Lessons from the Birthday Peanut

Today, my baby turns 5.  I won't bore you with the details of all the ways we celebrated her, but I want to dedicate this particular post to her and all the ways that she has affected my life, and my concept of AHA.

Lessons I Have Learned From My Daughter:

• Always look your best.  Throughout this entire winter, whenever she has had to take off her hat, she runs her hands down her long hair and whispers to me, "Is my hair messy?"  At first I would sort of roll my eyes and think, "You're 4.  You're not suppose to care what your hair looks like."  But then I began to relish the fact that my young daughter wants to look good.  I'm not out to raise another JonBenet Ramsey, and although the thought of beauty pageants had entered my mind very shortly after she was born, I no longer have any interest.  I try to look my best, at least when I'm out in public, so why shouldn't she, even at 4 or 5 years old?  It only takes a second to check yourself in the mirror, and brush your hair if needed.  One is never too young (or old) to be beautiful.

• Any time is a good time to be fancy.  My daughter is fascinated and obsessed with makeup and jewelry.  I'm not quite sure how or why, because I don't wear a lot of either.  But she is, and when asked what she would like to play on a day off, she usually answers with gusto, "Beauty shop!"  She pulls out all of her various containers of makeup, nail files and polish, chapstick and lip glosses, and all the rings, necklaces, hairbands and bracelets she can find.  Then we get fancy.  She does my makeup and I do hers.  She shares her jewelry with me, and asks to have some of mine.  We each wear a combination of no less than 3 kinds of chapstick, lipstick, and/or lip gloss.  She brushes my hair, I brush hers.  She usually allows me to put her hair into braids, pigtails, or some other form of an "updo" as best I can.  We load on the jewelry.  This is good old-fashioned dress up play, and she loves this time with me, and I with her.  And we usually do this on days when we have no plans to go anywhere.  (Please let it be known that I emphasize to her again and again that she doesn't need any of these things to be beautiful.  I enjoy our makeup sessions, but by no means do I think she needs it.  I am doing my best to prevent her from growing up to be a high-maintenance make-up junkie!)

• Always dance when given the chance.  This is her second year of organized dance classes, and even though I know she loves it, she doesn't always want to go.  However, put some music on the stereo in our home living room and she'll go nuts.  We can't have certain music playing while we eat dinner, because the kids will expend more effort dancing than they will eating.  Any possible chance she is given to let loose and dance, she does.  And she usually loves every moment of it.  Dance whenever you're able, it's good for the soul.

• A lot can be learned in the kitchen.  Of the 3 kids, she is the most willing to help out in the kitchen, with the exception of my youngest's obsession with emptying out the dishwasher.  She's helped me make cookies, brownies, pancakes, bacon, deviled eggs, and assorted variations of chicken.  I love having her help me cook, because it means I get to talk with her.  I feel useful as a teacher.  I'm comfortable cooking and enjoy helping her become that way, too.  When it was on TV, I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution with the kids and had them help me chop veggies for salads and such.  She loved that!  I am beginning to understand when people talk about the "connection" made with their mother or grandmother by helping them cook.  And I'm hoping that one day, my daughter will look back and say, "My mom taught me how to do this, and I love it."

• Treasure the little things.  She is a collector.  She will randomly pick up a rock, a stone, a leaf or scrap of paper and insist on keeping it because it's pretty, or she drew it for me, or her friend gave it to her. And no matter how silly I find it, I can't convince her to throw it away.  So I let her keep it.  Sometimes, when she's not home, I go through her room and throw things away.  Lately, I've found myself taking pause at certain things.  Something that I told her to throw away, but she held it clenched in her little hands, pulled tight against her chest, begging me, "Pleeeeeease Mama, please can I keep it?"  Those things I've found myself leaving alone.  I still think it's silly to keep a rock or a leaf in her room, but if it has some sort of meaning to her, who am I to take that away?  I have plenty of things that people might view as "silly" but I hold them dear.  Even the smallest items can sometimes hold the biggest memories, and no one deserves to have those stripped away.

• Keep your guardian angels close.  We have gone through periods of nighttime uncertainties, as most kids do.  There was a time, for maybe a month or so, when she would cry and cry at bedtime, and not go to bed unless I let her sleep with me.  I'm not sure how much the divorce has played into this, but she likes her security.  She always has at least 5 or 6 stuffed animals in her bed with her to help "keep her safe."  She needs a nightlight on.  She likes having concrete things around to help comfort her.  The latest scenario I've used to help her get to sleep is a story about a white wolf (good) and a black wolf (bad).  They fight whenever we have a choice to make, and the one who wins the fight is the one you feed.  So, if you "feed" the white wolf with good, happy, positive thoughts, it will make good, happy, positive things happen.  In order to physically demonstrate this point, I took a statuette of a white wolf from her brother's room and put it on a shelf facing her bed.  She named it Sally.  Sally the White Wolf watches over her while she sleeps, and so long as she continues to feed Sally with positive thoughts, Sally will help keep all the bad, negative things out of her room.  So far, this has worked fairly well, and my daughter will pet Sally, stroking her small, polyresin back.  Then she gives Sally a quick kiss, says goodnight and crawls into bed with a smile on her face.  Whatever guardian angels you may have, may they never be lost to the world of adulthood.  Everyone needs to believe in something.

These are just a few of the lessons I've been taught, in no particular order.  I'm sure there are more, and there will be more throughout the years.  I've learned that AHA can be found in discovering the smallest pretty pebble to silly dancing in the living room to having Sally the White Wolf watch over you while you sleep to looking your best for no one in particular.

Happy birthday to my beautiful, awesome, amazing little Peanut.  I very much look forward to many more moments of AHA with you.

Cheers!