Floating on the Riptide, aka Full and Complete Acceptance

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my identity- who I am, how I define myself and the ways that I hold onto that.  I've also been thinking quite a bit lately about new relationships- how we connect, how we foster and grow relationships, and how we do that without losing our own identity.  

I've recently had the opportunity to allow a new relationship to develop.  This is both exhilarating and a touch nerve-wracking.  Exhilarating, for the obvious reasons of having a new relationship.  Nerve-wracking, mostly because I have a touch of OCD and I like to over-think and over-analyze things, which usually causes trouble for me.  But this time, I am determined to win that battle.

I had been going back through old blog posts, and naming each one rather than simply using the date it was written as a title.  In renaming them, I forced myself to re-read all of  my entries.  Every last one.  Among the multitude of words, I found a number of note-worthy quotes or passages that I plucked out for use at a later time.  Among them:  "Some people spend their whole life being, or trying to be, someone they're not.  I like this version of me.  And I like that it's continually becoming easier to 'just be myself' rather than worrying about whether people are going to like me or not."


These few sentences stuck in my head and seemed very apropos and in sync with my recent contemplations of relationships and identity.  This weekend I spent a lot of time building a new relationship.  And later I was thanked for just being me.  That's a pretty cool feeling to know that I didn't do anything special or out of my way, and I was appreciated just for being me.  Not that that's never happened before, but it's always nice to hear "Thank you, for just being you."  He also thanked me for letting him just be himself.  Well, who else would I have wanted him to be?  If we each can't be ourselves, what's the point to the relationship?

This new relationship has already opened my eyes to a number of new things, including a new genre of music. One particular song, "Riptide," which has quickly taken over the #1 spot of my easily changeable favorites, has this chorus:

"I, I won't justify / The way I live my life / 'Cause I'm the one livin' it / Feelin' it, tastin' it / And you're just wasting your time / Trying to throw me a line / When you're the one drowning / I like where I'm at on my back / Floating down my own riptide / The water is fine."

This, too, seemed to fit right into the day's pensive mood.  I do believe that in relationships gone by, I had lost a little bit of the real me, and that's not anyone's fault but my own.  Perhaps I was subconsciously trying to change the other person (or bits about them).  Perhaps I wasn't able to accept my own self as 'good enough' for that particular relationship.  Who knows what the reason was.  What I do know is that the song Riptide is going to be stuck in my head for weeks, which is actually a good thing because I could stand to hear that chorus a couple thousand times, if not more.  And, that I have to remain conscious about what kind of relationship I would like to have, then just accept the other person, as well as myself, for exactly who we are.

For a long time, throughout my life, I've felt as though I've needed to justify myself and my actions to a variety of people.  That's been one of the major focuses with the release of the 3.8 model - I don't want to have to justify myself to anyone... except me.  And I must say, I believe I have gotten better at it. Hearing the words of "Riptide" has just helped reiterate that it is possible for us to live our own lives, take charge of what we do, and simply not worry about whatever lines others may be trying to feed us.  I'm excited about the possibilities of this new relationship, and I'm looking forward to all the doors it's going to open for me.  I'm not sure where those doors will lead, but I'm looking forward to the journey, and willing to fully accept whatever characters I meet along the way, including myself.