It's truly amazing how much can change in a year. I started this blog one year ago, after getting the idea from a friend to find ways to appreciate, accept and be happy about things, situations or circumstances, regardless of how we might think they impact us. Rather than whining about how I would prefer things to be, I've tried to focus on how and why I can accept and be happy about them. Which I really needed a year ago.
I started seeing a counselor last February, and was quite obviously depressed. It was a very rocky beginning to the year, and by May I had made progress but was still in a huge funk. The imagery of being stuck in a big, black hole was quite real to me for a good part of 2010. My friend's idea (which wasn't specifically targeted at me, by the way... it was just something I picked up on) was extremely helpful to me. And it has been something I continue to look for every day.
My counselor had suggested writing or journaling as a way to help me vent, and I did sporadically, but I don't think I got the full beneficial effect until I started writing religiously in this blog. This was my venting spot. This is where I explored my feelings and emotions and how I could deal with them. I'm not quite sure why I felt a public forum was the best opportunity for me to do that, but it worked. The support, encouragement, and comments I received from people have been (and continue to be) remarkable. My black hole has disappeared, and I understand how to live life and appreciate things around me better than I think I ever had before.
I never imagined that my life would go in the direction that it has. But, honestly, how many of us can really say life has been exactly what we wanted? And how worth it would it be if we could just order up how we wanted things to go? Life becomes much more interesting and worthwhile when we have to plow our way through the obstacles and challenges. We learn, we grow, we adapt, we change, we better ourselves.
Over the past year I have learned to find within myself courage to do the things I didn't think possible, strength to handle things alone, knowledge to solve every day problems, motivation to do what I didn't really want to do, tolerance to deal with those whom I did not want to deal with, and tenacity to discover my true self and the way that I want to live. I did all this with the help of the writings in this blog, as well as the people who responded to them.
I have learned how to nurture my relationships and not let them fall prey to the doldrums and boredom of everyday life. I am learning how to keep my stress level to a minimum and that things will, really, work themselves out in the end. I'm learning that money may make the world go 'round, but it really isn't everything. I've learned it's ok to let go and have fun. I've learned that a lot can be learned from studying a child's mentality. I've learned to take a deep, cleansing breath, and just slow down. I've learned to pay close attention to everything around us. I've learned that there is almost always a song lyric or quote to directly encompass what we're feeling at any given moment, and that I'm not the first nor last to have to handle any of this.
There is still a lot of learning to be done, however I am more aware now of how I want to live and the kind of person I want to be. I believe that I am allowing myself to be happier now than I have been in quite some time. I have strengthened relationships I already had, built new relationships, and rediscovered relationships that had fallen silent. I believe that I can love on a much deeper level, now that I am better able to accept and appreciate others for who they are, rather than trying to create someone that I want them to be. I also believe that I can love on a deeper level because I can better accept and appreciate me, and all my flaws and imperfections. I have people who remind me every day that I am perfectly imperfect, and that's just how it should be.
Thank you, again, for any and everything you - as friends, acquaintances, readers... relationships - have done for me. My vow is that my AHA moments will not end, but I hope to be able to continue finding AHA in something every day for as long as I live. And I hope to continue inspiring others to look for the AHA as well. Please share the perspective... pay it forward, if you will! The advantages of what you reap back is more than well worth the effort of giving life a more positive spin. I can attest to that first-hand.
This anniversary is one worth remembering. And one worth celebrating. Cheers!
Looking Ahead
I've realized lately that many of my status updates on Facebook have referenced what it is I'm looking forward to. It's true, that I tend to get excited about things yet to come, but I also wanted to make sure that I, and all of you, understand that appreciating the here and now is also a very wise thing to do.
A number of years ago, on occasion (ok, more like whenever I could), I would watch the Disney animated series called The Weekenders. The basic premise is that we get to follow the misadventures of 4 seventh grade friends - Tish, Lor, Carver and Tino - as they make the most of their precious weekends. Tino narrated the show, and at the end of every episode there was some moral they all learned, and he would sign off with the phrase, "Later days!" My ex and I got into the habit of saying that as we parted ways with friends. Somewhere along the way, it was pointed out to us that "later days are nice, but seeing you soon is good too." I think after that, I stopped saying it.
There is definitely something to be said for looking forward to the future. If we didn't look forward to anything, we wouldn't be able to make goals, set standards, get motivated or give ourselves a reason to just keep going. At the same time, I think that if we concentrate too hard on what's to come, we are liable to miss out on incredible opportunities right here, right now. Once again, life is a fine balancing act between two lines that seem nearly impossible to mix... how to fully appreciate the Now while still eagerly anticipating the Future. And we can't forget about the Past, either. That has merit, so long as we learn from it but don't dwell in it.
Our past is our foundation. The basis of how we learn and build the rest of our life. That's not to say that we should live our life in the exact same manner as how things have been done previously. Not at all. We assess, we evaluate, we learn, we adjust. If something worked well for us in the past, chances are we'll try it again. If something didn't go the way we wanted it to, we'll probably take a slightly different approach. We cannot change things once they've taken place, however we are constantly looking back to see what the end result was and if or how we should do things differently next time. So long as we learn, there is never a bad experience.
Living in the present day allows us to grow, appreciate and love. It was said to me an infinite number of times when my kids were born: "Treasure every moment, they grow up too fast." And I'll be damned if that's not one of the truest statements in the history of forever. I absolutely can't worry about what college will cost, or what they'll be when they grow up, or if he's still mad because I made him take a bath yesterday... Time is precious. And if I can't see, appreciate and love every moment of every day with my kids, I will miss it forever. Same goes for adult friends and relationships. True, we aren't as cute as most kids, and we certainly don't change quite as much, but we should still treasure every gathering, every conversation, every kiss, every moment spent with good friends. Because these moments directly in front of us help determine our future, and help us choose who we are going to be as a person.
The Future, of course, is somewhat based on how we've lived our lives in the Past and in the Now. We can turn into old curmudgeons who don't give a crap about much of anything and yell at the damn kids on our lawn. Or we can offer those kids a drink on a warm day. We can call the cops on the dog two doors down who won't stop barking, or we can smile at our neighbor, even if we think that she owns the most annoying dog on the planet. We don't know what will happen in our future, but we can prepare ourselves for whatever possibilities await by having a good attitude and outlook on life. That makes looking forward pleasant. Appreciating, anticipating, loving the unknown makes the unknown easier to handle once we get there.
So, while I may comment frequently on things that I am excitedly awaiting, at the same time I'm greatly appreciative of what I have right in front of me, right now, as well as what I've already left behind. My life has certainly not turned out the way that I expected it would, but I have nothing to complain about and lots to look forward to. Here's hoping that we may all be able to learn from our past, appreciate our present and enjoy our future!
A number of years ago, on occasion (ok, more like whenever I could), I would watch the Disney animated series called The Weekenders. The basic premise is that we get to follow the misadventures of 4 seventh grade friends - Tish, Lor, Carver and Tino - as they make the most of their precious weekends. Tino narrated the show, and at the end of every episode there was some moral they all learned, and he would sign off with the phrase, "Later days!" My ex and I got into the habit of saying that as we parted ways with friends. Somewhere along the way, it was pointed out to us that "later days are nice, but seeing you soon is good too." I think after that, I stopped saying it.
There is definitely something to be said for looking forward to the future. If we didn't look forward to anything, we wouldn't be able to make goals, set standards, get motivated or give ourselves a reason to just keep going. At the same time, I think that if we concentrate too hard on what's to come, we are liable to miss out on incredible opportunities right here, right now. Once again, life is a fine balancing act between two lines that seem nearly impossible to mix... how to fully appreciate the Now while still eagerly anticipating the Future. And we can't forget about the Past, either. That has merit, so long as we learn from it but don't dwell in it.
Our past is our foundation. The basis of how we learn and build the rest of our life. That's not to say that we should live our life in the exact same manner as how things have been done previously. Not at all. We assess, we evaluate, we learn, we adjust. If something worked well for us in the past, chances are we'll try it again. If something didn't go the way we wanted it to, we'll probably take a slightly different approach. We cannot change things once they've taken place, however we are constantly looking back to see what the end result was and if or how we should do things differently next time. So long as we learn, there is never a bad experience.
Living in the present day allows us to grow, appreciate and love. It was said to me an infinite number of times when my kids were born: "Treasure every moment, they grow up too fast." And I'll be damned if that's not one of the truest statements in the history of forever. I absolutely can't worry about what college will cost, or what they'll be when they grow up, or if he's still mad because I made him take a bath yesterday... Time is precious. And if I can't see, appreciate and love every moment of every day with my kids, I will miss it forever. Same goes for adult friends and relationships. True, we aren't as cute as most kids, and we certainly don't change quite as much, but we should still treasure every gathering, every conversation, every kiss, every moment spent with good friends. Because these moments directly in front of us help determine our future, and help us choose who we are going to be as a person.
The Future, of course, is somewhat based on how we've lived our lives in the Past and in the Now. We can turn into old curmudgeons who don't give a crap about much of anything and yell at the damn kids on our lawn. Or we can offer those kids a drink on a warm day. We can call the cops on the dog two doors down who won't stop barking, or we can smile at our neighbor, even if we think that she owns the most annoying dog on the planet. We don't know what will happen in our future, but we can prepare ourselves for whatever possibilities await by having a good attitude and outlook on life. That makes looking forward pleasant. Appreciating, anticipating, loving the unknown makes the unknown easier to handle once we get there.
So, while I may comment frequently on things that I am excitedly awaiting, at the same time I'm greatly appreciative of what I have right in front of me, right now, as well as what I've already left behind. My life has certainly not turned out the way that I expected it would, but I have nothing to complain about and lots to look forward to. Here's hoping that we may all be able to learn from our past, appreciate our present and enjoy our future!
To vs. For
Every day we create, nurture and grow relationships. This is not new information. Have you ever really stopped to ponder how each relationship fits into the spectrum of your life? What benefit the other person brings you, and what benefit you bring them? This question was posed to me recently, in not quite so many words, and I've been considering very carefully the concept of being good to someone versus being good for someone.
Every day we are faced with an infinite amount of choices, from what to eat to what to wear to how to treat someone, and on and on. I read a status update on Facebook from a friend of mine who is a spiritual teacher, which said, "If you want to have a blessed day, keep blessing everything." It's our choice how to treat others. And, according to some laws of Karma and other spiritual teachings, what comes around goes around. If we bless (in whatever capacity we are comfortable) others around us, those blessings will come back to us. If we decide to be good to others, others will be good to us. Is it possible to make ourselves good for someone else, and if so, does that mean the other person will be good for us, too?
Every day we are faced with an infinite amount of choices, from what to eat to what to wear to how to treat someone, and on and on. I read a status update on Facebook from a friend of mine who is a spiritual teacher, which said, "If you want to have a blessed day, keep blessing everything." It's our choice how to treat others. And, according to some laws of Karma and other spiritual teachings, what comes around goes around. If we bless (in whatever capacity we are comfortable) others around us, those blessings will come back to us. If we decide to be good to others, others will be good to us. Is it possible to make ourselves good for someone else, and if so, does that mean the other person will be good for us, too?
There is a difference between To and For. And it is true, that although someone may do their very best to be good to another person, they may in fact not be very good for them. A friend put it to me this way,
I like to think that I treat everyone well. I hope that my positive way of thinking is good for those around me. I know that there are certain people, both on Facebook and in real life, whom I can depend on when I need a burst of positive energy. I hope to be that for others, as well. I may not be the smartest person ever, but I have my areas of knowledge and passion that I can speak of fluently and teach others about. I may never win any beauty pageants or popularity contests, but I know myself well enough to say that I am a beautiful individual, both inside and out. I am not perfect, but no one is, which is why we are all so charming in our own different ways.
I can cook for people, throw a pretty killer party, let someone cry on my shoulder, be entertaining, deliver something when someone is sick, cover other people's jobs at work, sing to my kids, help my kids explore, support a friend, cheer for a friend, mourn with someone, listen... all these are a few examples of being good to someone else.
I am good for others because I can teach a new skill to someone, provide for my kids and friends who need it, laugh, smile no matter what, hold others in a high regard, show others respect, boost someone's confidence and self-esteem, be a positive influence, be a good role model, be a good mom and teacher, offer genuine affection, and do all this and more without ever asking for anything in return... except that my friends follow this mantra: Always do your best to be the best TO and FOR others, no matter what the situation.
Take a few minutes to analyze some of your heartiest of friendships. How are you good to and for one another? Now, analyze a new friendship. Is the answer to the previous question the same? As has been said before, don't change the core of who you are specifically for someone else, but now ask yourself if you are perfectly happy with the answer to those couple of questions.
We also have the potential to be good to and for ourselves... and that's the most important question of all. Because, as has been said before, if we can't be happy with ourselves, we'll never be happy with someone else. Just goes to show you that everything is perfect, yet is constantly improving. Be good to yourself and others. And be good for yourself and others, too. The Karma is worth the effort, I promise.
"I'm good TO you when I help with your projects. I'm good FOR you when I help make you feel stronger. I'm BAD FOR you because it's hard to be on a diet when I'm around. Add up all the influences someone has on you, decide what's important to you and for you and how that person contributes to that."I think that the majority of my friends are both good to and for me. In fact, I can't think of anyone in particular who I would consider to be bad for me. At least not out of those whom I consider close friends. Which, I suppose if you think about it, would explain why those people are my close friends in the first place. Now, where do I think I fall in that spectrum for others?
I like to think that I treat everyone well. I hope that my positive way of thinking is good for those around me. I know that there are certain people, both on Facebook and in real life, whom I can depend on when I need a burst of positive energy. I hope to be that for others, as well. I may not be the smartest person ever, but I have my areas of knowledge and passion that I can speak of fluently and teach others about. I may never win any beauty pageants or popularity contests, but I know myself well enough to say that I am a beautiful individual, both inside and out. I am not perfect, but no one is, which is why we are all so charming in our own different ways.
I can cook for people, throw a pretty killer party, let someone cry on my shoulder, be entertaining, deliver something when someone is sick, cover other people's jobs at work, sing to my kids, help my kids explore, support a friend, cheer for a friend, mourn with someone, listen... all these are a few examples of being good to someone else.
I am good for others because I can teach a new skill to someone, provide for my kids and friends who need it, laugh, smile no matter what, hold others in a high regard, show others respect, boost someone's confidence and self-esteem, be a positive influence, be a good role model, be a good mom and teacher, offer genuine affection, and do all this and more without ever asking for anything in return... except that my friends follow this mantra: Always do your best to be the best TO and FOR others, no matter what the situation.
Take a few minutes to analyze some of your heartiest of friendships. How are you good to and for one another? Now, analyze a new friendship. Is the answer to the previous question the same? As has been said before, don't change the core of who you are specifically for someone else, but now ask yourself if you are perfectly happy with the answer to those couple of questions.
We also have the potential to be good to and for ourselves... and that's the most important question of all. Because, as has been said before, if we can't be happy with ourselves, we'll never be happy with someone else. Just goes to show you that everything is perfect, yet is constantly improving. Be good to yourself and others. And be good for yourself and others, too. The Karma is worth the effort, I promise.
A Perfectly Untraditional Mother's Day
This Mother's Day was very atypical for me. There were no flowers, no chocolates, no dinner out and no day at the spa. I didn't spend it with my kids. Or my Mom. And yet, this was perhaps one of the most poignant Mother's Days I have ever had.
I'm not an extremely spontaneous person. I sometimes like to think I am, but most of my spontaneity ends up getting planned out. A week or so prior to Mother's Day, I learned that my two uncles were both going to Ohio to spend time with their Mom, my Grandmother. I haven't seen my Gram in about 3 years, and my uncles were both eager to invite me to join them. I had a few other things going on that particular weekend, and I knew it would essentially be a 24 hour stay in Ohio, so I debated back and forth for about 4 days. I think deep down, I knew there was no question. My Gram is 85 years old, she doesn't travel anymore, and reports from other family members have been that she is becoming very forgetful. On Thursday of that week, I packed a bag and decided to go.
Friday was an unusually busy day for me, and I wasn't able to travel that day. Saturday, the day before Mother's Day, I left around 6:30am and drove 5 straight hours to Hudson, Ohio. I had been to the Laurel Lake Retirement Community to visit my Gram twice before. As soon as I parked the car, a flood of memories came rushing back to me.
I remembered my first visit, in 2004, bringing my son there with my parents when he was about 3. My mother had taken a picture of my son, me and my Gram sitting on a bench in the sunshine outside her building. We made a big deal of going to another wing of the community building to see a large fish tank and a cage full of finches, both of which my son loved. Gram was in fairly good health and great spirits. She was the same Gram I'd always known. The second time we visited, in 2007, my son was 6 and my daughter had just turned 1. We sat on the same bench outside the building. We made a big deal of seeing the fish and birds, which both the kids loved. The highlight of the visit was when my daughter rode in a little grocery-type cart that my Gram pushed around to use for balance. Everyone we passed - and I mean EVERYONE, residents, nurses and staff alike - commented on how cute they were. Gram was in pretty good health, and great spirits. For the most part, she was the same Gram I had always known.
I walked past the bench we had sat on, into the building, turned right, went past the fireplace and walked down the hall toward 136 West. Everything was familiar, even though I had only been there a couple times. When I walked into her apartment, my Gram's face lit up. She was sitting on the couch, and from what I hear this is where she spends most of her day. She's had cataract problems for a number of years, so one lens in her glasses is darkened. She repeatedly asked what day it was, what time it was, what the schedule was and what we were suppose to be doing that day. She told stories, and had trouble remembering the ending punchline, but cracked herself up anyway. My uncles were/are worried about her remembering to take the appropriate medication on the appropriate days. She walks hunched over, and uses a full blown walker, complete with a seat so someone else can push her when she gets too tired. Her physical health was not too bad, her mental health was beginning to become questionable, but she was still in great spirits.
She may not have known what we were supposed to be doing at any given moment, but her sense of humor and wit are still fully in tact. My uncle asked her if she was going to change her shirt for dinner, and had to repeat the question 3 or 4 times. "Mom, we're getting ready to go to dinner, are you gonna change?" Gram answered with, "Well, I haven't changed yet, it would be small miracle if I did now!" She had a comment for everything, and made herself laugh just as much as she made us laugh. My uncles later told me that they had been hearing the same 6 stories for the past 2 days. But when I came in, things changed. Gram suddenly had a new set of stories and a different line of thinking to share with us. As I've said before, we all have the potential to shake things up a bit for someone else, and free them from their rut.
She's most likely going to have to move into another wing of the community, where she will be more attended to and more closely watched over. All 4 of her children know this is inevitable, but she has told all 4 that she does not want to move. It's bittersweet to see someone you love mentally slipping. She couldn't remember family members names. I took her to the restroom during dinner and as we returned to the table, where one of her sons waited, she said, "Oh, there's our table, I see what's his name. Where's the other one? Wonder where the other guy is." I kept a smile on my face, but it broke my heart to hear her call her sons "what's his name" and "the other guy."
I've always had great admiration for my uncles, and seeing them interact with Gram made me admire them even more. Despite the repeated questions, they answered in the same even tone, no matter how many times the answer became part of the conversation. They kept their sense of humor and used it to fuel her's. They talked to her in a manner that was both respectful and comforting without being degrading. I know they are concerned and a little stressed and perhaps exasperated because of her, but they never let it show. Like so many other aspects of life, I guess when you have to deal with something somewhat unpleasant, you just deal with it and make the best of it that you can. Here's what I learned from the time spent with Gram:
I'm not an extremely spontaneous person. I sometimes like to think I am, but most of my spontaneity ends up getting planned out. A week or so prior to Mother's Day, I learned that my two uncles were both going to Ohio to spend time with their Mom, my Grandmother. I haven't seen my Gram in about 3 years, and my uncles were both eager to invite me to join them. I had a few other things going on that particular weekend, and I knew it would essentially be a 24 hour stay in Ohio, so I debated back and forth for about 4 days. I think deep down, I knew there was no question. My Gram is 85 years old, she doesn't travel anymore, and reports from other family members have been that she is becoming very forgetful. On Thursday of that week, I packed a bag and decided to go.
Friday was an unusually busy day for me, and I wasn't able to travel that day. Saturday, the day before Mother's Day, I left around 6:30am and drove 5 straight hours to Hudson, Ohio. I had been to the Laurel Lake Retirement Community to visit my Gram twice before. As soon as I parked the car, a flood of memories came rushing back to me.
I remembered my first visit, in 2004, bringing my son there with my parents when he was about 3. My mother had taken a picture of my son, me and my Gram sitting on a bench in the sunshine outside her building. We made a big deal of going to another wing of the community building to see a large fish tank and a cage full of finches, both of which my son loved. Gram was in fairly good health and great spirits. She was the same Gram I'd always known. The second time we visited, in 2007, my son was 6 and my daughter had just turned 1. We sat on the same bench outside the building. We made a big deal of seeing the fish and birds, which both the kids loved. The highlight of the visit was when my daughter rode in a little grocery-type cart that my Gram pushed around to use for balance. Everyone we passed - and I mean EVERYONE, residents, nurses and staff alike - commented on how cute they were. Gram was in pretty good health, and great spirits. For the most part, she was the same Gram I had always known.I walked past the bench we had sat on, into the building, turned right, went past the fireplace and walked down the hall toward 136 West. Everything was familiar, even though I had only been there a couple times. When I walked into her apartment, my Gram's face lit up. She was sitting on the couch, and from what I hear this is where she spends most of her day. She's had cataract problems for a number of years, so one lens in her glasses is darkened. She repeatedly asked what day it was, what time it was, what the schedule was and what we were suppose to be doing that day. She told stories, and had trouble remembering the ending punchline, but cracked herself up anyway. My uncles were/are worried about her remembering to take the appropriate medication on the appropriate days. She walks hunched over, and uses a full blown walker, complete with a seat so someone else can push her when she gets too tired. Her physical health was not too bad, her mental health was beginning to become questionable, but she was still in great spirits.
She may not have known what we were supposed to be doing at any given moment, but her sense of humor and wit are still fully in tact. My uncle asked her if she was going to change her shirt for dinner, and had to repeat the question 3 or 4 times. "Mom, we're getting ready to go to dinner, are you gonna change?" Gram answered with, "Well, I haven't changed yet, it would be small miracle if I did now!" She had a comment for everything, and made herself laugh just as much as she made us laugh. My uncles later told me that they had been hearing the same 6 stories for the past 2 days. But when I came in, things changed. Gram suddenly had a new set of stories and a different line of thinking to share with us. As I've said before, we all have the potential to shake things up a bit for someone else, and free them from their rut.
She's most likely going to have to move into another wing of the community, where she will be more attended to and more closely watched over. All 4 of her children know this is inevitable, but she has told all 4 that she does not want to move. It's bittersweet to see someone you love mentally slipping. She couldn't remember family members names. I took her to the restroom during dinner and as we returned to the table, where one of her sons waited, she said, "Oh, there's our table, I see what's his name. Where's the other one? Wonder where the other guy is." I kept a smile on my face, but it broke my heart to hear her call her sons "what's his name" and "the other guy."
I've always had great admiration for my uncles, and seeing them interact with Gram made me admire them even more. Despite the repeated questions, they answered in the same even tone, no matter how many times the answer became part of the conversation. They kept their sense of humor and used it to fuel her's. They talked to her in a manner that was both respectful and comforting without being degrading. I know they are concerned and a little stressed and perhaps exasperated because of her, but they never let it show. Like so many other aspects of life, I guess when you have to deal with something somewhat unpleasant, you just deal with it and make the best of it that you can. Here's what I learned from the time spent with Gram:
- Don't let life get you down. Even if you don't really know what's going on around you, you can always find a reason to laugh.
- Tell the joke, even if you can't remember the punchline. Laughter is infectious, and if you laugh, chances are others will too.
- It's ok to laugh at yourself. My Gram admitted and even made fun of the fact that she couldn't remember everything. My uncle told her she was horrible joke teller, and she laughed even harder.
- Be thankful for those around you. Gram told me no less than 10 times in 24 hours that she was very happy I came to visit. She may not have been able to remember my cousin's name or the fact that he is getting married in 2 months, but she was obviously ecstatic that her sons and I were with her.
- Don't regret. A couple of the stories we heard over and over involved my mother's junior high boyfriend, and the guy from Pennsylvania my Gram had a big crush on when she was younger. She didn't want to move to Pennsylvania, so never pursued the relationship, but after marrying my grandfather, they ended up moving to Ohio. Gram would laugh and say, "Well, I didn't want to travel to Pennsylvania, and look how that ended up!" And, she seemed to think that the family move to Ohio broke up what could have been the perfect relationship for her oldest daughter. It made me sad to hear my Gram talk about some of her more important life decisions with what seemed to be quite a lot of regret. We've all done things that maybe we shouldn't have or could have done differently. But regretting them so many years after the fact just isn't worth it.
- Always do your best to keep yourself in good spirits. If you woke up this morning, you remember your name and where you are, chances are pretty good that you have a lot of things to smile about. If you can't remember anything else, there's bound to be someone close by who can help you think of more.
Sunday, Mother's Day, I had breakfast with my uncles and said goodbye to the Florida-bound one. My New Jersey uncle and I hung out with Gram for a few more hours, before I reluctantly got back in the car to come home. Traffic was slower than it was on the way out, and I made one stop to have a sandwich and get gas. It took a little better than 6 hours to get home, and I took a 2 hour nap before the kids returned to me that night. When they came in, all 3 were excited to give me the homemade cards and gifts they had created for me. It was wonderful to see, hug and kiss them all, and the gifts they made brought tears to my eyes. Not the typical way to spend Mother's Day, but this went down as one of the best yet.
Anatomy of a Moshpit
A few days ago, I embarked on an adventure never yet taken in my life. Not a huge adventure, but one all the same. I went to a concert to hear Sevendust, Three Days Grace and Avenged Sevenfold. For those who are not familiar with these bands, they would be categorized somewhere in the heavy metal/alternative rock/mosh genre of music. And I had a fabulous time!
My date had gotten floor seats, and warned me that he likes to be close to the stage, so I knew I would be right in the midst of it all. I have to admit I was slightly nervous, but still excited. I repeatedly told him, "Just bring me back alive!" which he gladly agreed to do. The crowd was an eclectic and interesting mix of people, most of whom had numerous, eclectic and interesting tattoos, body piercings and hair styles. There were plenty of fishnets, big ol' "hooker" boots, ripped jeans, A7X T-shirts and black leather. Everyone was fairly tame (as tame as you can be at a concert such as this) for Sevendust and Three Days Grace. Don't get me wrong, people were enjoying themselves, and there was plenty of headbanging and fist pumping, but not a lot of moshpit action.
Enter Avenged Sevenfold, aka A7X. They started the show with someone "hanging" himself from the rafters in a noose, and he was forced to stay there, supposedly dead, for the entire first song. Immediately, I was fascinated by the theatrics, and had already been staring at the sound boards for a half hour while we waited for the concert to begin. Then began the pyrotechnics. If I remember correctly, there were no less than 6 flames burning across the front of the stage for most of the show. The music was loud, the crowd was loud, the flames were hot (and yes, we did indeed move closer to the stage after the first two bands played), the band members were all very intense and the energy was huge and infectious.
Then came the moshpits. One started just a few people away from where we stood. This was fascinating to me, as I had seriously never seen a moshpit in live form before. I knew the basic concept - people "dance" by throwing themselves against others, and the ring of people at the outside of the pit keep the dancing going by pushing the dancers back into the middle of the pit. We were just outside the ring, and naturally got bumped a few times. We moved to our right, the pit moved with us. I was still admiring the theatrics of the stage performance, but found that I couldn't fully enjoy the show because every time I took my attention away from the pit I got bumped.
I watched the pit closely and realized there was, indeed, somewhat of a method to the madness. If someone fell, two or three people were immediately on top of him (I saw one female mosher, the rest were guys) to pick him up off the floor. People rammed into one another, then shook hands. If someone got bumped just a little too hard, apologies were given. There was no animosity whatsoever. Aggression, yes. Anger, no. And standing on the outer ring, I realized the physics of a moshpit were extremely simple. If you could brace yourself and watch what the people in the pit were doing, chances were much higher that you would be able to catch an oncoming mosher and push him back before he knocked you off your feet. It was a game, and a fun one to most of those involved.
My date was very protective of me, and stood between the me and the moshers. Still, I braced myself for the times that he got pushed just a little too hard and bumped into me. At one point, two moshers came toward us. He moved to his left to guard me from one mosher, and the other mosher bounced to the right, hitting another guy in front of me, who in turn knocked into me, hitting my chin with his shoulder. The moshers got pushed back to center, and the guy who bumped me apologized. I laughed it off, and wasn't the least bit upset. However, we moved far away from the pit after that, and just in time. Before starting the next song, the lead singer invited the whole floor to turn ourselves into one big moshpit. Which most people were happy to do. I was quite thankful we left our spot when we did.
There's always so much more that goes on than what we may first realize. Looking at the stage and the band members, we may initially only see big flames, headbanging rockers and mayhem. But if we break it down, there's an infinite number of things that have to happen both before and during the show to give it the look it's suppose to accomplish. The pyrotechnics have to be 100% absolutely perfectly perfect. All of the music boards, gear and instruments have to be tuned and tested out. There's a kind of choreography that happens between the band members so they can all move around the stage gracefully without getting in one another's way. That poor guy who had to hang "dead" through an entire song... there was definitely some prep work that went into that stunt. And I don't know about you, but I can only headbang heavily for about 30 to 60 seconds before coming close to unconsciousness, so there's something to be said about the musicians who can play correctly while headbanging to a 5 minute or more song.
And of course, the intermingling and psychology of the moshpit crowd. Prepare yourself for what you know will inevitably come and it won't be a surprise when it does happen. You'll be able to react and bounce back from the shock very quickly, with very little effect. Don't pay attention, and it will knock you down. Even if you don't ask to be a part of it, sometimes you inadvertently get dragged into it. Have an escape route planned. I told my date as soon as we got there that if I were to go missing, he should check the sound boards, because that's probably where I would be hanging out. Not everyone who bumps you is trying to hurt you. That might just be their way of having fun, and just because it's different than yours is no reason to get upset with them. It's ok to play along a little.
Life is like a moshpit. Be prepared. Bounce back. Don't assume people are out to get you. Play along. Push nicely, and only when you have to. Pick someone up when they fall. Shake hands and hug, even after knocking each other around. I had an incredible time with my date, listening to and analyzing the concert. And I did enjoy the music... at least most of it! It was a fascinating learning adventure, to be sure!
My date had gotten floor seats, and warned me that he likes to be close to the stage, so I knew I would be right in the midst of it all. I have to admit I was slightly nervous, but still excited. I repeatedly told him, "Just bring me back alive!" which he gladly agreed to do. The crowd was an eclectic and interesting mix of people, most of whom had numerous, eclectic and interesting tattoos, body piercings and hair styles. There were plenty of fishnets, big ol' "hooker" boots, ripped jeans, A7X T-shirts and black leather. Everyone was fairly tame (as tame as you can be at a concert such as this) for Sevendust and Three Days Grace. Don't get me wrong, people were enjoying themselves, and there was plenty of headbanging and fist pumping, but not a lot of moshpit action.
Enter Avenged Sevenfold, aka A7X. They started the show with someone "hanging" himself from the rafters in a noose, and he was forced to stay there, supposedly dead, for the entire first song. Immediately, I was fascinated by the theatrics, and had already been staring at the sound boards for a half hour while we waited for the concert to begin. Then began the pyrotechnics. If I remember correctly, there were no less than 6 flames burning across the front of the stage for most of the show. The music was loud, the crowd was loud, the flames were hot (and yes, we did indeed move closer to the stage after the first two bands played), the band members were all very intense and the energy was huge and infectious.
Then came the moshpits. One started just a few people away from where we stood. This was fascinating to me, as I had seriously never seen a moshpit in live form before. I knew the basic concept - people "dance" by throwing themselves against others, and the ring of people at the outside of the pit keep the dancing going by pushing the dancers back into the middle of the pit. We were just outside the ring, and naturally got bumped a few times. We moved to our right, the pit moved with us. I was still admiring the theatrics of the stage performance, but found that I couldn't fully enjoy the show because every time I took my attention away from the pit I got bumped.
I watched the pit closely and realized there was, indeed, somewhat of a method to the madness. If someone fell, two or three people were immediately on top of him (I saw one female mosher, the rest were guys) to pick him up off the floor. People rammed into one another, then shook hands. If someone got bumped just a little too hard, apologies were given. There was no animosity whatsoever. Aggression, yes. Anger, no. And standing on the outer ring, I realized the physics of a moshpit were extremely simple. If you could brace yourself and watch what the people in the pit were doing, chances were much higher that you would be able to catch an oncoming mosher and push him back before he knocked you off your feet. It was a game, and a fun one to most of those involved.
My date was very protective of me, and stood between the me and the moshers. Still, I braced myself for the times that he got pushed just a little too hard and bumped into me. At one point, two moshers came toward us. He moved to his left to guard me from one mosher, and the other mosher bounced to the right, hitting another guy in front of me, who in turn knocked into me, hitting my chin with his shoulder. The moshers got pushed back to center, and the guy who bumped me apologized. I laughed it off, and wasn't the least bit upset. However, we moved far away from the pit after that, and just in time. Before starting the next song, the lead singer invited the whole floor to turn ourselves into one big moshpit. Which most people were happy to do. I was quite thankful we left our spot when we did.
There's always so much more that goes on than what we may first realize. Looking at the stage and the band members, we may initially only see big flames, headbanging rockers and mayhem. But if we break it down, there's an infinite number of things that have to happen both before and during the show to give it the look it's suppose to accomplish. The pyrotechnics have to be 100% absolutely perfectly perfect. All of the music boards, gear and instruments have to be tuned and tested out. There's a kind of choreography that happens between the band members so they can all move around the stage gracefully without getting in one another's way. That poor guy who had to hang "dead" through an entire song... there was definitely some prep work that went into that stunt. And I don't know about you, but I can only headbang heavily for about 30 to 60 seconds before coming close to unconsciousness, so there's something to be said about the musicians who can play correctly while headbanging to a 5 minute or more song.
And of course, the intermingling and psychology of the moshpit crowd. Prepare yourself for what you know will inevitably come and it won't be a surprise when it does happen. You'll be able to react and bounce back from the shock very quickly, with very little effect. Don't pay attention, and it will knock you down. Even if you don't ask to be a part of it, sometimes you inadvertently get dragged into it. Have an escape route planned. I told my date as soon as we got there that if I were to go missing, he should check the sound boards, because that's probably where I would be hanging out. Not everyone who bumps you is trying to hurt you. That might just be their way of having fun, and just because it's different than yours is no reason to get upset with them. It's ok to play along a little.
Life is like a moshpit. Be prepared. Bounce back. Don't assume people are out to get you. Play along. Push nicely, and only when you have to. Pick someone up when they fall. Shake hands and hug, even after knocking each other around. I had an incredible time with my date, listening to and analyzing the concert. And I did enjoy the music... at least most of it! It was a fascinating learning adventure, to be sure!
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