Creating Drama

Another year has run its course, and I'm a touch behind with the season of reflection sentiments. 2016 ended on a much harsher note than that on which it began, for a number of reasons, and I have taken quite a bit of time lately to look back on various personal events and decisions to determine how I might have made the last few months more enjoyable, or at the very least less aggravating.

I have come to the brilliant conclusion that much of the drama, anguish, anger, confusion and sadness that I experienced this past year was created solely by me. I scripted, produced and starred in my own little personal soap opera, making myself somewhat miserable (more than "somewhat" at times), and bringing down a few others around me as well. There was joy, laughter and happiness in 2016; The whole year wasn't doom and gloom. But I did manage to create much more than necessary amounts of drama.

The answer to why I did this is still not completely known to me, and perhaps it is one of those anomalies in my life that will forever remain a mystery. What I do know is that in looking back on certain situations, I am able to see how and where I went wrong with my decisions, and ways that I may have been able to prevent drama instead of encouraging it, had I acted in a different manner.

Every day we make thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of decisions. From what to wear in the morning, to what to have for dinner, to whether or not to smile at a stranger, to how we treat other people. I have always proudly considered myself to be a polite, caring, selfless individual. I think as this past year progressed, somehow I lost sight of those virtues, at least in some respect. I began taking, and justifying, actions that were selfish and hurtful to others. Although I knew the consequences of poor decisions, I made poor decisions anyway. And to make it worse, I convinced myself that my actions were justified as a response to someone else's actions. So around and around the abyss I circled, slipping further down into the gloom and trying to make it not be my fault.

We are in a constant domino effect with others around us. One's actions elicits another's response, which creates a reaction, which causes another response... and so on. Like the thousands of decisions we make daily, some actions are big and intentional, and we full well know that some kind of reaction will take place, be it positive or negative. Many actions throughout the day, however, are extremely subtle, nearly hidden, a subconscious start to a chain reaction. Each of us, as individuals, have the power to determine if our actions will be big or subtle; whether they will bring about a positive response or a negative one. We simply need to be mindful of the consequences of how we act. We seem to do so much on auto-pilot that we don't always stop to assess what it is we're really doing and how it might affect someone else.

As much as I wanted to believe that my actions were good for me and making me happy, I finally had to acknowledge that they were not. Life may not always be exactly what we think we want. And letting go of that image of what "should be" is sometimes one of the hardest things we can ask ourselves to do.

However, opening the door for what is possible can yield a wonderful result, if we are willing to accept it. I have shifted my attitude, and am working to see things for what they are, as they are in front of me, not necessarily what I think I want. I am done creating my own drama. I look forward to a new year that provides me with more happiness, more adventure, more joy and more love. May the same be true for you as well.