Lessons from My Birthday Boy

My son's birthday is 5 days after mine.  This year, he turned 10.  Wow.  10 years old.  What the heck happened?  Being the first-born, he has taught me a lot during this past decade.  Kids are such an incredibly great source of AHA and learning opportunities in general, if you let them be.  Here are just a few things I've learned from my eldest child:

Be empathetic.  He's always been able to show empathy, even when he was very young.  When he was 3, we had to put down the family cat.  I was heartbroken and had a very difficult time getting through the weak explanation that I could offer him as to why my beloved Rajah had to leave our family.  "He's very sick," I told him,"and the doctors can't make him better."  For weeks after the day that Rajah died, my son would bring to me a small, orange tiger-striped stuffed cat, whom he called Baby Rajah because of the resemblance to the real Raj.  He'd say, "Here Mama... this is so you won't miss your Rajah so much.  You can have my Baby Rajah."  This action, in and of itself, of course broke me down even more, but I always appreciated his attempts to make me feel better.  He's shown empathy for me, his siblings, his father, his classmates and friends, his grandparents and other relatives... just about anyone can earn the empathy of my son.  And that makes me proud.

Ask questions.  This boy, now .  epat 10 years old, has learned to ask more questions than anyone I think I've ever known.  And he's stumped me more times than I care to admit!  Some of the stand-out questions have been: How do cell phones work, How do stoplights work, How do they make metal, How did the dinosaurs die, How does Santa get to everyone's house in one night, and Why do companies make cigarettes and sell them to people if everyone knows they're bad for you?  He managed to get a gene that just doesn't seem very prominent in me- digging for details, and asking questions.  And not only does he have a never-ending list of how and why questions, but he questions things that I do or ask him to do at home.  Sometimes I find myself saying, "Stop questioning, and just do what I ask you to!" but then I wonder what kind of precedent I am setting to him by stifling that desire to know more or to question authority.  Yes, there are times when he, the child, should just do what I, the parent, says.  But I certainly don't want him to ever lose the ability to negotiate or move against the crowd.  Sometimes that's a very good skill to have, and sometimes I wish I could demonstrate it as often as he does.

Do what you have to do, then do what you want to do.  This particular one is something that has been reiterated to me, by me telling it to my son over and over and over!  Logic says that anyone would want to do the fun stuff and avoid the work stuff.  However, logic usually also says that if you do the work stuff first, there will probably be more time for the fun stuff.  This is a point that has yet to find it's way into the thick skull of my very smart son.  I remind him of this fact daily, and in turn realize that I give myself the same advice when faced with a situation in which I need to get things done, but don't really want to do them.

It's OK to be goofy.  I am not always a "let loose and get goofy" kind of person.  My son, is.  I have a series of 3 photos hanging above my desk at work that were taken when he was 6, I believe.  He's wearing black and white cammo shorts, a black Metallica T-shirt and a paper Incredibles face mask.  And he's dancing a very goofy dance.  His dad and I were cracking up so hard we were crying.  And he was dancing for no reason at all!!  Just because he was in a goofy mood.  He has taught me over the years that I don't have to always be serious.  It's ok to lighten up, to dance for no reason, to wear funny masks and chase each other around the house, to play hide and seek for 5 minutes because you're bored, to just plain be silly.  This has been an important lesson for me, and not one very easily learned.  But one I've taken great strides in accomplishing.

Always use your imagination.  My kids- all 3 of them -have the biggest and most unpredictable imaginations I think I've ever seen.  (And perhaps I'm biased, but still...)  One day, my oldest son was leading an expedition through the digestive tract of a dinosaur. My daughter was happily following and they explained to me how they were scientists who had traveled back to dinosaur time, they got eaten by a dinosaur then pooped out.  Then they got eaten again, by another dinosaur.  And they explained all this to me very matter-of-factly.  After my son was done narrating that particular portion of the story (which had me in tears in the first place), he left the room.  My daughter stood there for a moment, shrugged her shoulders and said to no one in particular, "Well... here we are in the stomach" then walked out.  I died.  Laughed so hard my gut hurt and tears were streaming down my face.  I'll admit, just as with the questions, there are times when I find myself telling him to turn off the imagination and simply do whatever it is he's suppose to be doing.  But I treasure listening to him imagine, and inviting his siblings and I to play along.  I've learned to embrace the inner imaginator and do the best I can to keep up with him.

My children have been some of the best teachers I've ever had, and I hope that continues.  I love teaching them, as much as I love learning from them.  Whether it's big life lessons, or just remembering to color inside the lines, learning from my kids brings me huge amounts of joyous AHA.