Personality tests are kind of a funny phenomenon, I think. I understand that people tend to have similar groups of personality traits based on how they act or react to something. And yet, people who posses those same traits may respond to a situation in completely different ways. I have just recently become acquainted with a couple different versions of these tests, and they intrigue me. As interesting as it is to study other people's behavior, I think it's equally - if not more so - fascinating to look at my own. I have been basically labeled an introvert. Yep... no two ways about it, my whole life, I've been a task-oriented introvert. Except, am I really? Is it possible to change the traits that we possess? Or hone what we've grown up with?
I studied Broadcasting in college, and a few years after highschool, I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen since graduation. When I told him I worked at a radio station, his jaw hit the floor. "But you never talked to anyone in school!" he said, incredulously. I laughed, but it was kind of true. I think I was definitely a bona fide introvert up until .... well, I'm not sure really. It's been a long, slow, laborious process and I'm still not the spokesperson for Extroverts Unanonymous, nor will I ever be. But I certainly have changed. And that's expected, and I'm glad because of it.
In high school, I met lots of people, and a select group of them became my good friends. They helped build up my confidence and made me laugh. And looking back on old photos, I'm glad to know that I was in good company with my big glasses and poofy hair! We had a lot of the same interests and were in a lot of the same organizations. I started to come out of "my shell" and was willing to let people see the unguarded Kate. Most people I was friends with in high school I got disconnected from after graduation.
Then there was college. I met a whole new set of interesting, diverse, eclectic people who taught me all sorts of new things. My outer shell started to peel away a little more, as I was forced to do things "by myself." I had to go out and meet new people and make decisions for myself. And.... I started to like it. I can remember being all giddy while talking to people, not for any of the "normal" physical attraction reasons usually associated with being giddy, but just to have people listen and be able to have conversations with them, and feel like they liked me. I felt it in high school, too, but more so in college. Sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Socializing was becoming a kind of high for me.
As college went on, I met more and more people, who taught me more and more things, and I became more and more exposed, letting my guard down and peeling the shell away. And I liked it!! I still wasn't the star of the any huge show or the never-fogotten life of the party (well, there was that one time...) but the more and more I forced myself to socialize with other people, the more and more I became comfortable with myself and not scared. By the time I graduated college, I was no longer the poster child for Introverts-R-Us.
Fast forward years ahead, and we are introduced to Facebook. The whole world right there at your fingertips. We can talk to anyone, anywhere. Now before I get the lecture from my mom and dad about personal online safety, let me assure you that I am still guarded about my personal and private information. However, this has opened a new door to me that I never thought I would walk through. Having online conversations with total strangers? 'Friending' people I've never met? Crazy talk! I am beginning to lose track of the number of people I've become FB friends with whom I've either never met or only met once. There are plenty of connections that I've been a part of where 2 people friend one another because a post on someone's page made them laugh. Or 2 people find they have similar interests and mutual friends, so they get to talking. It amazes me to think of the conversations I've had with people thanks to Facebook, that most likely never would have taken place in "real life."
My shell has pretty much been gone for some time, but I have this comfort zone that prevents me from doing anything out of the ordinary or wild. I think I have the equivalent of an InvisiFence inside my head. Anytime my brain starts to think of something risky, adventurous, dangerous, or the least bit off the beaten path, my InvisiFence goes nuts. "NO!! STEP AWAY FROM THE DANGER ZONE!! STAY INSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE! STAY INSIDE!!!!!" That comfort zone is getting bigger and the fence is starting to break down. I'm not scared to talk with people anymore. I'm not afraid to go somewhere by myself. I don't mind asking for help (ok, I'm still working on this one). I have the desire to learn something new, go new places, meet new people. And I like it.
Don't worry... I haven't given my social security or bank account number to anyone. I haven't agreed to adopt any puppies from Malaysia or accept any bank deposits from the recently deceased Ambassador of Nigeria. I am still taking care of myself, and my kids, and making sure that I play the game safely. But the rules of the game are starting to ease up a bit, and that comfort zone is slowly fading away. It's not gone yet, and it may never be. There are, after all, some things to say about keeping one's boundaries in tact and one's dignity high. But I'm liking this continued high that I get from meeting and talking with people. And stepping outside of my comfort zone, even if it's just for a moment.
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