It's truly amazing how much can change in a year. I started this blog one year ago, after getting the idea from a friend to find ways to appreciate, accept and be happy about things, situations or circumstances, regardless of how we might think they impact us. Rather than whining about how I would prefer things to be, I've tried to focus on how and why I can accept and be happy about them. Which I really needed a year ago.
I started seeing a counselor last February, and was quite obviously depressed. It was a very rocky beginning to the year, and by May I had made progress but was still in a huge funk. The imagery of being stuck in a big, black hole was quite real to me for a good part of 2010. My friend's idea (which wasn't specifically targeted at me, by the way... it was just something I picked up on) was extremely helpful to me. And it has been something I continue to look for every day.
My counselor had suggested writing or journaling as a way to help me vent, and I did sporadically, but I don't think I got the full beneficial effect until I started writing religiously in this blog. This was my venting spot. This is where I explored my feelings and emotions and how I could deal with them. I'm not quite sure why I felt a public forum was the best opportunity for me to do that, but it worked. The support, encouragement, and comments I received from people have been (and continue to be) remarkable. My black hole has disappeared, and I understand how to live life and appreciate things around me better than I think I ever had before.
I never imagined that my life would go in the direction that it has. But, honestly, how many of us can really say life has been exactly what we wanted? And how worth it would it be if we could just order up how we wanted things to go? Life becomes much more interesting and worthwhile when we have to plow our way through the obstacles and challenges. We learn, we grow, we adapt, we change, we better ourselves.
Over the past year I have learned to find within myself courage to do the things I didn't think possible, strength to handle things alone, knowledge to solve every day problems, motivation to do what I didn't really want to do, tolerance to deal with those whom I did not want to deal with, and tenacity to discover my true self and the way that I want to live. I did all this with the help of the writings in this blog, as well as the people who responded to them.
I have learned how to nurture my relationships and not let them fall prey to the doldrums and boredom of everyday life. I am learning how to keep my stress level to a minimum and that things will, really, work themselves out in the end. I'm learning that money may make the world go 'round, but it really isn't everything. I've learned it's ok to let go and have fun. I've learned that a lot can be learned from studying a child's mentality. I've learned to take a deep, cleansing breath, and just slow down. I've learned to pay close attention to everything around us. I've learned that there is almost always a song lyric or quote to directly encompass what we're feeling at any given moment, and that I'm not the first nor last to have to handle any of this.
There is still a lot of learning to be done, however I am more aware now of how I want to live and the kind of person I want to be. I believe that I am allowing myself to be happier now than I have been in quite some time. I have strengthened relationships I already had, built new relationships, and rediscovered relationships that had fallen silent. I believe that I can love on a much deeper level, now that I am better able to accept and appreciate others for who they are, rather than trying to create someone that I want them to be. I also believe that I can love on a deeper level because I can better accept and appreciate me, and all my flaws and imperfections. I have people who remind me every day that I am perfectly imperfect, and that's just how it should be.
Thank you, again, for any and everything you - as friends, acquaintances, readers... relationships - have done for me. My vow is that my AHA moments will not end, but I hope to be able to continue finding AHA in something every day for as long as I live. And I hope to continue inspiring others to look for the AHA as well. Please share the perspective... pay it forward, if you will! The advantages of what you reap back is more than well worth the effort of giving life a more positive spin. I can attest to that first-hand.
This anniversary is one worth remembering. And one worth celebrating. Cheers!
:) :)
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