I have been where you are. I have stood in your shoes, wondering what went wrong and how I got here and why I was here. I cried until I literally thought my eyes would fall out of my head. I felt rejected, abandoned, lonely, alone, useless, helpless and hopeless. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't talk to anyone, could barely move. The reason behind all this behavior wasn't, in and of itself, such a horrendous thing. But that was the lowest period of my life.
It felt like forever. It felt like I cried for years. It felt like I would never get through. But you know what? I did. I did get through, and along the way was a strange, wonderful, enlightening journey... to myself. I became stronger, more empowered, more aware, more conscious of so many things. I had to face fears I never wanted to face. I had to learn things I never wanted to learn. I had to accept circumstances that I never wanted to accept. And eventually, all of these adaptations molded a better me.
We are not the first, nor the last, to go through this. We are merely a few more names in an endless, ever-growing list. Sad as it may be, we are the new "norm." Except I don't really know how new this norm is. I think it's just less hidden now, perhaps, than in years past. And, in retrospect for me, as well as many others, it's not really that sad either. It's a tough battle to face, but the rewards on the other side of the battlefield are beyond your wildest imagination.
I am no expert, by any means. I'm not always right (despite what I somethings think). My way is not always the best way. I'm just me, learning as I go, trying to find the Guide Book that I figure is suppose to have come with this thing called Life. I have picked up a few good pointers along the way, and although this may be considered "unsolicited" advice, I'd like to share some with you.
- Know when to fight, and when to let go. Sometimes a battle is worth fighting and winning. And, unfortunately, sometimes it's just not. When we're stuck right in the middle, it's often hard to distinguish between the two. Fight for what you believe in. I'm a big proponent of that. But if what you want isn't coming to you so easily, it might be time to reassess your priorities. Letting go is not giving up. It's acknowledging when you've exhausted your resources and realizing when you're better off moving in a different direction.
- Stand strong, and keep your head up. If you've done everything you know how to do to rectify the problem, and you've done it in an honorable manner, then you can say you've done your best and there's no reason to be ashamed. Do not let yourself walk with your tail tucked between your legs and your head dragging on the ground. Even when you're feeling your worst, tilt your head up and will yourself to be as strong as you can. The smallest shift in attitude can have a huge effect on you, as well as on others.
- Lean when you need to. Many, many people will gather around you to help in any way they can. Your life is filled to the brim with those who love you in every aspect of the word, and they all want to see you come barreling through this with flying colors. Use them. Lean on them, call them, visit them, cry to them, cry with them, laugh with them, support them (because everyone is fighting their own battle, remember), love them, talk with them, listen to them, hold hands with them, hug them. Each person who wants to help will be able to in their own individual way. But you have to allow them to help. You have to let them in. Trust me, no matter how private you think you are, you won't regret letting down those walls.
- Draw your focus elsewhere. There was a period of a couple weeks, maybe a month, when I read all 5 books in the Percy Jackson/Lightening Thief series. I am not a voracious reader. I love reading, just don't have time to do it. But when that light when off a night, my head suddenly transformed into a disastrous nightmare. I needed Percy Jackson to help put me to sleep. When I read, I got sucked into his world (and his problems of fighting monsters and such were WAY worse than my problems) and I could relax, thereby eventually falling asleep. I also read as much as I could about staying positive and how to basically get yourself out of a funk. I truly believe those types of books helped my brain stay afloat and away from the deep abyss of depression. There really are some powerful works out there. There were also very few moments when I didn't have some kind of music being pumped into my brain. I found myself crying over the lyrics of a Hannah Montana song, and all sorts of songs had all sorts of alternate meanings to my weakened mind. But, song after song, I could concentrate on the lyrics, or the melody or whatever, and I wasn't in such a terrible place any more.
- Ween yourself from dependency. There's a difference between leaning and depending. We all need other people to survive, that I believe to be true. However, being dependent too much on just one person is a no-no. You, my friend, are a very able and capable person. You have to believe that. And the myth that you just can't go on without someone (insert dramatic swipe of the hand across the forehead here) is one that I believe to be... well, just a myth. Life will be different, yes. It will be tough for a while, yes. Will it be impossible? Not likely. Independence is empowering, and necessary.
- Embrace opportunities. For whatever reason, for most people, it takes some jarring life event for us to really look at ourselves and say, "Wow, I should change that." Whatever may happen to us that we don't like very much, presents an opportunity. How do we act or react? How do we make things better? What do we do different? Is there another choice we can make? What can we learn? This is an opportunity to discover, find, create, define the aspects about you that you want to be different. We allow ourselves to get stale within our lives, because that's what becomes our comfort zone. People like to live within those lines. Break out. And I'm not necessarily talking about breaking a Guinness World Record. Remember, a small shift can have a big impact. Don't change because any one else wants you to, change because you want to. Look for opportunities, and grab them.
- Never give up on you. No matter what happens, keep doing the best you know how. At the end of the day, you can be proud of that. Regardless of anything else that happens, don't ever for one single, solitary moment think that you are not worth it. You are an amazing, awesome and beautiful person. Things happen for a reason, and what you're going through now will eventually fade away and become a distant memory. People don't look at other people and say, "That's so-and-so. Such-and-such happened to them." They look at other people and say, "That's so-and-so. They're so [happy/ confident/ bitter/ egotistical/ friendly...fill in the blank]. Your circumstance will fade. YOU, the living, breathing, laughing, loving person will not. Do not. Ever. Forget that.
I just want you to know that I'm included in the masses that are standing in your corner, cheering you on. We cannot do everything for you, in fact, there's really very little we can do, except cheer. But you can count on us for that, day or night, 24/7, whenever you need us. Take comfort, friend.
"Believe you can and you're halfway there." - Theodore Roosevelt
Love,
Me
