It's raining out today and very dreary. And it's Monday. Despite having a very good weekend and going to bed fairly early last night, I burrowed underneath the covers when my alarm went off this morning. I could hear the rain pouring down on the roof and windows, and I most definitely did not want to get up. I finally pulled myself out of the warmth of my bed, and the morning routine rolled along in a fairly normal fashion. Still raining when I left the house with the kids. Not sure exactly why, but when I arrived at work, I was just bummed. A slightly annoying phone call immediately after I got to my desk, and slightly frustrating conversations with 2 separate people very closely following did not make for a fabulous start to the day.
Friday I was in a spectacular mood. On the brink of ridiculously giddy, actually. I can't recall that anything in particular happened that would make me feel that way, but I was in a great mood anyway. When I posted on Facebook this morning that my mood had slumped, 2 friends had comments that made me re-evaluate my outlook. The first said, "Think of Saturday," referring to the fact that I had posted early on Saturday that I was having a good day and looking forward to hanging out with a friend that evening. The second said, "What did you remember (about life, about who you really are) on Friday that you have forgotten this morning? Remember it." That struck me like a sledgehammer upside the head.
My kids will pout and/or throw a fit over the most insane matters. I find myself telling all 3 of them more and more often, "You can choose to enjoy where we are and what we're doing, or you can choose to be miserable. That's it. This is what we're doing right now, we can't do anything different at the moment. It's up to you whether to have a good time or be miserable. Which do you think sounds like a better choice?" After shaking off the sting of the sledgehammer of the second comment, I heard myself asking why I was so upset, and that I have a choice- to be miserable and stew or let it go and be in a good mood again. Obviously, the good mood is the more appealing of the choices, so I had to figure out what is bothering me and how to not let it get in my way of having a good day.
Another thing I find myself telling my kids when they are pouting or throwing a fit is, "Don't be mean to your sister/brother. You're upset with me, not them. Just because you're angry with me doesn't mean that you should take it out on anyone else." My kids are very much like me, which is not always a good thing. They are all stubborn, they all want to be able to do things their own way, and they all have a temper. Yep, those are my kids! I'm doing my best to teach them, while they are young, to compartmentalize their feelings about different people or events, and not to lash out at everyone just because they are upset with one person or because of one particular happening. This has been a lesson hard-learned for their 'Sign of the Ox' Mama. But it's high on the list of AHA changes for myself.
Letting things go, no matter how big or small, has always been somewhat difficult for me. Whether or not I can pinpoint why I'm in a bad mood, I am beginning to learn that it's possible to keep that mood to myself (more or less) and not necessarily spread it around by being negative to others. I cannot expect others to save me from my own disparaging thoughts. It's up to me to choose how to act, how to treat others, how to handle the events of the day. I've also learned that sometimes just letting go, forgiving and forgetting feels a whole lot better than hanging on. So, back to my friend's comment.... what have I forgotten that I need to remember that will put me back on the upper end of the mood spectrum?
It seems that I have forgotten about the hoards of people I have standing behind me, supporting every aspect of my life. I have forgotten that people love me unconditionally, even when I'm in a bad mood for no reason. I've forgotten that although rain may sometimes dampen my spirits, in the end it's a good thing and should not be taken for granted. I've forgotten that I'm making new friends and have a clean slate with them. I've forgotten that I can be funny and that it's ok to laugh at yourself. I've forgotten that I don't have to try super hard in order for people to like me.
I had a very long, very emotional conversation with a friend, who has partly contributed to the massive swirl of emotions found in my head this morning. He was very blunt with me, and at times made me cry. But he also pointed out some very obvious things to me that I have been avoiding. And we both cracked jokes at each other's expense, and laughed. I feel much better and much more calm than I was earlier. Was today a spectacular day? Not by any means. But I kept my bad mood to myself (for the most part), I allowed myself to explore why I was being cranky and disgruntled, I discussed and vented those reasons with a friend, and I chose to not let the foul mood get the better of me. It took most of the day, but there's always a way to combat being in a bad mood- remember what you have to be thankful for and choose happiness.
:) Cheers.
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