A Never-Ending Transformation

2010 has been a very interesting year so far, to say the least, and somewhat difficult. I have had a lot going on in my life that I have never had to deal with before. When I was first faced with this adversity, I began to crumble. I had just returned from a fantastic trip to Florida to visit my uncle, and part of me wanted to turn right back around and flee. The "fight or flight" instinct came out almost immediately, and when I wasn't having thoughts of running away, I was yelling, blaming, arguing and exhibiting all sorts of other negative behaviors.

I decided very quickly that if the circumstances around me were going to change, I had to help them by changing some things about me that I was unhappy with. I started to work on that, and I think I was beginning to really accept what I wanted to do and how to accomplish my goals, when a friend posted that he was going to make June a month of Acceptance and Appreciation. I took that as an opportunity to explore how I really wanted to be and what I needed to do to get there.

I am a very different person than I was a year ago. I have become stronger than I ever imagined I could be or ever thought I would need to be. I have learned to accept more of the good things about myself, and change the things I didn't like so much. I have learned to sit back and enjoy life, my kids, my loved ones, the little things around me. I have learned to better appreciate, and better show my appreciation, for the things that people do for me, as well as everything that I have. I have learned to assert myself and more willingly offer what others need instead of waiting for someone to ask for it. I have learned quite a bit about myself in the past few months. I am much happier with the 'new' person I've created than I was with the way I had acted previously.

That's not to say that I was a bad person, or that I've gone and changed all my morals. I was a decent person. Not always as pleasant, patient, relaxed or appreciative as I could have been, but overall, good. And my morals have pretty much stayed the same. My mom and dad will be glad to know that the bottom line basics to living life that they taught me remain in tact and are put to good use. There have been a lot of little things that I hadn't noticed before which have been the focus of my metamorphosis. It's amazing how differently you can see something once someone else points it out to you.

I am proud of the things I've done and the strength I've found. We should never be afraid to look in the mirror. At the end of each day, we need to be able to look at ourselves and say, "I did the best I could today. Tomorrow I'll do more," and we need to be happy with ourselves. We need to be able to forgive ourselves for whatever mess-ups we may have done. We need to learn from those mistakes and not create the same situation in the future. We need to forgive others who may have hurt us, and, if we are true friends, we need to accept others as they are.

I have found so much strength in the comments that I have read and heard from friends and family about this blog. I hope that you are all proud of the transformation that I've accomplished, and that we can continue to support each other in whatever other adversities we each face. A true transformation never really ends. We need to keep learning, changing and growing in order to truly enjoy the life we are given, pitfalls and all!