Day 3 and Counting...

The past few days have been a roller coaster of positive and negative emotions, and despite my valiant efforts to choose happiness, today was the third in a row in which the work day ended with me sitting at my desk in tears.  Various reasons, various people, partly the rain (yes, I really do blame it on the rain) and gloomy weather, and partly my own insecurities have all culminated into some semblance of a meltdown at my desk, late in the afternoon.

Monday, as I posted previously, I'm not really sure specifically what was wrong with me, but I spent part of the afternoon being very emotional and chatting with a very dear Friend, which in the end made me feel better.  We talked about a few different things that had added up over time and were bothering me.  I said that my insecurities were rearing again, and making me feel completely inadequate when compared to another particular person.  (I know, I know... should never compare yourself to others.)  He said I was allowing myself to believe that I am second best to someone I do not get along with.  He told me that I was afraid to face my "bad" emotions, and the word bad was purposely in quotations because, he says, I view negative emotions as bad.  He told me I have a right to be upset and it's natural to feel that way and I can't ignore it.  He said when he gets feeling very upset, he needs to go do some physical activity to exorcise his demons and feel better.  He told me I need to find something to focus on to help move past the negative feelings.

Yesterday, I allowed the actions of one person to get under my skin enough to break me down.  And, to top it off, I broke down two hours before a dinner date with someone I'd never met before!  Teary-eyed and blotchy-faced was NOT the first in-person impression I wanted to make.  So I stopped by a friend's house to let my emotions explode a bit, let a few expletives fly, and get everything out of my system before moving ahead to what I was hoping would be a nice date.  A half-hour conversation/rant session with two very dear Friends was enough to get the demons gone so I could feel good about myself again.

This afternoon, I received a phone call which made me slightly upset, and sort of dragged out a bunch of baggage that I was sure had been securely packed away.  Although I was upset, the person who called me was also upset (for different reasons than me) and I felt glad that they could call and talk with me about the problem at hand.  We drudged up a few issues from our past that probably didn't need to be drudged up, and played the "What If...." game a little, but we both realized that neither of those solutions was going to get us anywhere.  And I repeated to myself the words of my Friend from Monday: "Don't let yourself believe you are second best" and "find the focus of how you can work out your anger and deal with the negative feelings after."

I'm not nearly as physically inclined as my Friend is, so jumping on, over and around obstacles isn't really my way of letting out anger.  (Although it does sound super fun, so maybe I should make that my focus...)  Instead, I called a friend and asked to get together.  But here's the shocker: I didn't call my usual Knights in Shining Armour, aka the people I always call when I'm upset.  Not because I didn't want to, but I think rather I just wanted to try something (or someone) a little different tonight.  So I called a new friend, someone I've only met one other time.

He was receptive to meeting me for a drink and a bite to eat, so I cleaned myself up (goodbye blotches and tears!) put on a little makeup (because my Peanut says it's always a good time to look your best!) and headed out.  By giving myself something new to focus on, and choosing to be happy at least for a while, I was able to hold conversations with him, not blubber like an idiot, and completely forget about the other person who had so badly gotten under my skin.  And I had a very nice date.  Second date, I might add.  We had dinner together last night, too.

One bad moment does not a bad day make.  If Yoda were ever some sort of Positivity Life Coach, I think this would be part of his mantra.  One bad moment does not a bad day make.  I kept saying it over and over to myself and focusing on my new friend, instead of those who upset me.  When I came home after dinner, was the problem completely gone?  No, the person I'm unhappy with had done and will do things that I see as upsetting.  However, I can choose how to act accordingly.  Sometimes the answer I want to choose involves lots of swearing and physical contact with them, and not in a nice way.  But I have yet to take that road. Usually common smarts prevail and I simply smile, nod my head, then remove myself from the situation entirely.

I don't have to be happy with all the decisions that everyone else makes.  I don't have to focus on the one person or situation that is causing me stress.  I can focus on the good aspects of my life, and hopefully find some sort of energetic distraction, like Zumba, to help melt the worries away.

Yesterday, when I returned home from my dinner date, I posted my status on Facebook as simply, "Kate DeForest had a very nice date.  :)"  54 people "liked" that.  Now that's some love, right there!  "One bad moment does not a bad day make."  Keep an eye on your focus, and make sure it's in the right place.