Leadership

The past two days were kind of a whirlwind, and I had to soak in a ton of information, but I was also forced to take big steps outside my comfort zone (which is always good for me), and I did something that I probably would not have done a year ago: I am participating in a 9-month leadership program.

First of all, despite what the Chinese Zodiak says about Aries, I have never seen myself as a "born leader." I deal with it when I have to, and I can speak in front of a large audience, but I have always felt that I somehow lacked the confidence, skills and/or knowledge to be considered a really great leader. I like being second in command. By enrolling in this leadership program, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. But, I figure with 3 kids in school of some sort for the next 16 years, I might as well get active in the community and see if I can't meet some new people, get some new influences and maybe make a difference.

There are 19 of us in the class, so right off the bat I've met 18 new people! We took a charter bus up to Alexandria Bay for a 2-day seminar to get us started. We spent all day yesterday and today looking into our different personalities and how we deal with things. It was almost like an extension of the teachings from Nithya Shanti, in that we were exploring ourselves and ways we react to life, rather than learning how to lead. We did some team building activities, which I usually don't really enjoy or take an active part in. But I had a great time, and actually found myself stepping into the role of "leader" for a few of them. I'm not quite sure if it's because I'm trying to overcompensate for seeing myself as so shy, or if I was trying to make a good impression, or what. But it felt good, and really began to boost my confidence.

Whereas in the past, I've been more of a wallflower type, I've really been making an effort to initiate conversations with people and get to know them. Last night, about half the class went to the hotel bar to hang out after our activities were done for the day. One by one, people said their good-nights and went to bed. Before I knew it, I was left at the bar with 3 of the guys, drinking beer, telling stories, laughing so hard my sides hurt. BY MYSELF!! That's huge for me, and I can't even describe how proud of myself I am. Sounds so trivial, but it's true. I just plain don't do things by myself - ok, let me rephrase that. I didn't USED to do things by myself. I have become much more comfortable with that idea, and have put forth quite a lot of effort to make myself believe that it's ok to go solo sometimes, even in unknown situations.

I am really looking forward to the rest of this leadership seminar, and hanging out with these people again. There wasn't one person in the class that I didn't like. I am excited to get to know them, as well as myself, in much greater depth over the next 9 months. And I do hope that at the end of it all, I can find the skills, confidence and know-how to make some sort of difference in my community. After all, as Margaret Mead said, "A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."