To Go or Not To Go... That Is the Question

High school is a funny kind of thing.  Much of who we are begins to get carved out in this period of time, yet it is possibly 4 of the most awkward years of our lives. I didn't have a horrible high school experience.  I never got beat up or ridiculed to the point of absolute humiliation.  I was extremely quiet in high school.  At least in the first year.  I have some very good memories of high school, and thanks to Facebook, I have reconnected with people who I figured would be long gone from my life after our graduation in 1991. 

Our 20 year reunion is this year.  There has been a group formed on Facebook that has well over 150 people, out of the 365 or so in our graduating class.  There are lots of "I'm so excited" and "I can't wait to see you guys" kind of comments.  I've scrolled through the list of classmates and have found no more than 5 or 10 who I would want to be Facebook friends with, that I'm not already friends with.  In other words, I'm not entirely sure there's many more people from my class that I would want to reconnect with who I haven't already.  That is not said to offend anyone.  Our high school was quite cliquey with many different, diverse groups of people, and the groups didn't always get along or bother to try to get along.  As I said, I was quiet, shy.  I was a 'music geek.'  I played in the marching band, concert band and jazz band.  I never did sports.  I wasn't ever in the top 10 of our class.  I never ran for Class President or got voted Homecoming Queen.  I barely ever raised my hand in class.  I was picked on.  There were people I didn't know very well, didn't want to know, or just plain didn't like.  I see certain names on that list today that bring back embarrassing memories and very negative feelings.  I know that I've grown up, and I'm sure the others have as well, but there's something inside of me that feels as insecure as the first day of my Freshman year when I see all those familiar names.

And now, 20 years later I can go back to my high school and say....  well, honestly I struggled with finishing this sentence for about 10 minutes.  In quite a number of ways, I guess I feel like I would be less adequate than other classmates.  But,since I don't know everyone else's situation, I can't compare.  And I shouldn't compare anyway.  It doesn't matter how much I make in a year, or how big or fancy my house is, or how many Cheerios and pine needles are in the back of my minivan.  What matters is that I should be - and AM - happy with my life where it is right now, and happy with the possibilities of where it could take me next.  If I show up to this reunion thinking that the rest of the class is better than me, then yeah, the whole weekend will be suckalicious.  But if I show up thinking how awesome it will be to see of my Facebook friends in person, and I keep a positive outlook and attitude, then no other circumstances will matter.  I may even find that some of the people I hated so long ago will become friends of mine. 

That's what I hope to do- show up with a sunny disposition and make people think, "Wow, that Kate... she's really something!"  People are attracted to those who feel attractive.  I'm not sure that I ever really felt attractive in high school.  But I can make up for that now because I am most definitely NOT the same person I was back then!  So, even though it's months away still, here's hoping for a great reunion weekend, filled with making new friends!