"I was nervous and didn't know how to act in front of him." "She was just acting like herself." "Act like an adult." Why do we "act"? Every person has their own distinct personality, has their own quirks, has their own beliefs, their own reactions... so why is it that we feel the need to act instead of just be?
I think in many ways I have acted most of my life, as opposed to just being. I spend quite a lot of time worried about what others will think, how others perceive me, what kind of impression I'm making, etc. I do my best to act in a way that will appease the most people, to follow what I think is expected of me, to be what's considered proper of sorts, or appropriate. Not that I would be a completely inappropriate, rude, selfish SOB on my own terms... but I'm constantly trying to measure myself up as I think others are measuring me up. I'm acting.
Lately, I have discovered the joy of just being. Being my own person, being fun, being anything my friends need me to be, being alone, being beautiful... just being me. I find it very ironic that I need to practice just being me. After all, there is no other me. Yet somehow at times, I feel awkward in my own skin. Like I'm back in elementary school, worried that all the "cool" kids are gonna make fun of me. Who cares? It didn't really matter back in elementary school, and it doesn't matter now. Showcasing my most positive attributes, or practicing being me, allows me to feel more at ease, allows me to not care what others think or if they like me, allows me to free myself and just do what I want to do. To just be.
I'm not perfect. I have questionable choices in music, clothing, TV shows, parenting styles... questionable to others, anyway. I like what I like. So what if you don't like my music. Don't listen to it! As long as my kids are happy and healthy, please don't criticize my way of parenting them. If my clothes could use a little updating, I'm willing to listen. But if I'm comfy and not going out anywhere, don't expect me to care a whole lot! All in all, I'm a good person with a good heart, able to have fun, willing to listen and help however I can. That's me, just being me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating that you act like a jerk at your spouse's office party, just because you feel like it. Or that any of us should behave in a manner that is grossly out of sorts for any particular situation. And, of course, we should take into account other people's feelings. The whole "Do unto others" rule is slightly misaligned, as is "An eye for an eye." There needs to be a nice balance of both. "Do unto others as you'd do unto you, as long as you don't hurt anyone." I think perhaps maybe our vernacular needs to change a bit. I am tired of acting. I want to be more cognizant of my behavior, and behave in a manner that feels the most comfortable to me. I'm awkward enough as it is! I don't need to be worrying about what everyone else thinks about me. Acting is for the stage. When we're talking real life, let's just all be who we really are!
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