hard. Funny thing is, I wasn't all that horribly upset about it. I'm worried about supporting my family and the everyday expenses that I have, but I wasn't devastated. I was kind of relieved, to be honest. I hadn't been happy for a while, and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I was finally getting tired of that business, or maybe my other priorities had just inched that much further up my Importance totem pole.
So, now I'm faced with a new opportunity. I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason, and there are other pieces to the puzzle of life that make slightly more sense now, thanks to this new event. The imminent question is: What do I do now? Well, there are things that I would like to do, but probably won't bring in much money, at least not right away. And there's the traditional route of sending out my resume and finding another someone to work for. The first is more appealing, the latter more practical.
There have been people - many people - who have been able to throw traditional ways of working out the window, forge their own path, and been successful at it. I'm not really sure that I'm made to be one of those people. The skeptic in me says "You can barely balance a checkbook, what makes you think you could run your own business" and "You don't have the drive and motivation that's needed to start a business." But the dreamer in me says "Look at how many other people have done it" and "I have lots of people standing behind me and willing to help. I could do it if I really tried." Inevitably, the skeptic usually wins out. This time, however, I'm not completely ignoring the dreamer. I'm putting out my resume and trying to find a decent job, but I'm also building a business plan for myself. I'm going to at least try to make something happen.
From the Holstee Manifesto: "If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit." The fact that I was let go is giving me permission to do something different. Hopefully something that makes me a little happier. I believe in signs from the Universe, and this is as big a sign as any. I had thought about quitting, but couldn't bring myself to do it because I needed the money. Well, now I have to be extremely creative and find another way to get the money. Is this devastating? Not really. Does it put a big ol' bump in the road? Hell, yes. But I've found my way around bumps before, and I will again.
Opportunity is presented to us in many ways, and quite often. Sometimes it is in such a small and unobtrusive way that we miss it. Sometimes, the lights flash, the sirens blare and we couldn't ignore it if we wanted to. That's pretty much how I see this situation. I'm being forced to change something, and the doors of opportunity have swung wide open. Always watch for opportunity, and never pass it up. You'll never have a regret so large, as willingly missing an opportunity. Be it small or huge, an opportunity of some sort is almost always there. Watch for it, grab it, make use of it. I bet you'll be happy you did.
So, now I'm faced with a new opportunity. I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason, and there are other pieces to the puzzle of life that make slightly more sense now, thanks to this new event. The imminent question is: What do I do now? Well, there are things that I would like to do, but probably won't bring in much money, at least not right away. And there's the traditional route of sending out my resume and finding another someone to work for. The first is more appealing, the latter more practical.
There have been people - many people - who have been able to throw traditional ways of working out the window, forge their own path, and been successful at it. I'm not really sure that I'm made to be one of those people. The skeptic in me says "You can barely balance a checkbook, what makes you think you could run your own business" and "You don't have the drive and motivation that's needed to start a business." But the dreamer in me says "Look at how many other people have done it" and "I have lots of people standing behind me and willing to help. I could do it if I really tried." Inevitably, the skeptic usually wins out. This time, however, I'm not completely ignoring the dreamer. I'm putting out my resume and trying to find a decent job, but I'm also building a business plan for myself. I'm going to at least try to make something happen.
From the Holstee Manifesto: "If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit." The fact that I was let go is giving me permission to do something different. Hopefully something that makes me a little happier. I believe in signs from the Universe, and this is as big a sign as any. I had thought about quitting, but couldn't bring myself to do it because I needed the money. Well, now I have to be extremely creative and find another way to get the money. Is this devastating? Not really. Does it put a big ol' bump in the road? Hell, yes. But I've found my way around bumps before, and I will again.
Opportunity is presented to us in many ways, and quite often. Sometimes it is in such a small and unobtrusive way that we miss it. Sometimes, the lights flash, the sirens blare and we couldn't ignore it if we wanted to. That's pretty much how I see this situation. I'm being forced to change something, and the doors of opportunity have swung wide open. Always watch for opportunity, and never pass it up. You'll never have a regret so large, as willingly missing an opportunity. Be it small or huge, an opportunity of some sort is almost always there. Watch for it, grab it, make use of it. I bet you'll be happy you did.
Having Respect
My house has simple rules, which are (ironically, after years of telling myself "I'm never gonna do things the same as my mom and dad") very much like the rules that I had growing up. Turn off the lights (thank you, Dad). Pick up after yourself, I am not Cinderella. Use nice words. Say please and thank you. I politely demand that my children show me respect. I am polite and respectful to others, and I hope that others would treat me in the same manner.
Just as a quick disclaimer, this is kind of a rant, but it is not directed at anyone in my house or any of the "usual suspects" that people might assume. I am one step removed from the person and situation who brought this on, but it annoys me to no end, and I see no reason for acting in this way.
I was taught to have good manners and be polite to people, and I've worked HARD to teach that to my kids. If my kids tell me, "I want this" or "I need this," I simply respond with, "Excuse me?" And I continue to say "Excuse me?" until they get the hint and ask for whatever it is politely. Unless I hear "please" I do not give an answer for something that is desired. And when they receive something, I have been known to hold on to it while they have it in their hand, until they say "Thank you."
These simple manners are common sense to me. Demanding things gets you very little in life. Honey attracts more flies than vinegar, remember. It should not take a great deal of effort for any person to ask for something and use the words "please" and "thank you." However, these simple and logical concepts seems to escape some. For whatever reason, there are people who exist, who think that they can demand anything from just about anyone. And, for whatever reason, they sometimes get whatever they want just because they demanded it.
This really goes back to the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. It also reflects the notion that positivity breeds positivity and gets you a lot further in life than a negative attitude. There is such a huge difference between "I need this, get it for me" or "You need to do this for me" and "Would you please get that for me" or "Could you do this for me, please?" It absolutely astounds me that people don't see that.
Granted, I don't say "please" and "thank you" every single time that I should. I do my best to use respect when I address people, no matter the context of the conversation. And, as I said in the beginning, I hope that others have enough common sense and manners to do the same to me. We can't control how others speak to or treat us, but we can control how we answer. Even if faced with rudeness, we can overcome the negativity with a polite and respectful response. This does not mean that we need to allow rude people to walk on us and get exactly what they want. It simply means we take our stand and make our requests with the utmost of respect (and maybe a slight jab of sarcasm).
I'll tuck my tail and back down off the soapbox, but I ask just one thing. Please, check your words carefully, especially in a conflict. Consider what you are saying, the effect that those words could have, and if there is perhaps a more polite and respectful way to make your point. It doesn't take too much effort, but that little bit of effort can greatly affect the outcome of a conversation, and it also says a lot about the person you are. Thank you.
Just as a quick disclaimer, this is kind of a rant, but it is not directed at anyone in my house or any of the "usual suspects" that people might assume. I am one step removed from the person and situation who brought this on, but it annoys me to no end, and I see no reason for acting in this way.
I was taught to have good manners and be polite to people, and I've worked HARD to teach that to my kids. If my kids tell me, "I want this" or "I need this," I simply respond with, "Excuse me?" And I continue to say "Excuse me?" until they get the hint and ask for whatever it is politely. Unless I hear "please" I do not give an answer for something that is desired. And when they receive something, I have been known to hold on to it while they have it in their hand, until they say "Thank you."
These simple manners are common sense to me. Demanding things gets you very little in life. Honey attracts more flies than vinegar, remember. It should not take a great deal of effort for any person to ask for something and use the words "please" and "thank you." However, these simple and logical concepts seems to escape some. For whatever reason, there are people who exist, who think that they can demand anything from just about anyone. And, for whatever reason, they sometimes get whatever they want just because they demanded it.
This really goes back to the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. It also reflects the notion that positivity breeds positivity and gets you a lot further in life than a negative attitude. There is such a huge difference between "I need this, get it for me" or "You need to do this for me" and "Would you please get that for me" or "Could you do this for me, please?" It absolutely astounds me that people don't see that.
Granted, I don't say "please" and "thank you" every single time that I should. I do my best to use respect when I address people, no matter the context of the conversation. And, as I said in the beginning, I hope that others have enough common sense and manners to do the same to me. We can't control how others speak to or treat us, but we can control how we answer. Even if faced with rudeness, we can overcome the negativity with a polite and respectful response. This does not mean that we need to allow rude people to walk on us and get exactly what they want. It simply means we take our stand and make our requests with the utmost of respect (and maybe a slight jab of sarcasm).
I'll tuck my tail and back down off the soapbox, but I ask just one thing. Please, check your words carefully, especially in a conflict. Consider what you are saying, the effect that those words could have, and if there is perhaps a more polite and respectful way to make your point. It doesn't take too much effort, but that little bit of effort can greatly affect the outcome of a conversation, and it also says a lot about the person you are. Thank you.
Working
I am not the epitome of a well-balanced businessperson. Never have been, most likely never will be. However, I run my own Creative Memories business and a 5 to 7 person household (depending on the weekend), which requires just as much organization, structure and know-how as any large corporation. But I'm learning.
We all know things don't just get done. Someone has to actually, physically do them. Laundry can't wash itself, neither do the dishes, the toys don't just pop back into their appropriate spaces, and much to my disappointment, clutter stays clutter until someone does something about it. Nothing works, unless we work. I cannot expect my business to grow and make money if I just sit around hoping someone will buy my products. My kids won't get to dance or soccer practice unless I (or their dad) take them there. Sometimes the required work is mindless, like folding laundry. Needs to be done, doesn't take much effort to do it. And sometimes what's needed is a big step outside of the good ol' comfort zone.
There is a house across the street from me that has been vacant for months. A few weeks ago, a school bus pulled up in front and 2 kids got out, then went inside the house. Naturally, I was surprised, then quickly realized that a family had bought it and moved in. A few days after that, I noticed a woman holding a baby standing on the sidewalk just outside the no longer vacant house. She was obviously waiting for someone. I went across the street and introduced myself, something that I don't usually like to do. We chatted for a bit and I found out that her 3 kids are almost the same age as my 3 kids, and she enjoys scrapbooking. How about that. My small step outside my comfort zone garnished me a new friend, a potential new customer and potential new friends for my kids.
I find that although I like to tell myself that I am a shy person, the people I've met in recent years don't believe that. I find that when I can take that deep breath and make myself a little uncomfortable outside my comfort zone, what I encounter is usually not that frightening or intimidating. I find that when I make the effort, good things tend to happen because of it. I am where I am in my life, in large part, because of discomforts I was faced with and the steps out of my box I took in response to them.
Nothing will happen in our lives - nothing good, nothing bad, absolutely nothing at all - unless we take the steps out of our zone and work. What have we been taught? If you find something you want in life, go for it. Make it a goal and WORK for it. Well, even if we don't have a momentous goal in our lives, the working part still accounts for something. I want the toys in my house picked up. The kids and I have to work at that. I want the laundry done. I have to work at that. My bathroom needs remodeling. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get that done. I want this new relationship to be the best I've had. Guess what. That needs to be worked on, too. Everything good in life takes at least a little bit of effort. Nothing will work, unless we do.
Each one of us can take steps out of our zone to make our lives just a little better. Each of us can work to make our relationships stronger. Doesn't matter if it's a relationship with a partner, children, parents, girlfriends, guy buddies... anyone. We all have to work. And that's what makes the end result worthwhile. When we work to improve something (be it the cleanliness of the kitchen, the state of household projects, a relationship, or anything in between) we can take pride in knowing that we did our part to make that little piece of our life that much better. And usually, our effort can make someone else's life a little better, too. Because the work we do not only affects us, but all those around us. And generally, if people see one person working hard at something, that will inspire others to work hard at something too. Step outside the comfort zone. Work a little to make something good happen for yourself or for someone else. I bet you'll be glad you did.
"Nothing will work unless you do." ~ Maya Angelou
We all know things don't just get done. Someone has to actually, physically do them. Laundry can't wash itself, neither do the dishes, the toys don't just pop back into their appropriate spaces, and much to my disappointment, clutter stays clutter until someone does something about it. Nothing works, unless we work. I cannot expect my business to grow and make money if I just sit around hoping someone will buy my products. My kids won't get to dance or soccer practice unless I (or their dad) take them there. Sometimes the required work is mindless, like folding laundry. Needs to be done, doesn't take much effort to do it. And sometimes what's needed is a big step outside of the good ol' comfort zone.
There is a house across the street from me that has been vacant for months. A few weeks ago, a school bus pulled up in front and 2 kids got out, then went inside the house. Naturally, I was surprised, then quickly realized that a family had bought it and moved in. A few days after that, I noticed a woman holding a baby standing on the sidewalk just outside the no longer vacant house. She was obviously waiting for someone. I went across the street and introduced myself, something that I don't usually like to do. We chatted for a bit and I found out that her 3 kids are almost the same age as my 3 kids, and she enjoys scrapbooking. How about that. My small step outside my comfort zone garnished me a new friend, a potential new customer and potential new friends for my kids.
I find that although I like to tell myself that I am a shy person, the people I've met in recent years don't believe that. I find that when I can take that deep breath and make myself a little uncomfortable outside my comfort zone, what I encounter is usually not that frightening or intimidating. I find that when I make the effort, good things tend to happen because of it. I am where I am in my life, in large part, because of discomforts I was faced with and the steps out of my box I took in response to them.
Nothing will happen in our lives - nothing good, nothing bad, absolutely nothing at all - unless we take the steps out of our zone and work. What have we been taught? If you find something you want in life, go for it. Make it a goal and WORK for it. Well, even if we don't have a momentous goal in our lives, the working part still accounts for something. I want the toys in my house picked up. The kids and I have to work at that. I want the laundry done. I have to work at that. My bathroom needs remodeling. My boyfriend and I are working hard to get that done. I want this new relationship to be the best I've had. Guess what. That needs to be worked on, too. Everything good in life takes at least a little bit of effort. Nothing will work, unless we do.
Each one of us can take steps out of our zone to make our lives just a little better. Each of us can work to make our relationships stronger. Doesn't matter if it's a relationship with a partner, children, parents, girlfriends, guy buddies... anyone. We all have to work. And that's what makes the end result worthwhile. When we work to improve something (be it the cleanliness of the kitchen, the state of household projects, a relationship, or anything in between) we can take pride in knowing that we did our part to make that little piece of our life that much better. And usually, our effort can make someone else's life a little better, too. Because the work we do not only affects us, but all those around us. And generally, if people see one person working hard at something, that will inspire others to work hard at something too. Step outside the comfort zone. Work a little to make something good happen for yourself or for someone else. I bet you'll be glad you did.
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