I have always been a fairly private person. I don't usually like to have face to face conflicts, especially not in front of other people. I tend to keep my problems to myself, but am kind of an open book and when I'm having a really bad day, most people can tell. I've always also been very shy. It used to take me a very long time to really open up and talk with people. However, most of these things (if you hadn't already noticed) have changed.
When it became very obvious that there was not going to be an easy "fix" to my marriage problems, I spent a lot of time crying by myself. I didn't want to tell anyone what was happening, partly I think because I was embarrassed or ashamed, and partly because I was convinced that if I put enough time, thought, effort and energy into it, I could fix things myself. Neither of these are very logical, obviously. It took me a number of months before I finally called someone to talk about it. Slowly, I began to grasp onto the fact that other people could help, if by no other means than just to listen and let me vent things out. I also began to grasp that there were a lot of people out there who really care about me and wanted to help. Reaching out was never a very easy thing for me to do, but once I did, it became easier and easier to talk to people, to let my emotions out, to get their opinions and/or suggestions... to let myself be openly vulnerable.
In the time that has passed since I first let out that my marriage was falling apart, I have strengthened friendships that had already been there for a long time, I have gained friendships and grown closer with people I had previously called casual friends or acquaintances, I've gotten to know people via Facebook whom I have a lot in common with, I've met completely new people. I've allowed myself to be vulnerable, but also made myself be strong. 10, 5, even 2 years ago, I don't think "inspirational" would have been a word I used to describe myself, and now I seem to hear that from all sorts of people, almost daily.
Another thing that I've learned about myself which I don't think was utilized to it's full potential previously- I love helping others, being there for them, talking with them, listening to them, understanding them. I don't have an extremely exciting life; the past year or 18 months was rocky, but life could have been much worse for me. I haven't lived through any traumatic, life-threatening situations. I have 3 healthy kids, I've worked radio jobs most of my life (which, in case you were wondering, are not high-stress types of jobs), I grew up in and now live in suburbia, and I'm divorced. However, despite the lack of "excitement" on my life resume, I think that after (almost) 38 years, I have a lot of experience. I have stories to tell, advice to give, rules to live by, opinions, suggestions, memories, ideas... and I'm happy to share any of them.
To anyone who reads this blog but doesn't comment, please know that I appreciate your silent support. To anyone who comments, whether I know who you are or not, please know that I appreciate your thoughts, comments, questions, feedback and support. To the Anonymous person who said they don't have any "people"- you have me. So many people have given to me throughout my whole life, especially when I needed it the most, I would be completely selfish and stupid to not try to give at least a portion of that love back to others. I believe in Karma. And I believe in Paying It Forward. Love others, and you'll get that love back, ten-fold. Never be afraid to reach out. Because you never know what will come of it, or where it will bring you.
Cheers!
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