Remember the Disney movie Dumbo? The little elephant with the big ears learns to fly, with the help of Timothy the mouse and a "magic" feather. Of course, the feather wasn't really magic, Timothy just convinced Dumbo that if he held the feather it would help him fly. When the feather slipped out from Dumbo's trunk, he realized that he could fly all on his own. I've been thinking about Dumbo and his feather quite a lot lately.
When I saw Nithya Shanti a few weeks back, I received what he called a Gratitude Stone. The purpose of the stone is to help you focus on a quality that you want to manifest at that particular time. For a week or so now, I've been carrying my Gratitude Stone around in my pocket. The three qualities I use it to help me focus on are strength, courage, and patience. Whenever I'm feeling a bit uneasy or sad or at all negative, I take notice of the stone in my pocket and I repeat these three qualities to myself over and over until I start to feel better.
The other day, I met a close friend for a quick dinner. I've known this person for quite a long time and have a great deal of love and respect for them. As we were chatting, thoughts of the stone flashed through my mind. And I thought to myself, "Something, something and patience. There were three things! Oh well." I was enjoying the time with my friend, so I didn't want to distract myself by thinking too long of the stone or the qualities. Dinner only lasted an hour, but we had a great time with one another, we talked openly and we laughed a lot (as we usually do when we get together). After I got home that night, I remembered what the other two qualities were: strength and courage.
Then I really started to ponder this "magic feather" that I was carrying around in my pocket. I know that this stone can't manifest the qualities I assign to it. After all, it's just a stone. But I use it as my focal point for when things aren't going quite the way I want them to, or my feelings start to get out of control. Then it hit me: When I was having dinner with my friend, I couldn't remember two of the three qualities because I didn't need to! The stone wasn't my focal point for strength and courage at that time. I didn't need the focal point, because my friend brings out these qualities in me. I had just learned how to fly on my own!
I smile and laugh to myself whenever I take notice of the stone in my pocket. It's a mind trick, and I am fully aware of that. Yet, I carry it in my pocket every day. Strength, courage and patience. Maybe next time I'm having dinner or hanging out with a friend and I can't remember what qualities I assigned my stone, I'll just pick new ones that pertain to that moment. Even a "magic feather" can produce moments of AHA!
Perfectly Perfect
I have never considered myself "perfect" in any sense of the word. Aside from being a perfectionist and having tendencies of OCD to have things done just the way I want them done and in a manner that I see as "right," the word "perfect" rarely comes to mind when I'm speaking of myself. I've always been on the low end of the self-esteem scale, and even in my finest moments can find eleventy-nine things that I don't like about myself.
In the past few months, however, I've learned that things do tend to be more perfect than most of us are willing to recognize. My meetings with Nithya Shanti and others have begun to shift my thinking. I'm beginning to realize that, as Nithya says, "Everything I need is within me now. Everything is perfect, and joyfully improving." These are somewhat obscure concepts, I think, to most people. But I've come to appreciate the healthy perspective that this type of thinking can give me.
I came across a few different emails and posts today that seem to support the "Everything is perfect" way of thinking. The first was on a friend's Facebook page: "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." Pretty profound, when you really think about it. The other was a blog that I read quite often, called Zen Habits. Today's entry is called "You're already perfect." (It's short, I suggest checking it out.) "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu.
All of these concepts that I just mentioned go hand in hand. Be content with everything you do have, instead of focusing on what you don't have, and you'll always be grateful and happy. When you can look inside yourself and realize how much you have to offer the world, you can accept that you are perfect on some level, and you can be grateful and happy. Perfection changes with the moment, and whereas you are perfect already, there is always something that can be changed for the better, so we are all constantly improving. These are all such beautiful concepts to me, and it's a helluva place to find moments of AHA!
I still manage to nitpick and dislike things about myself, but I'm learning to become much more tolerant with myself as well as others for what usually amounts to trivial things. And the major things that I don't like about me I can work to change! I have countless things and people to be thankful for, and in all reality I have absolutely no right to complain about anything. My world is perfectly perfect in this exact moment. And tomorrow, I will improve on it, and my world will be perfectly perfect again. And too the next day, and so on and so on. If you can open your eyes in the morning and say, "I'm alive!" then your world is perfectly perfect, too. It's not always easy to see things in this way - trust me, I know this! - but I think it is well worth every ounce of effort you put into it. The payoff of being able to honestly say "Everything is perfect" unquestionably outweighs the burden of being miserable. Wouldn't you agree?
In the past few months, however, I've learned that things do tend to be more perfect than most of us are willing to recognize. My meetings with Nithya Shanti and others have begun to shift my thinking. I'm beginning to realize that, as Nithya says, "Everything I need is within me now. Everything is perfect, and joyfully improving." These are somewhat obscure concepts, I think, to most people. But I've come to appreciate the healthy perspective that this type of thinking can give me.
I came across a few different emails and posts today that seem to support the "Everything is perfect" way of thinking. The first was on a friend's Facebook page: "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." Pretty profound, when you really think about it. The other was a blog that I read quite often, called Zen Habits. Today's entry is called "You're already perfect." (It's short, I suggest checking it out.) "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu.
All of these concepts that I just mentioned go hand in hand. Be content with everything you do have, instead of focusing on what you don't have, and you'll always be grateful and happy. When you can look inside yourself and realize how much you have to offer the world, you can accept that you are perfect on some level, and you can be grateful and happy. Perfection changes with the moment, and whereas you are perfect already, there is always something that can be changed for the better, so we are all constantly improving. These are all such beautiful concepts to me, and it's a helluva place to find moments of AHA!
I still manage to nitpick and dislike things about myself, but I'm learning to become much more tolerant with myself as well as others for what usually amounts to trivial things. And the major things that I don't like about me I can work to change! I have countless things and people to be thankful for, and in all reality I have absolutely no right to complain about anything. My world is perfectly perfect in this exact moment. And tomorrow, I will improve on it, and my world will be perfectly perfect again. And too the next day, and so on and so on. If you can open your eyes in the morning and say, "I'm alive!" then your world is perfectly perfect, too. It's not always easy to see things in this way - trust me, I know this! - but I think it is well worth every ounce of effort you put into it. The payoff of being able to honestly say "Everything is perfect" unquestionably outweighs the burden of being miserable. Wouldn't you agree?
Butterfly Angels
I have been attempting to put back together a friendship with someone who, by many accounts, I probably do not need to be friends with in the first place. Not that she's a bad person - she most definitely is not - but we have been on a roller coaster of emotions together since we met last year.
I have been angered and hurt by some of her actions and words, although not purposefully on her part. I've felt betrayal, sadness, disgust, hate and jealousy because of her. Again, however, not by anything that she did specifically to hurt me. She was acting in her best interest, and I ... well, in some cases I overreacted and lashed out toward her. I can't speak for her or to what extent her feelings for me have raged, but I know that she has felt at least a little of the same toward me. Not entirely because of things that I did or said specifically against her, although there were times I could have held my tongue and chosen my actions better. It's been a rocky relationship, and interesting... to say the least.
Despite all these negative feelings, I knew that she would have to be a part of my life in some manner. Our kids go to school together and are friends, we live in a fairly small town, and we have mutual friends. Interaction with her would eventually be inevitable. So, I had a choice. I could treat her like crap, be nasty to her every time we ran into each other, or simply ignore her like she didn't exist. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, I could forgive her for the hurt that she unintentionally caused me, I could forgive myself for allowing myself to get so angry, and I could put the past behind us and attempt to be friends.
My initial reaction was to go the first route. My kids didn't need to play with her kids. I'd run into her now and then, but I could avoid her for the most part. I had already attempted to be her friend, and felt betrayed so why should I try again? I certainly didn't need her as a friend. As I continued to explore myself, my life, my emotions, and how they all tie together and affect others, I realized that if I chose that route, I would be poisoning myself as well as her. How could I expect to live a peaceful, happy life if I held on to that resentment forever? How would I explain to my kids that they couldn't see their friends, without looking like the bad guy? How would I feel if someone else treated me with that much contempt?
I calmed my emotions and convinced myself that the anger I felt toward her wasn't necessarily all warranted. Some, perhaps. Other bits of anger were caused by someone else, and I ended up directing them at her. And some anger was simply a product of my over-active emotions and shouldn't have been a factor at all.
I saw her yesterday, and she had had a very bad day. One of those days when the little things all pile up together and attack you one after the other after the other. We chatted for a few minutes before parting. She sent me a text later, and I ended up calling her to make sure she was feeling ok. We had a very nice conversation. We actually have a lot in common, and if things had been different, we probably could have been good friends right off the bat. And maybe someday we will. We can understand each other's feelings quite well, we're experiencing many of the same things, and we can both learn a lot from one another.
A completely unrelated friend of mine put on Facebook a photo of a butterfly with this
saying: "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." She tagged as many friends as she could, and people started leaving all sorts of comments about how beautiful and appropriate this was, and how many of us at some point change from a chrysalis to a butterfly. Then my friend called those of us she tagged "Butterfly Angels." And I began to think.
A Butterfly Angel has such a simple, beautiful connotation to me and that's how I want to be thought of: Pure, simple, delicate, peaceful. Yet, there is an aspect of strength as well, in order to emerge into a new life. I have been going through all sorts of changes this year. I started out in a cocoon, a chrysalis, and have emerged as a completely different person. My transformation is incomplete as of yet, and will probably never be completely finished. Life makes us change all the time, whether we realize it or not. My choice to treat this person who caused me so much pain is part of that transformation. When the dust has settled, and the emotions have subsided, I want people to know that I did my best to treat others with the respect and love they deserve in times of turmoil. I know that some of my friends think I'm crazy to want a relationship with this person. That I might be better off ignoring her, forgetting that we ever had a relationship, rocky as it was. But in the spirit of a Butterfly Angel, I hope to be able to forgive, embrace, spread my wings and fly with her, with a mutual feeling of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation for each other.
I have been angered and hurt by some of her actions and words, although not purposefully on her part. I've felt betrayal, sadness, disgust, hate and jealousy because of her. Again, however, not by anything that she did specifically to hurt me. She was acting in her best interest, and I ... well, in some cases I overreacted and lashed out toward her. I can't speak for her or to what extent her feelings for me have raged, but I know that she has felt at least a little of the same toward me. Not entirely because of things that I did or said specifically against her, although there were times I could have held my tongue and chosen my actions better. It's been a rocky relationship, and interesting... to say the least.
Despite all these negative feelings, I knew that she would have to be a part of my life in some manner. Our kids go to school together and are friends, we live in a fairly small town, and we have mutual friends. Interaction with her would eventually be inevitable. So, I had a choice. I could treat her like crap, be nasty to her every time we ran into each other, or simply ignore her like she didn't exist. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, I could forgive her for the hurt that she unintentionally caused me, I could forgive myself for allowing myself to get so angry, and I could put the past behind us and attempt to be friends.
My initial reaction was to go the first route. My kids didn't need to play with her kids. I'd run into her now and then, but I could avoid her for the most part. I had already attempted to be her friend, and felt betrayed so why should I try again? I certainly didn't need her as a friend. As I continued to explore myself, my life, my emotions, and how they all tie together and affect others, I realized that if I chose that route, I would be poisoning myself as well as her. How could I expect to live a peaceful, happy life if I held on to that resentment forever? How would I explain to my kids that they couldn't see their friends, without looking like the bad guy? How would I feel if someone else treated me with that much contempt?
I calmed my emotions and convinced myself that the anger I felt toward her wasn't necessarily all warranted. Some, perhaps. Other bits of anger were caused by someone else, and I ended up directing them at her. And some anger was simply a product of my over-active emotions and shouldn't have been a factor at all.
I saw her yesterday, and she had had a very bad day. One of those days when the little things all pile up together and attack you one after the other after the other. We chatted for a few minutes before parting. She sent me a text later, and I ended up calling her to make sure she was feeling ok. We had a very nice conversation. We actually have a lot in common, and if things had been different, we probably could have been good friends right off the bat. And maybe someday we will. We can understand each other's feelings quite well, we're experiencing many of the same things, and we can both learn a lot from one another.
A completely unrelated friend of mine put on Facebook a photo of a butterfly with this
saying: "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." She tagged as many friends as she could, and people started leaving all sorts of comments about how beautiful and appropriate this was, and how many of us at some point change from a chrysalis to a butterfly. Then my friend called those of us she tagged "Butterfly Angels." And I began to think.A Butterfly Angel has such a simple, beautiful connotation to me and that's how I want to be thought of: Pure, simple, delicate, peaceful. Yet, there is an aspect of strength as well, in order to emerge into a new life. I have been going through all sorts of changes this year. I started out in a cocoon, a chrysalis, and have emerged as a completely different person. My transformation is incomplete as of yet, and will probably never be completely finished. Life makes us change all the time, whether we realize it or not. My choice to treat this person who caused me so much pain is part of that transformation. When the dust has settled, and the emotions have subsided, I want people to know that I did my best to treat others with the respect and love they deserve in times of turmoil. I know that some of my friends think I'm crazy to want a relationship with this person. That I might be better off ignoring her, forgetting that we ever had a relationship, rocky as it was. But in the spirit of a Butterfly Angel, I hope to be able to forgive, embrace, spread my wings and fly with her, with a mutual feeling of Acceptance, Happiness and Appreciation for each other.
Enjoy Where You're At
I love the TV show Scrubs. Abso-freaking-lutely love it! The characters are all incredible (Dr. Cox is by far my favorite- I only wish I could rant like he does!), the one-liners are hysterical, the storylines are fairly true to life, but what I love most of all about the show is the moral, and how it ties everyone together. At the end of every episode, JD comes to some big realization that not only defines his situation, but everyone else's situation too. And somehow, I find JD's realizations running parallel with events in my own life, too.
"I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen. Sometimes the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at."
This particular ending struck me quite hard, as it pretty much sums up my entire 2010 thus far. I get into the habit of spending so much time trying to figure out what's going to happen or what I should do if this happens or that happens, or just generally obsessing and stressing over stupid things, that I forget to just enjoy the now. I think I've gotten better about trying to live in the moment and not freak out so much about what did happen or might happen. But I also know that I still have a lot of work left to do. And maybe I'm just genetically wired to worry. (I got it from my great-grandmother, and my grandmother, and my mother! There's absolutely no question where that gene came from!) But I can still work to change what I don't like, even if I know it won't be an easy fix. You can always improve yourself. As Nithya Shanti says, "Everything is perfect... and joyfully improving."
I think it's human nature to worry or think too much about what we can't control. The future is a scary thing. No matter what we do or how much we plan or how in control we think we are, that illusion can all be thrown out the window in an instant. The best we can do in any situation, really, is simply enjoy it, act honorably at all times, and hope for the best. Beyond this, worrying does no good. It only heightens the stress factor. Trust me, I know this from many years of personal experience of worrying. Does no good at all. Doesn't solve anything, doesn't make things happen faster or slower, doesn't make things easier, doesn't make answers appear. Letting go is a big thing for me. As in, I need to learn how to do it. Letting go of the worry and fear is huge. But I know I need to. Living in and enjoying the present moment is the best any of us can do at any given time.
"Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at." Thanks for the AHA, JD!
"I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen. Sometimes the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at."
This particular ending struck me quite hard, as it pretty much sums up my entire 2010 thus far. I get into the habit of spending so much time trying to figure out what's going to happen or what I should do if this happens or that happens, or just generally obsessing and stressing over stupid things, that I forget to just enjoy the now. I think I've gotten better about trying to live in the moment and not freak out so much about what did happen or might happen. But I also know that I still have a lot of work left to do. And maybe I'm just genetically wired to worry. (I got it from my great-grandmother, and my grandmother, and my mother! There's absolutely no question where that gene came from!) But I can still work to change what I don't like, even if I know it won't be an easy fix. You can always improve yourself. As Nithya Shanti says, "Everything is perfect... and joyfully improving."
I think it's human nature to worry or think too much about what we can't control. The future is a scary thing. No matter what we do or how much we plan or how in control we think we are, that illusion can all be thrown out the window in an instant. The best we can do in any situation, really, is simply enjoy it, act honorably at all times, and hope for the best. Beyond this, worrying does no good. It only heightens the stress factor. Trust me, I know this from many years of personal experience of worrying. Does no good at all. Doesn't solve anything, doesn't make things happen faster or slower, doesn't make things easier, doesn't make answers appear. Letting go is a big thing for me. As in, I need to learn how to do it. Letting go of the worry and fear is huge. But I know I need to. Living in and enjoying the present moment is the best any of us can do at any given time.
"Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at." Thanks for the AHA, JD!
Gratitude List, The Last Installment
Gratitude List, #81-100.
The last installment... for now. This list can always be added to, as there are always things to be grateful for. The scope and/or meaning of the things already mentioned may change, as well. Gratitude always serves as a solid source of AHA.
Today's list: Quotes. Quotes to live by, quotes to inspire, quotable quotes, famous quotes, quotes from people I know, etc. There's always an appropriate quote, no matter the situation. Here are some of my favorites.
The last installment... for now. This list can always be added to, as there are always things to be grateful for. The scope and/or meaning of the things already mentioned may change, as well. Gratitude always serves as a solid source of AHA.
Today's list: Quotes. Quotes to live by, quotes to inspire, quotable quotes, famous quotes, quotes from people I know, etc. There's always an appropriate quote, no matter the situation. Here are some of my favorites.
- "Step in it" - Stan Gosek, told to me by Redd Swindells. My mentor, my best friend, my strength. He taught me how to take initiative and give myself courage by telling me to "Step in it" back in college. One of the best pieces advice I've ever received, and taken to heart many times.
- "Sometimes the masses are wrong." - Ed A. Hart. My uncle, another mentor, and surrogate big brother to me in many ways. I've always looked up to him and taken his advice to heart. In a letter he sent to me when I was in college (which I still have), he praised me for making my own decisions and doing what I felt was the right thing. 5 simple words that have stuck with me for 20 years.
- “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” - Eckhart Tolle
- "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell
- "He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty." - Lao Tzu
- "When you say only kind words, you hear only kind echoes." - Nithya Shanti
- "Smile, breathe and go slowly." - Thich Nhat Hanh
- “Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” – Robert Fulghum, "All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
- "If we did [all] the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison
- "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." - Richard Bach
- "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Ann Radmacher
- "We don't know how strong we can be until being strong is the only choice we have." - Anonymous
- "Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you" - Richard Bach
- "Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years." - Richard Bach
- "Fewer the expectations, truer the love." - Nithya Shanti
- "And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world it is best to hold hands and stick together." - Robert Fulghum
- "Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be."- Eckhart Tolle
- "We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize." - Thich Nhat Hanh
- "What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
- "Whatever you are, be a good one." - Abraham Lincoln
Gratitude List, Part 4
Gratitude List, #61-80
- Thunderstorms, when I can stay inside and watch them.
- Rainbows.
- Falling leaves.
- The crisp, cool air of autumn.
- The gentle, warm sunshine of spring.
- Cozy winter days at home.
- Summer beach days.
- Having seasons where I live.
- Taking a walk in a warm, gentle rain.
- Watching flowers bloom.
- Having fresh-cut flowers on the table.
- Making someone happy by giving them flowers.
- Making someone happy by calling them on the phone.
- Friends who call me out of the blue to chat.
- Pictures and drawings given to me from my kids.
- Handmade cards and gifts.
- Giving handmade cards and gifts to others.
- Receiving sincere appreciation from others.
- The ability to think for myself and make my own decisions.
- The freedom to think for myself and make my own decisions.
Gratitude List, Part 3
Gratitude List, #41-60
- Alone time. Although sometimes I really don't like being alone, I know that I am never truly "alone" thanks to all my wonderful friends who have offered me support, companionship and love. However, I do occasionally enjoy time to myself to do what I want.
- Girl time. I had another wonderful group of ladies over to my house last night, and we had a blast telling stories, comparing kids and making each other laugh! Love my girlfriends!
- Remembering how to play. Sounds silly, but as adults, we just don't play enough. My kids have helped me remember that it's ok to make messes, drop Play-doh on the floor, or dump out the entire bucket of Legos. Playing is therapeutic and necessary.
- Coloring in coloring books. Also therapeutic. When my kids catch on that "5 minutes" can be eternally extended when I'm coloring, I'm in big trouble.
- Dancing. By myself, with my kids, with a friend, club dancing, slow dancing...whatever. I'm not the best dancer on the planet, but dancing helps me release extra adrenaline and energy, and it also brings me physically closer to those I'm dancing with, which always feels nice.
- Reading. It's something most of us take for granted, but I thoroughly enjoy the ability to read.
- Teaching my kids to read. Love it. So satisfying to hear them read a page from a book back to me!
- Singing. I'm not professionally trained, and sometimes go off key, but I love singing. Another stress relief, along with dancing and playing music.
- The ability to read music. I enjoy being able to look at a piece of sheet music and understand what it means.
- Photography. My photos may not all be prize-winning, but I absolutely love having a camera handy and being able to have some sort of eye for taking pretty decent shots.
- Being outdoors.
- Sunshine.
- Taking a walk.
- Taking a hike.
- Swimming.
- Playing baseball.
- Playing Frisbee.
- Rollerblading.
- Swinging.
- A warm summer rain.
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