Halloween is my least favorite holiday, and I'm really not a fan of scary things. Yet, every year for at least 8 years, I've gone to an All Hallow's Eve Haunted House party, hosted by a couple of good friends. It's really quite ingenious. This couple converted an old barn behind their house into a multi-functioning building, and every year for the past 20 or so years (or more, I'm not sure) they, with help from friends, construct a haunted house. They re-purpose pieces each year to make different configurations of dark hallways, graveyards, mazes and rooms for the guests to walk through, complete with live actors who really get into their roles of ghosts, ghouls and zombies. It's ingenious, it's fabulous and everyone involved is someone I know. I hate haunted houses. Really hate them. And every year for the past 8 years, I've gone through with my eyes closed, head down, clutching the shirt of my husband. Every year for the past 8 years, when we emerge from the darkness into the party dining room, the host says to me, "So, how was it?" And every year for the past 8 years, I've responded, "Same as last year. I didn't see a damn thing."
When I first got the invitation a month or so ago, I didn't think I wanted to go. For a couple different reasons. A very dear friend convinced me otherwise (actually, I believe he told me not going was not an option), and asked me to play behind the scenes, as one of the voices of the host's brain. I agreed, and I'm so very glad I did. This year's party was different. First of all there was no haunted house. There was a dark hallway to walk through to get to the dining room, but no real haunted house. The costume theme this year was characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show or Young Frankenstein, and there was going to be audience participation. Upon suggestion, I chose Magenta (the domestic from RHPS), and dug out a little black dress I had back in college. To my surprise and excitement, it still fit!! This, in and of itself, was a moment of pure AHA!
I had a great time voicing the brain, dinner was absolutely delicious (as usual) and the party that ensued following dinner was fabulously outrageous. Another friend had pieced together clips from the two movies, highlighting some of the more famous scenes from both. We watched the video and were encouraged to act out our character's parts in each scene. People were very enthusiastic about participating, and everyone played along by yelling out appropriate phrases as directed by cue cards. And, of course, we all did the Time Warp. Because you just can't watch RHPS and not.
Throughout the evening, I had conversations with various people which reconfirmed how immensely important my friends are to me, and I to them. I know that many of the people I talked with would do just about anything for me. And I hope they know that I would do just about anything for them, as well. After the party had wrapped up, I went to stay with a couple of very dear friends. We stayed up late and talked, as we often do when given the opportunity. I am so extremely blessed to have the friends I do.
I have to admit, I was nervous about going to a party with Rocky Horror Picture Show as the theme, and I don't always do well with audience participation. But I am so thankful I didn't skip this year, as I had originally planned. I need that kind of craziness in my life to keep me sane! Between the compliments on the costume, the conversations with people, the hugs and kisses from friends and the encouragement to be just a little crazy now and then, my night was filled with AHA. And I loved every moment of it!
Being Invited, and Getting Drunk Out
I did something tonight that I haven't done in quite some time - I went to a bar to drink with friends. And although I intended to only have one or two, that was not to be the case. Some random drunk guy bought the entire bar a round of shots - 4 TIMES!!!
Let me back up a bit... I was invited to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant by some friends. Had a wonderful time chatting with them and eating inexpensive yet really good Mexican food. Then I went to a hockey game, thanks to some friends who weren't going to use their tickets. Oswego won over Buffalo, 5-2. It was a good game, and I had a lot of fun. Some of us decided to go out afterward to a local bar. Being Halloween weekend, at a bar, in a college town, we knew we had limited "old folks time" before the drunken college kids in ridiculous costumes invaded. Before I even finished my first beer, the bartender put out shot glasses for everyone sitting around the bar, saying that the guy in the green sweatshirt at the end of the bar was buying a shot for everyone. Ok, cool! We drink our shot, and I resume sipping on my beer. Not 15 minutes later, the same guy buys another round! Now, this is getting interesting. All in all, in the course of about an hour to an hour and a half, this guy bought 4 rounds of shots for everyone at the bar! Wow. That, plus the two beers I had - both of which were free, one because I kicked the tap and it wasn't a full glass so the bartender didn't charge me and the other because my awesome co-worker bought it for me - and it was starting to get drunk out!
I can't even say the last time I went to a bar and had that many drinks. It's been a long time. I was there with co-workers and their spouses- people I don't see very often in a non-work environment. We had a great time laughing together, making fun of the drunk guy in the green sweatshirt who dropped like $300 in booze, and criticizing the slutty Halloween costumes once the college kids started pouring in. Lots of fun!
This post is not going to be philosophical, or full of deep meaning, or anything like that, mainly because I'm exhausted and really need to get to bed. But my AHA came in the fact that so many different people offered me so many different niceties: Invited to dinner by one friend, given the hockey tickets by another, was given the "stop in any time" privilege by a very dear friend whom I don't see very often, a co-worker/friend bought me a beer, a girlfriend offered me her couch to sleep on tonight (or any other time). I got to hang out with people I don't often see in a "social" setting and I had a blast! Then, on the way home, my boss (yes, I hung out and drank with my boss) sent me a text asking to let him know that I got home ok. It may sound trivial, silly or even pathetic, but the feeling of being "wanted" is a very strong one, and something that makes me feel really good about myself! Having that many invites from that many friends, and having people show they care about having me around... that's a good feeling!
Let me back up a bit... I was invited to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant by some friends. Had a wonderful time chatting with them and eating inexpensive yet really good Mexican food. Then I went to a hockey game, thanks to some friends who weren't going to use their tickets. Oswego won over Buffalo, 5-2. It was a good game, and I had a lot of fun. Some of us decided to go out afterward to a local bar. Being Halloween weekend, at a bar, in a college town, we knew we had limited "old folks time" before the drunken college kids in ridiculous costumes invaded. Before I even finished my first beer, the bartender put out shot glasses for everyone sitting around the bar, saying that the guy in the green sweatshirt at the end of the bar was buying a shot for everyone. Ok, cool! We drink our shot, and I resume sipping on my beer. Not 15 minutes later, the same guy buys another round! Now, this is getting interesting. All in all, in the course of about an hour to an hour and a half, this guy bought 4 rounds of shots for everyone at the bar! Wow. That, plus the two beers I had - both of which were free, one because I kicked the tap and it wasn't a full glass so the bartender didn't charge me and the other because my awesome co-worker bought it for me - and it was starting to get drunk out!
I can't even say the last time I went to a bar and had that many drinks. It's been a long time. I was there with co-workers and their spouses- people I don't see very often in a non-work environment. We had a great time laughing together, making fun of the drunk guy in the green sweatshirt who dropped like $300 in booze, and criticizing the slutty Halloween costumes once the college kids started pouring in. Lots of fun!
This post is not going to be philosophical, or full of deep meaning, or anything like that, mainly because I'm exhausted and really need to get to bed. But my AHA came in the fact that so many different people offered me so many different niceties: Invited to dinner by one friend, given the hockey tickets by another, was given the "stop in any time" privilege by a very dear friend whom I don't see very often, a co-worker/friend bought me a beer, a girlfriend offered me her couch to sleep on tonight (or any other time). I got to hang out with people I don't often see in a "social" setting and I had a blast! Then, on the way home, my boss (yes, I hung out and drank with my boss) sent me a text asking to let him know that I got home ok. It may sound trivial, silly or even pathetic, but the feeling of being "wanted" is a very strong one, and something that makes me feel really good about myself! Having that many invites from that many friends, and having people show they care about having me around... that's a good feeling!
Anatomy of Failure
I have often wondered why the opinions of others mean so much to me. Why I feel the need to live up to other people's standards, no matter what I do. That gets hard to do, and it's hard to deal with. I have enough issues with confidence, and add 'being super self conscious that she's everything to everyone' into the mix, and the confidence takes a big dive, fast. Because I can't be everything to everyone all the time. And I know that. But I still feel like a failure in some fashion when I think that I've let people down.
I have felt quite often this past year that I have let people down. My husband and my kids, in particular. Things didn't work out the way we expected them to, and I have felt since January that if I could have done things differently weeks/months/years ago that I could have prevented the deterioration. It's a typical roller coaster- "If I had done abc... If he had done xyz..." back and forth in the ebb and flow of uncertainty and determination. There have been nights when I've been able to look my kids in the eyes and honestly say "It's going to be alright." And there have been nights when I couldn't see straight because I had been crying so much. I kept wondering what I did wrong, how I could stop the heartbreak, how I could change things. And I know - truly, I do - that it's not all my fault. And I am realizing that things may or may not have a different outcome had he or I behaved differently.
I am beginning to accept that I did not fail, that I have not let myself or my kids down. I still care very much what he, and others, think of me and my parenting abilities. But I'm trying to not let it have a negative affect on me. He and I are very different people, and in some ways very different parents. I tend to run out of patience a little quicker than he does (something I have been working very hard on). He tends to be a little stricter than I am (something else I am working hard to improve). I have to believe that I am a good parent, because... well, I am. My kids are three of the best behaved, well-mannered, pleasant kids that I've had the pleasure of knowing. They are all intelligent, well spoken, polite, fun-loving kids. They will never, ever want for love or attention. As a parent, I did not fail them.
I may have failed my own expectations, but expectations can give us a false sense of security. Just because we think we know how something should be, or we think we know what we want or what's best for us, that may not necessarily be so. When we drop our expectations of ourselves and others, we don't get let down as much. We don't feel like we fail. That's a very difficult course to follow, however. We are tied to our expectations, and get very disappointed when things don't work out as we thought they should have.
But rather than seeing it as failure, I'm learning to look at my experiences as opportunities. I have been given the opportunity to discover myself, and in some ways reinvent myself. I can improve on how I was. I can learn from my mistakes and do things differently in the future. I have met new people and done new things that I wouldn't have done otherwise. I still do care about what others think of me, and how I'm perceived as a parent, but the AHA comes in accepting myself. I can't control what others think of me, I can only be responsible for what I think of me. With the encouragement, support and love that I have felt from so many friends, there is no reason for me to doubt for one minute my ability to be a good parent, or my purpose of being a good person. Thank you for the AHA!
I have felt quite often this past year that I have let people down. My husband and my kids, in particular. Things didn't work out the way we expected them to, and I have felt since January that if I could have done things differently weeks/months/years ago that I could have prevented the deterioration. It's a typical roller coaster- "If I had done abc... If he had done xyz..." back and forth in the ebb and flow of uncertainty and determination. There have been nights when I've been able to look my kids in the eyes and honestly say "It's going to be alright." And there have been nights when I couldn't see straight because I had been crying so much. I kept wondering what I did wrong, how I could stop the heartbreak, how I could change things. And I know - truly, I do - that it's not all my fault. And I am realizing that things may or may not have a different outcome had he or I behaved differently.
I am beginning to accept that I did not fail, that I have not let myself or my kids down. I still care very much what he, and others, think of me and my parenting abilities. But I'm trying to not let it have a negative affect on me. He and I are very different people, and in some ways very different parents. I tend to run out of patience a little quicker than he does (something I have been working very hard on). He tends to be a little stricter than I am (something else I am working hard to improve). I have to believe that I am a good parent, because... well, I am. My kids are three of the best behaved, well-mannered, pleasant kids that I've had the pleasure of knowing. They are all intelligent, well spoken, polite, fun-loving kids. They will never, ever want for love or attention. As a parent, I did not fail them.
I may have failed my own expectations, but expectations can give us a false sense of security. Just because we think we know how something should be, or we think we know what we want or what's best for us, that may not necessarily be so. When we drop our expectations of ourselves and others, we don't get let down as much. We don't feel like we fail. That's a very difficult course to follow, however. We are tied to our expectations, and get very disappointed when things don't work out as we thought they should have.
But rather than seeing it as failure, I'm learning to look at my experiences as opportunities. I have been given the opportunity to discover myself, and in some ways reinvent myself. I can improve on how I was. I can learn from my mistakes and do things differently in the future. I have met new people and done new things that I wouldn't have done otherwise. I still do care about what others think of me, and how I'm perceived as a parent, but the AHA comes in accepting myself. I can't control what others think of me, I can only be responsible for what I think of me. With the encouragement, support and love that I have felt from so many friends, there is no reason for me to doubt for one minute my ability to be a good parent, or my purpose of being a good person. Thank you for the AHA!
Women Friends
Years ago, I was part of a women's chorale, called Concinnity. I also worked in a local framing shop with the director, who also happened to be owner of the shop. The group of 8-12 women would gather at the shop after hours once a week to rehearse. And, of course, women being women we would often spend almost as much time chatting and gossiping as we would singing. We got to know each other quite well, and helped each other through some tough times. For Christmas one year, the director gave each of us a framed photo with this poem underneath:
"To find peace and serenity, comfort and understanding amidst the storms and fires
To nurse and nurture each other and humanity
To be able to both lean on and support each other
To gather the strength to 'take on' whatever awaits us
To be able to expose our true selves and our vulnerabilities
To display and be proud of that which makes us women
To be able to rise, like the phoenix, from the ashes, to flourish, and give birth again.
This is what it means to have Women Friends."
- Gustav Klimt (1862-1918)
When I received this gift in 2001, I was 28, had been married 2 years and my only son was just 8 months old. My husband worked full time for a beer bottling company and attended college full time. I was able to stay home with my son for the most part, and worked part time at the framing shop a few days a week. We were scraping by, but life was pretty good. This picture hung on the wall in the hallway outside the master bedroom for a number of years. I appreciated the gift, I liked the painting and the poem, but I didn't think much more of it.
In 2006, we moved, and naturally all of our wall hangings and decorations got packed up in boxes, and moved to our new attic. It's now 2010, and there are still boxes in the attic that have not been unpacked. I happened to be up there for something else entirely, and as I was glancing around, I noticed this picture. I picked it up, dusted it off and decided I would find somewhere to hang it. I read the poem again and realized how much life has changed for me since I received this as a gift 9 years ago. I now have 3 kids. I work full time. My marriage has fallen apart. I've needed friends more this year than ever before. The poem no longer contained meaningless words. The picture was no longer just a decoration. My life has changed so drastically since 2001, and this painting and poem has a whole new meaning to me now.
At the beginning of the year, as I was confiding in a very dear (male) friend, he told me that when he had gone through really tough times years before, it was his female friends who pulled him out of the fire. He said, "All your friends will help you, but it's gonna be the women who do the most for you." As I looked at this painting and read the poem, I thought about my women friends.
As the events of 2010 unfolded, it was my tendency to turn to my male friends for support. And I've received much comfort and support from them. I love each and every one of them very much. Yet, when I confide in my female friends, I think I feel a bit more connected. For example, I recently met a girl who is about 20 years younger than me. She came over for dinner, and instead of watching a movie like we had planned, we talked. And talked, and talked. She was only here for a few hours, but we connected. We have a lot in common. We've experienced similar situations. She doesn't complain about typical college freshman type things. In fact, she doesn't complain much at all. She's decided, as I have, that we just have to make the best of the situations we're given. We discovered that we have a lot in common, we have a lot to talk about, but more importantly we can understand each other. I also recently reconnected with one of my very best college girlfriends. We spent a few hours together comparing kid stories, talking about family life and reliving college memories. It was wonderful to have a connection with her again.
There have been plenty of women in my life who have helped me deal with whatever is thrown at me. And I have appreciated every one of them. I am so incredibly blessed to have the women friends I do. Whether I have known them for 3 days or 30 years they each, in their own way, provide me with moments of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation. They each, in their own way, allow me to share in their moments of AHA. And they each, in their own way, love me and are loved very much by me.
To my women friends: Thank you. You are my strength, my light, my Butterfly Angels and my love.
"To find peace and serenity, comfort and understanding amidst the storms and fires
To nurse and nurture each other and humanity
To be able to both lean on and support each other
To gather the strength to 'take on' whatever awaits us
To be able to expose our true selves and our vulnerabilities
To display and be proud of that which makes us women
To be able to rise, like the phoenix, from the ashes, to flourish, and give birth again.
This is what it means to have Women Friends."
- Gustav Klimt (1862-1918)
When I received this gift in 2001, I was 28, had been married 2 years and my only son was just 8 months old. My husband worked full time for a beer bottling company and attended college full time. I was able to stay home with my son for the most part, and worked part time at the framing shop a few days a week. We were scraping by, but life was pretty good. This picture hung on the wall in the hallway outside the master bedroom for a number of years. I appreciated the gift, I liked the painting and the poem, but I didn't think much more of it.
In 2006, we moved, and naturally all of our wall hangings and decorations got packed up in boxes, and moved to our new attic. It's now 2010, and there are still boxes in the attic that have not been unpacked. I happened to be up there for something else entirely, and as I was glancing around, I noticed this picture. I picked it up, dusted it off and decided I would find somewhere to hang it. I read the poem again and realized how much life has changed for me since I received this as a gift 9 years ago. I now have 3 kids. I work full time. My marriage has fallen apart. I've needed friends more this year than ever before. The poem no longer contained meaningless words. The picture was no longer just a decoration. My life has changed so drastically since 2001, and this painting and poem has a whole new meaning to me now.
At the beginning of the year, as I was confiding in a very dear (male) friend, he told me that when he had gone through really tough times years before, it was his female friends who pulled him out of the fire. He said, "All your friends will help you, but it's gonna be the women who do the most for you." As I looked at this painting and read the poem, I thought about my women friends.
As the events of 2010 unfolded, it was my tendency to turn to my male friends for support. And I've received much comfort and support from them. I love each and every one of them very much. Yet, when I confide in my female friends, I think I feel a bit more connected. For example, I recently met a girl who is about 20 years younger than me. She came over for dinner, and instead of watching a movie like we had planned, we talked. And talked, and talked. She was only here for a few hours, but we connected. We have a lot in common. We've experienced similar situations. She doesn't complain about typical college freshman type things. In fact, she doesn't complain much at all. She's decided, as I have, that we just have to make the best of the situations we're given. We discovered that we have a lot in common, we have a lot to talk about, but more importantly we can understand each other. I also recently reconnected with one of my very best college girlfriends. We spent a few hours together comparing kid stories, talking about family life and reliving college memories. It was wonderful to have a connection with her again.
There have been plenty of women in my life who have helped me deal with whatever is thrown at me. And I have appreciated every one of them. I am so incredibly blessed to have the women friends I do. Whether I have known them for 3 days or 30 years they each, in their own way, provide me with moments of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation. They each, in their own way, allow me to share in their moments of AHA. And they each, in their own way, love me and are loved very much by me.
To my women friends: Thank you. You are my strength, my light, my Butterfly Angels and my love.
Embrace What You Do Not Want
Nithya Shanti continues to be a strong influence in my life. He changes his status update an average of every 2 minutes or so, and many of his little sayings give me great pause and something to really ponder.
"Proactively embrace the opposite of what you most want, cherish and aspire for, and all fear will be resolved."
Embrace the thought of being alone. Seems very foreign to me, and doesn't really make me very excited to think about being alone, but I also understand the value of embracing that which frightens you the most. Tough as it may be at times, I have been working hard to embrace my fears, face my fears, and conquer them once and for all.
"Proactively embrace the opposite of what you most want, cherish and aspire for, and all fear will be resolved."
Embrace the thought of being alone. Seems very foreign to me, and doesn't really make me very excited to think about being alone, but I also understand the value of embracing that which frightens you the most. Tough as it may be at times, I have been working hard to embrace my fears, face my fears, and conquer them once and for all.
From Party to Pictures... the AHA Continues
My kids were going to be away this weekend, so to battle the loneliness that I figured would be inevitable, I decided to have a Columbus Day BBQ. I invited a few people. Then I thought of a few more people who know the first people I invited, so I invited more people. And more people. I invited the people I work with, the entire Leadership class, college friends who live out of town, local friends, Facebook friends I don't see very often... this was turning into a whole big thing! And I was excited, but also a little nervous. I don't do big gatherings at my house very often, and I wondered if I'd really be able to pull it off and have it be enjoyable for everyone involved.
Friday night and Saturday morning I spent some really good, quality time cleaning. I bagged up the mountain of outgrown clothes that were in the hallway nook. I swept every room, and swept them all again. I put away stacks of books and laundry. I dusted off the phone stand/shelves. I threw things away (which I don't do often enough). I cleaned the piles of papers and toys off the dining room table. I scooted from room to room, music in the living room blasting some good-to-move-to, heavy rhythm type tunes, and was moving as fast as I was able. Dancing, singing and headbanging as I went, but moving quickly all the same. When I finally allowed myself time to take a break, step back and look at my house, I was amazed. In just a matter of a few hours, I had transformed my house from "cluttered" to "lived-in." And, yes, there *IS* a difference!
Ok, now the house was clean, so I needed to start preparing the food. I cut up and skewered chicken, peppers and onions that had been marinating in Italian dressing since the previous night. I slathered BBQ sauce on a small rack of ribs and set them on the grill. I started forming hamburgers after mixing some spices into the meat. And all the while, still dancing, moving, singing and occasionally headbanging. This is how I work best.
My neighbors showed up. Then a co-worker. I slowed down for a bit, while the burgers were cooking and the 4 of us sat outside in the beautiful sunshine, chatting and soaking in the gorgeous autumn weather. A few more friends arrived, and I started moving again. I don't like to sit still, truthfully. Especially when my OCD kicks in and I feel that everything needs to be exactly perfect when friends come to visit. More friends arrived. And more friends. My energy level was over the top and my excitement was overflowing. All in all, there were probably close to 30 people at my "little" BBQ, and throughout the day nearly all of them commented to me what a great party it was. I enjoyed every moment, from when my neighbors walked in at 12:15 until the last 4 people left at 9:30.
Holy crap. I did it. I successfully pulled off a fairly large party, and everyone seemed to have a really great time! I am basking in my own AHA!
This was a great sense of accomplishment to me. I was thrilled that so many people made the effort to come to my house. I know that I have lots of friends, but somehow having that many people at my house - because I invited them there - emphasized that people really do enjoy spending time with me. I was honored that a friend drove an hour from Rochester, and two others drove approximately three hours from near Albany to hang out for the day. Again, basking in my own AHA of knowing that people will go to that length to have a good time because I asked them to.
As the sun set behind the trees and it started to cool down outside, people began to leave and the party moved indoors. Little by little people fell away, until there were 5 of us left. 2 of these friends and I all went to college together and participated in a whole lot of music activities and functions together. As we were reminiscing and telling stories, I kept saying, "I have pictures of that. I *KNOW* I have pictures of that!" Finally, I hunted around a bit and pulled out two old photo albums. One from 1994-1995 and the other from 1995-1996. And wouldn't you know- I did have pictures from all those events we were reliving and remembering! So the 5 of us huddled around the photo albums and looked, page by page, at two of the best years of my life. Even the 2 who hadn't known us in college were laughing out loud at the stories that the other 3 of us had to tell! Phenomenal moment of AHA!
I began scanning all the old college photos, with the grand intention to digitally create a Music scrapbook. These photos, and memories, are much to precious to be lost. The AHA has been overflowing the past few days, and I have literally been laughing hysterically out loud as I'm looking at these pictures and remembering all the goofy things my friends and I did at 22-23 years old. And every moment that I think of these people I spent so much time with, and the bonds that we formed, and the friendships that we still hold so dear, the AHA overflows some more. It's a very beautiful thing!
Friday night and Saturday morning I spent some really good, quality time cleaning. I bagged up the mountain of outgrown clothes that were in the hallway nook. I swept every room, and swept them all again. I put away stacks of books and laundry. I dusted off the phone stand/shelves. I threw things away (which I don't do often enough). I cleaned the piles of papers and toys off the dining room table. I scooted from room to room, music in the living room blasting some good-to-move-to, heavy rhythm type tunes, and was moving as fast as I was able. Dancing, singing and headbanging as I went, but moving quickly all the same. When I finally allowed myself time to take a break, step back and look at my house, I was amazed. In just a matter of a few hours, I had transformed my house from "cluttered" to "lived-in." And, yes, there *IS* a difference!
Ok, now the house was clean, so I needed to start preparing the food. I cut up and skewered chicken, peppers and onions that had been marinating in Italian dressing since the previous night. I slathered BBQ sauce on a small rack of ribs and set them on the grill. I started forming hamburgers after mixing some spices into the meat. And all the while, still dancing, moving, singing and occasionally headbanging. This is how I work best.
My neighbors showed up. Then a co-worker. I slowed down for a bit, while the burgers were cooking and the 4 of us sat outside in the beautiful sunshine, chatting and soaking in the gorgeous autumn weather. A few more friends arrived, and I started moving again. I don't like to sit still, truthfully. Especially when my OCD kicks in and I feel that everything needs to be exactly perfect when friends come to visit. More friends arrived. And more friends. My energy level was over the top and my excitement was overflowing. All in all, there were probably close to 30 people at my "little" BBQ, and throughout the day nearly all of them commented to me what a great party it was. I enjoyed every moment, from when my neighbors walked in at 12:15 until the last 4 people left at 9:30.
Holy crap. I did it. I successfully pulled off a fairly large party, and everyone seemed to have a really great time! I am basking in my own AHA!
This was a great sense of accomplishment to me. I was thrilled that so many people made the effort to come to my house. I know that I have lots of friends, but somehow having that many people at my house - because I invited them there - emphasized that people really do enjoy spending time with me. I was honored that a friend drove an hour from Rochester, and two others drove approximately three hours from near Albany to hang out for the day. Again, basking in my own AHA of knowing that people will go to that length to have a good time because I asked them to.
As the sun set behind the trees and it started to cool down outside, people began to leave and the party moved indoors. Little by little people fell away, until there were 5 of us left. 2 of these friends and I all went to college together and participated in a whole lot of music activities and functions together. As we were reminiscing and telling stories, I kept saying, "I have pictures of that. I *KNOW* I have pictures of that!" Finally, I hunted around a bit and pulled out two old photo albums. One from 1994-1995 and the other from 1995-1996. And wouldn't you know- I did have pictures from all those events we were reliving and remembering! So the 5 of us huddled around the photo albums and looked, page by page, at two of the best years of my life. Even the 2 who hadn't known us in college were laughing out loud at the stories that the other 3 of us had to tell! Phenomenal moment of AHA!
I began scanning all the old college photos, with the grand intention to digitally create a Music scrapbook. These photos, and memories, are much to precious to be lost. The AHA has been overflowing the past few days, and I have literally been laughing hysterically out loud as I'm looking at these pictures and remembering all the goofy things my friends and I did at 22-23 years old. And every moment that I think of these people I spent so much time with, and the bonds that we formed, and the friendships that we still hold so dear, the AHA overflows some more. It's a very beautiful thing!
Love Conquers Bullies
There has been a lot happening around me lately. A lot of things happening in the news, with friends, and personally. One such thing that has been in the headlines recently is the suicide of a New Jersey college kid. I saw posted on Facebook links to two wonderful blogs that I feel everyone should read. Please take a moment to look at them: Vicky Bell's Blog and Single Dad Laughing.
My oldest is 9. Thankfully, we haven't had to deal with the bully issue, and naturally, I hope we never do. I was never bullied terribly growing up, but I can remember times when other kids picked on me and how badly it hurt my feelings. I can't begin to imagine the pain of that NJ student, or any other person who's been severely bullied.
Allow me to jump on a soapbox for just one moment- Talk to the kids around you. Let them know they matter. Let them know you love them, you care about them, you like them even just a little. Because sometimes even just a little is more than anyone else will say they care. I think one simple sentence, written in Vicky Bell's letter, gives a very strong moment of AHA: "Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING."
AHA comes from knowing something is meaningful in your life. It allows you to accept certain circumstances, makes you happy and/or gives you something to appreciate. Knowing that nothing can ruin your life forever is a pretty strong piece of information. Even when we feel like we're getting kicked when we're down, eventually people do forget. No matter what happens in our lives, we tend to forget it. Or we at least forget how bad we felt at that time, even if we can't forget the actual event. Kids need to understand this. And kids need to know that the strength of love outweighs the burden of being bullied.
The events happening to me personally have nothing at all to do with being bullied. However, my confidence has once again been thrown into question (in my own mind) and I often find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life and what kind of person I am. In that manner, I found this Tina Lifford quote particularly meaningful: "When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible." Everyone needs to feel empowered and invincible once in a while, maybe more. Every day I have to remind myself that I am doing ok, I'm a beautiful person, and I am making good choices with my life. I think it's incredibly important that I pass these sentiments along to my 3 kids as well. They need to know each and every day that they are loved, they are good kids, they have a strong family, and nothing they do during the course of the day makes me love them any less.
I think if more kids could understand and know who they are, they would grow up to be more confident teens and stronger, more stable adults. More kids would have that feeling of empowerment. And, if more kids knew that they are accepted by others, and therefore can better accept themselves, they could grow up with a feeling of invincibility. Mix that empowerment and invincibility with some good ol' down-to-Earth humility and a few polite manners, and I think that makes a pretty good recipe for a well-rounded, decent attitude.
So (back on the temporary soapbox), I ask anyone reading this to share a moment of AHA with a child you know. Whether that child is "troubled" or not, EVERY kid needs to be told again and again how important they are. Let them know you Accept them as they are, you are Happy to know them and you Appreciate the impact they have on your life. YOU can be the source of empowerment and invincibility. YOU can provide endless moments of AHA by repeating "I love you" to someone every day, and truly meaning it. May love conquer the bullies.
My oldest is 9. Thankfully, we haven't had to deal with the bully issue, and naturally, I hope we never do. I was never bullied terribly growing up, but I can remember times when other kids picked on me and how badly it hurt my feelings. I can't begin to imagine the pain of that NJ student, or any other person who's been severely bullied.
Allow me to jump on a soapbox for just one moment- Talk to the kids around you. Let them know they matter. Let them know you love them, you care about them, you like them even just a little. Because sometimes even just a little is more than anyone else will say they care. I think one simple sentence, written in Vicky Bell's letter, gives a very strong moment of AHA: "Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING."
AHA comes from knowing something is meaningful in your life. It allows you to accept certain circumstances, makes you happy and/or gives you something to appreciate. Knowing that nothing can ruin your life forever is a pretty strong piece of information. Even when we feel like we're getting kicked when we're down, eventually people do forget. No matter what happens in our lives, we tend to forget it. Or we at least forget how bad we felt at that time, even if we can't forget the actual event. Kids need to understand this. And kids need to know that the strength of love outweighs the burden of being bullied.
The events happening to me personally have nothing at all to do with being bullied. However, my confidence has once again been thrown into question (in my own mind) and I often find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life and what kind of person I am. In that manner, I found this Tina Lifford quote particularly meaningful: "When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible." Everyone needs to feel empowered and invincible once in a while, maybe more. Every day I have to remind myself that I am doing ok, I'm a beautiful person, and I am making good choices with my life. I think it's incredibly important that I pass these sentiments along to my 3 kids as well. They need to know each and every day that they are loved, they are good kids, they have a strong family, and nothing they do during the course of the day makes me love them any less.
I think if more kids could understand and know who they are, they would grow up to be more confident teens and stronger, more stable adults. More kids would have that feeling of empowerment. And, if more kids knew that they are accepted by others, and therefore can better accept themselves, they could grow up with a feeling of invincibility. Mix that empowerment and invincibility with some good ol' down-to-Earth humility and a few polite manners, and I think that makes a pretty good recipe for a well-rounded, decent attitude.
So (back on the temporary soapbox), I ask anyone reading this to share a moment of AHA with a child you know. Whether that child is "troubled" or not, EVERY kid needs to be told again and again how important they are. Let them know you Accept them as they are, you are Happy to know them and you Appreciate the impact they have on your life. YOU can be the source of empowerment and invincibility. YOU can provide endless moments of AHA by repeating "I love you" to someone every day, and truly meaning it. May love conquer the bullies.
Never Alone
My biggest fear is being alone. Always has been, probably always will be. I have 3 wonderfully loud kids (in fact, I'm thoroughly convinced that I am the parent of the loudest child on the face of the earth, and I invite anyone to challenge that notion), neighbors who crack me up whenever I see them, 15 or so fabulous co-workers who all love to talk, 514 Facebook friends, who knows how many contacts in my cell phone and email account... and yet I have felt more alone this year than I ever have before. And it frightens me terribly.
A very dear friend reminds me often, "You are -NEVER- alone." And in my brain, I know this to be true. However, when I am faced with an empty house, save for the cat, I feel utterly alone. And it never ceases to amaze me what a toll on the ego loneliness can take. No matter what great things happened throughout the day, once loneliness kicks in, I hit that brick wall that I so thoroughly dread.
This is not a "feel-sorry-for-me" blog entry. This is me being human and exploring just another one of my weaknesses. I have become mentally and emotionally stronger than I ever imagined, and I am learning to build my own self-confidence. But there are still moments, sometimes without any warning, when I suddenly feel like a small child lost in the middle of a crowded mall. Confused, alone, panicked, not having any idea how I got here or what to do next.
A number of years ago there was a show on MTV called "Love Monkey." I think I only saw it once, but a quote from that show has stuck with me since then- "One of the great things about confidence is even though you might lose it, sometimes just as quickly you can get it back again." Sometimes, just when I hit that brick wall, I get a phone call or Facebook message or something that grabs me by the shirt collar and says, "Let's go! Snap out of it!" Sometimes I find my own way out just for the fact that I don't want to be lonely. And often times, I have thought of this quote from an obscure, short-lived MTV sitcom that has had so much meaning to me.
Finding your confidence isn't always easy. But, just like AHA, there's always an opportunity to seek out confidence. Whether it's in listening to your favorite music, participating in your favorite activity, smiling at a stranger, helping out someone, calling a friend or scouring Facebook for someone to talk with, if you look in the unexpected places, you'll likely find confidence and AHA.
Cheers! :)
A very dear friend reminds me often, "You are -NEVER- alone." And in my brain, I know this to be true. However, when I am faced with an empty house, save for the cat, I feel utterly alone. And it never ceases to amaze me what a toll on the ego loneliness can take. No matter what great things happened throughout the day, once loneliness kicks in, I hit that brick wall that I so thoroughly dread.
This is not a "feel-sorry-for-me" blog entry. This is me being human and exploring just another one of my weaknesses. I have become mentally and emotionally stronger than I ever imagined, and I am learning to build my own self-confidence. But there are still moments, sometimes without any warning, when I suddenly feel like a small child lost in the middle of a crowded mall. Confused, alone, panicked, not having any idea how I got here or what to do next.
A number of years ago there was a show on MTV called "Love Monkey." I think I only saw it once, but a quote from that show has stuck with me since then- "One of the great things about confidence is even though you might lose it, sometimes just as quickly you can get it back again." Sometimes, just when I hit that brick wall, I get a phone call or Facebook message or something that grabs me by the shirt collar and says, "Let's go! Snap out of it!" Sometimes I find my own way out just for the fact that I don't want to be lonely. And often times, I have thought of this quote from an obscure, short-lived MTV sitcom that has had so much meaning to me.
Finding your confidence isn't always easy. But, just like AHA, there's always an opportunity to seek out confidence. Whether it's in listening to your favorite music, participating in your favorite activity, smiling at a stranger, helping out someone, calling a friend or scouring Facebook for someone to talk with, if you look in the unexpected places, you'll likely find confidence and AHA.
Cheers! :)
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